To hate DH playing World of Warcraft

[FuckThisFuckThis]

Honestly he's 34 years old. The default every evening is that he will be sat on his laptop playing WoW from when the kids are in bed. Im so sick of it. And if I ask if he'll be doing it all night its "yes probably, but i don't have to"

But I feel like it's ridiculous that I have to almost book in time for stuff. It's removed the sort of casual time together spent just chatting or watching random crap because if I ask him to watch something with me we have to "watch something" rather than shooting the shit. I just miss the casual Ness of having someone in the room and actually having them in the room.

I feel like this is destroying our relationship. Has anything else had this and successfully turned things around?

For context we have 3 kids, all pretty young and demanding and he definitely pulls his weight parenting wise. Probably not in terms of housework/mental load 🙄 but he does all the food shopping and cooking.

@Chattycathydoll you're a rogue then? 🤣 You're not one of those who afks behind a tree in a BG are you?

On a more serious note, I've been a WoW player for years. Unfortunately my DH got me into it a whole 14 years ago, and we had a good 10 year stint of it being our main hobby. We raided for 9 hours a week at one point (if you know you know).

We then had our DD and stopped for obvious reasons. Only played casually since.

Thankfully it was our hobby together, and that's the difference. I'd have resented it if he spent all his spare time playing it.

That said you need your own hobby/passion. You also need some time together. Maybe one night a week could be movie night or similar?

People saying WoW is addictive. Well yes it is, but it's not much different to lots and lots of other hobbies. Anything is addictive if you have this 'need' to do it, if the reward is big and you're passionate enough about going for it. Can be as simple as killing a particular 'baddie' on WoW so you pour all your time into the game to get your character strong enough. Not too dissimilar from training for a marathon, etc.

Christ OP. My DH doesn't game at all, and if he did and came up with this shite, I would feel exactly the same as you. How extremely and unendingly unattractive.

@DrPeppersPhD

"Dried up old hags"?

I don't know whether you're a man or a woman but either way, what misogynistic language.

I agree. One hundred percent.

I threw him out. Now he can game 100 per cent of his life, instead of 99 per cent.

My marriage ended due to my ex husband having a gaming addiction. I absolutely did not mind him gaming as long as he helped me with the housework and earning a wage. He did neither of those things, and I told him that he needed to cut back on his gaming time and help me in the house. I told him I was fed up of him being on it all the time and that I felt completely neglected.

He cut the gaming time down because we should have hobbies, but he was an addiction. After a month of helping me in the house and gaming less, it creeped back in again and that was it. He stopped showering, ate shit food and I could stand and talk to him and he wouldn't even realise.

I left, and divorced him. He didn't think I would do it until I went to visit my mother, and never went back.

I like gaming, and I game, but it's a couple of times a week at MOST, and I take care of my responsibilities FIRST.

I'm actually somewhat amazed that the split is 52/48 on this at the time I make this comment. Restores my faith a little!

This post could easily have been made by my partner. I am a WoW player. I'm in an LTR, we own a house and live together, we don't have kids. We both work from home, see each other throughout the day and eat breakfast, lunch and dinner together. We spend all day around each other at weekends/on bank holidays and do things as a couple. I do my share of chores around the house and help to provide a good life for us. We have a great relationship by all counts. I work out and am successful, motivated and driven in all aspects of my life. I do a technically demanding job and enjoy gaming to relax in my spare time.

WoW is a social outlet for me. I have good friends that play and it's interaction that I enjoy. We talk on Discord, laugh and have fun. I raid for four hours 4 nights a week, later on in the evening. During that time, I am committed to the game and have to be paying attention. Naturally I take nights off here and there for social events, gigs, work trips, birthdays, Valentine's day etc - basically, if there's something explicitly scheduled I don't raid, but if there's nothing scheduled I will be there. On nights I'm not raiding I sometimes play the game anyway, I sometimes don't.

My partner prefers to sit on the sofa and watch TV, and has complained in the past that she doesn't think we spend enough time together. My response is always that I will happily do things like watch a specific movie with her, go out for dinner, see friends together, go to shows/gigs/the cinema, go on holiday etc, but if nothing is scheduled I prefer to game as opposed to watching rubbish on TV. I have asked if she'd like to game with me, but she has no interest in it. I have tried to encourage her to develop other hobbies or friends of her own, but she doesn't have much interest in that either.

I guess my point is that spending evenings together watching crap on TV is not often the way I want to relax after a long day. We do it sometimes, but not regularly. My opinion is that we both like different things and it's perfectly OK - we're adults in a relationship who live together and spend time together. We don't have to be joined at the hip.

Of course I do care what she thinks, but I also believe it's fundamentally quite unreasonable to expect me to stop doing something I enjoy just so I can do what she enjoys instead. I'm happy for us to do things we both enjoy together. I don't expect her to come and game with me as I know she doesn't enjoy it.

