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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to live with my child again?

325 replies

Namechangeteach · 14/04/2023 11:53

This an attention seeking, goady title, sorry, but I've posted about this situation before and got no responses so I'm deliberately braving it in here. It's likely to be long in order to avoid drip feeding, but I'm happy to clarify details I may forget.

As mentioned, I've posted of this before, and I've namechanged because this is outing and I don't fancy the rest of my posting history being attached to this issue.

Long story short, some time ago, earlier this year, my eldest DS had some sort of meltdown. For context, DS is (now) 16, he turned 16 a few weeks ago. His father and I split before he was 2. Ex was/is abusive, coercive, controlling and a true narcissist. I am still processing and working through the trauma the relationship left me. I have, however, been extremely happily married to my now DH for 10 years and we have 3 younger DC together: 1 teen and 2 primary aged. DS1 always lived with me/us, and called DH dad through his own choice, though he knows he is SD and has had mostly regular contact with his father.

DS1 was diagnosed with Asperger's aged 5 and has struggled socially and educationally comensurate with this, though he is academically very capable. He is deeply embarassed by his diagnosis, despite our best attempts to destigmatise. We have always accepted and loved him the way he is, however he has also always been an extremely difficult child - beyond that expected with an ASD diagnosis. He is manipulative, deceitful, has been violent when younger, has a history of stealing and of making false accusations of abuse/discrimination in order to deflect from his own misdemeanours - this has been aimed at multiple adults over the years: teachers, step-parents and parents. Living with him has for some years been fraught with tension, due in part to us being on edge waiting for him to do something anti-social, and in part to our fear of enforcing any sort of boundaries because, for many years now, this has resulted in false accusations of physical abuse. He has never been abused, physically or otherwise.

Most recently, I was the one chosen to feel his wrath. It's never been me before. After several incidents at school regarding violence and their suspicion of him vaping/selling vapes on site (I've since found out he is/was, but they've not been able to catch him in the act) I removed his phone. I don't routinely check my teens phones as feel at 15/16 they deserve some privacy and we have solid restrictions in place on them, but he was extremely angry that I'd dared to take it to look as this is 'controlling' He responded by leaving the house at 11pm and going to his Dad's, where he then reported me to the police for an 'assault' that is entirely fabricated. I was arrested the morning after, held for 12 hours and interviewed under caution. I was then released on bail, with conditions that state I am not able to have any direct or indirect contact. This restriction seemed awful at first, but has possibly been a blessing in disguise.

As my username suggests, I am a teacher - well, still a student. I'm half way through SCITT. This investigation has meant I've not been allowed in any schools at all, my training is on hold. I've had to go on medication for anxiety and developed PTSD and agoraphobia. It's been horrendous. DS1 has been placed on a CiN plan whilst at his Dad's - our DC here have no SS involvement at all. It's now approaching my bail date, and DS1 has been messaging DS2 on snapchat. This means there's no trace of their conversation, but DS2 says that DS1 is miserable. He hates his life at his Dad's, he hates his SM and he desperately wants to come home. He claims that 'when' the police ask him if he wants to proceed with prosecution of me, he is going to decline (I'm well aware that's not how this works, but he genuinely believes he can choose whether to press charges or not: too much American TV/films). He has asked DS2 to ask DH and I if he can come home.

So, AIBU to feel like I have to say that no, this can't happen? My youngest DS has ASD too and has found this life change very difficult already. My DD is younger still and I am loathe to model acceptance of such coercive behaviour in the home. DS2 doen't deserve to be used as a go-between (I have not responded to/via DS2 at all and won't do so. I also wouldn't stop him talking to his brother though). My career may well be in tatters before it's even begun and I don't think I could ever relax and feel sure that I won't face this sort of 'punishment' from DS1 again. I've missed him terribly the last few weeks, but I've also slept so much better and I don't feel a constant anxiety when the phone rings of 'what now?' My SCITT have been fantastically supportive and will welcome me back to finish the course when the investigation is concluded with NFA, I would be terrified constantly that it would be ruined again. Not to mention my DH who has been an incredible support, but there's no denying he's found this extremely difficult. Without asking, I know he'll support my decision making either way, but I also know he would also be inclined to want to say no, though he'd be loathe to say it out loud. In short, I think we've all been through enough over the last decade.

