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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish I hadn’t told food bank about my benefits

799 replies

AreweCf · 15/04/2023 19:45

preparing to be slated so putting my hard hat on. DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. He has had to claim benefits (we are definitely claiming all we’re entitled to) but it’s still a huge drop in income. I’m a SAHM to my very high needs neurodivergent DC who are expensive in every way, before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s. Benefits won’t cover all of our rent either. We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long. Now, we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further. All the food banks in the area are the same, and after honestly explaining my situation, they literally expect us to completely deplete our bank account balance down to pennies before they will help us. we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts, but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable. Are we CF’s for asking?

OP posts:
Jojobees · 15/04/2023 20:29

I don’t want to derail but you seem super knowledgeable, my DS (4 in May) severely disabled physically needs and has been awarded 1:1 for 30 hours. What’s a reasonable time frame to wait for the 1:1 to kick in? Provision has had 2 terms funding…. No one to one yet…..

shivawn · 15/04/2023 20:30

I'm always amazed reading about UK food banks on here. Where I'm living (Ireland), food banks are open to anyone who needs them, no questions asked. Very few people who aren't struggling are going to use their services so why deter people who need the help. I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling OP.

Inkblue · 15/04/2023 20:31

AreweCf · 15/04/2023 20:11

We had put in a claim for DLA and it’s really hard to claim for we are having to do an appeal

It’s really helpful to get help with that from CAB or another advice agency. If you don’t win on appeal, reapply when you are allowed to and get someone to help you fill in the form. Again, the council can help with that.

JingleBellez · 15/04/2023 20:31

Jojobees · 15/04/2023 20:29

I don’t want to derail but you seem super knowledgeable, my DS (4 in May) severely disabled physically needs and has been awarded 1:1 for 30 hours. What’s a reasonable time frame to wait for the 1:1 to kick in? Provision has had 2 terms funding…. No one to one yet…..

is it in section F of the EHCP?

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 15/04/2023 20:31

@AreweCf are you claiming DLA for the DCs? That should help with some of the costs. Are they at school? Could they assist with anything such as accessible toy loans? FSM etc. If the DCs are at school, could you look for part time work?

HecticHedgehog · 15/04/2023 20:32

I'd be lucky if a food bank gave us any foods my nd kids would eat on their restricted diets tbh.

Anactor · 15/04/2023 20:32

As well as Olio, you could also try Too Good To Go.

Jojobees · 15/04/2023 20:32

Yes in the F section.

SunshineGeorgie · 15/04/2023 20:33

@Inkblue look, I will ask and post what I like....

Babyroobs · 15/04/2023 20:34

The organisation I work for does give food parcels out and we don't really ask about what people's financial situation is but I do think we should. I di feel a bit annoyed at one of my clients recently who was still using a food bank when he had just had a PIP back payment of 3k into his bank account and when I did suggest to him that perhaps he didn't need to use the food bank anymore, he looked aghast and said he needed the PIP backpay to buy an office/ workshop for his back garden. I don't think you should have to be down to your last few pounds to use one. Are you getting DLA for the kids to cover their classes/ activities etc?

Toomanyminifigs · 15/04/2023 20:34

OP - I know you are appealing the DLA decision. Have you seen the Cerebra guide: https://cerebra.org.uk/download/disability-living-allowance-dla-guide/
I know lots of people have found it invaluable to help to see how to answer the questions. I have done that form and it's awful.

Are you also aware of Family Fund?
https://www.familyfund.org.uk/grants/apply-for-a-grant/

Apply for a grant - Family Fund

You can apply for a Family Fund grant if you are the parent, or carer, of a disabled child and you meet our eligibility criteria.

https://www.familyfund.org.uk/grants/apply-for-a-grant

Clymene · 15/04/2023 20:34

Absolutely fair point @ApplesandPares. The reason I asked is that (as someone whose child has been in receipt of DLA for 8 years) is that it's easier to spell out the differences between your child and neurotypical one once they're older and that a dx at a really young age (under 4) means it's very hard to argue that their care needs are substantially different to another child the same age.

My child has ARFID so a food bank would be utterly useless for us. It's not a viable solution for anyone with a child with a severely restricted diet.

Redglitter · 15/04/2023 20:35

As pp said foodbanks are for people who have no other option. Not as a way to budget. I think its perfectly fair to expect you to cut back on things and use savings to help you budget.

