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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish I hadn’t told food bank about my benefits

799 replies

AreweCf · 15/04/2023 19:45

preparing to be slated so putting my hard hat on. DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. He has had to claim benefits (we are definitely claiming all we’re entitled to) but it’s still a huge drop in income. I’m a SAHM to my very high needs neurodivergent DC who are expensive in every way, before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s. Benefits won’t cover all of our rent either. We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long. Now, we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further. All the food banks in the area are the same, and after honestly explaining my situation, they literally expect us to completely deplete our bank account balance down to pennies before they will help us. we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts, but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable. Are we CF’s for asking?

OP posts:
x2boys · 15/04/2023 20:10

Op.you say your children are Neuro divergent have you applied for DLA for them??

iaapap · 15/04/2023 20:10

Can you ask for any help from the kids’ grandparents?

AreweCf · 15/04/2023 20:11

We had put in a claim for DLA and it’s really hard to claim for we are having to do an appeal

OP posts:
Jojobees · 15/04/2023 20:11

I’m afraid you need to get a full time job, being a SAHP is a luxury you can’t afford. I am a parent to 2 severely disabled children and couldn’t afford to stay at home where they definitely needed me but the state decided my wages for full time care was £67 per week. (40p per hour)
Universal credit will pick up 80% of the cost of childcare.

TangoShoes · 15/04/2023 20:12

Dear God. I’d probably get banned if I said what I wanted to. Bottom line, learn to live in accordance with your new income. Some people (me included) use food banks because they will starve otherwise. Your DC will survive without groups, classes, lessons and new toys for christs sake.

stairgates · 15/04/2023 20:12

Our food hub is called a 'Pantry' so google that phrase also, 15 useful cupboard items for a £5, free fruit and veg and 2 meat items.

Onlyhereforchaletschool · 15/04/2023 20:13

do you live anywhere near any of these? https://www.companyshopgroup.co.uk/our-locations/company-shops some items are free in them, others really cheap. If you’re in receipt of means tested benefits you’re eligible for membership.

Our Company Shop locations | The Company Shop Group

Company Shop Locations | Company Shop operate on a strict membership only basis and redistribute through our closed-membership stores.

https://www.companyshopgroup.co.uk/our-locations/company-shops

WoollyRosebud · 15/04/2023 20:13

OP if you have a Community Kitchen near you please try it. The people there are not judgemental or cunts like some posters on this thread. All they will ask for is your postcode if it’s like my one so locals get the benefit. I hold my Community Kitchen responsible for my addiction to chocolate sourdough bread that I found there on a couple of occasions. I don’t go often but think the suggested donation is £2.50 and fill a bag for it.

Blessedbethefknfruit · 15/04/2023 20:14

Do you have any Barnardo's family centres near you, or similar? We have a few where I love (East) and once a week one of the vent

Clymene · 15/04/2023 20:14

How old are your children? Have they been diagnosed?

ApplesandPares · 15/04/2023 20:15

Aquamarine1029 · 15/04/2023 20:07

You need to get a job immediately, obviously.

One that pays more than enough for 1:1 childcare for her children with special needs? That’s great! I bet OP would be really keen to hear of the relevant openings and childcare options!

PollyAmour · 15/04/2023 20:15

I know a woman who used a foodbank so she could save to go on holiday to Mexico. Now she was a cheeky fucker and also the reason I have stopped donating to our local foodbank.

x2boys · 15/04/2023 20:15

AreweCf · 15/04/2023 20:11

We had put in a claim for DLA and it’s really hard to claim for we are having to do an appeal

Well yes's I agree it is but it's well worth it if your children qualify not only will you get the DLA,but you will also get the extra tax credits/ universal credit and carers,allowance

AndTheSurveySays · 15/04/2023 20:16

One that pays more than enough for 1:1 childcare for her children with special needs? That’s great! I bet OP would be really keen to hear of the relevant openings and childcare options!

Is the OP's DH unable to look after his own children?

ApplesandPares · 15/04/2023 20:16

Clymene · 15/04/2023 20:14

How old are your children? Have they been diagnosed?

Sometimes I think that when asking questions like these it can be helpful to say why you’re asking, then it won’t sound pointed, but rather requesting information related to the advice you might have to give.

horridjobescapee · 15/04/2023 20:17

Why can't you get a job?

HistoryFanatic · 15/04/2023 20:17

How much savings do you have? I thought food banks were for those who had no money for food?

ApplesandPares · 15/04/2023 20:17

AndTheSurveySays · 15/04/2023 20:16

One that pays more than enough for 1:1 childcare for her children with special needs? That’s great! I bet OP would be really keen to hear of the relevant openings and childcare options!

Is the OP's DH unable to look after his own children?

He’s unable to work due to depression, so I assume so, otherwise the OP is asking a stupid question. I’m guessing someone in so desperate a situation might have thought of so obvious a solution.

Blessedbethefknfruit · 15/04/2023 20:18

Sorry, posted to soon..
Once a week one of the centres had a dood bank day and it is open to literally anyone who needs it. No questions asked.
The food is sometimes past sell by but not use by dates, and usually lots of fruit/veg. I have them on my Facebook as I attend some mother and baby groups.
I'm fortunate I've not needed to use the food bank (yet) but the fact that they don't interigate you would make me feel better about using the service should we ever need it in the future.
What if you had £200 in your account but an important bill was due to come out before your next pay day?

Snaaaaacks · 15/04/2023 20:18

If your husband isn't working why can't he take over childcare and you find work? If it's his child too there's no reason he can't step up, you can't both sit at home. I guess only you know what you have sat in the bank and know whether you are taking advantage using a food bank. If you've got savings you should be using these to live on until one of you is back in work.

AndTheSurveySays · 15/04/2023 20:19

He’s unable to work due to depression, so I assume so, otherwise the OP is asking a stupid question. I’m guessing someone in so desperate a situation might have thought of so obvious a solution

Many parents have depression but have to look after their children. It's shit but it needs to be done, he'll just have to suffer through it.

Mammyloveswine · 15/04/2023 20:19

Op my son has asd and attends mainstream school yet was awarded DLA...

Jojobees · 15/04/2023 20:19

ApplesandPares · 15/04/2023 20:15

One that pays more than enough for 1:1 childcare for her children with special needs? That’s great! I bet OP would be really keen to hear of the relevant openings and childcare options!

If her children are diagnosed, she can access higher level needs funding via her council for 1:1 care.
my kid gets it.

FloatingBean · 15/04/2023 20:19

Have you applied for discretionary housing payments? And any grants you may be entitled to such as Family Fund?

If you have high water bills due to DC’s disability have you applied to the WaterSure scheme?

You can reclaim the cost of transport to some appointments. Look at the Healthcare Travel Costs Scheme.

When you say you are paying for groups, classes, lessons what do you mean? Are any of these things an EHCP could fund?

miniaturepixieonacid · 15/04/2023 20:19

I'm really sorry you're struggling. I understand the food bank's rules but also see how terrifying it must be for you (or anyone!) to go down to nothing with your children's needs.

The community fridge my church hosts is totally free for anyone of any income. It's supposed to be an eco thing, not just for those in need. And I think others in the city are the same. So it's worth investigating, even if you don't have a few pounds to spare.

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