To wish I hadn’t told food bank about my benefits

[AreweCf]

preparing to be slated so putting my hard hat on. DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. He has had to claim benefits (we are definitely claiming all we’re entitled to) but it’s still a huge drop in income. I’m a SAHM to my very high needs neurodivergent DC who are expensive in every way, before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s. Benefits won’t cover all of our rent either. We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long. Now, we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further. All the food banks in the area are the same, and after honestly explaining my situation, they literally expect us to completely deplete our bank account balance down to pennies before they will help us. we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts, but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable. Are we CF’s for asking?

A foodbank isn't there to make your money last longer, it's there for when you have no money.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/1054301/a-z-child-medical-conditions.pdf

If anyone is in the process of applying for child DLA or appealing a decision, the above link is to the assessors’ guide to decision making and offers some insight into how claims are assessed. Might be useful to take a look before completing the forms to make sure you word it so that they have a clearer idea of how your child is affected, how their needs differ from that of a child without the condition, and whether they fit the eligibility conditions without the need for face to face assessment or further medical evidence. Submitting medical evidence to support the claim isn’t always enough, as some posters are suggesting. Although it will state the condition and effects, it won’t always demonstrate how the childs’ needs are significantly more than those of a child without the condition, and that’s the whole premise on which the award is based.

I know right 😳

That’s really not what she’s saying. With two high needs neurodiverse children, the thought of not having money available to meet any unexpected expense, or to provide the essentials to meet those needs on a day to day basis, as they have always done, is a scary prospect. So, yes, a bit different from the norm. Especially when you’ve been used to doing so easily in the past. Having a decent income - enough for you to easily afford these things, cushions you from the harsh realities of life. The OP is just learning to come to terms with that. And with two high needs children and her DH with what sounds like a fairly serious MH issue, she has a lot on her plate. So why is she getting such a hard time ? The thread is rapidly becoming a race to the bottom.

How smug. You both sound delightful.

Of course food banks are to help you. You need it. Don't understand the complete empathy bypass of a lot of people on this thread. Hope things improve for you soon.

Realistically most people will not feel it’s ok for them to be completely financially vulnerable. It is an extremely stressful situation. But that doesn’t mean food banks should open their doors to anyone who feels they should have free groceries to make their own money go further. Food banks are for when you have no food and no way to buy or access food. Unfortunately things like savings, days out, and toys and such need to be prioritised below food.

If DH is now unemployed, why can't you work? Even if it's just a few nights?

I have read all of ops posts and a handful of others . I must admit it does seem odd that op is not getting DLA for her special needs children from what she's said their needs seem heigh so its odd they don't get DLA.

As for the rent not being fully covered apply for discretionary housing payment with yoir Council. They may agree ti pay the shortfall in rent.

As for the food bank situation it is there for people who have ( nothing ) if you have 10.00/20.00 you are expected to use that for food. Even if you needed it for other stuff.

Food help. If you join local groups on Facebook and make a post saying your struggling to feed your family people will help you.

I see op mentioned about extra activities/clubs etc all theses unless free have to go until you are in a better position.

Many people do have to pull themselves together from depression and get themselves out of the darkness. Often over many years. OP is getting the comments she is because a lot of people are in worse situations and are also doing everything on their own. Many don’t qualify for benefits, can be depressed but still have to make ends meet by having two jobs. It’s a budgeting or potentially an income problem. And OP doesn’t appear to be solution orientation and is looking for an easy out. Albeit yes a stressful situation and difficult road ahead no doubt which nobody would pick or want somebody else to go through. As a suggestion there are shorts on YouTube from Dr Julie Smith I have found useful (won’t fix the financial situation though of course).

Yes. And I think the fact that the benefits system allows for a savings cushion is probably what led to the OP believing that food bank eligibility worked on the same principle. I think it’s an understandable mistake to make, but simply claiming benefits isn’t the gateway to food banks.

As it's in section F and not being provided get in touch with your LEA caseworker (or whatever they call themselves in your area). Email is usually best so that you have a paper trail. Tell them that your child still has no 1-1 as per the EHCP, tell them what effect that is having on your child, the provision and other children. What has the provision said about why your child does not yet have 1-1 support?

SOS SEN and IPSEA websites have good information and model letters you can use to help you.

The point is, the foodbanks have said that they can't help her because she currently has money in the bank. They are entitled to make that call if they need to, because they have limited resource and a lot of need to meet.

That doesn't mean that the OP isn't struggling or that she is undeserving of help. It just means that there are lots of people in an even worse situation. Which is bloody awful.

you’re harassing me

That's ridiculous OP, it's a public forum, you posted, people are going to have reactions and questions to what you're posting. That's how it works.

Sadly many food banks are struggling to keep up with demand as it is. A lot of people aren’t able to donate as much as they did and more people are needing the help so it creates a supply and demand issue.

it may be far from ideal but if they OP has means to buy food even if that means using savings then it’s understandable that the foodbank would be unable to help.

The effects of depression and the outcomes are unique to individual sufferers and you’re making a lot of generalisations about the condition - it’s a MH condition that’s routinely minimised by people who have never experienced it and feel entitled to judge despite having little or no understanding of it. Telling a sufferer to ‘snap out of it’ or ‘pull yourself together’ is pointless because genuine depression - not ‘feeling a bit down’ or ‘got the blues’ - can’t just be switched off. I’m all for a bit of self help, but a YouTube video isn’t going to make a difference to a serious MH problem without the appropriate medical intervention. And you’re making even more assumptions about the OP’s circumstances, given that we don’t know what the MH condition is, or how it affects his ability to work or provide childcare.

Agree - nasty thread.

Have a look into food pantries, not food banks. Even if you did qualify for a good bank they usually only work on a 3 day emergency supply so isn’t a long term solution for anyone. Food pantries work by you paying around £3-£4 a week and you can go and get things like cereal, tinned food, fruit, vegetables, treats ect.

Can’t say I found much about the OP I liked. She’s not food bank target market.

People say donators to food banks don’t get to say who uses them.. unfortunately they do as if they don’t agree with it they stop donating.

as far as I’m concerned it’s not for people who might have a problem in a few weeks, they’re for people who need help today.

Sorry, quote fail, that was to @Whereisthelove2

Well the government has succeeded in making people bicker and fight for scraps turning on each other. This is a nasty thread in the most part. So many assumptions made about mental illness and children with disabilities yuck. Some people need to look at themselves.
I understand the foodbank its probably on its knees too and they aren't obliged to help op in her circumstances but for people to stick the boot in like this is really nasty.

Yes, people who donate are often on a low income and without savings themselves, they just have a spare £2 or £5 to buy a few bits that week. If they think the foodbank is giving to people who don't need the help then they may stop donating.

For those wondering why I said Clymene has harassed me..

Is there a local charity supporting parents of disabled kids that you could ask for advice? Citizens advice might also know about the different ways all the local food banks work. There are a couple of community food recycling schemes near us that don't look at your income particularly - one run by a church, one through local children's centres. Also, have you tried the Olio app for getting free food?
Good luck!

@1DoesNotSimplyWalkIntoMordor Perhaps you should see the content of them before deeming it to be just a YouTube video. It provides small ways to implement change to help the situation. I am quite aware of the varying degrees of depression, and the individual doing nothing to change the circumstances will only make the situation go from bad to worse.