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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu: the new Vanish advert makes autistic teens look like assholes

264 replies

Squirrefromthewirrell · 13/04/2023 16:47

Just seen the new (at least to me) vanish detergent advert. It focuses on an autistic teen girl called Ash who has a favourite hoodie. All through the add the character is just displaying awful behaviour that even being autistic doesn't excuse (shouting at siblings to shut up, having a go at someone who accidentally walks into her, playing drums whilst her family are trying to spend time together)

Am I wrong to think it's just showing a very unsavoury side ? The overall message is lovely - extend the life of familiar clothes that can comfort people like ash who are autistic but the actual advert just rubbed me the wrong way

OP posts:
MarshaBradyo · 13/04/2023 19:15

baloosbaloos · 13/04/2023 19:07

I thought it was a very realistic portrayal, but some of her behaviour towards her sister crossed a line. Autism supercharging the normal teen horribleness. I certainly found myself wondering why the drum kit was set up in the living room! And why she didn’t have noise cancelling headphones in the car. It didn’t seem right that her parents didn’t stick up for the sister, but realistically when they’re teetering on the edge of meltdown all that’s going to do is push them over the edge. It did make me uncomfortable though.

You can just get electric drums with headphones

Maybe it was just to ramp up feel of ad but those two things could be supported more

Meredusoleil · 13/04/2023 19:17

What I didn't quite get is why the sister took Ash's hoodie in the first place?

Highdaysandholidays1 · 13/04/2023 19:18

I felt stressed watching this advert, that's the tension of having all those differing needs in the same house, teenagers, throw in neurodiversity into the mix, it seemed very realistic but perhaps at odds with the 'autism isn't a disability, just a difference' type thinking. One of mine is neurodiverse in a different way and for sure it causes stress, but I like to think we have a lot of laughs along the way. This seemed very stressful and I felt for the whole family.

UrsulaBelle · 13/04/2023 19:18

PoorOldHorse · 13/04/2023 18:11

Can I just point out that it was the original poster who used the word 'assholes' and I was quoting them and using inverted commas to indicate my distancing myself from the term. I don't regard my students with autism as 'assholes' at all - they're quite loveable and, although they take up so much time, I still love working with them.

A few people on this thread really need to learn to read more closely, by the way.

Interesting that it’s one of your posts that’s been deleted. Maybe reread your first post and you’ll see why it’s so offensive to parents of DC with ASD.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 13/04/2023 19:20

I would expire of stress myself if someone played the drums in my small living room after work, though! I couldn't tolerate that (not ND just find I'm grouchy and tired and noise not great at the end of the day).

Odd the sister would take the hoodie, my girls borrow stuff off each other to go out or out of inconsiderateness, but not meanness. Poor sister being made the fall-guy in that story!

Newpuppymummy · 13/04/2023 19:20

I thought it was great at raising awareness of how it is to live with a person with autism

Smokingonthestairs · 13/04/2023 19:22

Perhaps she just wanted a little revenge @Meredusoleil and wanted her sister to feel some of the pain of how much her own life is disrupted. Teens can’t always be expected to behave in a rational way, no matter what ‘coping strategies’ you give them.

Florissante · 13/04/2023 19:24

MrsDoylesDoily · 13/04/2023 17:26

What a horrible post @PoorOldHorse

Agreed.

Florissante · 13/04/2023 19:25

UrsulaBelle · 13/04/2023 19:18

Interesting that it’s one of your posts that’s been deleted. Maybe reread your first post and you’ll see why it’s so offensive to parents of DC with ASD.

Show quote history

Or people with autism, like myself.

Florissante · 13/04/2023 19:27

IncompleteSenten · 13/04/2023 18:54

You need to rethink your attitude of autism doesn't excuse bad behaviour.

It's not bad behaviour.

It's behaviours that occur as a result of the person's autism.

Sensory overload causing meltdown for example.

You see 'bad behaviour'. Oh they're shouting and throwing things or yelling or lashing out. Tsk tsk what bad behaviour. Autism is no excuse for that...

I see a person with autism being completely overwhelmed and reacting in very typical and well documented ways that are wholly a result of their disability.

Thank you for the thoughtful post. It's not often on MN that we autistic people see this sort of kindness. Most of the time we're just demonised.

Conkersinautumn · 13/04/2023 19:28

It feels very familiar to me.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 13/04/2023 19:28

Meredusoleil · 13/04/2023 19:17

What I didn't quite get is why the sister took Ash's hoodie in the first place?

Because they're teenagers and teenagers are always taking each others stuff?

Tr1skel1on · 13/04/2023 19:33

I saw the extended version and I cried. My autistic child is 16 and it was like seeing my life on TV.

We don't have a drum kit! But the friction with the sister and just the constant stress of everything was absolutely accurate in my view.

In a way I hope people found it hard to watch and it made them uncomfortable. Welcome to my world! It's really hard work and most people just think I'm a shit parent. Hey ho

Florissante · 13/04/2023 19:34

MrsDoylesDoily · 13/04/2023 18:55

Ridiculous though to compare it to living with an abusive parent.

Show quote history

Agreed.

