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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish I hadn’t told food bank about my benefits

799 replies

AreweCf · 15/04/2023 19:45

preparing to be slated so putting my hard hat on. DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. He has had to claim benefits (we are definitely claiming all we’re entitled to) but it’s still a huge drop in income. I’m a SAHM to my very high needs neurodivergent DC who are expensive in every way, before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s. Benefits won’t cover all of our rent either. We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long. Now, we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further. All the food banks in the area are the same, and after honestly explaining my situation, they literally expect us to completely deplete our bank account balance down to pennies before they will help us. we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts, but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable. Are we CF’s for asking?

OP posts:
sladys · 15/04/2023 23:54

clpsmum · 15/04/2023 23:52

I am £3k overdrawn and don't have a penny me and my children are not eligible for a food bank apparently. I don't feel sorry for you I'm afraid

@clpsmum why are you not eligible if you don't mind me asking?

TheodoreMortlock · 16/04/2023 00:02

Cornchip · 15/04/2023 23:52

Why can’t your partner stay at home with the kids while you work until his health is better?

Even if you worked part time hours in a supermarket that would hugely help your finances.

Even if she can,
a) it won't resolve the fact that they're going to run out of funds in less than a fortnight before their next payment in
b) it sounds like this would be nowhere near a replacement for the income that has been lost and so even with savings this would leave them in deficit
c) you can't just walk into your nearest supermarket having been out of the job market raising children with SEND and say "hi, I'm skint, please employ me" and get immediate employment.

mathanxiety · 16/04/2023 00:05

Shoelacesundone · 15/04/2023 20:08

I don't see the need to be quite so sharp with OP. Sounds like she us new to benefits and has suffered a huge drop in income. It's entirely reasonable she explores help available. Like her I had no idea that proof of absolute poverty was required. She only asked a question.

THIS ^

Some people here clearly like putting the boot in.

GanjaDhin · 16/04/2023 00:07

I am in the minority, but I think that you should use them if you feel you need to. When you are a little more stable you can contribute to food banks so that others can benefit.

SD1978 · 16/04/2023 00:07

Can you pick up some hours to help cover costs now that your husband is at home full time? That seems like the best way forward surely at the moment to help the family financially?

mathanxiety · 16/04/2023 00:09

lazytownie · 15/04/2023 20:21

the huge bill for their restricted diet,

Why is a restricted diet a huge bill? I would have thought it would be cheaper if restricted to fewer items?

If they'll only eat rib eye roast, sweet potatoes, fresh mangoes, macadamia nuts, caviar, and fresh salmon, and Spanish ham, then the bills are going to add up.

clpsmum · 16/04/2023 00:10

@sladys no idea I contacted my council and they said that there was nothing they could do as I had a days worth of food in my cupboards! One bloody day!

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 16/04/2023 00:17

OP, I'm sorry that times are tough and I wish you all the best with the DLA appeal. You might also want to look into carers' allowance if you haven't already done so.

Honestly, though, you're taking the piss if you think that foodbanks are for people who still have savings in the bank. Do you have any idea how many people literally wouldn't be able to eat if they didn't have access to the foodbanks? The foodbanks are creaking under the pressure and they absolutely have to prioritise their limited resources for those who are most in need. And while your situation sounds challenging, be thankful that that isn't you for the time being!

EasterBreak · 16/04/2023 00:18

I've had a few people wanting to use the food bank that have thousands in savings that they NEED as back up. No love you NEED to use that for a food shop.

mathanxiety · 16/04/2023 00:18

I didn't mean to be flippant there.

But surely you know something of ARFID? And that there are children who cannot cope with even the smallest deviation from what they expect when it comes to food, routines, environment?

TheodoreMortlock · 16/04/2023 00:19

mathanxiety · 16/04/2023 00:09

If they'll only eat rib eye roast, sweet potatoes, fresh mangoes, macadamia nuts, caviar, and fresh salmon, and Spanish ham, then the bills are going to add up.

