To wish I hadn’t told food bank about my benefits

[AreweCf]

preparing to be slated so putting my hard hat on. DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. He has had to claim benefits (we are definitely claiming all we’re entitled to) but it’s still a huge drop in income. I’m a SAHM to my very high needs neurodivergent DC who are expensive in every way, before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s. Benefits won’t cover all of our rent either. We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long. Now, we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further. All the food banks in the area are the same, and after honestly explaining my situation, they literally expect us to completely deplete our bank account balance down to pennies before they will help us. we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts, but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable. Are we CF’s for asking?

I’m involved in the running of a food bank.

We don’t ask any questions. There are one or two who game the system/take the piss/are truly financially incompetent.

But the majority have fallen through the net. For various reasons they can’t work, have been sanctioned by DHSS, relationships have broken up etc.

Most have some sort of home - usually rented or social housing. Those without housing turn up at Church for pay what you feel/can afford meals.

Some self refer ie ask. Others are referred by social workers etc.

I doubt if any have any savings to fall back on.

We didn’t have any restriction on the frequency of requests but a few have caused us to think as have fewer donations and so we now say only every 2 weeks.

Are you cheeky to ask if you’ve savings? Who am I to judge.

I’m just saying because I know how stressful it was when I was having to get referred and go through my life story to get some food so understand why op feels how she does

I found your comment hurtful and lacking of compassion. Neither of us can work, when you can’t work, that is what benefits are for, because otherwise it would be inhumane. If you can work and choose not to, you can’t get benefits! Throw in disabled kids into the mix, their lives are hard enough without being made to feel bad for existing and being a burden on the taxpayers. I’m sorry you are so bitter, you feel like their needs are conclusive of a luxury “lifestyle”

For example a child with the eating disorder ARFID (like my DS) might be severely restricted and only eat certain brands of food - some of which are unfortunately really expensive.

DS currently for his main amount of daily calories eats a specific food from MacDonalds which together with a drink comes to £5.22. Just for one meal for one person. Then factor in the other foods he eats - only Maryland cookies, only a certain brand of noodles I pay almost £20 for 40 packs which he gets through in 2 weeks. Only Weetabix brand, only Kellogg’s Cocopops, only Cadbury chocolate etc etc.

Then factor in on any given day, he might refuse said food and I have to throw entire meals away (when he’s eating actual meals). So with ARFID, you’re not only buying pricey items, you’re often throwing them straight into the bin 😩

You asked a question. 73% say you are CF.

@AreweCf

Dont feel bad and don’t feel like you have to explain yourself
the benefits system is there to support families like yours and we should be proud that we have this system .

Ignore nasty comments. You are doing your best in difficult Circumstances. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad

@SchoolTripDrama my DS has ADHD as his primary need and was diagnosed by a psychiatrist. What an odd thing to get worked up about.
OP, we have DLA for him (we got it when he was in mainstream, too) and we only got it once we went through mandatory reconsideration. Same form, different assessor. It's such a lottery.

"we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further"
You can't use food banks as a regular way to subsidise your costs though, so if you have savings I can't really see how it would help much even if the food bank did give you a couple of food parcels? Unfortunately food banks can only cater for emergency situations, not for a persistent ongoing deficit in income. Finding a local community fridge might be a better option?

I really would get a job.

And I bet that 73% are the type of people who donate to food banks and make a big fuss about it (but buy the very cheapest stuff and secretly begrudge anyone getting something for free and don’t want then to have a choice) or feel that because they’ve donated once that they can judge those using the food bank.

Name change fail?

Such a smug answer. Even if we assume it was that easy to get a job, even if the job started on Monday, it’s not going to help get through the next fortnight is it? All it will do initially is add to upfront costs.

OP - You haven't answered the question as to why you can't work?

Or if you have cut back on luxuries - toys, classes, outings etc or actually stopped them fund food.

I think they're the 73% who think that ND children will eat what they're given if they're hungry enough. In fact I'm pleasantly surprised it's as low as 73%.

What? I have never changed my name. From what?

People just don’t get it do they. My ND child with arfid ended up tube fed and hospitalised people don’t realise the seriousness. I’d have been so judged if anyone had heard me at the food bank specifying brands I needed if they had them

I think you are lolaandbehold

Exactly

??? No I am not.

OP, if your DH is able enough to stay at home with the kids (he’s not working currently either), then you absolutely CAN get a job. Do you not want to/afraid to? You could get something part time to top up your benefits.

Also, do you actually have a diagnosis for your children? It’s not difficult to be awarded DLA with all the right evidential support with your application. I can imagine they might refuse without any medical evidence.

Who is @Lolaandbehold as it is not me.

I have no reason whatsoever to change my name.

I am £3k overdrawn and don't have a penny me and my children are not eligible for a food bank apparently. I don't feel sorry for you I'm afraid

Why can’t your partner stay at home with the kids while you work until his health is better?

Even if you worked part time hours in a supermarket that would hugely help your finances.

Can you get work while your dh looks after your child?