But... I'm still DS1's Mum. The thought of him being miserable hurts deeply. I obviously want to make that go away. I just have no idea what to do. Am I being selfish?

Appreciate all viewpoints, but please don't be deliberately unkind, I am still very delicate. Thank you.

OP posts:
hattie43 · 14/04/2023 16:33

No . Don't let him back . He had behaved atrociously and this is about the whole family aswell . What if he raises more allegations, what then if someone start's believing him . No it's just no.

pikantna · 14/04/2023 16:33

Fidgety31 · 14/04/2023 14:59

My oldest has ASD amongst other issues. I couldn’t and didnt give up on him though even after all the problems he caused, for me and his siblings, over many years .

A friend of mine did give her child up for similar reasons - and that child then spiralled out of control - felt excluded in favour of the ‘new husband and kids ‘

Sounds like your son is crying out for you - and your response is to push him away even more . Very sad situation .

It would be interesting to know how your other children felt about that.

niugboo · 14/04/2023 16:35

Namechangeteach · 14/04/2023 16:10

Thank you all. It's simultaneously reassuring and also quite sad that you all agree that my gut reaction is the right one.

Since posting earlier, DS2 and I have had a good chat about not having untraceable contact with DS1. He's blocked DS1 on snapchat and for various reasons I trust him not to undo this. I've told him he can always talk to his brother (realistically, I cannot stop this at the moment due to the school thing, so I need to be careful not to be painted as being controlling by banning it altogether) but it must be in ways that we can keep track of. As mentioned, he is fully aware of the implications and why I've said that and will keep DS1 blocked. He knows he can never suggest that I've responded to DS1 through him (I haven't) and why. He's a very astute teen and has seen in many ways how his brother treats people.

I've also spoken to the police to have it noted on the case that DS1 has tried to indirectly ask to come home. Obviously he is allowed to try and contact me, but I made it clear that I haven't responded and won't respond. The call operator assured me that this detail will be passed on to the relevant officer.

Finally, I messaged the social worker who had been involved. I don't know if SS are still in regular contact (the CiN recommendation was the last I heard but I don't know for sure that this was accepted and ongoing) to ask what to do about the attempted contact. I'm awaiting a reponse but obviously this isn't a priority.

To the PP who expressed surprise that DH would 'allow' DS1 back, I just want to say, he would not want to at all. But, the man is a saint and he loves DS1. He would do/give anything to ensure me and the DC are happy, even if that meant he wasn't. He's put up with so much, I won't be asking him what he actually thinks about this. I know what the right thing to do is, I was just seeking reassurance, because despite everything I think I will always feel like I've failed. I hate to think of DS1 'spiralling' as others have wisely noted may be inevitable. But, as you've all said, he is in the home of his other parent and I have 3 DC here who need and deserve to have a healthy, happy childhood. I think DS1 has had us moulding family life around his whims enough now.

I won't abandon him, I will always be here if and when he wants to apologise, take responsbility and rebuild our relationship. But I don't have to be his emotional punching bag in order to do that, do I?

You’re pretty great you know. Trust your judgement.

Madamecastafiore · 14/04/2023 16:40

You can't through no conditions you've put in place but those that are imposed on you due to his actions. So it's not you making the decision that he can't come home so you're not being selfish at all.

Take this time to heal yourself and your family, he'll get his time when he's admitted the allegations are false and shown appropriate remorse. Until then he'll have to be miserable.

palelavender · 14/04/2023 16:44

Don't listen to people wittering on about him being a child and not understanding the gravity of his actions. I think he is perfectly well aware of the gravity of his actions. He will not hesitate to make more accusations given the chance. I think you owe it to your husband, who does sound saintly, and your other children to not let him back to live with you ever again. I do not think your son is a nice boy deep down. I do not think he is fixable or would wish to be fixed. I agree with the posters who said this is not "just" autism. Sometimes, mental issues seem much easier to fix than say somebody who has a life-limiting illness but those mental issues can be just as intractable as physical illness. I think you have to accept that and save the rest of your family.

NotAHouse · 14/04/2023 16:46

Namechangeteach · 14/04/2023 13:18

No, I've not been sure it's just autism for a long, long time.

Show quote history

May I suggest Borderline Personality disorder? The lying especially reminded me of my personal experiences with someone suffering from it.

Gymnopedie · 14/04/2023 16:51

My DC are so precious to me. I love all of them endlessly.

