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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you would you in this in-law holiday situation of caravan sharing

434 replies

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 10:20

Have a family holiday to Dorset in July at a Haven-type place. We all booked it in September last year. Us (me DH 2 kids) SIL (her, BIL and their 8yo DS) have each booked a 3-bed caravan and FIL (him and StepMIL) have booked a 2 bed. SIL then invited MIL to stay in hers in their 3rd bedroom, for free. MIL is on her own, works minimum wage job and would never otherwise be able to afford a holiday herself, and has told me she is looking forward to having a bedroom to herself.

Our kids are 6&10 and we planned to use all 3 bedrooms in our caravan as we have a boy and a girl and they don’t always love sharing a room on holiday. 10yo DD is also now (fairly) wanting people to respect her privacy especially when she gets changed etc.

So to summarise: at the point of booking, our caravan is technically full, SIL’s caravan is full and FIL’s caravan has 1 spare room.

Except SIL has now invited our 11yo niece (their brother’s DD) and also her adult DD (22) and adult DD’s boyfriend on the holiday. She is the type of person who doesn’t EVER think things through. MIL posted on the family WhatsApp group asking where the new people are gonna stay.

Anyway, FIL has offered to have 11yo niece in his 2nd bedroom. So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours. Otherwise they will have to stay in her caravan and poor MIL will be relegated to the pull out bed in the living room.

Im really annoyed at it all, because if I’m being honest I don’t want ANYONE in our caravan except the 4 of us. We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things.

But I feel bad for MIL that she will be relegated to the sofa. Also, no money is being offered for us hosting extra people and it wasn’t a cheap holiday either.

I want to be able to walk around in my short nightie, fart, talk about personal things with my DH that I don’t want other people to hear, and laze around like a sloth without worrying what other people think.

We already had a wobble over this bloody holiday when we booked it as SIL said to me “Your DD can stay in our caravan, (their) DS will want her there with him” and I had to say no sorry but our DD will be staying with us.

My DH has said he thinks we should say no, it’s our caravan and we booked it without the expectation of extra people. And that MIL needs to fight her own corner. But I think that’s gonna be SUPER awkward and unkind.

YANBU - Tell them to bugger off and enjoy your holiday
YABU - Share your caravan you horrible cow!

OP posts:
dittbtdity · 16/04/2023 17:51

A simple - SORRY THAT DOESN'T WORK FOR US - should do the trick 😜

Mummy2020boy · 16/04/2023 17:51

Maybe I’m just horrible, but I’d tell them to book their own caravan! And have it to yourself. 😂 Especially after just coming back from a haven holiday ourselves, we were happy our MILs had their own caravan and we had our own space come the end of the day!

dittbtdity · 16/04/2023 17:52

MeetMyCat · 15/04/2023 11:34

while it was very generous of SIL to offer to host Stacy, Wayne and Pamela it seems to have created a space issue.

Stacey, Wayne and Pamela - love this! What about Bianca and Tiffany?

Chardonnay, bruno and sue-Ellen

Betty65 · 16/04/2023 17:53

Great to see everyone looking at all the various options to accommodate these unexpected guests.
Never the less, I think either you or DH need to be taking “thick as pig sh1t” SIL to one side and reigning her right in.
How dare she take it upon herself to invite people without consulting the rest of the party. And then to assume that you’ll be happy to accommodate “her” guests in your space and then to put you in this position, to basically look selfish if you don’t go along with her ill thought through plan is outrageous.
I’d give her some feedback as to what she’s done, how she’s made you feel and then suggest she uninvites some or all of the additions, so you’re no longer in this position!

Jeannie88 · 16/04/2023 17:53

The adult daughter and her bf could book their own caravan? Same here, wouldn't want a couple of extra guests either, as you said you want to feel comfortable, also it will be more squashed! X

kierenthecommunity · 16/04/2023 17:54

UnctuousUnicorns · 15/04/2023 10:48

"airbed in your room for ds?"

<chortle> You've obviously never stayed in a static caravan before. Even in the EW ones, there's just about enough room to walk around the double bed, never mind fit an inflatable bed in there. 😅

I also liked the second part about the DD sleeping on the sofa bed

So parents have to go to bed themselves at about 10 or keep their child up until around midnight. That sounds a nice chilled out end to the day 😂

SparklingChampagneAndStrawberries · 16/04/2023 17:55

Just say no. Your SIL invited them, this is her problem to sort, not yours. Honestly, stand firm on this because if you don’t, it’ll be a rubbish holiday. There may be a spare caravan that the extras can book for themselves anyway, suggest that.

suzysnowball · 16/04/2023 17:56

I'd definitely let my dc have their own rooms. Just say no to freeloaders piling in

Iwasafool · 16/04/2023 17:56

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 16:09

UPDATE ALERT

DH has spoken to MIL who is pissed off about the whole thing but doesn’t want to put us out. She is going to try and get the rooms switched around with FIL so that 11yo niece shares with 8yo nephew (SIL can’t mind 11yo much seeing as she invited her!) and 22yo niece and boyfriend (who are according to MN are ‘shaggers’ 🤷‍♀️ ) stay with FIL.

DH is now booking day activities for just the 4 of us. We need to not be too involved with everyone else on this holiday. Which probably defeats the point of a family holiday but Ho early it’s been a hard year for us and I can’t cope with the drama

Poor MIL, can you include her in some outings? Sounds like she needs a break but this holiday isn't sounding great for her.

stacyvaron · 16/04/2023 17:58

NO is a complete answer. You do not have to accommodate her poor planning, assuming it was poor planning and not a calculated move.
If you must explain, how about...

