Aibu: the new Vanish advert makes autistic teens look like assholes

[Squirrefromthewirrell]

Just seen the new (at least to me) vanish detergent advert. It focuses on an autistic teen girl called Ash who has a favourite hoodie. All through the add the character is just displaying awful behaviour that even being autistic doesn't excuse (shouting at siblings to shut up, having a go at someone who accidentally walks into her, playing drums whilst her family are trying to spend time together)

Am I wrong to think it's just showing a very unsavoury side ? The overall message is lovely - extend the life of familiar clothes that can comfort people like ash who are autistic but the actual advert just rubbed me the wrong way

I barely watch ads but schmaltzy bollocks is what I thought. The only thing it inspired was a fucking gladness that I don't generally watch ads. The playing drums, wtaf, err no.

I mean playing drums over tv sounds and talking aaagh, I only think I am autistic and that would be a mare.

Can I just point out that it was the original poster who used the word 'assholes' and I was quoting them and using inverted commas to indicate my distancing myself from the term. I don't regard my students with autism as 'assholes' at all - they're quite loveable and, although they take up so much time, I still love working with them.

A few people on this thread really need to learn to read more closely, by the way.

Have seen this quite a few times but never clocked it was for Vanish. The drums though. I understand the need for a coping outlet and that the ad is showing that may bug the rest of the family if it just happened like that when everyone else is watching telly. But, I'm assuming, there'd be some parental intervention to explain why that's not appropriate now?

I wonder how helpful this ‘raising awareness’ will be, given that the waiting time for assessment in this age group is currently years in most areas. Doctors are currently very reluctant to refer, usually stating that the referral request should come from school (we know that many girls mask in certain environments). Schools are reluctant to refer unless the case is extreme because it means a huge amount of paperwork etc for them. Teens are in comprehensive for 5 years, if you’re waiting two years to be assessed , that’s a very large proportion of the whole school time to struggle.
Given that this ad has gone viral on social media, and particularly tiktok, (the comments are all ‘omg that’s me I have a favourite hoody too’), will we have a huge surge of people seeking diagnosis , causing more pressure on an already strained system ?
And for anyone on this thread with experience ,I’d really like to know, what benefit does a diagnosis have to kids this age, and their families? In the video the mother is doing her best and seems to have developed coping strategies but it’s clear that the lives of the other family members (particularly the sister) are very hard ,despite the diagnosis. Are there things in place to help the siblings of these children , so that they don’t grow up walking on eggshells in their own homes?
It seems strange to me that it would seem the absolute worst thing in the world to teach a child to walk on eggshells around an abusive parent, but teaching them to walk on eggshells around an abusive sibling (if autistic) is almost expected.

I actually found it quite moving, made me and my son stop and really watch it

You need to stop being so patronising . You are coming across badly

@Smokingonthestairs I think you'll find any discussion of the impact on siblings is quickly squished....

It's a very real impact affecting lots of children but I've never seen a thread on mumsnet discussing it at any length apart from a cursory mention maybe.

Can you honestly not see a difference in being abused by a parent, and being given strategies to cope with growing up with an autistic sibling?

Made me bawl. Most unexpected!

“Things in place to help the siblings of autistic children.” Not much. There is barely anything in place to help autistic children in mainstream education.

Exactly this.

There are young carers charities in some local areas which will support siblings and some schools also have young carer groups.

Agree not a lot of support children with ASD or their siblings and long waits for diagnosis.

What difference does a diagnosis make?

Its a label which is useful, unlike the labels which arrive with condemnation and create self loathing, “asshole” for example.

Am I?

Yep and I see the similarities. These siblings are often scared in their own home , they’re reluctant to bring friends over , their own needs are secondary. A teenager that is liable to kick off and become aggressive / violent over small things is high risk, so the usual normal parts of teen life become very hard for the siblings, and for the rest of the family to arrange. How to leave a sibling safely home alone with the other child for instance, knowing they could explode over any teeny thing. Serious questions, what is put in place after diagnosis to protect other children in the family, and allow them to live a life in safety and without feeling frightened ?

The fact that the advert has incited discussion means some people might learn something from it, it’s raising awareness in lots of ways.
I have worked with children with ASD for over 20 years and have a child with it too so I speak from experience and would like to reply to the many people saying that drums were unrealistic they absolutely are a realistic way for many people to cope. My child is sensory seeking so when he’s exhausted, when he’s distressed he needs noise and to burn off energy. As a baby he would only fall asleep to loud, fast music.
Girls are hugely under diagnosed and mask more than boys so I think it’s great that this teen has shown her story.

There's nothing put in place for siblings, just as there's nothing put in place for the autistic child. What do you imagine this would look like? Families will do their best for all their children, but the impact on siblings is unavoidable, just as it is for those families living with any other disability. There is a charity called Young Sibs, in case useful for anyone in this situation who isn't aware.

I've only seen it once (and the extended version I think) and I thought it was brilliant. I wasn't aware they weren't actors, it's so well done.

Some awful comments on here, especially from a teacher for fuck's sake. Can't you see that 'the system' isn't made for autistic people? No wonder our autistic kids find life so hard. So much ignorance. I have a ND family inc teens. It's great to have this representation and I don't feel like we're so 'abnormal' now.

@MoMandaS

No it's not like with other disabilities.
If a sibling is in a wheelchair chair, there may physical adaptations to the house. Less money to go around. Possibly less parent time for their sibling. Fewer family activities that they can go to.

But not the overwhelming feeling of fear in one's home. Of having to walk on eggshells. Of being in an abusive environment.

Not all teenagers with autism are time consuming and hard work just like not all those who teach FE are cunts.

having just had parents evening for my autistic teen I was blown away by how many teachers referred to him as one of the most valuable members of their class. He’s not academic at all but his enthusiasm and kind nature is highly valued by his teachers so no need to feel sorry for his peers.

If you don’t want people to infer the the wrong thing from your posts then don’t post such sweeping and harmful statements about children with disabilities.

But that's nothing like living with an abusive parent.

Abusive parents choose to abuse. No child chooses to be autistic.

Yes it can be scary growing up in a house with a sibling that's prone to outbursts, no matter what the reason for them.

There's absolutely not enough help out there, so teaching coping strategies is yet another thing that's left to the parents.

And as for siblings, my children have an amazing awareness of ND and are unlikely to come out with a load of crap that's spouted on here. I am very proud of them for that. But it is hard on them too. It's hard on all of us, which is why we all need understanding and awareness.

You seem to have a very narrow understanding of what constitutes a disability, and it's incredibly ableist to insist that living with an autistic person is living in an abusive environment.

It annoyed me because my daughter is not a genius. She isn't getting all the answers correct in class in record speed . She is actually behind due to school attendance and her anxiety. She would never put her hand up and draw attention to herself. A lot if girls with autism wouldn't put their hand up.

I think it runs the risk of stereotyping to Sheldon and Rainman. While this can be the case particularly as it is harder to diagnose in girls.

Some people may think oh can't be my child they aren't clever. I think this is worrying. Though obviously some kids are clever. Some are average or behind due to attendance struggles.