To hate DH playing World of Warcraft

[FuckThisFuckThis]

Honestly he's 34 years old. The default every evening is that he will be sat on his laptop playing WoW from when the kids are in bed. Im so sick of it. And if I ask if he'll be doing it all night its "yes probably, but i don't have to"

But I feel like it's ridiculous that I have to almost book in time for stuff. It's removed the sort of casual time together spent just chatting or watching random crap because if I ask him to watch something with me we have to "watch something" rather than shooting the shit. I just miss the casual Ness of having someone in the room and actually having them in the room.

I feel like this is destroying our relationship. Has anything else had this and successfully turned things around?

For context we have 3 kids, all pretty young and demanding and he definitely pulls his weight parenting wise. Probably not in terms of housework/mental load 🙄 but he does all the food shopping and cooking.

I’ll raise you Sharkbait 🙂

If I had a partner who spent every single evening gaming, didn't do anything for the children in this time and failed to do stuff round the house/mental load, I'd wonder what the point of being in a relationship was.

Does he have a raid schedule? Raiding is a part where you need 100% concentration but the other bits are more casual ie the 'watching shitty TV' bits of WoW. It sounds like you need to sit down and schedule a 'date night' but I don't think its weird to not want to watch shitty tv if you have other hobbies.

I play with my husband but our kids are either pre teen or teens and spend the majority of their evenings in their rooms. Every now and again they'll play WoW with us.

Why not set out some days where your husband plays WoW and then some days where you spend the evening together?

Massively unreasonable. Why should he sit doing nothing when he has something he enjoys doing waiting for him in another room? You need a hobby or something that interests you.

I've been a warcraft widow with my ex and a proud warhammer widow with my now DH (I can hear I'm spraypainting in the kitchen as I type). If I asked him (or my ex - warcraft was not why we split) if he wanted to do something with me, of course he would and it sounds like your DH is the same, but if you ask 'do you want to sit and mindlessly flick through the channels on the telly because we're too lacking in creativity to think to do anything else' - of course he fucking wouldn't. Most evenings we have the 'do you have plans for this evening?' Conversation and give each other first dibs on our time.

The only time I get resentful of DH painting his models, I've realised, is when I don't have a project of my own on the go.

Jesus Christ. All all the gamers are out in force, aren’t they?

I don’t really watch tv. I’d be annoyed if my partner told me to get off my phone and watch random shit on tv, I don’t want to. I’d rather be on mumsnet to be honest. Surely he can talk to you while on his game?

It's not about the fact he games though is it.

His hobby could be anything and it would annoy the op that he didn't want to instead sit and mindlessly scroll through the channels looking for something to watch.

Yes he should be stopping and doing his fair share of the childcare in the evenings but that's not why the ops frustrated. She genuinely seems more cross about the fact he has something to occupy his evenings and she doesn't.

I'm with you op and having a similar issue at the moment. We used to hang out a lot together, now he's in the same room but may as well not be 🤷‍♀️

I have hobbies but I can still engage with my family life, this seems more all encompassing.

Ha I love WoW and don't see the problem if he's happy to watch stuff with you as long as you agree it - I wouldn't just want to watch random stuff on TV for the sake of it either. Mind you I can normally carry on a conversation while playing and DH is also a gamer so it evens out.

You having to do all the resettling isn't on though, could you talk to him about that so it's more even?

Same here. He's on that, I'm on MN

Picking my battles, one at a time

Not played WoW in years but used to play a lot with DH.

Couldn't you join him?

Maybe ask that you have two nights a week where he doesn't play at all?

I'm sorry, it's awful. My husband was addicted for many years and it's all-consuming and so so depressing. I can only suggest having a really serious conversation about how it makes you feel and if he's not willing to change then I fear you will be unhappy as long as you're together. Sorry OP, sending solidarity

Love a bit of WoW, in fact, my username is derived from a place in the game I used to spend an awful lot of time in.

It is a time drain, but I suggest you join it before you knock it if the alternative is you getting bored. If he is a raider he will have set evenings where raids are happening and they need 100% concentration and can take quite a while to prepare for.

I have made 2 lifelong friends through WoW; it can be that social.

I think the tone you’ve started your post with “Honestly he’s 34 years old” is exactly the reason why it’s becoming a problem. Sneering at adult gamers and making comments about their age as if it is supposed to only be enjoyed by children isn’t on, in my opinion. If the roles were reversed, and you were a bookworm and enjoyed reading a novel once the kids were in bed and he asked you not to pick up a book and instead be available to watch random shit on the telly you wouldn’t see that as a reasonable request. Why shouldn’t someone game, have fun doing something they enjoy, because you want them to be free to watch rubbish telly or chat to you.
My husband and I do almost book time in with each other. If there’s a film I want to watch I’ll say “shall we watch this on Thursday?”, same applies if he wants to have an evening chilling with a bottle of wine. If neither of us have said anything, I can assume he’ll be gaming and I’ll have a nice bubble bath or spend time doing something I enjoy. You can’t expect him not to do a hobby just so that he’s free to chat to you or mindlessly flick through channels on TV, because it’s what you would rather he did.
What would be unreasonable is if he always chose to spend time gaming instead of doing specific things you’ve said you’d like to do. But you’re not asking that of him, you’re just asking him not to game so that he’s available to you. And that’s not fair.

Join in and game with him. It's much more interesting than TV and gives you something to talk about.

I couldn't be with someone who games like this. My ex used to game - built himself a "gaming chair" and would play in his pants most nights. Not sure there's a bigger turn off, tbh.

I mean he should make sure he can help with settling the children if needed, and certainly he should be taking on more of the mental load, but can't see the issue in him gaming really. I hate sitting watching telly, I would rather read, crochet or exercise than watch shite on the telly- can you suggest anything more interesting to do together of an evening? If its just 'don't game' then seems a bit unfair really.

My xh thought he was entitled to a life like that. Selfish pig. Honestly it's so depressing being in competition with a fictitious world. I really feel for you.

You could say the same about a partner who reads though or insists on watching the soaps every evening. Honestly the snobbery against adults who chose to game is bloody nonsensical.

What are your hobbies, then?

Of course it’s about the game. And no gaming is not like any other ‘hobby’.

Gaming is designed to be totally and utterly addictive in a way little else is. They’re designed to create fairly constant releases of dopamine in the brain, a feeling to which the gamer soon becomes addicted and craves.

Anyone can be selfish with their time, but gaming can make people selfish in a way I’ve only seen with other addictions.

Anyone can be selfish with their time, but gaming can make people selfish in a way I’ve only seen with other addictions.

You've clearly never known any cycle enthusiasts.

The fact is the OP is miserable because he has a hobby he enjoys and would rather be engaging in than sitting mindlessly scrolling through netflix looking for something to watch.

Why is watching crap TV that neither of them actually want to watch better than playing on a game he enjoys.

Why is being engrossed in shit tv seen as better than gaming in a fictitious world? Because that’s what the OP would rather her husband be doing, watching shit telly.

I cross posted with you and basically quoted your last sentence. You’re so right. It’s a hobby like anything else and the OP is mad that he spends so much time doing it even though he has willingly said he will do something else if she has suggested something else to do. But she hasn’t she just wants him to watch telly with her.