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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD wants BF to come on family holiday with us

253 replies

Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 18:24

Hi everyone please honest opinions good or bad
My husband and I are going to Dubai end of September & have told my DS22 & DD19 if they are free they can come however they have to pay for their own ticket/accommodation at hotel all well & good & they agreed.
Today DD19 said she wants her bf19 to come as well but as he can’t afford to pay for his ticket/accommodation if we can pay & if not she will pay towards it but not all of it 😳 which I didn’t think was fair at all as it looks like he wants a free holiday out of us.
So now DH & DD are at loggerheads with each other over this. DD is saying she don’t want to miss out on the family holiday & she really wants to come to Dubai & how will having her bf there affect things but husband is saying he wants to go there to relax as the holiday was only intended for us as a family & even if he does pay why should he come on holiday with us when he’s not invited. So who is being unreasonable

OP posts:
saraclara · 14/04/2023 22:24

PhillySub · 14/04/2023 22:19

The thread is about a family going on holiday. The OP didn't mention anything about sex. The ridiculous part of the thread is you going off at a tangent

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I've lost count of how many posters have said they won;t be able to share a room etc. Avarua is perfectly entitled to let them know that they're all talking bollocks

Dibblydoodahdah · 14/04/2023 22:25

Sorry I meant Avarua2 was responding to that and they are absolutely right.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 14/04/2023 22:35

@Safarigiraffe

Ask her if she realises she's acting like an entitled spoilt brat Hmm

The offer was for her and her brother to come if they pay for themselves.

Regardless who is offering to pay for her bf he isn't bloody invited end of.

I wouldn't budge on this one.

JudgeRudy · 14/04/2023 22:36

TigerTea3 · 14/04/2023 22:11

Limited opportunity for drinking and sunbathing? You do know that this is what most young people do in Dubai don't you? Beach clubs are ten a penny in Dubai. There's a new one opening up every week with free drinks for the women on ladies day and all you can drink brunch deals on weekends. You might want to give it a kiss in the summer though!

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Oh I didn't realise it was that touristy! My friend went about 8 years ago. Sounds loke the old 18-30 hols 😖. Definitely not where I'd want to hang out with my mum, dad and brother! No wonder she wants her BF there.
I was surprised about the shared bedrooms though. I stand corrected.

Sierra26 · 14/04/2023 22:41

its obvious you’re not being unreasonable, I don’t understand why you’re asking here

she said she was crying at work over it? Wtaf . For her to actually tell you that as a bargaining chip is embarrassing, v childish and immature

shes an adult, her bf is an adult. Neither of them are behaving like one. Treat her like an adult and expect her to start acting like one

MrsMikeDrop · 14/04/2023 22:54

I'm confused that you are taking your children on holiday, yet they have to pay for their airfare and accommodation. Obviously BF is leech, red flag right there!

Mari9999 · 14/04/2023 22:58

The only thing that you are providing to any one is the opportunity to be there when you are there. Does she not realize that if she saves up a bit, she and her BF can go at anytime that they so choose?

As you are not paying anything for anyone, this is a conversation that she should have with someone else.

daretodenim · 14/04/2023 23:07

I cannot for the life of me imagine going on a holiday with my girlfriend's parents and brother and having my girlfriend pay for my flight and accommodation, with her parents topping it up, then the parents paying for me for food and entertainment out there!

And if this is only from DD, then presumably he'd be MORTIFIED she's even suggesting it. So I don't believe it's only coming from her.

She's still young, although maybe has a bit more maturing to do than many her age. One day she'll look back on this and think "What on earth was I doing?!"

ScottishHolidays · 14/04/2023 23:12

I think it’s difficult. Do they live together?
My partner and I have been together since 19 and I was invited on all holidays from day one and vice versa. They covered absolutely everything and still insist on doing so now we’re mid 20s.

My mam wouldn’t dream of inviting me for lunch without the invite extending to my partner. We’re a family

But also if you’re not paying for her why would you pay for him? Are their finances fully joint meaning if she goes it’s affecting both of them?

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 14/04/2023 23:13

Veryxonfused · 14/04/2023 21:45

I find it weird that your daughter is mature enough to hold a full time job but immature enough to cry at work & throw a tantrum when she doesn't get her own way. I can’t imagine a 19 year old woman crying at work because her parents won’t pay for her bf to come on holiday, madness

I suspect that she wasn't 'crying at work'. What she was doing is telling her parents that she was crying at work in an attempt to make them feel really bad about denying her bf a holiday.
In other words - she's lying.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 23:14

ScottishHolidays · 14/04/2023 23:12

I think it’s difficult. Do they live together?
My partner and I have been together since 19 and I was invited on all holidays from day one and vice versa. They covered absolutely everything and still insist on doing so now we’re mid 20s.

My mam wouldn’t dream of inviting me for lunch without the invite extending to my partner. We’re a family

But also if you’re not paying for her why would you pay for him? Are their finances fully joint meaning if she goes it’s affecting both of them?

