To wish I hadn’t told food bank about my benefits

[AreweCf]

preparing to be slated so putting my hard hat on. DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. He has had to claim benefits (we are definitely claiming all we’re entitled to) but it’s still a huge drop in income. I’m a SAHM to my very high needs neurodivergent DC who are expensive in every way, before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s. Benefits won’t cover all of our rent either. We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long. Now, we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further. All the food banks in the area are the same, and after honestly explaining my situation, they literally expect us to completely deplete our bank account balance down to pennies before they will help us. we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts, but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable. Are we CF’s for asking?

For UC they could get the carers element without even getting carers allowance they just need to show some proof of caring responsibility and any currently undiagnosed conditions if there’s a dla application being processed UC will understand

Most means tested benefits allow limited savings - for example UC is paid at a reduced rate if you have £16000, and in full once you get under £6000, so with no experience, the OP could be forgiven for thinking foodbanks work the same way. I do think the OP is having a rough ride here though. It seems to be mostly about high needs DC and going from an income which provides for their needs to one where you ave to make hard choices that affect them must be horrible. I wouldn’t want to deplete savings down to nothing in the same circumstances either. Some of the sneery replies are unnecessary - MH issues serious enough to affect work must be really difficult for all. I agree with others that maybe local community food schemes may be more helpful. There’s a number of food share/swap apps like Olio too.

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time OP. Unfortunately you need to cut out days out, groups, classes, toys & lessons until outcome of DLA appeal. Focus on the essentials food and heating.
Do you know why DLA was refused? Can you contact citizens advice to make sure you are getting all the benefits you are entitled to.

I am in the same situation as you OP but without a DP/DH, I do have a small amount of money in the bank but at the moment I have more going out each week than coming in. I still wouldn’t go to a food bank, I know of people who are in their overdrafts and search down the sofa for lose change to buy a loaf of bread, unless I get to the stage where I can’t afford food, gas or electricity I won’t go to a food bank. My dc gets high rate PIP/DLA but I use her mobility part to fund a disability car so what’s left doesn’t really cover everything else she needs (we can’t live without a car as rural). For now we get by, we are being more careful what we spend money on, less trips out, no take aways and we buy 2nd hand clothes where we can.

The OP is getting a hard time from some people, but in all honesty they are the ones making it that way. Most people have asked very reasonable questions, and the OP has declined to answer them. That is their perogative, but they cannot then complain that they are being harassed or treated unfairly when they voluntarily posted here asking for opinions.

I'm not going to be defending the benefits system (which is often very poor) or the OP (who is rather evasive at best), but I am going to comment on their statement that "in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable". Of course it isn't ok. It is also not ok for all the other many thousands of people who are completely financially vulnerable, both those on benefits and those working. Your situation isn't "extra special" - everybody has their own story to tell, and it might not be the same as yours, but it certainly isn't less imporatnt than yours.

There are certainly some questions that I'd like to ask the OP, but I doubt they will be answering them. Normally access to food banks is via vouchers which are provided by referring agencies. I assume that they have been told by one of these agencies that they don't qualify. If they were genuinely on their uppers - no money to buy food (which is what many people are) then I cannot understand how they would have been refused help. That would suggest that no matter how hard it may currently appear to the OP, they do have money in the bank, and more than their last pennies. I think the OP fails to realise that many people just as worthy as they think themsleves to be literally have nothing in their bank account.

People have given some good advice here, and more could be given - if the OP actually helped themselves by providing some of the information asked for. Having a pop at people here for asking very reasonable questions (or ignoring them), having a pop at foodbanks for not giving them food when they can't - the OP could help themselves if they recognised that the world doesn't dance to their tune. If they are genuinely struggling and genuinely want help, it would be more sensible to engage and then people might help them more.

But I for one will absolutely not be criticising foodbanks who do a fantastic job in circumstances that I never thought I would see in this country again - families with no money and not a scrap of food in the home - because some random wants to shit stir on the internet. Nobody is a CF for asking for help. They are a CF for thinking that they have a right to demand it when others can't get it because they are special.

Please answer the questions so people can better suggest options.

Can your DH watch the kids? Are the kids at school?

You could work part time or even part time night shift if you wanted and needed the money?

