To wish I hadn’t told food bank about my benefits

[AreweCf]

preparing to be slated so putting my hard hat on. DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. He has had to claim benefits (we are definitely claiming all we’re entitled to) but it’s still a huge drop in income. I’m a SAHM to my very high needs neurodivergent DC who are expensive in every way, before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s. Benefits won’t cover all of our rent either. We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long. Now, we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further. All the food banks in the area are the same, and after honestly explaining my situation, they literally expect us to completely deplete our bank account balance down to pennies before they will help us. we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts, but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable. Are we CF’s for asking?

I’ve seen a few comments like this one. ‘I’m having a shit time so you can as well’

Delightful.

You only get higher rate care If child has night needs, child can be very high needs during the day but if they sleep during the usual sleeping hours of the household you’ll only get middle. Thst said it does make a huge different if I child sleeps in being able to manage

I saw nothing in your post that suggests why your husband can’t work? He might feel things are tough but he can work.

In our la the inclusion funding you can get specifically won’t cover childcare to enable you to work, it is for respite purposes and to enable the child to take part in activities thst they would not otherwise be able to take part in. Also inclusion funding enables children to have 1-1 to attend mainstream settings, if child can’t attend a mainstream setting there is no alternative

That’s one possibility - especially with high needs children, the OP may be reluctant to trust that anyone else will understand them. It could also be that her DH’s MH issue is more serious and he’s not able to care for them. There are a few very unkind posts seeking to minimise the MH issue and assuming it’s ‘just depression’. Usually the same people who think he can just ‘pull himself together’ and get over it. Why is anyone surprised that the OP hasn’t been back ? Another OP driven off their own thread by people using their predicament as sport.

Yes, i think that you are being a bit of a CF expecting the food bank to feed you if you have money available to you.
They have never been for those who have a small amount, theyre literally for the people who havent got a pot to piss in.
That doesnt mean you wont be entitled in a week, 10 days, 11 days or even the day before your next benefits payment comes in.
If they were to give to you, whilst you currently have some money, they may end up having to turn down someone who has absolutely nothing and no money at all.
Im sorry that things are so tough.
How recent was your partners job loss? have they earned more than £2500 in the past 6 months? If not, you may be able to get a budgeting advance. That will usually be paid same day.

Are you a psychiatrist ? Do you know something we don’t, because the OP hasn’t posted any detail about what type of MH issue he has. And if it’s serious enough for him to have had to give up running his own business why would you assume he can work ? Do you think he would see his family struggling like this if he could do something about it ? If he’s in receipt of sickness related benefits then obviously DWP agree with him, so who are you to Judge ?

Indeed my son is severely autistic and has severe learning disabilities,he's completely non verbal and goes to.a special school for children with severe and profound learning disabilities,he's 13 in a few,weeks ,he does get HRC and HRM, now under the Severe mental impairment component,but it took me going to tribunal when he was nine to get it he was previously on MRC and LRM.

I do think that people should use their own funds and savings before accessing food banks. Foodbanks are funded by voluntary donations - those who give might have less saving than the OP. In my view the OP is abusing the good nature of others and this approach has been one factor that has stopped contributions

TBH. When my husband left work because of depression, there was no way I was leaving him with the kids, he wasn't good for much by the time he felt that he had to leave work because of his MH.
I wouldnt blame op for continuing to see the children as her responsibility even with him present in this situation

@clpsmum Please call your city/county council and ask for the Local Assistance Fund. They will be able to send you an emergency food gift card for a supermarket of your choice. It will be sent via a website & email so can often be same day.
Also, if you use a prepayment meter, they will top those up as well. Good luck x

If the OP was intentionally abusing the system she wouldn’t have posted here for advice. If you’ve never had to negotiate the benefits system it’s not unreasonable to assume that foodbanks operate a similar system of eligibility. She knows better now.

Yabu
foodbsnkd are for short term emergencies, not to prop up your income

This thread is actually so sad it’s basically people arguing over who is poor enough to use a food bank?? Let that sink in.