OP no-one doubts that. But sometimes love isn't enough.

wishmyhousetidy · 14/04/2023 16:53

RedToothBrush · 14/04/2023 13:47

You have a duty of care to your younger children. Focus on this.

Your son has demonstrated that he is a risk to both their emotional and financial security as well as yours. He has abused you. It is not remotely selfish to think you do not wish for him to return to your home for that reason.

Hopefully the charges against you will be dropped, leaving you free to return to work.

The reason he wants to come home, is because he doesn't have the same freedom / power over others at this Dad's. He clearly needs these stronger boundaries. The whole thing about him wanting to return is about him wanting back that control. He is top dog in your home. With his Dad, he hasn't got that preordained status. He has to reestablish himself. He is also the youngest, most junior household member. There is no one else to compete with or otherwise fight for your attention for. He HAS his dad's attention even when he doesn't want it. There is no power game to play at his Dad's. He associates the chaos /drama etc with recieving attention. Thats how he gets more. He can't do that at his Dad's in the same way. You and him are almost locked into this permenant battle for control of his behaviour. He hasn't established his relationship with his dad in this way. He boundary pushed with you, because he knew exactly where the boundary was, how far he could and what he could - until he went too far. He's now found a boundary he can't push back on. Your relationship with him can't be easily reestablished because he's broken it - he's put you in a position where you can't trust him and you can't give him the benefit of the doubt. He NEEDS someone else to show him a different way otherwise he'll slip back into the same habits and routines.

You are not throwing him out. You are not making him homeless. He has a secure home to live in where there aren't any other children present. His Dad can give him full attention without having to consider splitting time with others.

The best thing you can do as his mother is to recognise this at this point.

This arrangement works better for all - including him, especially him, in the long run. With the exception of his step mum. No one who cares about him wants to see this spiral further out of control as that looks like prison.

You need to start framing it in this way, both to yourself and to your children.

Your eldest son has significant additional needs which are hugely impacting on you and the other kids. You haven't got the time/ability to focus solely on your son to the degree he needs. He may not agree with this, but his Dad is better placed to be able to provide the level of support he currently needs. He has a SW who is identifying that there is an ongoing problem and an inability to accept the truth, and a diagnosis which is flawed. Given that he has fabricated lies against you, you don't have a choice but to think about how this impacts on your younger kids in a negative way. He may percieve this as controlling, however the control lies with him because he has created a situation where you could potentially lose your career, income and liberty. You are having to do this, precisely because the situation became out of your control. Its not your wish for things to end up like this. Even now you don't know if you will be able to resolve this incident at this stage. Hopefully you can, but you simply can not allow it to reoccur because of the severity of the implications for him and for you. You do not have a choice for this reason. With his father he has a stable home, he is safe and he is still loved. This isn't about you rejecting him, this is about you now adapting to a reality which poses a threat to you. You still love him, but living with him isn't working. He is now 16, and another incident could also mean he ends up in prison, which is also not what you want. You need to break the cycle you have all ended up in, and the way he sees his relationship with you. You can't continue to be his physical and emotional punching bag because he's not coping with life. And crucially, you DO have an alternative. Thats really a blessing that many others don't have.

I think this CAN be talked though with your DC2 in this way. It will be hard, but you need to stress how it will benefit DC1 in the long run and you are hurting because of it too. You have to give him a little tough love, to help him. And it is still love.

Your son has to be able to demonstrate something has changed. He has to work on his relationship with you now. It can't just be you doing all the work on the relationship. He is old enough to make these decisions himself too, even with an ASD diagnosis. He can't just walk back in the door as if nothing has happened.

Think about it, don't blame yourself for it. There is a point where others have to also step up, rather than it all resting on your shoulders. Thats him, his Dad and the other support from SS etc that he has.

The very best and most loving thing you can do as his mum is let him have the treatment he needs. Which you are not well placed to give. Don't have Mum guilt over that, because its really hard to accept its a problem bigger than you can handle alone. It shouldn't be for you to handle alone either.

Focus on your other responsibilities of picking up the pieces and carrying on for you and the rest of your family.

We are going through a similar situation- violence, rule breaking , probably personality disorder or depression, accusing us of emotional abuse. Love my child to bits but time they took some responsibility in the relationship, blaming everyone else in#stead of looking at their behaviour
I don’t know whether you are a psychologist but I shall adapt that response and use it. Thank you

GGBOY · 14/04/2023 16:53

I wouldn’t have him back ( ever) and I wouldn’t feel bad about it. Seems he needs specialist help.

