To wish I hadn’t told food bank about my benefits

[AreweCf]

preparing to be slated so putting my hard hat on. DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. He has had to claim benefits (we are definitely claiming all we’re entitled to) but it’s still a huge drop in income. I’m a SAHM to my very high needs neurodivergent DC who are expensive in every way, before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s. Benefits won’t cover all of our rent either. We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long. Now, we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further. All the food banks in the area are the same, and after honestly explaining my situation, they literally expect us to completely deplete our bank account balance down to pennies before they will help us. we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts, but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable. Are we CF’s for asking?

Is your husband too Ill to take care of your child? With both of you unemployed and living on benefits I can see why you have looked to try to max that out and use a food bank too, but Really it would be best to see if you can get back to work, unless your husband is too unwell to look after your child

The Trussell Trust is a huge national organisation with all that goes with it. How much do you think the CEO of such an organisation or similarly sized company should earn? It's a job that carries a huge amount of fiscal and managerial ability and experience.
Are you one of those people who think everyone who works for or runs a charity should do it for nothing?

Absolutely agree. It must be incredibly challenging to manage. Also they have to be paid in money you can't pay them in donations of pasta etc can you! If you don't pay someone enough then only rubbish ceos will want to do it.

What are the extras your children need? I bet those who donate to the food bank have children who probably don’t have lots of extras. Your children can do without the extras if you cannot afford to feed yourselves.

I am aware of that. The poster asked whether DLA was necessary, and I replied it isn’t. I didn’t comment on any other eligibility criteria.

You want food banks as well as the tax payer to fund your lifestyle?

Might be worth filling out a few job applications.

I know. I'm just adding to the helpful conversation (which includes @babyroobs) and that might be of use to other parents reading as well.

Your disabled child's dietary needs and hobbies will be covered by their DLA, which I assume you get as you say you are claiming all you are entitled to.
In honesty, and I say this as a parent carer, I do know how hard it is, I can't understand how you are struggling to feed your family if you are claiming all you are entitled to, unless you are running medical equipment causing excessive energy bills or not budgeting properly.
Your husbands mental health condition prevents him from working currently so he should have entitlement for whatever element of UC replaced ESA, possibly also PIP. Your child should be entitled to DLA plus Disabled child element of UC. You have caring responsibilities so you can claim carers element of UC and are also exempt from jobsearching. Neither of you are working so you will be entitled to the full rent allowance. Council tax reduction too. You can register with your energy provider as a priority customer and they will work with you if you can't afford the bills. You can get many discounts as a carer too for days out etc.

Certain brands might be required. It may mean the child having separate meals - DS is limited in what he will eat, DH & I do not want to live on ham & pre-sliced Gouda sandwiches on white sliced tiger bread, pizza (won't have homemade, the sauce is wrong), apples, cucumber (but not the ends or any bits that look 'funny') and chocolate chip Weetabix (which is bloody expensive).

And then there's the other costs - DS will only wash (or change his clothes) after swimming so goes twice a week, which is costing so much. He puts huge holes in his clothes in a matter of weeks, he'll only wear wellies and they rub holes in his socks in a matter of days sometimes.

Someone left the gate open at the cunt farm this evening I see.

@AreweCf you may get more coherent advice on the special needs boards where posters will understand the position you're in and that you can't "just" change the primary carer and the safe foods for ND children at the drop of a hat.

In the meantime I would suggest

• check out any local churches for "food pantries" or "community larders" which are usually open to anyone
• sign up to do paid surveys, they fit easily around children
• look up food waste programmes like https://www.toogoodtogo.com/en-gb
• join FB groups supporting parents through DLA appeals

This.

I imagine thousands of families would love to prioritise toys, days out, classes and lessons for their DCs with their limited budgets while asking food banks to provide them with food to do so.... not how it works.

Is this thread a joke?

Gluten-free and dairy-free foods are recommended by the Sunderland Protocol (a special diet for autistic children) and cost an absolute fortune.

Fully depends on what you have in the bank, £200 YANBU £2000 MayBe depending on other outgoings £12000 yes definitely.

As others have said food banks are for people who can’t feed themselves or their kids from week to week. Your situation maybe difficult and you may be entitled to benefits, but you may not necessarily be at food bank stage.

Maybe look around for community food banks that don’t look at peoples financial situations. There are a few I know of in my local and other regional areas. Most started my local communities groups or churches to help people who may not qualify for the official food banks.

No, I applied. But it took 4 or 5 months to hear back off them, and then they wanted a pile of paperwork/evidence that I was in no place to try and get together within the timeframe required due to work and DS.

