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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you would you in this in-law holiday situation of caravan sharing

434 replies

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 10:20

Have a family holiday to Dorset in July at a Haven-type place. We all booked it in September last year. Us (me DH 2 kids) SIL (her, BIL and their 8yo DS) have each booked a 3-bed caravan and FIL (him and StepMIL) have booked a 2 bed. SIL then invited MIL to stay in hers in their 3rd bedroom, for free. MIL is on her own, works minimum wage job and would never otherwise be able to afford a holiday herself, and has told me she is looking forward to having a bedroom to herself.

Our kids are 6&10 and we planned to use all 3 bedrooms in our caravan as we have a boy and a girl and they don’t always love sharing a room on holiday. 10yo DD is also now (fairly) wanting people to respect her privacy especially when she gets changed etc.

So to summarise: at the point of booking, our caravan is technically full, SIL’s caravan is full and FIL’s caravan has 1 spare room.

Except SIL has now invited our 11yo niece (their brother’s DD) and also her adult DD (22) and adult DD’s boyfriend on the holiday. She is the type of person who doesn’t EVER think things through. MIL posted on the family WhatsApp group asking where the new people are gonna stay.

Anyway, FIL has offered to have 11yo niece in his 2nd bedroom. So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours. Otherwise they will have to stay in her caravan and poor MIL will be relegated to the pull out bed in the living room.

Im really annoyed at it all, because if I’m being honest I don’t want ANYONE in our caravan except the 4 of us. We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things.

But I feel bad for MIL that she will be relegated to the sofa. Also, no money is being offered for us hosting extra people and it wasn’t a cheap holiday either.

I want to be able to walk around in my short nightie, fart, talk about personal things with my DH that I don’t want other people to hear, and laze around like a sloth without worrying what other people think.

We already had a wobble over this bloody holiday when we booked it as SIL said to me “Your DD can stay in our caravan, (their) DS will want her there with him” and I had to say no sorry but our DD will be staying with us.

My DH has said he thinks we should say no, it’s our caravan and we booked it without the expectation of extra people. And that MIL needs to fight her own corner. But I think that’s gonna be SUPER awkward and unkind.

YANBU - Tell them to bugger off and enjoy your holiday
YABU - Share your caravan you horrible cow!

OP posts:
pickledandpuzzled · 15/04/2023 16:40

It so annoys me when people take liberties with other people's holidays. Like, they are precious and should be spent the way you want not what someone else wants!

swimlyn · 15/04/2023 16:59

The rule is: They invite, they sort...

user1471538283 · 15/04/2023 17:07

Oh right so you just keep inviting people and then everyone else has to sort it out?

You nee

SittingOnTheSand · 15/04/2023 17:07

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl great result. Agree with getting some family activities booked in during the day. In fact this is exactly what DH and I do when we've been on holiday with the in-laws. Plus make sure the kids have headphones in the car so you can have a little moan and get it out of your system (speaks from experience). We also never shared our car on holiday, for precisely the previous reason. We both needed a good moan before we got back to the holiday let, where we could plaster on a smile and make it through the evening.

user1471538283 · 15/04/2023 17:07

To tell her this is not your problem.

I feel for your MIL though

StripeyDeckchair · 15/04/2023 17:16

SIL did the inviting so she can sort to accommodation without including your space which is for your family

And I would say that quite clearly & bluntly on the group WhatsApp so that everyone knows where you stand.
Suggest she could investigate upgrading to a larger caravan

Ponderingwindow · 15/04/2023 17:17

If there is room shuffling with the ILs, the 22yos should be at FILs, and one of the children should be on the pull-out couch, probably the 8yo.

in a perfect world fil and stepmum and mIL would get along really well, and mIL could go over there and get to escape the chaos SIL has created, but that is unlikely to be comfortable.

I wouldn’t add anyone to yours op

RampantIvy · 15/04/2023 17:17

Good result, and make sure you stick to your guns.

I read so many threads on MN about these stressful extended family holidays, yet don't understand why people can't just say "we are just going on holiday on our own this time"

The more you put your foot down then the more family members won't try and guilt trip you.

