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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish I hadn’t told food bank about my benefits

799 replies

AreweCf · 15/04/2023 19:45

preparing to be slated so putting my hard hat on. DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. He has had to claim benefits (we are definitely claiming all we’re entitled to) but it’s still a huge drop in income. I’m a SAHM to my very high needs neurodivergent DC who are expensive in every way, before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s. Benefits won’t cover all of our rent either. We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long. Now, we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further. All the food banks in the area are the same, and after honestly explaining my situation, they literally expect us to completely deplete our bank account balance down to pennies before they will help us. we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts, but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable. Are we CF’s for asking?

OP posts:
FranksOcean · 16/04/2023 01:03

Clymene · 16/04/2023 00:38

Reading the OP's other recent posts I don't think anyone needs to worry about her disabled children

How so? 🤔

transformandriseup · 16/04/2023 01:06

We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long.

Some posters have mentioned savings but it doesn't sound like the OP has any savings at all.

Foods banks were supposed to be a one off emergency resource however with the cost of living having gone up so much I can see why so many people need them regularly. Even if some people are taking the piss there must be many more who's income can't stretch to cover the massive rise in rent/mortgage, food, fuel and energy.

Tourmalines · 16/04/2023 01:07

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 16/04/2023 00:17

OP, I'm sorry that times are tough and I wish you all the best with the DLA appeal. You might also want to look into carers' allowance if you haven't already done so.

Honestly, though, you're taking the piss if you think that foodbanks are for people who still have savings in the bank. Do you have any idea how many people literally wouldn't be able to eat if they didn't have access to the foodbanks? The foodbanks are creaking under the pressure and they absolutely have to prioritise their limited resources for those who are most in need. And while your situation sounds challenging, be thankful that that isn't you for the time being!

This

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 16/04/2023 01:12

transformandriseup · 16/04/2023 01:06

We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long.

Some posters have mentioned savings but it doesn't sound like the OP has any savings at all.

Foods banks were supposed to be a one off emergency resource however with the cost of living having gone up so much I can see why so many people need them regularly. Even if some people are taking the piss there must be many more who's income can't stretch to cover the massive rise in rent/mortgage, food, fuel and energy.

The OP said that they had money in their account. We don't know how much, but clearly, the foodbanks didn't assess them to be a priority.

If she gets to a point later in the month when they have genuinely run out of money and actually can't afford to feed her family, then she can go back and I'm sure that the foodbank will evaluate her situation differently.

A lot of foodbanks don't have enough food at the moment to meet the needs of the people who genuinely can't eat. They can't afford to start giving their limited supplies to people who still have money to buy their own.

AskMeMore · 16/04/2023 01:13

Food banks are struggling to meet demand. They are for people who do not have enough money to eat, not those who want to use their money in a different way.

SheTheKing · 16/04/2023 01:41

Why are you being so rude OP, you asked for opinions. Because they're not the opinions you like you're now kicking off?

If you've got money in your bank you don't use a food bank. It's not there to help you budget.

I know your partner had to close the business because of covid. Why can't he work now? If you need more money you'll have to work for it either one of you. Not rely on food banks just because you've got a budgeting issue. Yes you are being a CF.

Willyoujustbequiet · 16/04/2023 01:59

SchoolTripDrama · 15/04/2023 21:27

Why on earth would a Psychiatrist be involved with a child with special needs?!

My DD has ASD and never saw any psychiatrist!
Also we claimed DLA without any letter. Just sent her Diagnosis report

In my area a psychiatrist via CAMHS is the only one allowed to give a formal NHS diagnosis of ASD/ADHD etc...

How did you get a diagnosis without seeing one?

Okthenhun · 16/04/2023 02:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ashitghost · 16/04/2023 02:19

cuppaandabiscuit · 15/04/2023 22:08

To all the people suggesting her DP become a SAHD so she can work- would you say the same if he was unable to work due to a physical illness? Severe depression can be as crippling as a physical illness and need time for treatment and recovery before the individual is able to carry out day to day activities. Including looking after potentially high demand ND children.
To me this post sounds like a sudden change in family finances that wasn't planned & OP is now trying to see what support is available. She has stated they've cut back on things & have applied for everything they can at the moment. TBH I was shocked when I discovered how stringent food Banks needs to be but now understand this is due to demand far outstripping supply. Which is a shame.
OP - I suggest you look at some of the other services people have suggested and return to the foodbank if your finances deplete further.
I wish you and your family all the best.

What world are you living in? It’s rare to have such crippling depression that you can’t look after your own children. I’ve done it, including when I was so mentally ill I had to be hospitalised. The OP is lucky to at least have a partner. I am a single parent and I had to look after my kids when I had cancer, months of chemotherapy and major surgeries.

Work is good for people and OP or her DH need to work.

