To wish I hadn’t told food bank about my benefits

[AreweCf]

preparing to be slated so putting my hard hat on. DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. He has had to claim benefits (we are definitely claiming all we’re entitled to) but it’s still a huge drop in income. I’m a SAHM to my very high needs neurodivergent DC who are expensive in every way, before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s. Benefits won’t cover all of our rent either. We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long. Now, we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further. All the food banks in the area are the same, and after honestly explaining my situation, they literally expect us to completely deplete our bank account balance down to pennies before they will help us. we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts, but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable. Are we CF’s for asking?

Before I read any more replies.
we don’t have any savings! I haven’t once said we do. The money we have is £80 in our direct debit account!

If you have £80 why are you going to the food bank?

Is this available for food or do you have direct debits or bills that have to be paid from this before payday? If it's available then, yes, you should spend it before approaching a food bank. A community fridge/pantry would be an option.

We dont know enough to judge - DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. DH cant run a business, but no information about what it was - we have no information about why he cannot care for his own dc? If the dc are old enough for school and not being home schooled (didnt see this in the OPs posts) then there is time in the day for her to work and then he can care for his dc in the wrap around

My DH has mental health issues, and did have a hugely senior high powered job, but he now delivers groceries - its not much, but it helps the family income by a huge amount. I don;t know that the OPs DHs issues are, and fair enough if she doesnt want to share - but its rare that you can do literally nothing at all

You have £80. This could be spent on plenty of food, which means unfortunately you can not be prioritised above those who have nothing and would not be able to access any food.

Realistically sometimes when we’ve been struggling I’ve had less than that left, and had to sit down and plan out things like potatoes, beans, bread, eggs, so that I can stretch the money to feed us. I now always try to do an extra bag for the food bank when I’ve got a bit extra, but to me that bag is for people who were like I was as a kid - literally sitting hungry for days without a few pounds for a bit of bread. Not for people who have £80 but want to save it in case they need it. It’s a desperate situation sure enough but not a food bank situation.

£80 is loads you can get pasta from asda for 29p bread for 39p plus loads more if you budget and shop right. Food banks are for emergency use not for you to do your weekly shop in so you can use the money for something else

I do think you’ve had a hard time on here OP, but if you post in AIBU that’s the chance you take, unfortunately. Some people appear to think that because they have miserable lives it’s right that others should too, some people are seemingly incapable of understanding the fallout from misfortune, some just seem to hate benefit claimants. And there are a few posters who crop up on different threads with the same intention of taking the opposite view no matter what, and using someone elses’ misery for their entertainment. There are a few on here, and they know who they are. But you’ve not been back to the thread for a while and people who genuinely want to help do get frustrated if they ask a question and don’t at least get an acknowledgement, even if you don’t feel as though you can answer the question. You’ve got some support and if you read back through the thread and pick up on some of the issues mentioned and feel as though you can engage, you might get some useful advice.

You seemed fairly certain at least one person could work, and now you’re saying there isn’t enough information to judge. Which is the point I was making !

Quite a few people pointed out upthread, that having £50 or so n the bank is reasonable for emergencies, but having thousands or even hundreds wasn’t. The OP has said it’s only £80 and is still being told she’s unreasonable. She also pointed out upthread that she’s has hospital visits to fund. With two disabled children to care for I don’t think it’s unreasonable to put a small sum like this aside for emergencies/essentials. And no food bank in our area would turn anyone away for having under £100 tucked away in these circumstances. This has now become a race to the bottom.

I’m wondering where these food banks are, where people can just walk in off the street and ask for assistance? Aren’t referrals usually required?

And the significant issue that everyone has missed is that the £80 is in their direct debit account - essentially a budget account for bills, so likely that if she uses that for food, a bill will go unpaid unless a benefit payment is made in time. So using food will result in going into debt. OP have you explained this to the food bank because it seems to me that if they can’t help under these circumstances, then they should at the very least have directed you to an organisation who can.

Why can't you work? Honest question.

You need to go back to the food bank with a list of what you need the £80 for (before your next payment) so that they know you are down to your last fiver.

If they’re struggling for donations right now, they will be prioritising people with nothing. As in, nothing. Can’t even pay the bus fare to get to hospital nothing.

Also ask them if they have someone who can give you financial advice, because it sounds like you’re struggling with your new reality of life on benefits and are still thinking you can afford a lot of stuff you can’t.

Yes. Ours are done by referral via GP and various other agencies including benefits. If the OP has been referred and has been turned down on the grounds of having £80 despite it being needed to pay a bill, then either she hasn’t explained her situation properly or they’ve misunderstood. A relative volunteers at one in our village and they wouldn’t turn away anyone in the OP’s situation.

She's waiting on dla so it would be OK to get a grant or use overdraft for a short period of time. I live in my overdraft I wouldn't dream of using a foodbank unless things where absolutely dire as its taking it away from people who have literally nothing

DH with unspecified and possibly severe/stress related MH problem, recent enough diagnosis to be currently undergoing treatment. So with respect to OP, likely not the best choice, at least for the moment, to care for two high needs disabled children while the OP works. Why is this possibility not obvious ?

She’s not ‘waiting on DLA’ she’s appealing a decision. Totally different and absolutely no guarantee she will be successful. ‘I live in my overdraft’ is a personal choice and in the. OP’s situation, racking up expensive overdraft fees isn’t wise. At the beginning of the thread posters were assuming she was talking about thousands in the bank and were agreeing that only a small amount put away was reasonable. Now she’s advised it is only a small amount, she’s still unreasonable. Food banks are there to help, not to insist that people already in need have to get themselves into debt before they will help. With the pressure that’s clearly on her the OP can’t afford to be a martyr.

OK if that what people think il just pop down to the foodbank to do my weekly shop as I have less then that in my bank.

Because how terrifying is it to have £0 in your account.

Yes. If you earn a small amount and you qualify for it, you should go to a food bank.

If you have enough petrol in the car and food in the cupboards to stretch until payday then this is reality for many who don't use foodbanks.

If everyone did that people who genuinely needed it would suffer as there are not enough donations to feed everybody. Food banks are a last resort after ringing the company you owe the £80 for an extension, using an overdraft, asking friends and family, using every last bit of food in your house.

Try the OLIO App our local supermarkets list everyday for free fresh food that I assume would otherwise go in the bin. You do have to be quick though and alot of it can be cooked and frozen as well

Because how terrifying is it to have £0 in your account.

That depends when you're due to get paid, but it's the reality for people who actually need food banks.