One poster is saying they are £3k overdrawn and not eligible. OP is saying they need to meet the needs of disabled dc and waiting for benefits but aren’t eligible. It seems like everyone needs the help it’s not poverty top trumps

I'd rather see someone like OP use the food bank instead of some of the people I've seen use them

This. We don’t know what the DH’s MH problem is, but there seems to be an assumption that it’s depression, and that there’s no problem with him working, or being capable of childcare for two high needs children. No consideration that it was the the severity of the MH issue that forced him to stop work in the first place.

Yup. The hierarchy of misery is alive and well.

You aren't answering queries.
I think it's relevant how much savings you have. Are we talking £50 to put electric and gas on or £4,000?
How old are your children? I'm surprised you were turned down for DLA if DC is as bad as you say. I say that as someone who has been through the process.
How ill is your DH? It won't help this week but can you work part time if you don't both need to be at home all the time.
The benefit system is not generous if (on paper your DC is not disabled) you are only receiving UC. DLA opens up a whole raft of help beyond the actual amount received and unless you receive it I think UC will expect you to be looking to work. There are groups that will help with your appeal.
I think as hard as it feels for your family you will not be able to afford any extras for the time being. The system doesn't provide for that, especially without an award for DLA, working is the only way around this unfortunately.

I think one of the problems during the current CoL crisis is that so many people who have never experienced financial difficulties previously are now really struggling. Families who have always been used to having enough income to at least cover their basic needs now find that they can't. They are therefore having to deplete their savings in order to survive and they can see that it absolutely isn't sustainable because at some point, their money will run out. And that's understandably terrifying for them, so they feel that they urgently need help.

What they may not realise is that there is a whole layer of people "below" them in the system, who haven't had enough to meet their basic needs for years and who are now in an absolutely desperate situation. And some of the foodbanks are having to prioritise those people because there just isn't enough to go around for everyone.

The OP's situation sounds really hard, but the reality is that there are many people in even worse situations. And it's shit for everyone who is struggling.

The best thing that the OP can do at this stage, I think, is a) to ensure that they are definitely getting all of the benefits that they're eligible for, seeking professional help with the DLA appeal if at all possible - there will probably be charities that can assist with this; and b) investigating options other than foodbanks such as community pantries/fridges/shops etc which typically cater to people who have a bit of money but are still struggling to make their money stretch to cover all of their costs. If she gets really desperate at any stage, the foodbanks will still be there and she can go back and try again.

Yeah this.

I'm sorry for your situation OP with ND kids, but food banks don't have enough to go round the people who have nothing, never mind those who are "a bit short". You can make cuts to your spending, the folks that need help literally have nothing left.

Your post sounds very tone deaf to the realities of desperate poverty in this country right now.

@SchoolTripDrama thank you so much I will do that. Thank you I really appreciate it xx

You're right, but that is the state of the country right now, unfortunately.

I am regular contact with a lot of foodbanks. Most of them have had to really tighten up on their eligibility criteria because the demand is now totally overwhelming. They are seeing more people with in-work poverty than ever before, as well as their more usual client base. And it absolutely isn't poverty top trumps, but the reality is that the foodbanks just don't have enough food to give to everyone who needs it, so they have to make tough decisions about who can have help and who can't.

It's shit for those who are having to make those decisions, as most of them are doing it because they want to help people in need. It's shit for people who are really struggling but are told that they are not struggling "enough" to get help. And it's shit for the people who do qualify for assistance because their situation is obviously even worse than the OP's.

Foodbanks can't be the solution to a problem on this sort of scale. We need government action to address the challenges that so many families are facing.

but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable.

But it's ok for other people with families to feed? you are somehow more special or deserving to keep your cash stashed away than them?
Jeez.

In our area it’s paediatrician plus one other which can be Ed psych, occupational therapist or SALT so most kids never see a psychiatrist

The OP is scared, that's all.

It is not OK for anyone to be "completely financially vulnerable" but unfortunately, there are a lot of people in that situation right now.