Soakitup37 · 16/04/2023 02:20

AreweCf · 15/04/2023 23:29

I found your comment hurtful and lacking of compassion. Neither of us can work, when you can’t work, that is what benefits are for, because otherwise it would be inhumane. If you can work and choose not to, you can’t get benefits! Throw in disabled kids into the mix, their lives are hard enough without being made to feel bad for existing and being a burden on the taxpayers. I’m sorry you are so bitter, you feel like their needs are conclusive of a luxury “lifestyle”

Why can’t you work?

mathanxiety · 16/04/2023 02:42

ashitghost · 16/04/2023 02:19

What world are you living in? It’s rare to have such crippling depression that you can’t look after your own children. I’ve done it, including when I was so mentally ill I had to be hospitalised. The OP is lucky to at least have a partner. I am a single parent and I had to look after my kids when I had cancer, months of chemotherapy and major surgeries.

Work is good for people and OP or her DH need to work.

Shocking but not surprising attitude there.

The husband had to give up work because of his MH problems. You suggest he be left in charge of children whose needs you know nothing about, despite the fact that his illness has effectively disabled him, and that the children's usual caregiver waltz into a job.

'Work is good for people' - the patronising sanctimony of that statement belongs in the world of Dickens.

mathanxiety · 16/04/2023 02:44

TheodoreMortlock · 16/04/2023 00:19

Autistic children famously only eat these types of food, yes. They're always particularly fond of the things which are slippery, slimy, unusually flavoured and texturally complex. Ask any ASD specialist school and they'll tear their hair out about the effect of Brexit on their Spanish ham deliveries. 🙄

As I said in my subsequent post, I didn't mean to be flippant about diet. My post was a sarcastic one in response to a spectacularly ignorant one.

Hmm
sashh · 16/04/2023 04:18

WheelsUp · 15/04/2023 19:53

Ours is called Community Fridge and it's open to everyone regardless of financial status.

I have a local community shop, pay £5 for a year but on your first visit you leave with at least £5 of food.

OP In my city there are at least 7 community shops and 'junk food market' where you pay what you feel. This is about keeping food out of landfill.

Food banks really are for people with empty cupboards and empty bank accounts.

Maybe be thankful you do have something in the bank. Oh and my local shop is also a warm space with a minibus to collect people who can't put the heating on.

Strawberrydelight78 · 16/04/2023 05:11

We have a community fridge accross the road from us. I haven't needed to use it. But often see a queue of people with trolleys in the morning to go in. It's more about reducing food waste. Everyone is welcome no questions asked. There's also a community kitchen and warm spots where you can go in for free soup and food share. But you will have to unfortunately cut out some of your expenses. They honestly don't need so many toy's. The toy my severly autistic son played with the most was a Tonka rescue truck from a charity shop.

Strawberrydelight78 · 16/04/2023 05:17

I always exagerate a bit on mine but be realistic at the same time. My children with disabilities portage worker from surestart told me it needs to be done. To get our children what they need. They're needs change all the time.

MarieRoseMarie · 16/04/2023 05:28

Thread poofed due to “OP mental health” in 5 4 3 2 1…

roseapothecary · 16/04/2023 05:54

@Itsjeremycorbynsfault

I have a 5 year old DS with ASD and a very restricted diet. He would not just eat any food if he is hungry enough. His SN nursery tried this for his first half term before I had to start sending in food as he wouldn't touch school dinners and was going without food all day.

saraclara · 16/04/2023 05:55

MarieRoseMarie · 16/04/2023 05:28

Thread poofed due to “OP mental health” in 5 4 3 2 1…

So it should be. This thread is unnecessarily vicious.

The same points could have been made without the vitriol. OP has a DH with severe mental health issues, and children with disabilities. She doesn't need this.

Okthenhun · 16/04/2023 06:04

saraclara · 16/04/2023 05:55

So it should be. This thread is unnecessarily vicious.

The same points could have been made without the vitriol. OP has a DH with severe mental health issues, and children with disabilities. She doesn't need this.

I agree. They should be fucking ashamed of themselves

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 16/04/2023 06:09

Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 16/04/2023 00:48

Pretty sure if a child is absolutely hungry, they will eat food provided regardless of previously restricted diet

Did you read the comment from the mother whose child ended up in hospital being tube-fed because of ARFID?

ShimmeringShirts · 16/04/2023 06:13

Yeah, absolute CF territory and I say that as someone that’s used a food bank recently too. If you’ve got money in the bank then use it, tough shit if you don’t want to. Good banks are in crisis as it is without people like you thinking they’re viable options to help with budgeting.

ShimmeringShirts · 16/04/2023 06:16

@mathanxiety DS (ASD and restricted eating) will only eat wafer thin ham, does that count? Grin (I know your post was sarcasm, gave me a chuckle though!)

readbooksdrinktea · 16/04/2023 06:19

Food banks are not a budgeting tool.

Optionshighlights · 16/04/2023 06:30

@AreweCf have you tried Too Good to Go? I’ve had some amazing boxes of food from Morrisons for £3. It would be no different, probably even better, than the items from a food bank.

Emigratingimmigrant · 16/04/2023 06:30

Guys, you all need to stop feeding these or they will never stop bullshitting🙄 The site is now basically half made up bullshit