WhiteFire · 13/04/2023 19:34

I am undecided on it. I am not entirely comfortable with the purpose being to sell a laundry product, it cheapens the message.

In terms of Ash, that's her life and her feelings so I am not going to dissect that part.

With the sibling interactions, I think I am more saddened at the general discussions around this and the almost minimising of the effect it is having on Lily. I can't help but wonder if it is brushed aside more readily as it is two sisters rather than, like in my situation, a 15 year old boy thumping and yelling at his 11 year old sister.

Kingdedede · 13/04/2023 19:36

I found out quite quickly that online no one is allowed to say they find living with a person hard because they are not the autistic ones, even though there is a strong genetic like so it is actually very possible the parent/sibling is also autistic.

LaviniasBigBloomers · 13/04/2023 19:39

Smokingonthestairs · 13/04/2023 18:33

Yep and I see the similarities. These siblings are often scared in their own home , they’re reluctant to bring friends over , their own needs are secondary. A teenager that is liable to kick off and become aggressive / violent over small things is high risk, so the usual normal parts of teen life become very hard for the siblings, and for the rest of the family to arrange. How to leave a sibling safely home alone with the other child for instance, knowing they could explode over any teeny thing. Serious questions, what is put in place after diagnosis to protect other children in the family, and allow them to live a life in safety and without feeling frightened ?

Nothing. To be honest, nothing is put in place at home for the autistic young person either. Mum and dad might get flung a parenting course but that's it.

It's a hard and lonely journey, especially when your ASD young person ages out of school and becomes bigger and stronger than you. There's an unseen epidemic of carer violence too - both ways, sometimes, as parents are left to cope.

It's actually shit and I'm not sure if Vanish raising awareness actually helps anyone.

Boomboom22 · 13/04/2023 19:42

MrsDoylesDoily · 13/04/2023 19:07

Sen schools should be vastly expanded tbh as what nt kids have to cope with, especially in primary, is completely unacceptable. Eg chairs being thrown and extreme violence, whole classes evacuated daily for safety, and there is no way for the school to keep them safe as the minority are prioritised every time.

I can't quite get my head round this.

If your child had SN, are you honestly saying they'd be safer and get a better education in a class where every single pupil also has SN?

Or are you saying 'Fuck them, let them get chairs thrown at them, I don't care as long as they're not going to school with my child'?

Show quote history

??? Htf Di you get that? No, clearly we need provision that meets the needs of students which is often small group or 1-1. Not sen schools that don't allow for academic kids so they have to go mainstream if they want eg a levels.

Florissante · 13/04/2023 19:43

Kingdedede · 13/04/2023 19:36

I found out quite quickly that online no one is allowed to say they find living with a person hard because they are not the autistic ones, even though there is a strong genetic like so it is actually very possible the parent/sibling is also autistic.

I pointed out to a NT that my dealing with them is just as baffling and frustrating as it for them to deal with me (autistic). The look on her face was priceless.

TorchwoodWho · 13/04/2023 19:43

eloquent · 13/04/2023 19:15

Can't really get on board with a brand using autistics to get sales.

As that's what this is.

100%. The charity they're supporting is awful as well.
I thought the advert was awful and quite possibly more damaging than doing good.

WhiteFire · 13/04/2023 19:45

LaviniasBigBloomers · 13/04/2023 19:39

Nothing. To be honest, nothing is put in place at home for the autistic young person either. Mum and dad might get flung a parenting course but that's it.

It's a hard and lonely journey, especially when your ASD young person ages out of school and becomes bigger and stronger than you. There's an unseen epidemic of carer violence too - both ways, sometimes, as parents are left to cope.

It's actually shit and I'm not sure if Vanish raising awareness actually helps anyone.

Show quote history

I told SS over three years ago that I did not feel I could keep my then 7/8 year old safe.

Even that didn't get anyone to act, instead we were told to go to the local autism charity, even when we complained that they did not offer the required services to people in our local authority/ NHS trust, I was pretty much told tough.

At least the LA replied to my complaint, I'm still waiting to hear from the NHS trust.

mastertomsmum · 13/04/2023 19:47

Mycatisfatafatcat · 13/04/2023 17:11

Why does she tell her classmate she’s going to fail her exam too?

That’s the bit that works the least well because teens who aren’t autistic talk to each other like that all the time! The point being made is that she was saying it frankly rather than unkindly.

YourTruthorMine · 13/04/2023 19:52

Par for the course really, when are autistic people ever shown in a positive light?, I mean super-fast problem solving, pattern recognition, hyperfocus etc, not manipulative, not social climbers...., I could go on, if only we were valued

orangeflags · 13/04/2023 19:52

Have sympathy for everyone in the family. It's a hard dynamic to live with. My brother was much older than me and I was scared of him, my mum pacified him and minimised his behaviour to me and the wider family 'don't upset him, he doesn't mean it, you know how he is etc' and my poor brother had a stressful and limited life.

allthingsred · 13/04/2023 19:53

I watched it & it made me cry. My 15 yo (currently awaiting assesment) is so very similar to the girl.
It makes a lot of sense

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