Dsis is neglecting her own child

[aunty2]

I know neglect is a big word to use, but at this point I'm at my wits end and had enough. I will be careful on how to word this as don't want it to be outing.

I want to start off by saying I love my sister, I know she is a good person, but life hasn't been kind to her and consequently she has derailed quite abit which unfortunately impacts the kids the most negatively. I can't respect her as a mother anymore.

Dsis has 3 children and lives with their dad. They don't have a healthy relationship, that is a whole different thread.

My concern is dnephew. He has been sick for quite a while with this chronic symptoms that won't seem to go. On the outside my nephew looks and seems fine. I've constantly pointed out to dsis and family his symptom doesn't seem right and needs checking upon. He is 6. This has been ongoing for a year now until recently his symptom has got worse and means that he is constantly throwing up. Again he still looks well but the poor thing is suffering and has become normalised to being sick. Me, dparents, and my siblings have all said nephew needs to go to the drs asap. However everytime we say this dsis comes up a list of excuses.

First it was the drs can't see him on the same day

Then it was they won't want to know it's not that bad

Then it was oh well I'm working and bla bla bla.

Thing is dsis constantly makes time for herself and her unhealthy needs. Meanwhile my nephew isn't being prioritised. I can't even book the appointment for him as I have no idea what his Dr is. We are all worried he will suffocate on his own sick in the night. I'm really getting angry about dsis and her behaviour, and also their waste of space dad who can never be held responsible for anything. That child is being failed by his own parents.

What do I do? Aibu to have ago at dsis. I've had enough of being nice about it. My only worry is by confronting dsis she will distance herself and nephew from me which will mean I won't be able to know how he is or what is going on.

Well done to the extremely dramatic, accusing posters who have chased the OP away. What a load of hysterical nonsense.

I think id contact the school first, anonymously. Explain you are a parent who knows the family (obvoouy don't say you're a relative) and tell them what you've said on here, what the symptom is and how long it's gone on for, and that the mother is refusing to seek medical care for the child.
Then give it a couple of weeks and see if anything happens. If she still doesn't go to the Dr, report to social services.

I'm laughing at you, not the boy. I can't believe I even have to spell that out to you. You're extremely dramatic in your postings...are you ok? Anyone who thinks Mumsnet should stage an intervention and ring the police for a cough is not ok surely? I'm sure OP will see to it one way or another that the boy gets medical attention for his cough.

I don't usually join in with a pile on but seriously op the best thing that could happen for your nephew and his siblings is to be taken away from your sister. If your wider family don't speak to you so what?. Someone needs to protect those children and sooner rather than later.

I was thinking that too

I have autism. I don't get subtle or hints or sarcasm.

It's not a cough though is it. You're entitled to your opinion.

I'm genuinely confused if my views are too relaxed, or if these posters are all just really high-strung...

My brother had asthma/hay fever so spent most of his childhood coughing.

Had very middle class attentive parents plus nannies - in fact my mum was a major hypochondriac around her own and our health. But generally we just ignored his permanent cough because we knew it was asthma/hay fever.

If it suddenly worsens to the point of throwing up, would definitely rush to doctor. Agreed it's crazy to have ignored his throwing up for the past 1-2 weeks. At the same time, as stated earlier, not sure SS will intervene for busy mother ostensibly not being able to get a same day GP appointment for 1-2 weeks? Why do posters jump to SS removing the child? Am I going crazy here?

So has he had this cough for a year now?
And in the last two weeks when he's been at home more and not out at school, it has progressed to coughing so much he is constantly vomitting?

Is your sister smoking a lot in the home? Or smoking drugs? In the home in a poor state eg mould?

Would she go to the pharmacist? I took DD to the pharmacist to ask for advice for a persistent cough, and the pharmacist said as it had been going on for 3 weeks, take her to the doctor. The doctor prescribed an inhaler (but without an asthma diagnosis), and it cleared up very quickly.

It's easier to get to see a pharmacist, and maybe their advice counts for more than relatives!

I'm genuinely confused if my views are too relaxed, or if these posters are all just really high-strung...

I will un-confuse you then!

Your views are way too relaxed

Children die from asthma, so most loving parents wouldn't ignore an asthmatic child coughing You'd take the child to the GP if the cough persisted more than a couple of weeks and get treated and given a life-saving inhaler.

I think it's the fact that the sister seems to be avoiding talking about this and is pursuing her own 'unhealthy need's' over her child's needs.

Obviously not.

Do you realise how many of the threads on here are completely made up? They can't waste police time and resources every time someone posts stuff on here that might not even be true.

OP…SS don't remove children unless it’s necessary, by getting them involved you are doing the best for your nephew, something which you claim you want. If your sister is neglecting/abusing her kids they need people to speak up for them, not avoid doing this for fear of fallouts….be brave, you can report concerns for children anonymously via SS or NSPCC.

Lol why do I actually find the silly little snide jab so amusing though? Hand on heart, I don't think not being hysterical makes parents not loving. Obviously my brother had Ventolin (but not to be over-used on dr's instructions) but we weren't rushing him to the doctor every time he coughed because they would just report that it's asthma / allergies

I do think it's a bit of both to be honest. I genuinely find it quite hard to believe SS will take a child away for a mother not being able to book a GP appt for 1-2 weeks.

The 1 year thing I think the mother could easily plead ignorance – many children have coughs that come and go multiple times during the year – although I personally would have taken my poor child for scans/allergy tests to double check at least once.

I do agree that as a whole this is a very irresponsible mother, but I genuinely feel like SS probably has a more stringent threshold including documentation. Or maybe I'm wrong, admittedly not familiar with the system

The problem is as you know with asthma running in your family, that all it takes is one asthma attack with no reliver inhaler he would likely go into cardiac arrest. Can you imagine the panic he'd feel if at 6 he got to the point he couldn't breath and had nothing to help him and your sister is ignoring it. I'm 25 and still panic when I have a asthma attack and I am on medication.

I know you really are in a hard place but you need to take him out for the day and go to your nearest minor injuries if you don't know his doctor and raise a safe guarding worry. You'd never forgive yourself if anything happened to him and if you were investigated and ss found out you knew how would that fair for you and your family?

SS don't just take children away into care , they offer help and support to families who need it to care for their children properly.

Poor little boy. At least he has a kind aunty looking out for him.

If DSis has blocked you for talking to her about it won't she do the same to your mum if your mum tries talking to her again too? Get your mum to offer to babysit, take him to A&E when he's with you and in the meantime report your concerns to SS/whilst waiting for the opportunity to take him yourselves? If the kids get taken away its their parents fault not yours.

So your parents did take their child to the GP, he did get diagnosed and did get treated?

I know, this would make sense but all the pages of posts about how the child needs to be – and will be – taken away from his mother now are confusing me!

Anyway just found out from above post that inhalers aren't available OTC (it is in many countries eg Aus - I'm not from the UK but live here now), not sure if hay fever medication is available OTC in the UK either, so the dramatic reaction makes more sense to me.

Diagnosed as a baby, OTC inhalers for most of childhood, routine yearly checkups

@alyceflowers that said recurring coughs from allergies etc also common where I grew up