Autistic children famously only eat these types of food, yes. They're always particularly fond of the things which are slippery, slimy, unusually flavoured and texturally complex. Ask any ASD specialist school and they'll tear their hair out about the effect of Brexit on their Spanish ham deliveries. 🙄

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 16/04/2023 00:19

Cornchip · 15/04/2023 23:52

Why can’t your partner stay at home with the kids while you work until his health is better?

Even if you worked part time hours in a supermarket that would hugely help your finances.

Maybe it's not safe for him to look after the DC on his own. It wouldn't be for me with DS - me being ill is a trigger for his meltdowns, which is why when I had COVID I was in the garden having a Nerf battle every evening rather than risk injury and needing A&E.

TheodoreMortlock · 16/04/2023 00:20

Sorry @mathanxiety, this thread has been such a testimony to stupidity that I thought you were being serious.

FranksOcean · 16/04/2023 00:22

Did the OP explain why she couldn’t work? Did I miss that part?

Nat6999 · 16/04/2023 00:34

Are you in an area where there is a branch of Company Shop? They sell excess produce & end of line stuff, I used to have a card & went every couple of months. I used to buy large tubs of the takeaway curries that Asda stocked then portion them up in to meal size containers, the branded Pizzas were 50p instead of £4, tinned tomatoes in dented tins were 10p, Heinz baby food tins & jars were 10 for £1, Sarah Lee desserts were £1 for catering size packs, washing powder like Daz were £3 for industrial packs, cleaning products were really cheap. I used to spend no more than £40, completely fill my massive freezer & my shelves. They stock stuff from Sainsbuys, M & S, Asda, Tesco & Waitrose. Otherwise have you looked atFarmfoods? I used to shop there when I was first a single parent & skint.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 16/04/2023 00:35

FranksOcean · 16/04/2023 00:22

Did the OP explain why she couldn’t work? Did I miss that part?

She has caring responsibilities for a disabled child, apparently. It isn't clear as to whether he DH could take over the caring role now in order to enable her to get back to work.

I presume that she could at least find a job that would enable her to do a few hours here and there.

Clymene · 16/04/2023 00:38

Reading the OP's other recent posts I don't think anyone needs to worry about her disabled children

cherish123 · 16/04/2023 00:42

I don't think you are cheeky. You need to be able to survive. Sorry about DH. Maybe you would be better working and he would be better being a SAHP - might help his mental health.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 16/04/2023 00:47

Of course they need to be able to survive, but if they have money in their bank account, they don't need to turn to a foodbank in order to do this.

Some of the people who donate to foodbanks barely have anything to spare themselves, but they do it because they know that there are people who wouldn't be able to eat otherwise. How do you think they would feel if the foodbanks started giving out their donations so that the OP can hold on to her savings?

AreweCf · 16/04/2023 00:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 16/04/2023 00:48

Pretty sure if a child is absolutely hungry, they will eat food provided regardless of previously restricted diet

TheodoreMortlock · 16/04/2023 00:50

Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 16/04/2023 00:48

Pretty sure if a child is absolutely hungry, they will eat food provided regardless of previously restricted diet

Oh look it's the 73%

Clymene · 16/04/2023 00:51

Oh you're back @AreweCf! Great

Can you answer some of the many questions you've been asked then?

AreweCf · 16/04/2023 00:53

Clymene · 16/04/2023 00:51

Oh you're back @AreweCf! Great

Can you answer some of the many questions you've been asked then?

you’re harassing me

OP posts:
CremeEggQueen · 16/04/2023 00:58

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 16/04/2023 00:47

Of course they need to be able to survive, but if they have money in their bank account, they don't need to turn to a foodbank in order to do this.

Some of the people who donate to foodbanks barely have anything to spare themselves, but they do it because they know that there are people who wouldn't be able to eat otherwise. How do you think they would feel if the foodbanks started giving out their donations so that the OP can hold on to her savings?

I donate food in the food bank collection when I go to the supermarket because I want it to help people who are struggling.
I know how shit it is to have no money spare, all your bills are covered, but you're trying to scratch a spare pound up as you need some milk.or whatever.
If my donations go to someone who isn't in receipt of benefits, doesn't usually have the need for food bank but finds themselves struggling even if they seem well off usually, I don't mind