Foodbanks don't have unlimited resources & really do need to help people with no other option

Babyroobs · 15/04/2023 20:36

Daffodil92 · 15/04/2023 20:00

I feel like some people are being unfair. If you’re claiming benefits I’m assuming you have no savings and no other source of income. Some peoples replies read like you have £10k in the bank which I’m sure isn’t the case.

People can have 16k in the bank and still claim means tested benefits.

rampagingrobot · 15/04/2023 20:36

Shoelacesundone · 15/04/2023 20:08

I don't see the need to be quite so sharp with OP. Sounds like she us new to benefits and has suffered a huge drop in income. It's entirely reasonable she explores help available. Like her I had no idea that proof of absolute poverty was required. She only asked a question.

This and this again.

Some of the replies on here are appalling.

OP, I hope you work it out.

HistoryFanatic · 15/04/2023 20:37

Daffodil92 · 15/04/2023 20:00

I feel like some people are being unfair. If you’re claiming benefits I’m assuming you have no savings and no other source of income. Some peoples replies read like you have £10k in the bank which I’m sure isn’t the case.

You can have savings if claiming benefits. Just with UC they start deducting your money if you have more than £6,000.

Theunamedcat · 15/04/2023 20:38

Jojobees · 15/04/2023 20:29

I don’t want to derail but you seem super knowledgeable, my DS (4 in May) severely disabled physically needs and has been awarded 1:1 for 30 hours. What’s a reasonable time frame to wait for the 1:1 to kick in? Provision has had 2 terms funding…. No one to one yet…..

The same term

Mine was awarded 1-1 funding late June had ad hoc provisions June/July and full time starting in the September

PeapodBurgundy · 15/04/2023 20:38

OP you need to be accessing services such as Olio (mentioned by a PP), Too Good to Go or the Bread and Butter Thing. All cheap ways to get food, but you still pay a small amount for them. They're designed to stretch the grocery budget further, not to feed those who can't feed themselves like a food bank is. Much better suited to your needs 😊

Daffodil92 · 15/04/2023 20:38

Babyroobs · 15/04/2023 20:36

People can have 16k in the bank and still claim means tested benefits.

I doubt she would be using a food bank if she had £16k.
Again, I may be wrong; but I prefer to assume the best of people rather than being unnecessarily nasty and judgemental to strangers who are potentially struggling. Just me though. 😊

HecticHedgehog · 15/04/2023 20:38

lazytownie · 15/04/2023 20:21

the huge bill for their restricted diet,

Why is a restricted diet a huge bill? I would have thought it would be cheaper if restricted to fewer items?

It depends what they eat. One of mine only eats a few foods and one is Birdseye chicken nuggets (at £5.25 for 38 these days). That will last 2.5 days. So those alone are £15.75ish a week.

Theunamedcat · 15/04/2023 20:39

Babyroobs · 15/04/2023 20:36

People can have 16k in the bank and still claim means tested benefits.

It stops at 16,000 to have no deductions you have to have less than 6,000 in the bank

Babyroobs · 15/04/2023 20:39

Shoelacesundone · 15/04/2023 20:08

I don't see the need to be quite so sharp with OP. Sounds like she us new to benefits and has suffered a huge drop in income. It's entirely reasonable she explores help available. Like her I had no idea that proof of absolute poverty was required. She only asked a question.

Agree with this. Op may have a mortgage or rent which was previously affordable and now isn't due to drop in income.

x2boys · 15/04/2023 20:39

Jojobees · 15/04/2023 20:29

I don’t want to derail but you seem super knowledgeable, my DS (4 in May) severely disabled physically needs and has been awarded 1:1 for 30 hours. What’s a reasonable time frame to wait for the 1:1 to kick in? Provision has had 2 terms funding…. No one to one yet…..

It can be ages tbh,my child has been awarded two over nights respite care before Xmas and every other Saturday in a respite club ,he's severely autistic he was awarded it before Xmas ,we haven't get heard about the over nights ,but the every other Saturday we can access from next weels10-3

Haribo16 · 15/04/2023 20:39

I'm sorry if this has already been mentioned but olio is a great app that shows the items that supermarkets, costa, Iceland a few that are available near me can't sell. The volunteers list them on the app and then you agree a pick up time to collect. Completely free.

Scottishskifun · 15/04/2023 20:39

Have a look at your local Facebook pages our town has a community larder it's £5 a month membership but you get 1 bag of shopping a week or there is donated membership. It's all short date or donated items. This will be your best bet rather then a food bank

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