Mendholeai · 14/04/2023 16:53

I know of a similar case- teen got validation, sympathy and popularity through making accusations. Obviously, once the dust settled and the sympathy went away they were in a worse situation with nobody who had their back.

Teens exaggerating how bad their homelife is for sympathy us very common. This boy has a diagnosis and history of extreme behaviour so it’s not a total surprise that this gas happened. He has learned a valuable lesson. It won’t be long until he is an adult and at that point, maybe some reconciliation can occur.For now, protect yourself and your children.

ShimmeringShirts · 14/04/2023 16:53

Having experience with a DS that has ASD and cries abuse at every single boundary enforced - don’t let him come back. It absolutely destroys the family, ASD or no you can’t have someone that is abusive in your life and the other children don’t deserve to live with that either.

Sending a lot of love and strength Flowers

Ooolaaaala · 14/04/2023 16:55

Bamboux · 14/04/2023 16:28

I know he's your son, but I think it is time for you to step back. His housing situation is not your responsibility - indeed, at the moment you cannot have any input.

He has got away with a lifetime of appalling lies and accusations and has continued with this behaviour because he's allowed to get away with it.

Some people are dangerous. They don't acknowledge or apologise, ever, for the harm they've done to others. They genuinely don't care. It doesn't keep them up at night, they are interested only in what they want and what benefits them.

Your son hasn't done something stupid (e.g. stolen a car, sold drugs) which has indirectly caused you grief. He has directly and personally harmed you. You say yourself he has not and will not admit that he lied or apologise. Even now he is trying to blackmail you for his own benefit.

It's a mistake to assume that people like that feel the same way about us as we do about them - that they are troubled and remorseful and eaten up with guilt, but deep down, really love us.

People who really love each other might hurt each other inadvertently or recklessly, but not deliberately and coldly.

Lines have been crossed here and I think you need to stop thinking about e.g. where he lives as your problem to solve. It isn't. Your problem to solve Is how you keep yourself, your other children and your husband as protected from his intentional harm as possible.

Show quote history

I agree with this 100%.

I think you need to prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

I think at 16 he is only getting started - this is the thin end of the wedge.

If he has an undiagnosed PD it will only become more entrenched as he collides with the hurdles and realities of the outside adult world. Substance abuse, toxic relationships, crime and conflict etc are a very real likelihood.

Look at what PP have endured with their DCs as it goes into adulthood.

Assume the worst here and don’t bring any of it under your roof to your younger DCs. -either physically or emotionally - which means an emotional detachment by you so that his issues are highly compartmentalised and contained and don’t consume the household. You likely will need some professional counselling support to help you with any guilt and to build your resilience so that you can put in huge boundaries.

I would change my mindset now to that the focus is to protect and rebuild your younger children’s emotional life and that you are just ‘managing’ the older son and keeping his highly complex needs away from the family and directed / signposted to external agencies / MDTs who are appropriate to manage the scale of his extensive issues.

Ooolaaaala · 14/04/2023 16:57

Namechangeteach · 14/04/2023 16:10

Thank you all. It's simultaneously reassuring and also quite sad that you all agree that my gut reaction is the right one.

Since posting earlier, DS2 and I have had a good chat about not having untraceable contact with DS1. He's blocked DS1 on snapchat and for various reasons I trust him not to undo this. I've told him he can always talk to his brother (realistically, I cannot stop this at the moment due to the school thing, so I need to be careful not to be painted as being controlling by banning it altogether) but it must be in ways that we can keep track of. As mentioned, he is fully aware of the implications and why I've said that and will keep DS1 blocked. He knows he can never suggest that I've responded to DS1 through him (I haven't) and why. He's a very astute teen and has seen in many ways how his brother treats people.

I've also spoken to the police to have it noted on the case that DS1 has tried to indirectly ask to come home. Obviously he is allowed to try and contact me, but I made it clear that I haven't responded and won't respond. The call operator assured me that this detail will be passed on to the relevant officer.

Finally, I messaged the social worker who had been involved. I don't know if SS are still in regular contact (the CiN recommendation was the last I heard but I don't know for sure that this was accepted and ongoing) to ask what to do about the attempted contact. I'm awaiting a reponse but obviously this isn't a priority.