This. People clearly don't understand how upsetting an autistic child's routine, e.g. by cutting regular activities and not replacing worn-out or lost toys, can cause substantial adverse effects to that child's behaviour and health. I'm an autistic adult with a degree and a good job, and if I don't have a fidget toy with me, I will pull the skin from around my fingernails until they bleed, then carry on pulling the skin off. The need to stim, whether by manipulating a toy or otherwise, cannot be suppressed by adults, never mind kids.

People have different ideas about how low resources are before they feel panicky. It depends on what you're used to.

In running a food resource centre during lockdown, we didn't ask for financial details, but we did ask how much food was still in the house to know how urgent it was to get food to them.
We had everything from:

1. "It's not very urgent, because I've two slices of bread left so I can have one today and one the day after tomorrow, and so I should be fine until four days time" (assessed as totally urgent, get a box out today)
2. Through to "Well, we've got four pizzas in the freezer, and two loaves of bread and probably around 6 tins of soup and a dozen eggs and two packs of bacon" (assessed as please call back in around 4 days time for us to reassess)

But what was common was that they were all worried that their food might run out. The second family were used to having a fridge and freezer full, so not being able to replenish it was worrying them as much as the lady who only had two pieces of bread left.
And then we had the family that wanted "twenty rolls, two dozen burgers and a pack of sausages because we've invited the neighbours round for a bbq" and the one which told us it was urgent-please could we deliver 6 bottles of red wine.🤣
They still felt their need was urgent because they couldn't get what they needed but we didn't see it in quite the same light.

So in this case the Op is used to having more, so is feeling panicky that her resources are getting low, although in comparison to others it may be far more. It's a natural reaction, not a greedy one.

Trussell Trust also charge organisations yearly to run food banks under their name. They also don’t spend donated money on food. These are the two reasons why I refuse to donate to them now, I donate to our local church food bank instead as (a) the money I donate is spent on fruit and veg and (b) when I was donating food into their trolley in my local Tesco I found out that the food donated locally doesn’t stay locally but it’s shipped up and down the country. If I’m donating locally I expected my donation to support local members of our community.

We don’t spend donated money on food to give to people – the vast majority of food provided by food banks in our network is donated generously by members of the public

I've read all your posts, OP, but not all the replies as I know there will be plenty that give me the rage. Sadly not everyone understands how benefits work and especially how much more expensive life is when you have a disabled child. You said that you have not been able to get DLA (as you're appealing) and that will obviously make a big difference if you can get it. You will be able to get carer's allowance and additional elements added to your Universal Credit.

Please contact your local Citizens Advice (find it here) and they will be able to help you in various ways:

• check you are definitely claiming all benefits you're entitled to (are you claiming Council Tax Reduction? Could you apply for a Discretionary Housing Payment?)
• tell you about local food hubs offering free and low cost food with no need for a food bank voucher (but citizens advice can also give you a food bank voucher if they think you need it, then you just take it to the food bank)
• tell you about local charities that can offer help eg with supermarket vouchers

Also, you can apply directly to the Household Support Fund - see https://www.gov.uk/cost-living-help-local-council

Good luck.

My friend runs a food bank. Each week she drops me off a few things as she knows how much we are struggling and the hassle to go through getting a referral is stressful plus it helps to just know that every week we are getting some staples (pasta , rice, cereal, tea, coffee, biscuits etc)

Why would it be?

For help with the DLA appeal Please go to CAB.. They are excellent and use all the key words to convey your child's needs on the form( booklet!)
Being honest, I think you'll need to prioritise food over DC's extras which are necessary to enrich their lives, but obviously won't if they're hungry! I don't think you should use a Food bank in your situation, no

Lucky you, but how is this relevant or helpful to OP?

What a bunch of bitches on this thread, for fucks sake what a nasty and spiteful attitude some people on here have. I donate a lot to our local food bank and I'd love it to help someone like OP- someone who looks after their disabled child, who is going through monumental financial change as well as supporting a husband grappling with his MH. Just because sadly some children who would benefit from 'extras' that aren't actually that extra for someone like OPs son can't afford them, it doesn't mean it's easy to just remove them from your child's life as a parent. What a sad state and race to the bottom this country is in, and we only have ourselves to blame for the appalling attitude lots have towards others.

OP if you can't access one of the foodbanks keep an eye out on local social media, some charities coordinate volunteers who can arrange for food for you.

I can absolutely hear you’re in a devastating position, but as PP have said food banks are for when you have £0 left for food, especially nowadays. They have to turn away anyone with more or not enough to go round.