Aibu: the new Vanish advert makes autistic teens look like assholes

[Squirrefromthewirrell]

Just seen the new (at least to me) vanish detergent advert. It focuses on an autistic teen girl called Ash who has a favourite hoodie. All through the add the character is just displaying awful behaviour that even being autistic doesn't excuse (shouting at siblings to shut up, having a go at someone who accidentally walks into her, playing drums whilst her family are trying to spend time together)

Am I wrong to think it's just showing a very unsavoury side ? The overall message is lovely - extend the life of familiar clothes that can comfort people like ash who are autistic but the actual advert just rubbed me the wrong way

This is a really powerful advert which increases understanding of what many of our children - and their siblings - go through on a daily basis. And these are the ones who even make it into school and have supportive schools and friends.
It made me cry as its my 2 daughters exactly and anything that raises awareness of Autism is a good thing in my opinion. We also have a house full of black hoodies!

@mastertomsmum I am assuming you don't, I asked because you're the one that brought up what may or may not happen on Snapchat or Instagram. I check mine so I am 99% sure the teens I have contact with would not treat their friends like the kid in the advert. Of course, I can't say 100%, I'm not that naive. However what I can be certain of is that no child of mine or any of my friends would allow their kid to talk to someone else like that. Autism or not, there needs to be consequences for bad behaviour, and being rude and insulting is bad behaviour. Yes children with autism need different parenting to NT children but they can't be allowed to get away with abuse of others, where would that end?
I stand by my original point, the advert shows that girl being a complete brat and abusing her sibling.

My year 7 DS finds the corridors stressful - full of smelly year 10 boys hitting him.

@MoMandaS I’m not for a minute assuming this was a widespread- but sibling abuse does happen. A male friend of ours was badly bullied to the point of abuse as a child by his older autistic brother. His autistic mother did absolutely nothing about it. It made our friend a very badly damaged and angry man for many years.

Sounds like a very narrow experience you have there. Not sure you know much about the wider situation.

Or is it a company using their advertising budget to highlight a a serious problem in our understanding of autism in girls? I have been surrounded by autism all my life and now work in the sector with autistic teens. I'm certainly pleased to see this campaign.

Hate this advert. Seems to me that it gives someone with ASD the green light to act like like a
tyrant. Felt so sorry for her sister.

As a parent to autistic teens, I’d say it’s a very fair representation of autistic teenagers, who, like the majority of teenagers can be arseholes.
I don’t agree that the behaviours aren’t ‘excused’ by autism though: the telling her sibling to shut up/getting annoyed at the person who touched her is an example of autistic overwhelm. the drumming is a child who is disregulated trying to desperately find that balance and that often means not thinking of how it affects other people.
I think it’s a good advert.

Completely agree! (As an autistic female with female autistic children).

I remember as a year 7/8 and not having a clue why I was different - I was walking along a corridor in school and was grabbed and dragged into a classroom by some huge year 10 girls who wanted to show their friends, “you’ve got to see this girl, she’s so weird.” I didn’t have a clue how to respond, so I fumbled with the door to get out of the room and walked away wondering what the hell I had done wrong that time to be singled out.

I didn’t have enough of a social rule book to read what was and wasn’t ok and what I could and couldn’t rightfully get annoyed over - so a bump in the corridor would have confused me - but by the time I was in secondary I had been attacked and abused so much I would have probably internalised it rather than retaliating too heavily - I’d had that knocked out of me by then.

the inappropriate social comments as well - like the exam failing comment - one thing that lots of autistic people do is to try to empathise and relate socially - but usually incredibly clumsily - like over sharing and over-trying to find a common experience to join with another person - which can come across as negativity or me-railing but comes from a place of good intentions and just trying to play the game of social
interactions when we only got given half of the rule book and a cup of coffee was spilt on it before we got that! I got blasted so much for that kind of social faux pas well into adulthood that it made me holding down any sustained job pretty impossible as I just didn’t “fit” socially - however well I did the job and tried to keep my head down, my presence would just piss people off for being too extrovert, or too introvert. It took me until I was 45 and changed careers, plus a diagnosis, to find a job where my team
fully accept me for all the bits where I might get it slightly socially “wrong” on occasions and as a really good solid member of the team.

The advert is fantastic but it seems to have given the usual shitty attitudes the chance for a day out again. Think it’s also fairly apt it being on a laundry product - I get completely thrown (I can cope but things just feel “wrong” even though it doesn’t go to meltdown point) if someone else washes anything in my wardrobe and the smell and feeling of the clothes changes as a result! Stuff I wear endlessly just doesn’t feel… right and that makes the whole day feel the same sort of wrong

But you can't expect people to put up with sheer rudeness incase that person has autism! Again, where would that end? How many other "traits" could be excused?

You really believe a brand has done this for altruistic reasons?

Perhaps I'm just cynical.

Also 'surrounded' by autism all my life. Being AuDHD 🙄

I found it very moving - sets out the huge challenges which Ash, her parents and her sister face, and didn't sugar coat the condition.

I did feel a lot for her sister - a friend has a son with behavioural difficulties and his sister has missed out a lot, and been exposed to some chaotic behaviour.

I'm cynical too.

I give up 👀 Your answers are not real world or 21st century. If you are so in touch you will know that PHSE lessons cover cyber bullying extensively. Maybe if a teen has Instagram at 13 there are some parents checking feed, but wouldn’t know of any of them from either schools I know well

Re the advert - I saw no brats

@mastertomsmum I think it's best you give up too

I don't know where 'around here' is, but you sound like you fit in very well there.

@MrsDoylesDoily I do, thank you.

Lols 😂

I think that the reality is that some autistic behaviour can look very much like asshole behaviour. Unless you know someone in real life who talks about it/live with someone with asd you often won't realise this because if people try and talk about it and try and talk about the effects it can have on the NT members of the family on sites like this are shouted down and heavily reported by some autistic members of mumsnet who (understandably)find it upsetting to see how their behaviour can come across to and effect NT people.

There is also guilt associated with talking about it, talking about how it effects you when they are the disabled one feels selfish. Talking about how you feel abused when you know they don't mean to abuse you and that it is just a result of their inability to cope/overwhelm feels like betraying them.

I'm really pleased that they showed this side in the ad, I think it needs to be spoken about more. Very often we are fed the line that autism looks like a quirky savant with poor social skills but the reality is mostly very different.

I haven’t seen the advert so I can’t really comment on it.

I found it really hard to watch because my DD has autism and there were so many similarities, lack of emotional regulation is a huge aspect of autism and it’s so unfair to expect a child with autism to be able to react in the appropriate ways, even with interventions and support, it’s incredibly difficult to try and stay focused and regulated in a world with so much noise and so many rules.

Love this post 😂😂

I was expecting to be annoyed by the advert, but like others I was quite moved.

Maybe because it shows the tension within families, something quite authentic about that, and the impact on siblings.

DS also has a lot of tics so the eye blinking felt quite real. Like the girl he can’t tolerate other people speaking but is extremely loud himself. He wouldn’t tell others to shut up, but he’d start being so stressed that it’s the same thing, we have to be quiet in the car. It’s just how it is for many autistic teens.