To the PP who expressed surprise that DH would 'allow' DS1 back, I just want to say, he would not want to at all. But, the man is a saint and he loves DS1. He would do/give anything to ensure me and the DC are happy, even if that meant he wasn't. He's put up with so much, I won't be asking him what he actually thinks about this. I know what the right thing to do is, I was just seeking reassurance, because despite everything I think I will always feel like I've failed. I hate to think of DS1 'spiralling' as others have wisely noted may be inevitable. But, as you've all said, he is in the home of his other parent and I have 3 DC here who need and deserve to have a healthy, happy childhood. I think DS1 has had us moulding family life around his whims enough now.

I won't abandon him, I will always be here if and when he wants to apologise, take responsbility and rebuild our relationship. But I don't have to be his emotional punching bag in order to do that, do I?

But I don't have to be his emotional punching bag in order to do that, do I?

No because that would be failing him as much as you.

LexMitior · 14/04/2023 16:58

No. Resolve the issues your son has created and resume your career. He will, if let back into your home now, ruin the rest of your life.

A false allegation of assault is grown up stuff. It could ruin you. He may not like being at his dad's but the damage he has done, and still could do, means that there is no reason to let him back.

He doesn't get to choose whether you get prosecuted or not. Sounds like in terms of attitude he has learned nothing but feels sorry for himself.

OneLittleFinger · 14/04/2023 17:00

OP, my sister isn't nearly as bad as your son but take my story as a warning.

My older brother has a personality disorder or some sort. After our father died, when I was a young child and he a teenager he treated our mother appallingly. No violence, but the verbal.and emotional abuse was horrendous. He also treated me badly too (understatement of the year!). She was so scared she'd lose him she accepted it all and would often desperately appease him to my disadvantage, telling me I had to accept it else he'd be upset. So not only did I suffer directly I suffered through my mum as well.

I put up with it for far too long, until I had my own child who I was unwilling to sacrifice as well. My mother can't understand why I'm low contact with her.

What I'm trying to say is that by not standing strong on this you risk losing your other children.

Createausername1970 · 14/04/2023 17:05

You need to wait and see what happens in court. It maybe that he is not allowed to come back to you.

I suspect he said what he said in anger. My DS was out of his head in A&E once, about the same age, and told everyone very loudly that my DH had been abusing him from a very young age. When he finally landed back on planet earth the following morning and I told him what he had been saying, he was absolutely horrified and mortified and made it very clear to anyone and everyone that he didn't mean it. I pointed out to him in no uncertain terms that if it came to it, and DH and DS couldn't reside in the same house, then it wouldn't be DH moving out and he had effectively put himself into care. Thankfully, it wasn't taken further - but no doubt it is on file somewhere.

This was a massive shock to his system and although we have had other situations I could have done without, it never escalated to this level.

As you say, its a blessing in some ways that he can't return home now. As to the future, never say never. He is still young and probably younger emotionally for his age.

In the same circumstances I would want to know he understands (or has some conception of) the enormity of what he has done and that it has damaged you personally, financially and career wise. I would agree to him coming back for a couple of day visits to see how he behaved and what he had to say for himself, before agreeing to anything further.

At 21 my DS is nothing like his 16 year old self and he says he was stupid then. I have a great relationship with him now, so it maybe that your relationship is salvageable given time and space.

Createausername1970 · 14/04/2023 17:07

I should have said "we have a great relationship with him" and DH does too, although it took him a while to put those comments aside, even though he knows it wasn't done maliciously.

CaveatmTOR · 14/04/2023 17:12

In reality, I think you would be stepping up as a parent by not having him back. This is a chance for him to learn. He almost certainly won't but if you buckle, he is learning that being an arch manipulator pays.

I would never be able to sleep at night with him under my roof but I think at some point, once you can, I would try and get him to put in writing that he lied. I would not ask this as part of a deal that involves him moving back in.

Be prepared for him to end up in the legal system. As a PP put it, this is him just getting warmed up I imagine.

Dibbydoos · 14/04/2023 17:14

Hi OP, my DSs psychiatrist (CAMHS) told Mr that many people with ASD really gave a hard time dealing with ut. My DS used to say there was something wrong with his head - my DH stopped him hitting himself in the with a hammer at the age if 11 before he was diagnosed. Roll on 9 years and my DS def has issues, doesn't get somethings, has a real lack of risk awareness, but he is working and doing well.