They do not live together both live at home it’s one thing to invite him for lunch/dinner and another to pay for his flight, accommodation, food drink & entertainment thrown in

OP posts:
Thepossibility · 14/04/2023 23:15

I would tell her that I am losing respect for her boyfriend if he feels entitled to a holiday funded by his girlfriend's parents!
When they didn't even offer!
It isn't a good look at all. Major ick

Mama2six · 14/04/2023 23:21

She is being manipulative. Why would you offer the cheapskate boyfriend help to go on the holiday when you’re not even paying for your own children. She needs to wake up. Also seems really clingy that she can’t leave him or is him putting pressure on her I wonder? Either way you are NOT being unreasonable

Stripedbag101 · 14/04/2023 23:27

ScottishHolidays · 14/04/2023 23:12

I think it’s difficult. Do they live together?
My partner and I have been together since 19 and I was invited on all holidays from day one and vice versa. They covered absolutely everything and still insist on doing so now we’re mid 20s.

My mam wouldn’t dream of inviting me for lunch without the invite extending to my partner. We’re a family

But also if you’re not paying for her why would you pay for him? Are their finances fully joint meaning if she goes it’s affecting both of them?

That sounds very intense. Inviting a teenage boyfriend on family holidays form ‘day one’.

sounds like both sets of parents really
wanted you to settle early - my parents would never have invited and paid for a new boyfriend to come on a family holiday, especially not when I was a teen and in first year at uni!!

maybe it’s a cultural thing - but on day one this was a stranger to them. I

and why wouldn’t your mum invite just you to lunch occasionally- again is this cultural - you can’t spend time with your mother without your partner?

IsolatedWilderness · 14/04/2023 23:31

Why isn't he paying for himself? I hope he doesn't take advantage of DD financially.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 14/04/2023 23:35

I would absolutely say no to her. If you say yes and If he cannot pay then she does but if he has no money how is he going to cover food drink and activities. I would say a firm no not on this occasion and she is old enough to decide to go elsewhere with him if this does not suit. His coming will affect everyone else and change the dynamic of the holiday.

queentim · 14/04/2023 23:40

Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 21:42

To be fair I doubt that her bf would say to her not to go I think dd is just being manipulative over this and saying she cried at work to get us to change our minds

Hell no YANBU. It's a FAMILY vacation. She wouldn't also be able to bring a girlfriend along for a family trip so why is she behaving like this over her bf (is this her first bf?).

I'd give my DD a telling off for trying to be manipulative. If her and her BF want to be grown-ups they need to behave like grown ups and set priorities. If you can't afford a vacation, you can't go.

There's no way in hell my parents would have allowed a boyfriend on a family vacation, especially at 19. No ring, no bring.

Sailawaytocromer · 14/04/2023 23:52

YABU to go to Dubai on holiday for a multitude of ethical/moral reasons.

Mistressofnone · 14/04/2023 23:57

CantFindTheBeat · 14/04/2023 21:27

Can you afford to pay for your DD and DS?

If you could, then I think you should be,

I agree. I can't imagine inviting my kids on this sort of holiday and making them pay!

As for the BF though, how would it look to your other child if you funded this rando's trip and not theirs.

JennyJenny8675309 · 14/04/2023 23:59

Botw1 · 14/04/2023 18:33

I dont understand the dilemma really.

Hes not invited and you're not paying.

So he doesn't come.

Exactly. Also, why would BF want to go when her parents don’t want him there? Tell her he isn’t invited and she can be uninvited if she continues with this nonsense.

Gagaandgag · 15/04/2023 00:02

Why don’t they just go on their own holiday together?

BlackBarbies · 15/04/2023 00:10

Why do people think a 19 year old can’t afford a ticket and accommodation for Dubai?! Not everyone goes to uni, some teenagers do work full time…

AngryBirdsNoMore · 15/04/2023 00:16

SunnySaturdayMorning · 14/04/2023 21:44

I don’t think it matters that they’re in full time employment. They’re your kids and you’re pegging it as a family holiday, so you should be paying for them.

Fuck paying for the boyfriend though Confused

agree.

HikingforScenery · 15/04/2023 00:17

ScottishHolidays · 14/04/2023 23:12

I think it’s difficult. Do they live together?
My partner and I have been together since 19 and I was invited on all holidays from day one and vice versa. They covered absolutely everything and still insist on doing so now we’re mid 20s.

My mam wouldn’t dream of inviting me for lunch without the invite extending to my partner. We’re a family

But also if you’re not paying for her why would you pay for him? Are their finances fully joint meaning if she goes it’s affecting both of them?

I hope when my DC get to the age of having partners, I can still take each one out to 1 to 1 meals, etc. How does going for lunch with your mum without your partner negate the fact that you’re a family? I’d be concerned about the potential of a controlling relationship tbh

ShannonMcFarland · 15/04/2023 00:17

Well, if you do pay for him at least he's on hand if you get the holiday horn.

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