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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish I hadn’t told food bank about my benefits

799 replies

AreweCf · 15/04/2023 19:45

preparing to be slated so putting my hard hat on. DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. He has had to claim benefits (we are definitely claiming all we’re entitled to) but it’s still a huge drop in income. I’m a SAHM to my very high needs neurodivergent DC who are expensive in every way, before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s. Benefits won’t cover all of our rent either. We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long. Now, we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further. All the food banks in the area are the same, and after honestly explaining my situation, they literally expect us to completely deplete our bank account balance down to pennies before they will help us. we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts, but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable. Are we CF’s for asking?

OP posts:
Irritateandunreasonable · 17/04/2023 11:37

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 17/04/2023 11:35

If everyone did that people who genuinely needed it would suffer as there are not enough donations to feed everybody. Food banks are a last resort after ringing the company you owe the £80 for an extension, using an overdraft, asking friends and family, using every last bit of food in your house.

Get into more debt then? You’re being kinda heartless imo.

Irritateandunreasonable · 17/04/2023 11:37

Okunevo · 17/04/2023 11:32

If you have enough petrol in the car and food in the cupboards to stretch until payday then this is reality for many who don't use foodbanks.

Myself included!

Irritateandunreasonable · 17/04/2023 11:43

GoodChat · 17/04/2023 11:36

Because how terrifying is it to have £0 in your account.

That depends when you're due to get paid, but it's the reality for people who actually need food banks.

Yes I understand that better than you realise. I just have compassion for OP.

Kanaloa · 17/04/2023 11:44

Irritateandunreasonable · 17/04/2023 11:28

Because how terrifying is it to have £0 in your account.

Surely not as terrifying as not having so much as a slice of bread to your name and being turned away from the food bank because Kate and James who have £80 and get their benefits in a couple of weeks wanted to make their money go further had the last donation.

Kanaloa · 17/04/2023 11:44

Like it is stressful having less than £100 left. I agree with that and sympathise. But the answer is to budget extremely carefully and look at whether you can afford days out and lessons and toys and so on next month so it doesn’t happen again.

Irritateandunreasonable · 17/04/2023 11:45

Kanaloa · 17/04/2023 11:44

Surely not as terrifying as not having so much as a slice of bread to your name and being turned away from the food bank because Kate and James who have £80 and get their benefits in a couple of weeks wanted to make their money go further had the last donation.

Lots of assumptions happening here isn’t there. I’m just surprised at the lack of compassion on this thread, it shocking.

Irritateandunreasonable · 17/04/2023 11:46

Kanaloa · 17/04/2023 11:44

Like it is stressful having less than £100 left. I agree with that and sympathise. But the answer is to budget extremely carefully and look at whether you can afford days out and lessons and toys and so on next month so it doesn’t happen again.

If you have four weeks to get paid and have £100 please tell me a reasonable liveable budget.

it costs me £60 a week in petrol to get my kids to and from school.

Irritateandunreasonable · 17/04/2023 11:47

Kanaloa · 17/04/2023 11:44

Surely not as terrifying as not having so much as a slice of bread to your name and being turned away from the food bank because Kate and James who have £80 and get their benefits in a couple of weeks wanted to make their money go further had the last donation.

Perhaps. £80 wouldn’t get my kids to school and back for two weeks 🤷🏻‍♀️

Kanaloa · 17/04/2023 11:49

Irritateandunreasonable · 17/04/2023 11:46

If you have four weeks to get paid and have £100 please tell me a reasonable liveable budget.

it costs me £60 a week in petrol to get my kids to and from school.

Why would I tell you how to budget for four weeks? What’s the relevance? The op and her partner get paid in two weeks time. Budgeting sense here would tell you that you must prioritise food over lessons, days out, and toys. That’s just common sense.

If she has £60 per week petrol costs to get her kids to school (which is a huge amount and I would be reconsidering a lot if that was my travel costs) and doesn’t get paid for four weeks, she should possibly have mentioned that in the op.

Kanaloa · 17/04/2023 11:49

And I think if you honestly think it’s impossible to spend £80 to eat for two weeks then that’s a budgeting issue. You could eat for that.

Tempone · 17/04/2023 11:51

You might be able to eat, but what if a bill comes in, of course it will, its two weeks.
What about petrol? Honest to god what is wrong with people here?

AskMeMore · 17/04/2023 11:54

Many of us live month to month like this.

Okunevo · 17/04/2023 11:54

Irritateandunreasonable · 17/04/2023 11:46

If you have four weeks to get paid and have £100 please tell me a reasonable liveable budget.

it costs me £60 a week in petrol to get my kids to and from school.

The OP isn't saying what costs need to come out of the £80 and how long it needs to last. If someone does need it for petrol or bills then they should use a foodbank as that money is already 'spent' on unavoidable necessities. If it's available for food then they should use it for food first.

Someone in your situation should certainly contact a foodbank, community food fridge/pantry and any other available charity for help. I don't know where you would get help with petrol costs but someone else might know.

Okunevo · 17/04/2023 11:58

Tempone · 17/04/2023 11:51

You might be able to eat, but what if a bill comes in, of course it will, its two weeks.
What about petrol? Honest to god what is wrong with people here?

We don't know petrol costs, I wouldn't personally need petrol in the next two weeks. I don't have any bills either, they are all at the start of the month. The OP hasn't said.

Tealsofa · 17/04/2023 12:03

£80 isnt a lot - when the OP opened the post it seemed like they had a lot more in savings

I would definitely say to try and get hold of a local food club / hub and if there is not one in your area, then try and start one - there are thousands of tonnes of food being thrown away.

GoodChat · 17/04/2023 12:03

it costs me £60 a week in petrol to get my kids to and from school.

How far from home are your kids going to school?

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 17/04/2023 12:33

Kanaloa · 17/04/2023 11:49

And I think if you honestly think it’s impossible to spend £80 to eat for two weeks then that’s a budgeting issue. You could eat for that.

How possible that is depends on what the children will or won't eat - restricted eating has been discussed in great detail on this thread.

Okunevo · 17/04/2023 12:38

OP, will you get child benefit before payday? As that is every four weeks not monthly.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 17/04/2023 12:43

How does it cost anyone £60 to get their kids to school? How far is the school?!

3luckystars · 17/04/2023 12:45

It must be very far away with tolls.

Kanaloa · 17/04/2023 12:46

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 17/04/2023 12:33

How possible that is depends on what the children will or won't eat - restricted eating has been discussed in great detail on this thread.

Restricted eating isn’t necessarily more expensive. It would depend what is being bought of course, but if op felt a food bank would be suitable they obviously eat some average supermarket foods.

Hell121 · 17/04/2023 12:46

Why can’t you get a job? Surely if DH is home he can look after DC. I think you are getting flamed because you are relying on charity to fund lifestyle choices.

ZZpop · 17/04/2023 12:49

"How does it cost anyone £60 to get their kids to school? How far is the school?!"

It costs us £30 a day when we have to take ds.

horridjobescapee · 17/04/2023 13:01

Op op can you get your child benefit paid weekly?

horridjobescapee · 17/04/2023 13:02

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 17/04/2023 12:43

How does it cost anyone £60 to get their kids to school? How far is the school?!

Tell me you don’t live in a rural area without telling me you don’t live in a rural area.

My kids school was 25 miles away each way. I didn’t even have tolls. And there was only one bus - the bus at 3.30 - so when they had after school activities I had to get them.

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