To ask what you would you in this in-law holiday situation of caravan sharing

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

Have a family holiday to Dorset in July at a Haven-type place. We all booked it in September last year. Us (me DH 2 kids) SIL (her, BIL and their 8yo DS) have each booked a 3-bed caravan and FIL (him and StepMIL) have booked a 2 bed. SIL then invited MIL to stay in hers in their 3rd bedroom, for free. MIL is on her own, works minimum wage job and would never otherwise be able to afford a holiday herself, and has told me she is looking forward to having a bedroom to herself.

Our kids are 6&10 and we planned to use all 3 bedrooms in our caravan as we have a boy and a girl and they don’t always love sharing a room on holiday. 10yo DD is also now (fairly) wanting people to respect her privacy especially when she gets changed etc.

So to summarise: at the point of booking, our caravan is technically full, SIL’s caravan is full and FIL’s caravan has 1 spare room.

Except SIL has now invited our 11yo niece (their brother’s DD) and also her adult DD (22) and adult DD’s boyfriend on the holiday. She is the type of person who doesn’t EVER think things through. MIL posted on the family WhatsApp group asking where the new people are gonna stay.

Anyway, FIL has offered to have 11yo niece in his 2nd bedroom. So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours. Otherwise they will have to stay in her caravan and poor MIL will be relegated to the pull out bed in the living room.

Im really annoyed at it all, because if I’m being honest I don’t want ANYONE in our caravan except the 4 of us. We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things.

But I feel bad for MIL that she will be relegated to the sofa. Also, no money is being offered for us hosting extra people and it wasn’t a cheap holiday either.

I want to be able to walk around in my short nightie, fart, talk about personal things with my DH that I don’t want other people to hear, and laze around like a sloth without worrying what other people think.

We already had a wobble over this bloody holiday when we booked it as SIL said to me “Your DD can stay in our caravan, (their) DS will want her there with him” and I had to say no sorry but our DD will be staying with us.

My DH has said he thinks we should say no, it’s our caravan and we booked it without the expectation of extra people. And that MIL needs to fight her own corner. But I think that’s gonna be SUPER awkward and unkind.

YANBU - Tell them to bugger off and enjoy your holiday
YABU - Share your caravan you horrible cow!

She invited them, why can't the adult DD & her BF hire a van and have the one of her siblings

Don't share your individual caravan!

If they must come they can use/get their own one.

Your sil is selfish. Tell her to sort it in her caravan. It’s her problem not yours

"no, that does not work for us, they need to pay for their own accomodation!"

your SIL is a dick and a rude one

Say no. Those bedrooms are very small if sharing the two children will virtually be on top of one another.
Apologise profusely that you can't help out but your two children were looking for some peace and space in this break away so need a room each.
Sounds like there's more than enough extra to fill a caravan of their own between the extras. I get that they'll have to pay but perhaps you could point to some budget friendly options?

I can assure you that the two single beds will push together to make a double, they can take a double fitted sheet with them and if they don’t fancy that then they need to get their own caravan. The bedside table in between the beds will move.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who’d thought that! Does she not have a bedroom of her own in her house? 😂

Is she also someone who has never been on a caravan holiday before, and isn't aware a 2nd/3rd bedroom in a static is far from a relaxing place where you can spread out and chill?

Not your problem, your caravan is FULL.

Im sure there is a 99.9% chance the adult DD’s boyfriend is a lovely young man, and absolutely no risk to kids. But like hell would a man my children didn’t know be sharing such a small space with them. Especially if my DD was feeling too self conscious to share a room with her own DB, why should she be expected to share a bathroom with a stranger? Or risk going out to get a glass of water in the night and bumping into him in his boxers?

I dont get why the options are YOUR sofa bed or the original room allocated for MIL? Surely DN goes to PILs as planned (are they are DGPs?) or bunks in with her cousin (SILs son not your kids). MIL gets her room and the adult couple get the sofa bed in SILs van? They’re the squatters as it were, so they can have the inconvenience of having to go to bed last.

The most I'd offer would be to have their 8 year old boy share with your 6 year old.
That means your son gets quality time with his cousin whilst your daughter retains her privacy.
Not ideal but keeps you from having adults or Veruca Salt in with you.

Bloody hell, I’d rather stay home !!

Maybe the mother in law can stay with you instead of the boyfriend.

But I'd be mad at this whole situation as the caravans were full and if she let others come on holiday then they should sleep in her caravan.

P.s. take it from someone who was a child with a parent with short nighties......no kid wants to see that EVER.

Well this entire holiday sounds like a degree of hell even Danté couldn’t have envisaged.

I’m a bit bemused that your MiL is going to be there as well as her ex husband and his now wife. Unless she’s Demi Moore, that’s a bit bloody weird.

Also who the hell does SiL think she is inviting people to stay in your caravan? Tell her to sod off, honestly I just don’t tolerate cheeky fuckery any longer and will call it out whenever I encounter it.

The young couple will probably be shagging like mad, you don’t want that going on with your kids about, and some random 22 year old guy you barely know in your space - totally inappropriate. Tell them it won’t work for you and that’s it.

Extended family holidays are the stuff of nightmares. It’s all politics and people getting huffy about everything, lazy bastards, moody bastards, messy bastards…basically all the bastards. Then add alcohol and let the fun and games begin.

There is not enough gin in the world to make me go on an extended family holiday!

I’d completely want and need my privacy especially with children of that age. Caravans are even smaller once you’ve been there couple days. We’ve just had similar situation but just questioning if MIL could come (v long story) and we ended up going just me DH and 5 yo son in the end. In hindsight I couldn’t have done it any other way personally for my family

SIL needs to book another caravan for the extra people she has invited.

Similar happened with us last year but only about numbers, nothing to do with I’ll feeling etc. in the end I just booked an extra cheap caravan for sleeping only and we met up in the ‘posh’ caravan for meals etc. personally I would HATE to have my space invaded! I am extremely territorial 😊but not tight - last year I paid for the xtra caravan so no one could complain.

you need to gracefully explain there simply isn't enough space as the caravan is too
small

You have to say no & leave SIL to deal with the fallout or SIL will keep doing this shit and everyone will have to keep contorting themselves into pretzels so she can keep being generous beyond her means

I don't think it's up to you to house extra people someone else has invited. Let them sort it out!

They need to sort themselves out, get a tent or extra caravan if needed.

only compromise I would offer would be letting the 11yo niece share with your dd but only if they get on and she’s ok with it. Def not the 22yo couple.

Admittedly the young couple would have to be very determined shaggers if they are planning to DTD on a squeaky old sofa bed. Even more so if they get a room. Those single beds are about 30cm* wide.

*Well maybe wider than 30cm but not much 😉

I had a similar holiday thirty years ago. If I smell lemon scented washing up liquid to this day, it triggers me! Do everything you can to make this 'holiday' as survivable as possible. Send a text saying that won't work and then drop the rope.

Hopefully this will be resolved but in your shoes I’d pipe up on the family WhatsAp
and say to SiL “please don’t invite extra people without us working out where everyone is going to sleep first”.

hope this situation doesn’t cause extra complications in terms of who’s paying for what. hopefully you can just pay for your own caravan and that’s the end of it.

Who the hell are they to just invite people and say they are going in your caravan that you have booked and paid for. People like this drive me round the bend. Yanbu at all.

Either the adult DD and boyfriend sleep on one of sofa beds or they get they're own caravan. I have slept on the sofa in caravans. I actually prefer sleeping on one to sleeping in a single bed. It's just weird sleeping in a single when your used to sleeping in a double.