Aibu: the new Vanish advert makes autistic teens look like assholes

[Squirrefromthewirrell]

Just seen the new (at least to me) vanish detergent advert. It focuses on an autistic teen girl called Ash who has a favourite hoodie. All through the add the character is just displaying awful behaviour that even being autistic doesn't excuse (shouting at siblings to shut up, having a go at someone who accidentally walks into her, playing drums whilst her family are trying to spend time together)

Am I wrong to think it's just showing a very unsavoury side ? The overall message is lovely - extend the life of familiar clothes that can comfort people like ash who are autistic but the actual advert just rubbed me the wrong way

I’m another that grew up walking on eggshells. My parents were both alcoholics and my sister wasn’t diagnosed but the school pushed for her to be assessed for ADHD. My parents didn’t take it forward: the family motto we grew up with of not drawing attention to what was going on at home (I tried to kill myself as a teenager and my parents did nothing about it).

My parents vacillated between emotionally abusive and total absence, my sister was angry and violent, nobody was allowed to acknowledge any of the dysfunction, and the adults just medicated with alcohol. My overriding memory is just trying always to stay out of the way of everything. Everything was dangerous.

I can remember my sister hitting me over and over and over again with a plastic rod just to watch the marks appear and try and get me to react, and getting angrier and angrier because I wouldn’t. My parents just said, “you know how she is, it’s not her fault.”

As adults my sister and I aren’t close. I don’t speak to my parents anymore. I do feel that awareness is important but I also feel incredibly angry that abuse is permitted to go on between siblings, and that it’s unacceptable to talk about it if there’s any hint that the abusive behaviour is linked to neurodiversity. It doesn’t help anyone to promote a narrative that we can only speak negatively about the impacts of neurodiverse if they’re experienced by the ND person. Everyone else has to remain silent about those impacts on them because that’s ableist - that doesn’t make sense to me.

(The situation is complicated because I strongly suspect my sister and I are both ND in different ways, but mine presents itself in hiding and minimising and being quiet and invisible, which was vey convenient for my parents as it meant I could be ignored.)

I've just watched it again and my sympathy is definitely for the sister who looks defeated and cowed throughout the advert.
There's at least some positivity in it for Ash. The sister has to shut up when Ash wants it, Ash has a safe space at school to retreat to, she has the drums at home to help regulate. Lily doesn't seem to have anyone looking out or considering her. The mum and dad don't do anything for her.

It does look tough for her

I get she’s not meant to be the focus but the silence after the shut up and just use subtitles didn’t sit well. Maybe just advertising flavour but still

Are you fucking serious?

@soundsystem why is this not an appropriate option in your opinion?

The idea that ND people are an inconvenience and should be sent away somewhere is incredibly offensive

Also, Ash is a real person in a real family...

The idea that ND people are an inconvenience and should be sent away somewhere is incredibly offensive

We're acceptable - just - as long as we don't inconvenience the NTs.

@soundsystem I think that some parents may be forced to make such a decision to protect their other children , and I don’t see that living in an environment with trained knowledgeable staff is necessarily a worse thing for a child who finds a normal domestic environment stressful to the point that they are having daily meltdowns/ missing school/ becoming abusive.

I agree

But you could say that it's the same for Ash's sister? She's not allowed to inconvenience Ash is she?

In what way "schmaltzy"?

Do you realise that many ND are sent to mental health units because those are the only places available? And the staff are not well trained or knowledgeable. Those people end up being mistreated, in overwhelming, highly stressful environments and don't get their needs met at all. Not that anyone actually cares - out of sight, out of mind, just so long as the neurodiverse aren't being a nuisance. Yes it's shit having a sibling with a disability/neurodiversity, yes it affects everyone in the household but that doesn't mean they should just be sent away.

I don't really know why are saying no one cares and calling abusing siblings and family members 'a nuisance'? Are you trying to shut down the people who are speaking of the abuse they have experienced at the hands of their ND siblings by using that word and insinuating that by caring for the abused NT sibling that 'no one cares' about the ND one?

I think you find in most ND/NT families there is a hell of a lot of love, care and patience shown towards those who are ND. I find your post really insulting and minimising tbh.

@MotherofBingo So there needs to be better residential provisions for people with autism.
Just because we don’t do a good job with this in our country, it doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t be a constructive solution for families if the provisions were better.

So if in these residential mental health units that routinely accept autistic children, the staff are still considered as underqualified and untrained, (presumably they have a lot of experience and access to training?), why do we expect that young siblings and indeed parents can learn adequate ‘coping strategies’ seemingly overnight after diagnosis ?

If a disability is severe enough and they are unable to cope at home, why would I be 'fucking kidding'? There are respite holiday schemes as well. The bottom line, is the wellbeing of your children and best for them that includes the ND and NT child. Katie Price's son benefitted from his residential school by his own mum's admission. Maybe a residential isn't right for Ash but it might be suitable for other children with disabilities. It's not exactly controversial or new to say this.

Thank you this is what I was trying to articulate.

AngelinaBallerina122

You have literally no idea. There is no respite or holiday schemes. Support is non existent. It is widely known that residential care and hospitals are not good for those with autism. Money is being spent to keep them out( for good reason) not the other way round.

Such is not “an abusive cunt” she is somebody struggling with a disability. She can’t control it.

Ash

@Tr33sPl3as3 I'm in London and there was holiday scheme/respite in my borough when I was involved with disability charities pre Covid. I hope they are still around.

I was not talking about her specifically, I was referring to Pps who explained what their lives had been like with an abusive sibling.

Also, Ash is a real person in a real family

I, personally, have tried to avoid talking of Ash because of this reason, but I am pleased that it has opened a wider discussion about the effects on siblings.

AngelinaBallerina122

That’s hysterical , are you kidding. You have literally no idea.😂😂😂😂😂