So you don’t think people should use their savings for food? And should use a food bank? what’s to stop everyone without savings using them then?

no wonder the food bank wants to check finances.

No, your post reads as though you can have £16000 savings before they deduct anything. That figure is actually £6000. At £16000 benefit entitlement would be lost.

Not what I said. At all.

I'm sure OP has considered whether it's feasible to work and/or if DH can look after the children by himself currently. They don't have to answer any questions or justify themselves so the same bitches can rip those answers to shreds too.

“wouldn’t want to deplete savings down to nothing in the same circumstances either”

what did this line mean then?

For UC you don’t need to be claiming carers allowance to get carers element but you do need to have an award of the daily living component of DLA/PIP as these are the qualifying benefits. UC won’t award carers element until an award is in place as, if the appeal fails it would result in an overpayment.

it meant that if I had two children with special needs I wouldn't want to be without savings to cover something unexpected arising, connected with those needs. I also said that it was understandable that, never having had to use one, the OP would think eligibility for food banks worked on the same principle as that of benefits. At no point, anywhere in my post, did I give any opinion that that should or shouldn’t be the case.

Her OP kind of reads to me like she sees the children as her responsibility so when he's better he'll be able to go back to work and things will be back to normal.

Yes, this is the downside of social media. It is truly depressing. I don’t know which came first though: has sm impacted on the way we behave or the other way round? I was appalled at the attitude of a young relative who thought it was perfectly legitimate to treat someone with whom they didn’t agree with shocking disrespect. Respectful disagreement has gone out of the window. Prime minister’s question time is awful in that regard - “grownups” exchanging insults and no real debate.

We would all like to have savings but most of us realise that is a luxury and spend that money on food, rather than go to food banks.

I can’t imagine thinking I should deserve food from a food bank when I have money in the bank. High levels of CF there.

Agree that’s not what they’re for. Does your DC get DLA or pip? That should cover most of the extra costs involved in their care. Although I know myself that it doesn’t cover it all.

Yes ours are also seen by the MDT who report back to the psychiatrist. But he/she then has to give the diagnosis/write the disgnostic report.

I'd imagine this is how it works in most places.

I haven't read all the thread but when you have children with disabilities you car just stop the things you are paying out for. Clubs/ groups lessons etc are there for a reason, to help and support the child. They aren't a nice to have they are essential in 95% if cases.

My child will only eat certain foods, he knows the difference. I can't buy the cheaper chicken nuggets or dried pasta as he can tell the difference in smell and texture and will refuse to eat it. I've tried trust me. Same goes for things like toothpaste, shampo and shower gel

I'd love to buy the own brands and reduce my spending but I can't.

Are you claiming pip for your DC's? You say you're claiming everything but check this if they have high dependency needs

CAMHS were not involved in my sons diagnosis either admittedly he was only three when he was diagnosed ,but it went to panel after a period of around seven months of assessment, from various professionals and they all.agreed on diagnosis .

Agree. And I’m amused by the number of people who think claiming child DLA is a breeze if you follow various formulae and submit the ‘right’ medical evidence, or because their child got it with no problems. DLA/PIP/AA are very difficult to claim and child DLA in particular because you have to convince the decision maker that the child has needs significantly higher than a child of that age without the condition. The fact that the OP is having to appeal is evidence of the difficulty in demonstrating that, and doesn’t mean that she has completed the form wrongly or not provided the correct evidence, because these are not the only things used to make the decision. It means that the decision maker doesn’t agree that the child meets eligibility standards.

I’m also amazed at the number of presumably qualified psychiatrists posting. Despite the fact that the OP hasn’t provide any details other than it’s a MH problem, people have assumed it’s depression. And also assumed that despite the condition forcing him to give up his business, he’s perfectly capable of getting another job, or competent enough to look after special needs children while the OP works. If you’ve never had to navigate a significant income drop or the benefits system before, it can be a massive shock. A bit of compassion and understanding for someone who’s reached out for advice isn’t much to ask.

PIP isn't available for children under 16. She has applied unsuccessfully for DLA and is in the process of appealing.

OP, if you haven't already done so, it would be wise to get professional help with your appeal from someone who knows their way around the system.

You can’t claim pip for a child under 16. The OP is appealing a child DLA decision.

FFS I’ve answered you several times now and explained my post. Please stop nitpicking.