  1. We are on holiday and do not want to host anyone, which is why we didn't invite anyone to join us.
  2. If we wanted the children to double up, we would have reserved a 2 bed rather than a 3, and saved a tidy sum.
3.I'm sorry you didn't think it through before inviting others, perhaps you can pay (or go half with them) on a 1 bed for them to stay in.
Zax · 16/04/2023 17:58

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 10:20

Have a family holiday to Dorset in July at a Haven-type place. We all booked it in September last year. Us (me DH 2 kids) SIL (her, BIL and their 8yo DS) have each booked a 3-bed caravan and FIL (him and StepMIL) have booked a 2 bed. SIL then invited MIL to stay in hers in their 3rd bedroom, for free. MIL is on her own, works minimum wage job and would never otherwise be able to afford a holiday herself, and has told me she is looking forward to having a bedroom to herself.

Our kids are 6&10 and we planned to use all 3 bedrooms in our caravan as we have a boy and a girl and they don’t always love sharing a room on holiday. 10yo DD is also now (fairly) wanting people to respect her privacy especially when she gets changed etc.

So to summarise: at the point of booking, our caravan is technically full, SIL’s caravan is full and FIL’s caravan has 1 spare room.

Except SIL has now invited our 11yo niece (their brother’s DD) and also her adult DD (22) and adult DD’s boyfriend on the holiday. She is the type of person who doesn’t EVER think things through. MIL posted on the family WhatsApp group asking where the new people are gonna stay.

Anyway, FIL has offered to have 11yo niece in his 2nd bedroom. So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours. Otherwise they will have to stay in her caravan and poor MIL will be relegated to the pull out bed in the living room.

Im really annoyed at it all, because if I’m being honest I don’t want ANYONE in our caravan except the 4 of us. We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things.

But I feel bad for MIL that she will be relegated to the sofa. Also, no money is being offered for us hosting extra people and it wasn’t a cheap holiday either.

I want to be able to walk around in my short nightie, fart, talk about personal things with my DH that I don’t want other people to hear, and laze around like a sloth without worrying what other people think.

We already had a wobble over this bloody holiday when we booked it as SIL said to me “Your DD can stay in our caravan, (their) DS will want her there with him” and I had to say no sorry but our DD will be staying with us.

My DH has said he thinks we should say no, it’s our caravan and we booked it without the expectation of extra people. And that MIL needs to fight her own corner. But I think that’s gonna be SUPER awkward and unkind.

YANBU - Tell them to bugger off and enjoy your holiday
YABU - Share your caravan you horrible cow!

Or you could let them all go without you, so you could stay at home and write a book. Cos you sure do like to draw out a story. My head is hurting after reading that lot!

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 16/04/2023 18:03

Whew - NOT a holiday. Go by yourselves next year, nothing is going to make people happy in this situation except un inviting most of them

LindaMo2 · 16/04/2023 18:05

Many caravan sites have single bedroomed ‘pods’ is it worth them getting one of these to sleep in and spending daytime with family? Most young couples need a degree of privacy … (yes, no one wants to hear them shagging, caravans don’t have the best insulation) …

Blueblell · 16/04/2023 18:15

Your caravan will very likely be a double bed plus to small rooms with 2 incredibly small single beds not suitable for a couple (or often even a child)

IKnowItsNotMine · 16/04/2023 18:21

FiL gas bagged the niece quick smart because he doesn’t want to shagging 22 year olds lol !!

DGay · 16/04/2023 18:22

I'd say NO, just like your DH said. Tell SIL that she is the one that invited extra people without checking where they would be staying, so SHE can get them a place to stay. No means no, and if you have to tell them why NO to niece, then tell her. No, your DC will not share rooms.

DGay · 16/04/2023 18:23

YANBA

PollyAmour · 16/04/2023 18:28

This sounds like the holiday from hell.

Why do the 22 year olds want to go on a Haven type holiday? Do they realise they will be sharing accommodation with various in-laws and cousins?

Scotslass171 · 16/04/2023 18:29

Don't think I'd be too happy with a 22 yr old male practically a stranger staying in the same place as a 10 yr old and a 6 yr old. Tell them no and have a word with your mil about it and lay down the law to her saying that she can't just invite others to stay when you hardly know them and if your children's cousin doesn't behave nicely either.

oosha · 16/04/2023 18:39

There is no way I would be accommodating more people in my caravan. I would also be really clear with your SIL that it’s her problems to deal with. She needs to tell the additional people they can’t come as there is no room. Is she stupid?!?!

shatteredmama · 16/04/2023 18:39

Christ no.

This is a SIL problem. She invited extras, that’s on her! She gets to squeeze them all in her caravan or tell them they need to book their own.

Enjoy your space and holiday.

caringcarer · 16/04/2023 18:40

Sorry SiL we are full. You could always pay to upgrade 2 room caravan to 3 rooms then all the problems would be solved. Or her adult DD could find her own caravan. Don't give in and spoil your own holiday.

NowWhatUsernameShallIHave · 16/04/2023 18:49

Why can’t FIL and MIL share or am I missing something

DeadOrchid · 16/04/2023 18:52

NowWhatUsernameShallIHave · 16/04/2023 18:49

Why can’t FIL and MIL share or am I missing something

They divorced years ago.

Robinni · 16/04/2023 18:53

Firmly say your caravan has been booked for your family of four alone and there are no extra bedrooms as the children require one each.

If the 22yo and bf want to come they should pay for their own caravan. They are adults.