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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish I hadn’t told food bank about my benefits

799 replies

AreweCf · 15/04/2023 19:45

preparing to be slated so putting my hard hat on. DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. He has had to claim benefits (we are definitely claiming all we’re entitled to) but it’s still a huge drop in income. I’m a SAHM to my very high needs neurodivergent DC who are expensive in every way, before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s. Benefits won’t cover all of our rent either. We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long. Now, we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further. All the food banks in the area are the same, and after honestly explaining my situation, they literally expect us to completely deplete our bank account balance down to pennies before they will help us. we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts, but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable. Are we CF’s for asking?

OP posts:
SchoolTripDrama · 15/04/2023 21:25

lazytownie · 15/04/2023 20:21

the huge bill for their restricted diet,

Why is a restricted diet a huge bill? I would have thought it would be cheaper if restricted to fewer items?

It doesn't work like that!! Ffs 🤦🏼‍♀️ Restricted means only CERTAIN things

My child has ASD & an extremely restricted diet and it costs me £10 a day to feed her!

MissTrip82 · 15/04/2023 21:26

Babyroobs · 15/04/2023 20:34

The organisation I work for does give food parcels out and we don't really ask about what people's financial situation is but I do think we should. I di feel a bit annoyed at one of my clients recently who was still using a food bank when he had just had a PIP back payment of 3k into his bank account and when I did suggest to him that perhaps he didn't need to use the food bank anymore, he looked aghast and said he needed the PIP backpay to buy an office/ workshop for his back garden. I don't think you should have to be down to your last few pounds to use one. Are you getting DLA for the kids to cover their classes/ activities etc?

Surely you’re not permitted to talk about clients like this on a public forum? I can’t give that sort of detail about my patients even if they are de-identified. Is there no code of conduct or ethical framework with your employer?

Whereisthelove2 · 15/04/2023 21:27

You are lucky to receive benefits. A lot of children feel the impact of changes in circumstances. Your situation doesn’t sound to be too different to a lot of households. Is there Olio in your area? I’ve found that to helpful.

SchoolTripDrama · 15/04/2023 21:27

h3ll0o · 15/04/2023 20:24

You are being unreasonable to expect others to pay for your food so you can go to classes and on days out.DLA isn’t hard to claim with the correct evidence.A psychiatrist letter costs as little as £100 to support your application and they’re are many companies who specialise in DLA/PIP evidence.

If you are struggling for money you need to learn to live within this budget. I was a neurodivergent child and when the sole earner in my family was made redundant I went without, including going hungry. You do not understand how to prioritise your spending to best meet the needs of your family

Why on earth would a Psychiatrist be involved with a child with special needs?!

My DD has ASD and never saw any psychiatrist!
Also we claimed DLA without any letter. Just sent her Diagnosis report

SchoolTripDrama · 15/04/2023 21:31

saraclara · 15/04/2023 20:27

I think you'd be shocked if you saw what's in the average foodbank box.

I'm a referrer for the Trussell Trust*, and when our service users tell me what they've been given to last three days, I'm shocked. If you have children with strong preferences, you'll really struggle to use it.
It's desperation level stuff.

*This is absolutely not a criticism of the TT. They can only give out what they have, and it doesn't come close to how much they need for the number of referrals they get. And of course most food that's donated is value pasta, cereal and tins.

Just an FYI - The CEO of the Trussell Trust earns £80,000 a year..... Just let that sink in.

Hopelesscynic · 15/04/2023 21:31

LexMitior · 15/04/2023 19:58

These are places for people on the bones of their arses, not people with cash flow issues.

Sadly many of those "on the bones of their asses" have had their benefits too and blown it on drugs, weed, alcohol and other "unnecessary" purchases. Then they need the food banks of course. You can flame me but I know what I'm talking about. Is it any fairer they get to have free food rather than OP's family?

Ourladycheesusedatum · 15/04/2023 21:31

I don't know where you are but churches often have a food bank that requires no or very little proof you are in need.

Possibly try (your local church name) foodbank. They are often well hidden and use word of mouth.

So if you dont want to ask friends, go to a local jumble sale/charity shop/something similar and ask about it.

The smaller the charity shop/jumble sale the more likely you'll find the foodbank.

Anything bigger will signpost you to a trussel trust where you need to be invited if you will. Plus local food banks can give what they want. A friend got about 2 weeks worth of food via my email alone.
There is though no being picky, you get what you get, if the kids dont like it,well sorry.

Hankunamatata · 15/04/2023 21:33

AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman · 15/04/2023 21:15

@Hankunamatata but DLA is hard to claim, or at the very least time consuming which is no help in a tight spot.

Also ‘did you word it correctly’ is a pretty offensive question because ‘correctly’ in this instance is really specific to DLA claims and goes against all natural logic and parenting instincts. You can use words correctly for a living and still find yourself needing to appeal a DLA claim.

Look at the cerebra guide. There is a correct way to fill form and wording that is used.

