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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate DH playing World of Warcraft

149 replies

FuckThisFuckThis · 14/04/2023 19:24

Honestly he's 34 years old. The default every evening is that he will be sat on his laptop playing WoW from when the kids are in bed. Im so sick of it. And if I ask if he'll be doing it all night its "yes probably, but i don't have to"

But I feel like it's ridiculous that I have to almost book in time for stuff. It's removed the sort of casual time together spent just chatting or watching random crap because if I ask him to watch something with me we have to "watch something" rather than shooting the shit. I just miss the casual Ness of having someone in the room and actually having them in the room.

I feel like this is destroying our relationship. Has anything else had this and successfully turned things around?

For context we have 3 kids, all pretty young and demanding and he definitely pulls his weight parenting wise. Probably not in terms of housework/mental load 🙄 but he does all the food shopping and cooking.

OP posts:
Witchcraftandhokum · 14/04/2023 19:27

Maybe he doesn't want to spend his evenings just watching shit. If there's something you actually want to watch together will he do it then?

Quveas · 14/04/2023 19:27

When you told him all this, what did he say?

Greensleevevssnotnose · 14/04/2023 19:28

Mmm and your on Mumsnet? What's the difference?

Iwantachange · 14/04/2023 19:29

Sounds like u need to find a hobby of your own?

BarbedButterfly · 14/04/2023 19:30

I really wouldn't want to sit watching TV all night. We both game. Why not suggest going put or doing something more interesting. People can have different hobbies

Original poster
FuckThisFuckThis · 14/04/2023 19:30

Greensleevevssnotnose · 14/04/2023 19:28

Mmm and your on Mumsnet? What's the difference?

Im on MN because he's on WoW!

OP posts:
TheRookie · 14/04/2023 19:30

My husband is a gamer and would rather play games/paint Warhammer than sit and watch shit on TV. And I would rather sit and watch TV so we do our own thing, and we do need to 'book' time in to spend together, but it has to be something we both want to do. So we play a board game, or watch a film. My DH can't be arsed just watching TV for the sake of it.

We also always eat dinner alone together like 3/4 times a week if we can, that's our catch up time.

You can't expect him to sit around doing something he doesn't want to do.

Original poster
FuckThisFuckThis · 14/04/2023 19:32

My issue isn't him having a hobby, it's the fact it takes up all our potential together time and he cant just stop. So if a kid wakes up (or 2, or all 3) I have to dash off because hes "mid battle". It just feels really draining on the little time we may have together to talk and just be with each other rather than the kids?

OP posts:
Whinge · 14/04/2023 19:35

It just feels really draining on the little time we may have together to talk and just be with each other rather than the kids?

But he's happy to do something other than WOW, he just doesn't want to sit and watch shitty TV all night. If you suggested board games, a movie, or a Tv series he's happy to switch off and enjoy them with you. How do you spend the evening while he's gaming?

MaroonCow · 14/04/2023 19:36

Had no idea that was still a thing. Next it'll be Second Life.

Have you framed this to him as wanting more time spent together just talking and being? He'll likely take that better than any criticism of the gaming specifically. Explain that you'd feel this way no matter what the activity was.

Cavpoo2023 · 14/04/2023 19:42

@TheRookie my DH plays wargamer and honestly we’ve had to dedicate a room for it. We call it his studio and he doesn’t just play he does podcasts, content and events for warhammer.

@FuckThisFuckThis I didn’t realise when we met that he was so interested in hobbling and after 7 years together and 2 children I’ve learnt we aren’t getting rid of it now. I do prefer it to Xbox gaming though and he does pull his weight with child care but not so much housework.

I think planning time together is the only option really.. I keep thinking we need to do this rather. His hobby is actually hoping to be a somewhat business so I should really make him schedule work evenings as business hours and then other evenings be kept free.

ah the life of a hobbyist’s wife 😩

Hollyhead · 14/04/2023 19:44

Honestly, get in to it yourself - DH and I have had some great times on it over the years. However, it does sound like it's taking over. Maybe agree a couple of nights a week when he doesn't play.

drpet49 · 14/04/2023 19:45

Witchcraftandhokum · 14/04/2023 19:27

Maybe he doesn't want to spend his evenings just watching shit. If there's something you actually want to watch together will he do it then?

This

Mochinated · 14/04/2023 19:47

Him never settling kids in evening is an issue. Doesn't sound equal.

