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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD wants BF to come on family holiday with us

253 replies

Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 18:24

Hi everyone please honest opinions good or bad
My husband and I are going to Dubai end of September & have told my DS22 & DD19 if they are free they can come however they have to pay for their own ticket/accommodation at hotel all well & good & they agreed.
Today DD19 said she wants her bf19 to come as well but as he can’t afford to pay for his ticket/accommodation if we can pay & if not she will pay towards it but not all of it 😳 which I didn’t think was fair at all as it looks like he wants a free holiday out of us.
So now DH & DD are at loggerheads with each other over this. DD is saying she don’t want to miss out on the family holiday & she really wants to come to Dubai & how will having her bf there affect things but husband is saying he wants to go there to relax as the holiday was only intended for us as a family & even if he does pay why should he come on holiday with us when he’s not invited. So who is being unreasonable

OP posts:
CantFindTheBeat · 14/04/2023 21:27

Can you afford to pay for your DD and DS?

If you could, then I think you should be,

Ktime · 14/04/2023 21:29

Yes OP, undo the years of hard work you’ve done to raise self children into self-sufficient adults by starting to pay for your full time employed adult children’s holidays Hmm

IsThePopeCatholic · 14/04/2023 21:34

Ah, Dubai. The land of inequality and exploitation, where slebs love to go and where mere mortals follow. Where human rights are treated with contempt. Sorry, I got side tracked. I hope the bf goes somewhere else.

44PumpLane · 14/04/2023 21:35

Does your daughter know that in Dubai there would be no hand holding, kissing or room sharing?! She's unmarried!

But no, YANBU!!

Stripedbag101 · 14/04/2023 21:37

This reply has been deleted

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TigerTea3 · 14/04/2023 21:37

To those saying that it's illegal for the daughter to share a hotel room with her BF are wrong. It's no longer illegal for unmarried couples to live together or share a room and sex outside of marriage isn't illegal either - you don't have to be married to have a baby in Dubai. Long before the law changed, it was still absolutely the norm for tourists of the opposite sex to share hotel rooms with no issues. Dubai really isn't at all like the Daily Fail would have you believe.

NadjaCravensworth1 · 14/04/2023 21:37

Ktime · 14/04/2023 21:29

Yes OP, undo the years of hard work you’ve done to raise self children into self-sufficient adults by starting to pay for your full time employed adult children’s holidays Hmm

I happily paid to take 2 of my self sufficient adult daughters on holiday with me, why is it such a horrific thing to do? Ok fine if you don't want to but if you can afford it and are happy to pay it's not exactly going to ruin 20 years of parenting. Mine stayed self sufficient, responsible adults when we got back 🙄

NoDrinksForMe · 14/04/2023 21:38

Haven't RTFT but I would be worried about DDs bf potentially being controlling/emotionally manipulative.

Why is she so upset about him not coming? Crying in work is a massive overreaction. Has he said she can't go if he isn't going?

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 21:42

To be fair I doubt that her bf would say to her not to go I think dd is just being manipulative over this and saying she cried at work to get us to change our minds

OP posts:
Notjustabrunette · 14/04/2023 21:42

PeloMom · 14/04/2023 20:46

She may want to read up on law in Dubai and unmarried couples. Regardless, it’s a family holiday. She is being unreasonable. It’s sad she’s sad but that’s life

You may want to read up on Dubai law and unmarried couples.

Avarua2 · 14/04/2023 21:42

This thread is ridiculous. You can of course share a hotel room as an unmarried couple in Dubai. The Sex Trade there is off the charts; there are sex workers everywhere. The world congregates there for it. The hotels know this; the authorities know this. The 'morality police' isn't as much of a thing as contributors here really think.

as they are not married there is no room sharing in Dubai, or any sort of public touching, kissing etc PSML.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 14/04/2023 21:44

I don’t think it matters that they’re in full time employment. They’re your kids and you’re pegging it as a family holiday, so you should be paying for them.

Fuck paying for the boyfriend though Confused

Truestorypeeps · 14/04/2023 21:44

I thought paying for your children was in the spirit of a family holiday... Not the bf mind. That's the main draw of a family holiday for a young adult!

Veryxonfused · 14/04/2023 21:45

I find it weird that your daughter is mature enough to hold a full time job but immature enough to cry at work & throw a tantrum when she doesn't get her own way. I can’t imagine a 19 year old woman crying at work because her parents won’t pay for her bf to come on holiday, madness

DailyCake · 14/04/2023 21:46

Theskyoutsideisblue · 14/04/2023 20:00

Dubai is a shit destination. Sorry but it is.

I agree. And expensive. Best thing was the trip out to the sand dunes.

