To wish I hadn’t told food bank about my benefits

[AreweCf]

preparing to be slated so putting my hard hat on. DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. He has had to claim benefits (we are definitely claiming all we’re entitled to) but it’s still a huge drop in income. I’m a SAHM to my very high needs neurodivergent DC who are expensive in every way, before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s. Benefits won’t cover all of our rent either. We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long. Now, we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further. All the food banks in the area are the same, and after honestly explaining my situation, they literally expect us to completely deplete our bank account balance down to pennies before they will help us. we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts, but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable. Are we CF’s for asking?

The difference between a 'picky eater' and a child with ARFID, is that a picky eater won't starve themselves to death. A child with ARFID will. Dr. Gillian Harris, Clinical Psychologist. BA, MSc, PhD, CPsychol, AFBPsS

But sure, you know better than a qualified clinical psychologist with three degrees. Go back to the cunt farm (thanks to a PP for that brilliant term) and shut and bolt the gate behind you.

Look up the community store

I sympathise with your situation OP.

Could you try a community fridge or the Too
Good to Go app? If/when you do run out of
money, they’ll reassess your situation.

Best of luck.

Maybe there is something in the water or it just COL stress. People are more vicious and nasty for no reason. It's like a sport, they want to antagonise and humiliate the OP as much as possible and then what? You get a fuzzy feeling or have a wank . Why?

OP is DH's business not something you could support with to keep it ticking over while he gets better?

I have mine on the 1st, payday 28th or earlier, I'd have thought most people do similar so the money goes out and you have what's left. Alternative would be taking spending money out, to another account or in cash.

That makes sense as the food bank can’t be expected to help if people have savings. It is supposed to be for emergencies. If you have savings then you need to use them up first.

I'm sorry you've hit hard times OP and I'm sorry some on here have been cruel & unhelpful.

Do you have any friends you can lean on? We are friends with a couple who have a SEN son and wouldn't hesitate to help them pay for his activities etc knowing the difference it makes to him. I realise SEN is an incredibly broad term, and the situations may not compare, but when times are tough, this is the moment to call in your support network.

I hope this is all temporary for you, and you & your family can get back to where you were soon.

Take care of yourself

"In my area a psychiatrist via CAMHS is the only one allowed to give a formal NHS diagnosis of ASD/ADHD etc...

How did you get a diagnosis without seeing one?"

Diagnosis can be given by a multi agency team that doesn't involve a psychiatrist. Camhs weren't involved in my son's diagnosis.

The OP has deliberately not a answered questions:

Why can’t she work?
Can her husband look after the child?
Does she continue to buy toys, outings etc?
Does she has savings? Money in her account and is trying to use it as a budgeting tool?

Not answering the questions allows people to think she has continued to buy toys etc whilst wanting food bank help.

I understand because my DD is autistic and there are several foods she won't eat and what she will eat has to be a certain brand, otherwise she just doesn't eat.
If OP is spending money on classes, days out and toys though she shouldn't be using a food bank. When we were on benefits (admit they were no food banks then) our money went on bills and food for our children, several times DH and I just didn't eat. We didn't have the money for anything extra. So I'm not sure if OP has cut back on these things or not but if she hasn't that's what she needs to do.
Is it rubbish not being able to buy nice things for your children? Absolutely, but food is the priority.
If on the other hand there is no money (doesn't sound like that's the case yet) or food of course you should be able to use a food bank. I don't know if it will help though as your children will only eat certain foods which might not be there.

Yes, they're only for when you're utterly desperate (no food and absolutely no money to buy food), not just when things are a bit tight. A community food hub could be an option?

Yep, and getting angry PP who have different options.

Birminghampicnic - you’re right, people on here really don’t understand! My son with ASD only eats certain foods, as a teen he’s bigger than me, stronger than me. If we run out of that particular food he won’t just have something else, he’ll have a tantrum.
OP - I feel for you, and your kids. Hope it works out for you x

This is exactly the issue.

Your deliberate dodging of questions about savings etc suggests you probably aren't struggling as much as you make out and you are a CF so no wonder they said no.

OP said she can’t work due to caring responsibilities for a disabled dc I think ??

If that is the case then surely people can understand? It’s highly likely to mean broken sleep , extra cleaning, appointments, last minute emergencies, more frequent illness etc. Any spare time that there is it’s not that simple to just get a few hours work because it’s NOT a predictable life when you have a disabled dc.
As a carer you need to prioritise looking after yourself too as if a carer becomes Ill then they’re nobody to look after the disabled person . This is why the UC system doesn’t expect carers to look for work . It’s not a race to the bottom we don’t have to make sure every single person is working 3 jobs and on the verge of collapse you know

It really does irritate me how carers doing a hard job get criticised for not working and claiming money yet working parents claiming up to 85% of childcare costs don’t get criticised but 85% of childcare costs coukd be more the UC a non working carer gets so
Still carers are saving the country money - getting less and doing more but yet, still criticised

@birminghampicnic but the op has a husband who isn't working. She could potentially get a job, depending on his issues, and he could look after the children.

If he isn't able to work or look after the children then they should be claiming pip for him and she should be claiming carers allowance, which she has not mentioned.

Does OP have more than one child? It wasn’t clear from the first post? I’m wondering if it’s more than one child with disabilities. Maybe that’s why ?

The OP hasn’t given any indication that this is the case for her kids though.

I mean, a friend of mine has a son with significant ADHD and has spent money on various things over the years to help him (a keyboard and piano classes, martial arts lessons, special tutoring to try and help him do better at school, etc etc.). They are nice things to do; they haven’t been transformative, however, and he doesn’t stim or self-harm or whatever if the activities are taken away.

The OP’s post does not say whether these are days-out and classes are things that she is forced to keep on with to stop her kids imploding, or whether they are are nice-to-haves that she is kind of hoping might have a therapeutic effect on her kids. We don’t know. You are projecting your own challenges onto her situation without actually knowing anything.

(FWIW, my friend affords her own son’s extras by working full time and balancing her budget carefully, and does not go to food banks or do any kind of mooching).

Even if it is more than one child, the op was expected to care for them on her own while her DH worked so why shouldn't he?

Proviso as I said above, in that if he's not fit to care for them then they should be claiming pip and carer's allowance.

It did sound to me as if there’s more than one child with additional needs-if so depending on level of news this could very well be the reason neither can work if each child needs 1-1 care ?

Hooefully OP can get DLA sorted out

Things may have changed some that time though when OP did that. When I had my dc who are ND it was easier a few years ago when they could be out as toddlers into the double buggy for example - once they get bigger you need an extra pair of hands

If that is the case then she (actually her husband) needs to claim pip and she needs to claim carer's allowance as well.

If her children need such a high level of care they should already be claiming carer's allowance.