To hate DH playing World of Warcraft

[FuckThisFuckThis]

Honestly he's 34 years old. The default every evening is that he will be sat on his laptop playing WoW from when the kids are in bed. Im so sick of it. And if I ask if he'll be doing it all night its "yes probably, but i don't have to"

But I feel like it's ridiculous that I have to almost book in time for stuff. It's removed the sort of casual time together spent just chatting or watching random crap because if I ask him to watch something with me we have to "watch something" rather than shooting the shit. I just miss the casual Ness of having someone in the room and actually having them in the room.

I feel like this is destroying our relationship. Has anything else had this and successfully turned things around?

For context we have 3 kids, all pretty young and demanding and he definitely pulls his weight parenting wise. Probably not in terms of housework/mental load 🙄 but he does all the food shopping and cooking.

My partner and I both game and with no kids can spend a whole weekend playing games.

I thibk if either of us suddenly said we should just sit and chill and shoot shit we'd wonder what on earth we were supposed to do. Discuss politics or climate change? Seems false!

(We do also watch a lot of both good tv shows we like plus background stuff-Masterchef or the news or Sunday kitchen and chat through that or when out on walks)

Shows like "the 2000's" or greatest hits from 1990 are good background to chat about stuff from your youth /past-also interesting tv.

Genuine question - how does that work with hobbies that take you out of the house?

Do you put time limits on it per day/week?

Find out what side he's on eg Horde or Aliance and play the opposite faction and play it yourself and go and gank him lpl

We tend not to. We have a disabled child so we try to both be home as much as possible.

No time limits , just a discussion each evening about what the other wishes to do.

@coffeecupsandwaxmelts

I can't believe this is 50/50. Doubt it would be the same if it were a man trying to stop his wife having personal interests/activities because she ought to be be keeping him company while he idly flicked through the sports channels.

I have been in this same situation, and it ended in divorce.

My EXH gamed from coming in from work until the early hours every day and every waking hour at the weekend too.

I put up with it as I had three children but over the years I came to realise that I was bringing them up on my own.

He could not be interrupted when in a game, even if his parents called him to chat I had to make excuses.

It was a lonely life.

I asked him to stop gaming as he was clearly addicted. He said he would and it didn't even last for one evening before he was back online again.

I asked him to move out multiple times and he now lives round the corner, gaming as much as he wants to.

The difference is that we don't have to take the crumbs of attention between games and we live in a much calmer house too. No more aggressive shouting and swearing at the screen until the early hours.

My advice..don't put up with it like I did before it's too late. Find a compromise if possible.

I wish you luck.

I'm amazed at how low down on their list of priorities spending time with their partners or spouses is for so many people. Why are you with them if you don't enjoy their company, just talking, hanging out together? When do you actually talk, exchange opinions, talk about how your lives are going, make plans for the future?
We spend our lives together. Why would we need to sit in a room together with random telly on and shoot shit all evening?
Once DC are in bed it's an ideal time for us to do things we're interested in.
Some nights one of us is home with DC whilst the other goes out for their hobby. Some days it's the other way round. Some evenings we sit down together to watch something and once we've watched it we chat and have a brew. Some nights we're in separate rooms doing what interests us. Some nights we play a board game, other nights we're in the same room reading/watching things that interest us individually on our laptop/tablet.
Sitting with the telly on browsing whatever crap might be on doesn't appeal to me or DH.

I could not be married to a man who played games I really find it so immature and unattractive it's like having a teenage son not a partner.

Try agreeing to make three nights per week screen free.
Plan ahead, decide on other interesting pursuits.

The other nights, set adult/grown up time limits.
Try gaming together one night. Watch a planned movie together etc.

You don't need to stop World of Warcraft but you can engage in a responsible, adult way.

I had similar but worse.

Hobbies fine.
Hobbies to the exclusion of other things not.
I can understand not wanting to watch rubbish tv, however conversation is an important part of any relationship and household.

Sorry to hear that @Coodawoodashooda I hope you are not still in the same situation.

Enjoying your own space and having lots of independent interests doesn't mean that you don't enjoy your partners' company.

DH and I probably spend more time apart than together as we have totally separate hobbies and interests - that doesn't mean I love him any less than someone who hangs out with their DH every night, it just means our relationship works differently to theirs.

Personally, I would feel incredibly claustrophobic if someone was pestering me to stop my hobbies just so I could sit in the same room as them and watch TV. I don't see the benefit of that and it's not something that I feel improves my bond with my partner.

I'm more than happy to go out and do something with DH, though - so we'll go for meals, walk the dog together, have a day out somewhere or go for a drive and stop for lunch on the way - but at home, we tend to just do our own thing. We don't have DC to worry about so we only have to please ourselves.

Right now, I'm sat downstairs with the dog and one of the cats watching Netflix and messing about on here. DH is upstairs watching a horror movie with the other cats and messing about with his fishing stuff. There'd be no benefit to us sitting in the same room as we'd both have to compromise on what we watched/did and neither of us would be particularly enjoying ourselves.

I was INCREDIBLY lucky that I did not have children with him, and he WANTED a baby. I knew I'd end up with all the work and him doing nothing but game. Leaving for my mother's was the best thing I ever did.

I find this SO strange. You think someone having fun is childish? Gaming has been around for decades now, it's not the hot new thing that all the kids are doing... do you think board games are immature? What about golf, that's a game? Darts?

Both DH and I play WoW, him more than me, so I guess we're better at understanding how it works in terms of timing - if one of us wants to do something we'll just give the other a heads up ahead of when we want to do it so neither of us is in the middle of things. He raids (kind of like, a challenge you can't just stop suddenly) two nights a week and those nights I know he's busy with his mates.

But it requires communication, like any other hobby. If it's affecting his ability to be a partner or to look after his kids, then there's an issue obviously, but it's not the game per se: just his ability to manage his time!

DH and I watch TV separately as we like completely different things so him watching his crap sports and films is really no different to him gaming, both are boring to me. I wouldn't expect him to watch TV with me just for the sake of it.

DH and I frequently play WoW together. I walk around doing stupid shit and he saves me from getting killed. It's fun!

Assuming he raids which is a big commitment. Agree to some nights wow free. It is a huge time sink but hugely enjoyable. Try it maybe?!

Same. My DM is in her 60s and loves to game. It is not just for sweaty teen boys, and never was.

I think it strange too especially considering half of what’s there to watch on the telly is other adults playing games. Sports= games. Bridge of Lies, Unbeatable, Gordon Ramsey Bank, Bake off, strictly dancing, big brother etc= game shows

Why is watching adults play games alright, but playing a game yourself childish?

Because you can interact with the rest of the people in the room when it is on.

Why do people have to be available to interact all the time?

But you can interact with anyone in the room when you are playing a game as well. I’ve done it while my DC play video games.