Nellieinthebarn · 15/04/2023 17:18

I'd say no to anyone sharing your caravan, your SIL created the problem, she can sort it out. And go on holiday by yourselves next year, this one sounds like a nightmare.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/04/2023 17:28

Netcam · 15/04/2023 10:38

As far as I can see, anyone who does the inviting should be accommodating those people in their own caravans. It is not OK to invite someone and expect someone else to accommodate them. I would just say no, we want our own space, if you want to invite someone that is fine but you need to organise where they are going to sleep as we want to have the space we have booked to ourselves.

Exactly this

Either suggest that she tells the extras to book their own caravan, or better still just stay out of it completely - but I certainly wouldn't put myself out to suit her, especially since you've said she has form for things like this

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/04/2023 17:31

Apologies, OP - I see I cross posteed with your update, which sounds a lot better from your own POV

I'm not sure how FIL will feel about being on his own and listening to all that shagging, but then that's up to him to speak to SIL

Dora33 · 15/04/2023 17:42

I would guess your fil said the 11 Yr old niece could stay with them as that was the only option they would be fine with. I don't think it's fair on him or his wife, if they are expected to have the adult niece ( granddaughter) & her boyfriend instead.

Just say no, you haven't got room for anyone else in your caravan. Don't get involved with making any suggestions on who should stay in fil & smil caravan.

Unfortunately as your mil is invited as a free guest ( even if she was invited 1st) , she'll either have to accept the bed option that sil offers her or not go.
As a guest, you can't really insist what room or bed you get or where everyone else should sleep.

JudgeRudy · 15/04/2023 17:53

You stick with your caravan for your family...and pay for it. Everyone else can do as they wish. Don't feel responsible for MIL.

Make it clear before you go. The other option is someone buys you out and you fk off elsewhere.

whowhatwerewhy · 15/04/2023 18:02

Glad your mil has stepped in it does sound like a good solution.
Hopefully they will also tell sil she has created a big problem and ideally she should think about her actions.

rookiemere · 15/04/2023 18:06

It sounds like a good solution for everyone except FIL and SMIL. If they had wanted another couple in their caravan, they'd have volunteered to have one.
I can see saying yes to a DC, but young adults are often messy and expect to be cooked for and may also shag noisily.

diddl · 15/04/2023 18:16

Poor niece!

Maybe she'll decide not to go.

jenny38 · 15/04/2023 18:36

Another option- tell SIL you can't accommodate extras. MiL keeps her room. Disinvite the shaggers- I'm sure uts uni boyfriend idea ofvhell. Shaggers can house sit for SIL, much more fun for them ha ha

whowhatwerewhy · 15/04/2023 18:36

Other solution DSIL DS on sofa older niece and bf in his bedroom .
Sorry Sil you will all have to go to bed when your DS does as you overstretched the sleeping arrangements 🤣

custardbear · 15/04/2023 20:21

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl - perhaps call the holiday park and see if you can be situated a long way away from the others so you can distance yourselves!
I have to say I hate caravan holidays, they're so squashed and it's ok with your family but not anyone wider than immediate family

Good luck and don't forget SIL caused this shite (my BIL would do the same FWIW! ... 'assume' it's ok to do what the fuck he wants and everyone has to fall in line with him) - it's not your problem and she needs to sort it - don't waiver!

Daffodilsandtuplips · 15/04/2023 21:32

The 22 year old and boyfriend either book their own ‘van or beg, buy, borrow a tent.
Or they sleep on the fold out bed in the lounge.

pizzaHeart · 15/04/2023 21:48

I admire your stoicism OP. I would be booked on a long journey towards North or South Pole (whatever is further ) just after words “ relatives holiday in caravans “ . The idea of anyone except DD and DH staying in a caravan with me ( even my mum or my sister) would be enough for me to start my long journey straight away without even buying insurance.
Are you sure that you still want to go on this holiday? It sounds mad.

Newestname002 · 15/04/2023 23:29

But I fear Sil is not going to like it !!!

Even better.... 🌹

Gingerstars · 16/04/2023 17:44

Why can’t the adult 22 yo & bf they book their own caravan. TBH it’s taking liberties and you shouldn’t feel obliged to take them in. You’ve paid and it’s not on to have them in yours. Plus not safe & insurances affected. You might get into trouble with the park too.

Becgoz7 · 16/04/2023 17:50

I would be so annoyed and I wouldn't want anyone in our caravan either but I think I would have to offer MIL a room with us 😔

Tessabelle74 · 16/04/2023 17:50

And THIS is why we've only ever done one extended family holiday! Never again! I think you should either say no, or offer MIL a room in your van and your kids will have to share

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