And yes as a parent who spent much time crying while filling in dla forms they are emotional.

SchoolTripDrama · 15/04/2023 21:34

Babyroobs · 15/04/2023 20:34

The organisation I work for does give food parcels out and we don't really ask about what people's financial situation is but I do think we should. I di feel a bit annoyed at one of my clients recently who was still using a food bank when he had just had a PIP back payment of 3k into his bank account and when I did suggest to him that perhaps he didn't need to use the food bank anymore, he looked aghast and said he needed the PIP backpay to buy an office/ workshop for his back garden. I don't think you should have to be down to your last few pounds to use one. Are you getting DLA for the kids to cover their classes/ activities etc?

And you still have him the food?!?

SchoolTripDrama · 15/04/2023 21:35

@Babyroobs It's £6k now to claim benefits

SaySomethingMan · 15/04/2023 21:35

I can’t believe i’ve read posts where people who use food banks are telling the OP, whose husband has lost his job and their children have SEN. Why do you think you deserve to use it but not the OP?

OP, tbh, whilst i understand food banks can’t help everyone i don’t think their assessment methods to define who are deserving ones, are the best tbh.

SchoolTripDrama · 15/04/2023 21:37

@HistoryFanatic Nope. Any savings over £16k then they deduct your benefit to reflect your savings

Babyroobs · 15/04/2023 21:37

SchoolTripDrama · 15/04/2023 21:35

@Babyroobs It's £6k now to claim benefits

You can still claim whilst having up to 16k but benefits are reduced above 6k.

Starlitestarbright · 15/04/2023 21:39

You need to get a job op. My dh lost his job a fews years back when I was on mat leave. I left mat leave early went back to work and got a second job on an evening whilst he cared for the dc. Until he trained as wagon driver. We hadn't a button to my our name but my I had my dm who gave me some money to help with food at the time. For people food banks are for people who have nothing at all.

I'm confused why it's been rejected for dla if you have the correct supporting information. Ds gets medium level dla, we didn't have to appeal.

SchoolTripDrama · 15/04/2023 21:39

@Babyroobs That is literally what I just said!

Whereisthelove2 · 15/04/2023 21:39

OP has a budgeting problem, it’s not a food bank issue. She could get a job. And clearly days out, activities should all be cut.

Viviennemary · 15/04/2023 21:41

People with hardly any money donate to foodbanks. And that'admirable.,i don't because too many cf's around who could make cutbacks and afford food. Or even spend their savings. Not saying you are one of these because I don't know your exact circumstances.

Wishingiwastracytutor · 15/04/2023 21:46

I actually get where you are coming from - having children who struggle with food is hard enough without more judgement.
near us there is a food bank which is more like a charity, they collect all the left over food and anyone - literally anyone - is welcome to take what they need. Could you look for something like that.
A ll we all need at the moment is some kindness and a little less judgement.

AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman · 15/04/2023 21:46

Hankunamatata · 15/04/2023 21:33

Look at the cerebra guide. There is a correct way to fill form and wording that is used.

And yes as a parent who spent much time crying while filling in dla forms they are emotional.

Show quote history

Yes, there is a secret ‘correct’ way to fill out the forms where ‘correct’ means specifically what the DWP had in their minds but chose not to share, and yes the cerebra guide is really useful.

But asking a first-time claimant ‘did you word it correctly’ is pretty useless as a question, because the more competent and educated the claimant is, and the newer to benefits generally, the less likely anyone will have let them in on the secret code to understand what ‘correct’ means.

‘Did you have help/use a guide to fill it in’ is a more useful question because everyone understands all the words in it.

AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman · 15/04/2023 21:51

OP just a thought. If you have two ND kids, are you and/or your DH ND too? If your DH is or suspects he might, be it’s well worth sharing that with his counsellor to make sure he can get the most effective support with his mental health.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 15/04/2023 21:51

we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts

Then you don't need help from a foodbank.

Londongal123 · 15/04/2023 21:52

SchoolTripDrama · 15/04/2023 21:31

Just an FYI - The CEO of the Trussell Trust earns £80,000 a year..... Just let that sink in.

Show quote history

So what’s a reasonable salary for a CEO? And what qualifications do you expect a CEO to have?

OldFan · 15/04/2023 21:52

There's actually a really good booklet showing how they want you to fill it in (which gives examples of what you could say) which comes with the PIP form and probably the DLA one too.

We had an unpleasant assessor and he accused me of having read something giving the 'right' answers, but I'd just read their booklet.

Some of the assessors can seem unpleasant but it doesn't necessarily reflect what they write.

AutumnCrow · 15/04/2023 21:53

Re savings and benefits - my understanding is that any benefits backdates don't count towards the savings limit for one year.

Londongal123 · 15/04/2023 21:55

It sounds like you’re in a dire situation and at least one of you needs to get a job asap. If your DH isn’t able to work maybe it’s time for him to be the stay at home parent while you work.