To wish I hadn’t told food bank about my benefits

[AreweCf]

preparing to be slated so putting my hard hat on. DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. He has had to claim benefits (we are definitely claiming all we’re entitled to) but it’s still a huge drop in income. I’m a SAHM to my very high needs neurodivergent DC who are expensive in every way, before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s. Benefits won’t cover all of our rent either. We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long. Now, we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further. All the food banks in the area are the same, and after honestly explaining my situation, they literally expect us to completely deplete our bank account balance down to pennies before they will help us. we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts, but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable. Are we CF’s for asking?

@pam290358 the thought of not having money available to meet any unexpected expense, or to provide the essentials to meet those needs on a day to day basis,

And you don't think poor parents of NT kids ALSO worry about providing the essentials for their kids? ALL kids are deserving of having their needs met, many don't get that not just people in OP's situation. It's her tone that's coming across of "we are more deserving" that is pissing me off. No she's not. Everyone should be able to have a basic standard of living. Sadly our government doesn't agree.

Totally agree. It's so depressing.

In 2010 trussel trust had 56 food banks. They now run more than 1300.

Why are we tolerating this explosion of food poverty? Rather than asking why things are so bad and how everyone's standards of living can be improved (some) people prefer to squabble about which hungry children are most deserving of help.

Yes that makes sense with a paediatrician. Its the complete opposite up here. Everyone is referred through CAMHS and the psychiatrists oversee it all including ADHD meds etc.

Tbf that might explain why waiting lists are different in different parts of the country. Dc only took 4 months from referral to diagnosis so Im shocked when I read some kids are having to wait years. Postcode lottery is so unfair.

I genuinely don't understand the comment made. Nor do I think it is harassment.

You said you'd put your hard hat on because you expected to not like some of the replies. Obviously it wasn't that hard a hat.

But honestly, you aren't doing yourself any favours here. There may be people who don't agree with you. That's life. But there are others here who would genuinely have some good advice to offer, but it's being offered in the dark. Would it really hurt to answer some of the questions asked, such as how much money you have in savings, what benefits you have, where the money is going, what the eeds are, etc? The more informed people are, the better the advice. Maybe it won't help or change anything. But if you really are struggling surely it's worth it just to make sure you haven't missed anything?

@AreweCf - I and many other posters asked you reasonable questions about the ages of your children and their disabilities in order to help you. I have a disabled child and I thought I might have valuable advice and I was concerned about you.

You haven't answered those questions but you have been merrily posting away elsewhere which led me to conclude that my concerns were probably misplaced. I'm glad really as it's a really horrible scenario. It's not harassment and I do hope you're ok.

@NamelessNancy Yes it is a very sad post regarding the food bank. Times are hard for many people right now. And as somebody who is a single parent, worked 90 hours this week and I rely upon Olio to feed us. Personally I felt OP situation yes difficult circumstances, stressful etc comes across as entitled. Perhaps be grateful that she is able to receive benefits and has a little savings whilst they figure it out together. This might be controversial but should people in receipt of benefits be getting enough to be able to save as well? A different thread topic but it does spring to mind.

I guess from this thread it shows OP is not alone in her struggles. Many are facing challenging circumstances and don’t have enough money to live on.

But the OP has savings. Food banks are not for people like her. They are for people with not enough money to eat .

In our area referrals go through cahms once they get to secondary school age, the wait then seems to be much longer, primary is through paediatrics

When I went to the food bank, not that I had any money but having some savings was not considered a problem. In fact they told me that I would not be expected to use savings and would still be entitled to a food parcel. I do think however (and I know you won't want to hear this) that at least one or two additional classes and groups ect could be put on hold temporarily and the money used to fund them diverted elsewhere to relieve some of the financial pressure just while things are so tight. You can't realistically expect to maintain the same lifestyle on benefits that you had when you were running a lucrative business. Unfortunately it IS going to impact on your children.

YABVU to try using a good bank. Food Banks are there for those who literally have no money left and no food stock in, not for people like you who are just finding thinks financially difficult at the moment - many people are in that situation currently.

You mention things such as toys/classes etc, these are not a necessity and these are the things you need to cut back on. Food wise - if your ND child needs specific food, then they get that and you and DH have the cheap meals, there’s way to get round it to save money - I say that as the parent if a ND child, so know what it’s like.

The main thing is though, if your DH has lost his job, then you BOTH apply for jobs, it may be role reversal time and he stays home to care for the children and you go to work, even if it’s evening work/part-time, it’s better than no work.

You'd be surprised but people with some savings do still qualify for food banks in some areas.

No money to eat = food bank
Money to eat = buy your own food

Exactly.

Sorry OP you are having a difficult time; but there is a huge gap between having to be frugal and being poor.

Also, yes your financial situation has changed and you sound like you are far worse off than you were.. but just because you have less than you did, doesn't imo entitle you to use a food bank.

Would dla cover dcs food costs? If they have arfid?

Sorry you're in this situation btw.

OP has already said...
Neither of us can work,

It is hard OP but food banks are really very stretched right now. There are people in your situation or similar, who have zero money in their bank accounts. Of course the food banks have to prioritise them over someone like you.

It's a limited resource so you need to use your own savings before you go there.

Is your husband well enough to look after the kids while you work?

But then they do need to change their lifestyle to meet that.

i fully understand why they don’t want to cut back on groups and things for their child but sadly the circumstances may mean they have to. Like many people you need to prioritise what you have not what you wish you still had.

Yeah sorry but the food has to come first right now

You mention things such as toys/classes etc, these are not a necessity and these are the things you need to cut back on.

Surely that depends on what they are. For us that would mean not taking DS swimming which means he would literally never wash or change his clothes - I'd consider that a necessity.

There have been many people on here who’ve been supportive and offered advice. Instead, you’ve decided to act in a certain way and goad other people and not respond to people who are genuinely trying to ask questions to help. That alone makes you a CF but that doesn’t mean you should go hungry and if you need it, you need it. Perhaps it was the food bank’s eligibility criteria. Keeping £50 in case if of an unexpected expense related to a disability is not the same as keeping £5000 but you’ve not said which one you’re at. That’s fine, you don’t have to tell anyone anything but why get arsey when some people have tried to help?

I call bullshit on your claim that you cared for your kids whilst ill enough to be hospitalised. If you were in hospital, you cannot have been looking after your children because you were not at home to do so.

When I've had a bad relapse, I've lain in bed all day not eating, not drinking, even given myself cystitis, because getting out of bed to drink a glass of water and use the loo was more than I can face. I've gone for over a week without even brushing my teeth, nevermind showering. Would I have been a fit person to look after two neurodivergent children when I was that ill? Severe depression is a serious illness.

When DC was young I was a single parent and could never afford classes or activities. I would feel guilty as their better off friends were always off doing some club. But they aren't a necessity and I did the best with the money I had. I think you need a rethink OP. Especially if you can't work, I struggled even though I've always had a job.

OP is just a chancer. There are people who really need food banks and they are cheeky fuckers who want stuff for free.