ShonaShoop · 14/04/2023 21:48

44PumpLane · 14/04/2023 21:35

Does your daughter know that in Dubai there would be no hand holding, kissing or room sharing?! She's unmarried!

But no, YANBU!!

Since when?

My DS and his girlfriend holidayed in Dubai, recently. They had no problem booking a double room in a hotel. They weren’t handcuffed and arrested for sunbathing in their swimsuits either 🤔

Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/04/2023 21:48

Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 18:37

Well we have said absolutely not and now she’s said she’s missing out on a holiday and that we are being very unreasonable. Plus she was crying at work & is very upset

Why is she missing out on a holiday, when as an adult she could perfectly well book her own holiday with him (and preferably something cheaper where there aren't likely to be issues over them sharing a room)?

As for "crying at work", maybe suggest she comes up with a less manipulative story next time

HernamewasNOLA · 14/04/2023 21:49

I don’t think YABU, but I don’t get why your DH has said it would ruin the family holiday when it was originally intended for just the two of you anyway. How long have they been together?.

Ktime · 14/04/2023 21:50

NadjaCravensworth1 · 14/04/2023 21:37

I happily paid to take 2 of my self sufficient adult daughters on holiday with me, why is it such a horrific thing to do? Ok fine if you don't want to but if you can afford it and are happy to pay it's not exactly going to ruin 20 years of parenting. Mine stayed self sufficient, responsible adults when we got back 🙄

Show quote history

But that’s you. OP has said she expects her dc to pay for themselves and they have agreed. People telling OP she should be paying seem to have issue with that.

Mumsanetta · 14/04/2023 21:51

Are you seriously asking if you should just suck it up and part pay for this prince amongst men? Or are you disappointed that your DD has turned into a spoilt, manipulative madam?

JudgeRudy · 14/04/2023 21:53

I get that all families are different but this is an odd dynamic. I'm assuming it's going to cost 1 or 2 £k each, and both your son and daughter have said 'oh yes, we'd love to come' and are willing to pay.
Ask once if BF can join you, but don't ask again. She got her answer....and asking if Dad will pay is ridiculous.
Does your daughter understand about Islamic culture? It might even be illegal for them to share a room if they're not married. They'll be limited opportunity for drinking or sunbathing and she would be advised to have either her brother or her dad with her at all times outside of the hotel.
She'd be better taking her money and going elsewhere, just the 2 of them. If she decides to join you ensure she understands the true cost of the holiday and pays upfront.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 21:57

HernamewasNOLA · 14/04/2023 21:49

I don’t think YABU, but I don’t get why your DH has said it would ruin the family holiday when it was originally intended for just the two of you anyway. How long have they been together?.

DH did not say it would ruin the holiday he said he wants to go there to relax & the bf isn’t invited to come along - how long they have been together is irrelevant as it don’t mean he can have a paid for holiday

OP posts:
TigerTea3 · 14/04/2023 22:11

JudgeRudy · 14/04/2023 21:53

I get that all families are different but this is an odd dynamic. I'm assuming it's going to cost 1 or 2 £k each, and both your son and daughter have said 'oh yes, we'd love to come' and are willing to pay.
Ask once if BF can join you, but don't ask again. She got her answer....and asking if Dad will pay is ridiculous.
Does your daughter understand about Islamic culture? It might even be illegal for them to share a room if they're not married. They'll be limited opportunity for drinking or sunbathing and she would be advised to have either her brother or her dad with her at all times outside of the hotel.
She'd be better taking her money and going elsewhere, just the 2 of them. If she decides to join you ensure she understands the true cost of the holiday and pays upfront.

Limited opportunity for drinking and sunbathing? You do know that this is what most young people do in Dubai don't you? Beach clubs are ten a penny in Dubai. There's a new one opening up every week with free drinks for the women on ladies day and all you can drink brunch deals on weekends. You might want to give it a kiss in the summer though!

PhillySub · 14/04/2023 22:19

Avarua2 · 14/04/2023 21:42

This thread is ridiculous. You can of course share a hotel room as an unmarried couple in Dubai. The Sex Trade there is off the charts; there are sex workers everywhere. The world congregates there for it. The hotels know this; the authorities know this. The 'morality police' isn't as much of a thing as contributors here really think.

as they are not married there is no room sharing in Dubai, or any sort of public touching, kissing etc PSML.

The thread is about a family going on holiday. The OP didn't mention anything about sex. The ridiculous part of the thread is you going off at a tangent

Dibblydoodahdah · 14/04/2023 22:24

@PhillySub it wasn’t @Avarua2 going
off on a tangent. Loads of people have spouted complete crap on this thread regarding unmarried people sharing hotel
rooms etc in Dubai. PhillySub was just responding to that.