*trigger potential child abuse* stopped my DS going to his dad's tonight

[Snowdropseaaon]

I know I'm not being unreasonable but posting here for traffic.

Today when we were in the car my son said to me "something odd happened last night" I said what's that. He said " I woke up this morning with no shorts on and I don't know how that happened, maybe I moved so much they came off"
He is 6 and still shares a bed with his dad which I haven't been happy about for a while. It could be nothing but his dad just gives me an uncomfortable feeling. When he says bye he smothers him and touches his bum and treats him like a baby. Other times when we have seen his dad in public or at school he whispers in his ear, it's just odd and weird.
There's a whole host of other stuff eg. Not giving him his inhalers, letting him play violent games and other stuff.
Do others think this is off? I've never stopped my son seeing his dad but tonight I haven't sent him.

My ex has gone mental at my saying he's going to drop all he'll and fury on me. Saying he has things he's been keeping about me that he is going to tell the court. That he's going to put everything and his life into court to get DS. So not to drip feed. I left ex when DS was 6 months old and went into a woman's refuge. He was abusive to me emotionally, financially. He was hideous and I was scared of him. Still am but much much stronger and aware of abuse now. Ex hates I have a voice and backbone now.
So I don't know what I should do with next steps really. I tried calling child services for advice but they don't open until 9am tomorrow morning.

I'm sorry you're going through this OP.

I'd ring the NSPCC, or email them so you have a paper trail and ask their advice. Contrary to an earlier poster's claim the NSPCC aren't just the 'middle-men' who pass on messages to SS/police; they have statutory powers to safeguard children. I've sat in a child protection conference where the social worker wanted to lower the case to child-in-need and the NSPCC disagreed and insisted it stayed at CP. The case was not downgraded!

I've also used their online form personally to report a sex offender who had started a relationship with a young woman with a toddler. Within hours the police were at my door taking a statement - don't know what happened after that but later that day the young mum's relationship status changed to 'single' on FB!!

I'd ask their advice before you have any further contact with your ex.

I'm so sorry the SW wasn't more helpful. I had to report my concerns at least 3 times, before they have taken any action. I hope that you can speak to a different SW. I think the inhaler situation is bad enough to show he doesn't care, let alone whatever is going on with the shorts.

💐Hope things get better op

You need to focus on the medical neglect, that's provable and extremely serious, enough to limit or even stop contact (medical neglect was how I got sole custody of my DD and it wasn't anywhere near as serious as withholding inhalers). I also agree with the PP about reporting to NSPCC anyway, even though the social worker was dismissive (which frankly is shocking, the behaviour changes combined with the disclosure of 'something odd happened' are quite big red flags to me)

I'm so sorry this happening, you must feel sick with worry

he Said op isn’t right in the head, not ds. I agree abt keeping emails/texts.

Ex has sent me a whole load of abusive messages last night and today i havent responded. My IDVA did say I could absolutely inform the police. I haven't stayed at home since Friday as I am worried he will turn up at my door.

He's doing himself no favours, make sure you keep all the messages.
Did you say further up that he'd told your son that his clothes come off because he was moving about and told you he (as I'm your ex)had taken them because he thought your son was to warm? So different stories, both versions don't make sense.
Along with the asthma inhaler and abusive messages I don't see how going to the police could hurt. Is that what you want do?

Well ex does scare me. I don't know what lengths he will go to because he is that obsessed with our DS. It's the only thing in his life really.

Keep all the messages. Inform him in clear terms to only message you about arrangements for your son. If he continues, contact the Police as it is harassment in addition to malicious communications and they can do something about it.

I have been through all this with my ex (he was very obsessive and harassed me constantly, even following me down the street).

What is he saying in the messages if you don't mind saying?

It's on a parenting App so have it all recorded. Just saying my behaviour is really concerning and I'm quite mentally unstable. I know he's going for the MH angle as well as parental alienation.
He's calling me all sorts of names and saying he's going to rain down he'll on me. Saying he will do what ever it takes

This ^

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this op but you're absolutely right to trust your gut. Definitely get on to social services - do they have a regional duty social worker you can contact out of hours? There should be some one who's working to cover weekend concerns that you could log it with.

Do you feel safe enough? Is he likely to rock up at your house? You're absolutely doing the right thing. Don't engage with him any more and I'd be informing your solicitor as well. Those messages are threatening and unacceptable.

I think the fact your son has brought it up to you means it's weighing on his mind, therefore it's an issue!

He's trying to intimidate you with his messages. If I were you I'd go to the police, at least it's recorded and maybe they can give you better advice than social services and get him to back off.

I agree, his harassment is unacceptable. He definitely sounds abusive.

Social services weren't of much help. Their advice to me actually made the situation worse I think. Out of hours will only deal with immediate harm to a child.

This is the thing, not sure if he will rock up to my house. I'm not sure what he's capable of. He was never physically abusive towards me but was very emotionally and mentally abusive.

Yes I'm going to call 101 when my DS is in bed regarding the threatening messages. My IDVA has said in the past that I could get a non mol order against him if I wanted. Don't know though will see how speaking to the police goes

It's frustrating most services are closed at the weekend. Just want someone to get reassurance from that I've done the right thing

You're putting your son first and keeping him safe from a man who withholds medication that enables him to breathe. You're also trusting your gut instinct on an issue that may be nothing but also may be something serious.

youre 100% doing the right thing.

I would explain everything to the police, there not there to judge anyone just to get the facts and I really hope you get some helpful advice. And your sons lucky to have a mum that is looking out for him.

Can you take him to your GP or A&E even? Ask if there is anyone qualified to look for signs of SA? This is really upsetting. The bloody social worker sounds dangerous to me.

I am not an advocate of acting on “gut instinct”. but I think in this case Op is acting on far more than that. There are signs of neglect of some kind that she needs to get to the bottom of to ensure her child’s welfare.

i am aware that a few women have been jailed in the last few years for standing by and allowing partners to abuse and eventually take their children’s lives so I think that even if this comes to nothing it has to be sorted.

one more thing: if I was in this situation I don’t think MN would be my first port of call for information. I wouldn’t at this point make any accusations even if that was where my thoughts were straying. I would have called social services/police and just simply asked for advice.

Thank you everyone for all your advice. The police visited today and took me alot more seriously than CADs did. I just feel its so overwhelming. I am worried about tomorrow night as its ex night with DS but the police officer said I was completely within my rights to stop contact if I believe DS is at risk in any way. I'm speaking to my lawyer tomorrow and hopefully my IDVA. Ex has said he would turn up at DS school to take him so I'm also worried about that.

Are they going to be speaking to your ex at all about it?

Can you pick him up early from school? Say that he has a dentist appointment or something

You need to speak to the school. Sorry this is happening.

So pleased the police took it seriously. I think the social worker sounds dangerous.