Your DS needs some time to deal withthe consequences of his actions. He has to stay at his dad's. You shouldn't put yourself and others at risk of his behaviour and like you say the younger DCs are picking up on his behaviour - he's by far a good role model right now. So say NO he cannot come home. He chose this path and needs to come to terms with how his poor choice of behaviour and deception has lead to this. Of course once things are settled with the case, you can see him again but I personally wouldn't rush and I definitely would not have him back with you. Make sure he knows you love him, but your hands are tied by what he has done.

I sincerely hope the police do not progress this. It's madness.

Wishing you the best of luck xxx

Ooolaaaala · 14/04/2023 17:20

OneLittleFinger · 14/04/2023 17:00

OP, my sister isn't nearly as bad as your son but take my story as a warning.

My older brother has a personality disorder or some sort. After our father died, when I was a young child and he a teenager he treated our mother appallingly. No violence, but the verbal.and emotional abuse was horrendous. He also treated me badly too (understatement of the year!). She was so scared she'd lose him she accepted it all and would often desperately appease him to my disadvantage, telling me I had to accept it else he'd be upset. So not only did I suffer directly I suffered through my mum as well.

I put up with it for far too long, until I had my own child who I was unwilling to sacrifice as well. My mother can't understand why I'm low contact with her.

What I'm trying to say is that by not standing strong on this you risk losing your other children.

What I'm trying to say is that by not standing strong on this you risk losing your other children.

That’s if they develop the resilience to make these choices - but they are more likely to develop their own chronic emotional / MH issues by being exposed to a family in constant chaos, emotional violence, under threat and with a preoccupied, exhausted, depleted mother who can’t meet their needs.

@Namechangeteach - the selling vapes thing is ringing alarm bells for me as he maybe involved or coming across the paths of county lines (personal experience of this).

Vapes are v much related to weed - so assume he is involved in this which won’t help his paranoid manipulations. Also if he is EUPD etc the manipulation is likely to escalate to threats of self harm and suicide. These need to be taken seriously but your younger DCs don’t need to see or hear any of this.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 14/04/2023 17:25

Flowers Op - you are handling a terrible situation with grace and unselfishness.

You are right that allowing DS1 home would be a bad thing for your other DC, for your DH and for you. It would also be bad for DS1 - even though he would prefer it.

It is absolutely clear that you love DS1 and that his behaviour has not changed that.

You don't have to live with someone to love them or to allow them to know that they are loved.

DS1 chose to leave and also chose to take revenge on you with the lies he told. He has stuck to his lies in a way that is not a sudden impulse and should not be treated as the sort of mistake a teen might make.

His behaviour has been dangerous to you and it is right to protect yourself - despite your love for him. If you sacrifice yourself for him... you are also sacrificing the rest of your family.

DisquietintheRanks · 14/04/2023 17:31

Thehop · 14/04/2023 12:19

I have some similar experience and am so so sorry.

you are not being unreasonable at all.

unhapoy at dads doesn't mean unsafe at dads. Time for him to live there for a while. You can't risk your job and the rest of your family. He's 16. Awful to have this threat hanging over you constantly.

Given the OP's description of his dad, Id say he is absolutely at risk of further harm from him and indeed has already been severely damaged by him.

Quitelikeit · 14/04/2023 17:31

how about you start separating the behaviour from the child?

I have not read the thread but have read the OPs responses

This child is being demonised here - there’s a lot of character assassination going on well believe me the child got this behaviour from somewhere

You have taken no responsibility at all for the way your son has turned out yet claim he is like his father?

Yet you say his father is not emotionally abusive to
him?

believe me when I say your own house isn’t perfect because if it was then your son would not be presenting with this behaviour

I understand the enormity of what he has done and that he has a history of making malicious allegations but don’t overlook your own part in that because as long as you do then you won’t be able to reflect on what has truly gone wrong for your son

NotStayingIn · 14/04/2023 17:32

Same as everyone else, I do not think you should let him move back. You need to protect yourself, your husband, your marriage, your children.

Your son is living with his other parent, someone who has the same level of responsibility for him as you do. There is no reason why he should live with you over living with his father. Good luck I can't even imagine what you have gone through.

Mummapenguin20 · 14/04/2023 17:33

I cant imagine what your going through

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