Please MN I need some good 'mind your own business' words to send to a 'friend'.
Lets call this friend 'A'. We have been friends for over 20 years with various gaps due to my need to withdraw from her as she's difficult. Lifestyle choices that don't align with mine, playing victim, not liking when I stand up for myself, passing comments on how I parent my child etc. I keep her at arms length for various reasons but mainly due to the impact she has on my mental health.
We have recently reconnected after a few years apart and quelle surprise, the drama has started again.
Friend 'B' has been in my life for the same amount of time and we have a wonderful friendship. She has known A for her whole life and for her own reasons has also had to take a step back from their friendship (Mostly the same reasons as me). They have also reconnected.
My relationship with B is great, we understand that life gets in the way however try to message each other as often as possible and meet up when we can between work, kids, life etc. She has other friends that she spends more time with and i'm absolutely happy with that (it's usually to do things that i'm not keen on anyway but would never begrudge her any other friendships as that's just not who I am).
I have heard from B that A decided to call her and explain that she thinks all 3 of us need to meet up to 'discuss mine and B's friendship as there are clearly issues that we aren't discussing'. This has come as a massive shock to myself and B. A spent about 20 minutes on the phone calling B out on all the stuff she doesn't think is 'healthy' like leaving me out of things, meeting up with other friends, not speaking with me often etc. I have absolutely no idea where this has come from and it then put my friendship with B at risk as she (quite understandably) thought that was how I felt. She also spent time calling B out on all the changes she's made in her life and her passionate views on things which she has never felt that she can express due to how A reacts.
Basically B and I have now had a conversation and are both furious at A for 1. getting involved in something that doesn't concern her as she hasn't been in either of our lives for a few years now and 2. that she felt the need to speak with B without even speaking with me first.
B has been completely blindsided and this is not acceptable.
Basically, I don't want to be unkind, but i'd really like some help with how to broach this with A as i'm angered that even after all this time, she's meddling and attempting to 'fix' things that aren't there?!
A is very fragile after a lot of personal losses and issues so, I want to be careful how I word things however, need her to know that she's crossed a line.
Help!
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