Aibu: the new Vanish advert makes autistic teens look like assholes

[Squirrefromthewirrell]

Just seen the new (at least to me) vanish detergent advert. It focuses on an autistic teen girl called Ash who has a favourite hoodie. All through the add the character is just displaying awful behaviour that even being autistic doesn't excuse (shouting at siblings to shut up, having a go at someone who accidentally walks into her, playing drums whilst her family are trying to spend time together)

Am I wrong to think it's just showing a very unsavoury side ? The overall message is lovely - extend the life of familiar clothes that can comfort people like ash who are autistic but the actual advert just rubbed me the wrong way

It's just a weird advert,

The point is that they exist(ed) because families needing a break is a real thing regardless of how loving, understanding and accommodating they are, it is difficult. Whether there is enough resources so all families of children with disabilities can access the scheme is a different story.

I agree she’s not abusive, but the behaviour is abusive.

Pretty true to life I felt. Was helpful for my non autistic child who is often shouted at by sibling (sibling always is regretful when calm and not an asshole).

DS did go to a group on a Saturday afternoon every other week, it was much appreciated, but he absolutely hated it so we had to stop.

The groups he goes to are £££, luckily we get some funding from the LA though apparently he would no longer qualify if we applied now. The cost of things can be prohibitive for a lot of people.

I grew up being called crazy and told I should be taken away in a straight jacket and having my family laugh at me when I became overwhelmed. Even on this thread there's talk about someone experiencing a sensory overload a hiding! There have been many reports of autistic people in mental health units having unnecessary sedation and restraints used on them. I haven't minimised how rubbish it is for the family, I accept that it's no fun for anyone but I do not think sending someone away is the answer. I was threatened with that throughout my childhood and it was traumatic. I was never violent but my younger sibling was told to stay away from me. I self harmed and attempted suicide and nobody did a single thing, I was just told I was a drama queen and attention seeking.

Even on this thread there's talk about someone experiencing a sensory overload a hiding!

No, there isn't. There was one mention that in a different school Ash may have found themselves on the wrong end of a fist having said to someone that they would fail an exam.

And fwiw I will tell my ds that a day may come when he says the wrong thing to the wrong person, it would be wrong of me to not warn him of this.

I'm sorry that you had an unsupported childhood, I hope I do better by my children but it is an neverending battle in my head.

I'm sorry that happened to you. Having abusive parents must have been really difficult for you. With the greatest of respect though that is not what people here are talking about. People are talking about abusive siblings, not siblings being 'a nuisance' as you put it. I know 2 families where ND children had to be 'sent away' for the safety of their siblings. One was sexually abusing his younger sibling and the other had bullied his younger siblings for years, both physically and emotionally, the final straw was him pushing them down the stairs. Sometimes with the greatest will in the world it is not safe to have the autistic child in the family home, the damage that they cause is too great. In both of these cases the child was treated with love, understanding and compassion as well as receiving professional help from psychiatrists throughout their childhoods. The families did everything they could and it was far from the easy option to 'send them away' but it became the only option.

@fitzwilliamdarcy I’m also sorry about what you went through as a child. It’s not OK to be hit by your sibling and for that to be ‘that’s how it is’.

For what it’s worth, as a parent I try to care for all my kids, ND and not ND, and really I welcome debates like this where I do feel we must and should talk about the impact on the whole family.

I think Ash, her sister and family were brave (is it her real family?) to portray what it is like so honestly. It looks like Ash was putting herself out there being quite authentic, and so I really thank her for that on the advert.

It’s tough all around - we need to be able to talk about difficulties. And families really need more actual support - not just terminology and acceptance. Like others have said - it’s not OK to just accept sometimes.

On the subject of residential care - at first I was pretty horrified that kids were still being ‘sent away’, often to inadequate places like mental health wards.

However I do think this is a real ‘canary’ warning of how difficult it is within families - and how little support there is for kids to actually stay within their own families safely and happily. I’ve known a lot of other parents, whose child say has become aggressive or self harming (like head banging) when younger who receive almost no help at all with this - and schools often can’t cope either. It breaks my heart because it it’s inevitable that this can’t carry on at home, and I don’t think residential care is all that great often but it’s like people are desperate.

Sorry I think I’ve harked on about this - but I really don’t think we’ve got it anywhere near right caring for kids with high needs - proper good interventions when younger can really help. Also property continuous support for families like mine.

You only need to look at a recent panorama programme on autistic people in residential settings to see why residential settings are not fit for purpose. Any suggestion that this somehow is a viable alternative shows a huge lack of understanding about the situation. As a parent of a child who was an inpatient at a CAMHS tier 4 hospital at age 14 - this is my direct experience. I was also a sibling of autistic children.l, and a parent of autistic children. The best way to help siblings would be for there to be adequate support out there. In the vanish ad, it’s clear that a secondary mainstream school is sensory hell and making the situation worse for the autistic young person, and therefore the family. Loud, bright, scratchy unfortunately. And mainstream is the only option…

neglect and a Taser revealed in ‘deeply shocking’ BBC care home investigation www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-65183594

Huge trigger warning for everyone who has, or cares for, or cares about, anyone with autism.

But this is why we can't just chuck our kids into care homes or residential schools. That's not to downplay any of the experiences of siblings mentioned on this thread. But there is NOWHERE for our teens to go.

At points my nt 12yo ds has said (of our home when 6yo ND dd is having an episode):

• You don't seem to hear me when dsis is having one of her meltdowns.
• I play on my xbox and phone so much to stay out of the way when dsis is having difficulties.
• I hate the way her behaviour makes you feel. It causes arguments and tension for everyone in the family.

I myself have said many times that living with dd can at times feel like being in an abusive relationship you cannot leave.

We are very alive to ds's feelings, we talk with him frequently and remind him it's ok to sometimes feel resentful. We make sure we spend special time with him, on his terms. He's an amazing big brother, and son, and there are times when he's the only one who can calm her. He's kind and sensitive - and yes, many times he understands her difficulties in a way far beyond his years, makes allowances and walks on eggshells. There are also times when he's a normal, annoying big brother who teases her. Because, you know, he's 12 not 22. I see so much of them both in Ash and her sister it's scary. To me, the advert is scarily accurate. There are so many different dynamics at play (including hormones). It made us feel like we're less alone in dealing with these issues every day.