Perhaps I've misunderstood but I don't think that's what anyone is suggesting or arguing? There's been hyperbole occasionally sure, but I think everyone's guilty of that from time to time.
From my understanding the issues with it are;
- Context (M&S over LH or AS)
- Content (overt or covert)
- Consent (Because this type of fetish cannot exist without a non-consenting party)
If it was just men wearing women's underwear, there wouldn't even be a discussion because none of us would know, they're living their life and minding their business.
At the point of leaving a review, it's directly beginning to involve other people.
I'm not sure if you've seen many sex/fetish documentaries or deep dives, but for a lot of people even just someone else knowing that they're doing the thing, turns them on.
The point of dog whistles are that they're discrete enough to not be picked up by the average person giving you the benefit of the doubt
As an example I have an art commission I'm currently having issues w/ the client, because not only has he changed his brief multiple times from the original, but it's now, surprise, surprise, become a fetish piece.
I didn't realise this until I looked into reference images for what he was asking for, at which point I was well over halfway through finished and felt extremely manipulated.
What I found in looking for reference images, were hordes of massive communities talking about the best ways to "Show off their bulge" and be noticed without it being overt enough for anyone to be able to complain and have it upheld or them arrested for indecent exposure, whole websites, whole sections of Quora, forums, Discord Communities.
That's what I would describe as "confident" exhibitionism, getting off on people seeing and no one being able to say anything because that could just be your clothing choice.
With wearing women's undies, that to me at least, crosses into the realms of "humiliation exhibitionism" because as far as the man is concerned it's taboo, that's the very reason why it's exciting to him.
If you've ever listened to men who like to wear women's underwear talk about it, it's almost always very related to their mother's, and the sense of taboo, of stealing it, of wearing it, the specific feel of the material, always silk or lace.
There's also always a moment where they're found out usually by their mothers, and embarrassed - Because obviously that would be an embarrassing situation.
Which furthers my belief that it's tied in to humiliation, specifically being humiliated by a woman. That there's a part of them that wants to be outed because they like being "caught"(even if they're outing themselves) almost as much as they like wearing the underwear.
Does that make any sense or nah? ;n;