I feel your pain. To see your crying baby be ignored because of gaming commitments is heartbreaking.

This thread is also full of dried up old hags who evidently don't actually know how video games work. You know women play video games too and girl gamers have been a common thing for many, many years, right? Or did you just step out of the 1950s where "naice" girls didn't do that and martyr chic was the fashion of the era?
Wow. There's so much misogyny here!

I don't game and have no interest in it.

I also think OP is unreasonable to expect her DH to read her mind and sit around shooting the shit instead of doing something that interests him (be it a game or anything else that interests him). The OP and DH need to talk about what their evening plans are and openly communicate so that everyone's needs are met.

I also think that her DH is very unreasonable for using his gaming as a excuse to get out of looking after the children on an evening. It's just a game, and if the DC need a parent it shouldn't fall to one parent all the time because the other makes an imaginary world his priority.

Not giving an adult a free pass to prioritise an imaginary world over his whole family is not about being a martyr. It's about having common sense

I find it weird when adults play computer games.
Make a rota of nights when he plays and nights you watch a film together?

@Whatkindofuckeryisthis why is it weird?
Because it's 'for kids'?

I think that poster had a nerve touched by the poster they responded to who said “This thread is so obviously full of boring men defending gaming and the man’s right to a hobby.” It read to me like they were being sarcastic because they were upset at someone assuming only men would respond how you and I have- by saying OP is unreasonable in some ways. I don’t think they really think anyone is an “old hag” it read like I’ll take your “boring men” and dial it up a notch to show how ridiculous & sexist your comment was.

I don’t agree modern games are designed to increase play time. There would be no profit motive. In fact, for subscription based games to maximise profit you’d want people to play a moderate amount but become invested in long term quests or projects so as to keep playing month after month. That way you can host the maximum number of paying subscribers.

But you do not want players on the system at addiction levels of 9-16hrs a day because that costs you (the game creator and host) more money because for every player playing at addiction level, that’s one fewer paying subscriber you can host.

The games are designed to have goals and rewards so you feel good playing the game (as with most hobbies), and the goals and rewards require long term effort and planning so you keep paying the monthly subscription. That’s it. They don’t want you on there most of the day every day, they want you to come back regularly for years.

It’s the same with most hobbies. You have long term rewards and goals to work towards to keep you invested into doing it for years.

L3ThirtySeven
Oh right. I see your take on it and hope that's what they were trying to achieve.

It's hard to tell on gaming threads because there's a lot of misogyny in the gaming community from what I've heard and the idea of miserable women who don't understand the life shattering importance of a raid seems quite common among some gamers.

The OP and her DH are being unreasonable in different ways and both need to communicate and compromise to have a healthy relationship

I just don't - and never will - get it. Grown men (and women!!) playing for hours and hours every night, ignoring their kids?

Ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.

The default every evening is that he will be sat on his laptop playing WoW from when the kids are in bed. Im so sick of it. And if I ask if he'll be doing it all night its "yes probably, but i don't have to"

So, what's your response?

Do you tell him you'd rather do something else? Do you ever make plans to get a takeaway or watch a film together or do you just want him to sit and watch crap TV with you night after night?

It's massively obsessive and selfish to do something that excludes your partner every night, he needs to compromise

Yes, I agree there is a lot of misogyny in the gaming community which is still male dominated.

I thought you nailed it on the head by pointing out it all boils down to poor communication.

@Disneyblueeyes Rogue Squadron calling in! Lol. My SO (we don’t live together) and I play as night elf rogues, makes it easy if DD wakes so I can invis and stick it on follow while he leads us to safety.

When I’m not on solo parenting duty I get to be a hunter but the level disparity shows how little time I actually get to do that 😂

Still really don’t get why people hate games because it’s fictional but gladly
watch movies which are also fictional. Given I can sit down for an hour of WoW with my friends and partner or watch Avatar alone for 3 hours… I still don’t get why that’s supposed to be better lol

It's equally selfish to expect your partner to ditch their hobby to sit and do something they hate, surely?

I do understand op. My husband played wow in his younger days and wouldn't go back as it became an obsession. He still games now , daily , but rarely plays games that he cannot pause. As a couple with a family I don't think it's appropriate to spend huge blocks of time on anything that you cannot put on hold to care for your children's needs. The same rule applies to me with my hobby.

Just personally find it weird! Wouldn’t be attracted to a man who played computer games that’s all.

I'm amazed at how low down on their list of priorities spending time with their partners or spouses is for so many people. Why are you with them if you don't enjoy their company, just talking, hanging out together? When do you actually talk, exchange opinions, talk about how your lives are going, make plans for the future?

Even when people are saying he shouldn't spend all his time gaming, it's about settling the children, not about spending time with his wife.

Where's the companionship in these relationships?

Not too dissimilar from marathon training? Erm there’s a massive difference! One involves you sitting looking at a screen on your bum!!