Get your own hobbies e.g writing, crochet, pottery. Join 5-6-7pm fitness classes so you're not even in the house when kids need resettling. So far as quality time to chat with him, book half day off work for date lunches / brunches or spring for date dinners if you have childcare available.

Build a life for yourself

Prahdeepx · 14/04/2023 19:47

There’s a reason they used to call it World of Warcrack. It’s addictive.

But… his chosen hobby is his own business. Would you feel the same if he wanted to paint, or read, or exercise? Is it any hobby that you’d be opposed to, or just this hobby? He doesn’t want to spend his evening watching shitty tv and chatting - he wants to do something else. What the something else is is kinda irrelevant.

OursonGuimauve · 14/04/2023 20:04

Fucking warcraft, ugh. I don't think you can understand how not like a normal game it is until you live with someone who is all-consumed with it and, like, will attempt to play it in the car beside you while you drive them to visit their family and they try to tether to the world's shittest mid 2000s rural 3G on their phones. WoW was a big factor in a previous serious relationship ending, it turned my ex into a turnip. Most of his family were on WoW 8+ hours a day. If you are the kind of person who gets into it it is all consuming (and oh my god if you get stuck with people who won't stop fucking on about their characters to you or raids they have taken part in). DH has some really full-on, extremely immersive nerd hobbies (as do I) and a huge Steam library but I would be so upset if he decided to get into WoW, it's a life changer in terms of the time commitment and how absorbed people get.

MaroonCow · 14/04/2023 20:06

Prahdeepx · 14/04/2023 19:47

There’s a reason they used to call it World of Warcrack. It’s addictive.

But… his chosen hobby is his own business. Would you feel the same if he wanted to paint, or read, or exercise? Is it any hobby that you’d be opposed to, or just this hobby? He doesn’t want to spend his evening watching shitty tv and chatting - he wants to do something else. What the something else is is kinda irrelevant.

I'm going to bet that it would be easier to drag him away from any of those than an addictive interactive MMRPG. There would be frustration, but I swear these games unlock some secret addict part of the brain. They're next level.

Ithurtsthebackofmyeyes · 14/04/2023 20:10

Well, at the first mention of WoW, my fanny would clang shut like a bear trap.

Ithurtsthebackofmyeyes · 14/04/2023 20:11

I had a boyfriend who used to paint those little figures. Awful. He wasn’t my usual type, I was in a strange space when I met him. Funnily enough, the sight of him wearing special man gifting goggle so he could see them better rather woke me up and moved me out of that phase. 😬

Ithurtsthebackofmyeyes · 14/04/2023 20:13

MAGNIFYING! Not man gifting.

lemonyellows · 14/04/2023 20:17

Maybe roll a character and join him

Chattycathydoll · 14/04/2023 20:19

YABU, I love WoW but irrespective I would absolutely hate having to just sit around doing nothing in case my SO wanted my attention. Definitely agree some nights where he has to be available for kid wake-ups, perhaps alternate nights. I’m a single parent so the people I play with know I may need to switch my character to invisible at short notice & I have a character I play that’s got a lot of skills for when I’m ‘on duty’ with DD- I can vanish, turn invisible, hard to detect so I can dip out of combat.

I also use it to play with friends who I can’t always see irl due to my parenting responsibilities. I can’t go out of an evening casually, because I have a SEN kid. So instead we meet online and explore beautiful imaginary places together.

I really hate sitting around doing nothing, passively watching & not engaging like with shit tv. So boring. Would you hate any hobby? If you hate being on parenting duty because he’s playing (which is immature of him) why not suggest the trading of nights?

Fuzzyblank · 14/04/2023 20:21

I’m a 41 year old woman who plays and loves it!
however, my ex was a gamer too and we wouldn’t switch on until kids were in bed and then take turns doing wake ups.
Now my children are pre-teens and as they have abandoned me for their own friends, hobbies and tv programmes I spend many an evening playing. Have even been known to spend a whole Saturday logged in when they are with their dad.
Here I am with my favourite mount 😁

To hate DH playing World of Warcraft
LolaSmiles · 14/04/2023 20:24

You're a bit unreasonable to expect him to not do something he enjoys doing and kill the evening pottering around and watching shit on the telly.

His unreasonable part is him not doing his share of settling the children because he has a game to finish.

Chattycathydoll · 14/04/2023 20:26

@Fuzzyblank For the Alliance!!