Dsis is neglecting her own child

[aunty2]

I know neglect is a big word to use, but at this point I'm at my wits end and had enough. I will be careful on how to word this as don't want it to be outing.

I want to start off by saying I love my sister, I know she is a good person, but life hasn't been kind to her and consequently she has derailed quite abit which unfortunately impacts the kids the most negatively. I can't respect her as a mother anymore.

Dsis has 3 children and lives with their dad. They don't have a healthy relationship, that is a whole different thread.

My concern is dnephew. He has been sick for quite a while with this chronic symptoms that won't seem to go. On the outside my nephew looks and seems fine. I've constantly pointed out to dsis and family his symptom doesn't seem right and needs checking upon. He is 6. This has been ongoing for a year now until recently his symptom has got worse and means that he is constantly throwing up. Again he still looks well but the poor thing is suffering and has become normalised to being sick. Me, dparents, and my siblings have all said nephew needs to go to the drs asap. However everytime we say this dsis comes up a list of excuses.

First it was the drs can't see him on the same day

Then it was they won't want to know it's not that bad

Then it was oh well I'm working and bla bla bla.

Thing is dsis constantly makes time for herself and her unhealthy needs. Meanwhile my nephew isn't being prioritised. I can't even book the appointment for him as I have no idea what his Dr is. We are all worried he will suffocate on his own sick in the night. I'm really getting angry about dsis and her behaviour, and also their waste of space dad who can never be held responsible for anything. That child is being failed by his own parents.

What do I do? Aibu to have ago at dsis. I've had enough of being nice about it. My only worry is by confronting dsis she will distance herself and nephew from me which will mean I won't be able to know how he is or what is going on.

@flutterbyebaby I said that has started the beginning of THIS HALF TERM. stop creating drama we're there isn't any. I'm done justifying.

The thing is about giving one last chance, “talking” at some vague point in the future, is that your nephew could have a coughing fit at any given moment, and die. It has happened, especially if this is indeed asthma.

you’re wasting valuable time.

@randomuser2019 great, thanks.

@BluebelllsRosesDaffodills

There are a vast number of people who have zero issue admitting they best their kids. It’s shocking.

Think you've had plenty of advice and everyone is all saying the same thing. But you obviously don't wish to take it

But the mysterious symptoms have been going on for a year, no?

I'm hardly the one causing drama and you have only started to minimise what you have been posting since people have started to question you

What did you expect when you started the thread? People, just about everyone in fact, have told you to call SS or report to the school and your getting upset because of your fannying about is raising even more concern.

So did I. As an adult, even now if my anxiety levels become too high, I feel like there's a tight band about my rib cage... and vomit. Like your nephew, @aunty2 I became so used to the vomiting as a child that whilst my grandparents and oldest brother were worrying about it that I remember saying to the GP, when I couldn't have been very much older than your nephew, "it's just happens; it's no big deal!". Except it was, and it continues to affect my life some 40 odd years later. Please don't let it become your nephew's future, too. Advocate for him, and his siblings, even if it costs you a relationship with their mother. Call Children's Services; tell them your concerns about your sister's neglect of her son and point out that your nephew has parents who have been flagged up for domestic abuse already. Chances are that the main reason as to why your nephew isn't being taken to the GP is because your sister is terrified as to what he might tell them. Because they'll ask him for the circumstances surrounding the onslaught of his symptoms and "Dad hurts Mum" (or even vice versa) might well be his answer.

No one else is going to advocate for this little boy and his siblings. If your family's as like mine as I think it is, it'll get brushed under the carpet as "a family matter" and ranks will close against you if you dare to bring the appropriate services into play... but, c'mon - you already know this. But you also, I hope, know that you have no other options, really. Deep down, if you're being honest, you already know what you have to do - and why. That "why" is what's holding you back,

Please don't let it.

My oldest brother, who is 14 years my senior, turned 60 this year and his one regret in life, apparently (his wife asked him at his party) isn't that he went NC with our mother during his 30s, it was that he didn't stop her from abusing me when I was very small. He could have done, but our grandparents - who were also worried about me - kept telling him that it was a family matter, and they weren't prepared to run the risk of my parents (my two brothers lived with my maternal grandparents 300 odd miles away from where I grew up with our mothr and my oblivious-but-very-quick-tempered father) refusing to let them see me and "keep an eye on the situation". I was lucky, though. I had a family GP who advocated for me and when I turned 16, he gently tried to steer me into cutting ties with my mother, myself, because he'd always seen/known the abuse she doled out to me. I didn't ever tell anyone the extent of it, but they knew. They just preferred the easier route of not doing anything to help/protect me. My brother's now a paeds consultant and he sees horrifically high amounts of young children with similar situations/family situations to me, your nephew, OP, and some of the other posters on here. Know what he does? He flags them up, to the appropriate services, because he regrets not being able to do so for me - and because it's the right thing to do.

It is the right thing to do.

Please call someone in safeguarding who can step in and, one way or another, help your nephew and figure out what is making him so physically unwell.

Just call SS.

OP - Ask yourself who has your niece got to stand up for him?

You're all fretting over her losing her kids.

You know what the right thing to do is.

nephew even

I feel for that poorly lad.

Your sister doesn't give a shit about her child's health is that not obvious by your own words that she has continually shut you down and made excuses (shit excuses) and now actually blocked you! You are all pandering to this woman instead of protecting this poor boy who is helpless. What makes you think your sister will suddenly change her mind and react differently after a whole year of this? She needs tough love and that's putting it very nicely. You sound like your in denial that your sister is actually just abusing and neglecting her child. It's painful admitting that I'm sure and I get that but your nephews well-being is the only thing that matters!!!!!

I would phone the NSPCC and get some advice on what you can do.

Poor lad.

I would report anonymously if she has responded evasively so far. He cannot carry on like this without help.

You can't report anonymously. You need to give your name.

This is real life. Not some drama show

Exactly , real life , where a small child is apparently being neglected.

😂😂😂Oh behave.

Wow... I feel like I'm going crazy from the hysterics/ lack of reading comprehension on this thread.

The throwing up has only been going on for 1-2 weeks, not a year. I agree any decent mother would rush their child to the doctor, but will SS actually consider 1-2 weeks abuse/neglect? Especially considering how hard it is to book a GP these days – I tried getting my DC same-day appointments a few times unsuccessfully over weeks (though I know this mother is not trying at all).

It looks like they have only had a cough for a year. Yes it should definitely have been seen to earlier, but at the same time a long term cough is generally common, especially in children with allergies or asthma.

Could you have him over to your house a few times, then, on a visit, take him to emergency and say it's gone on for some time but it's gotten really worse so they can see him. Tell his mom that it got really bad so you took him in. I believe they'll see him, although I don't really know for sure. It's sneaky, but you can play innocent and get him seen. It certainly beats calling child welfare.

Could you request a callback from 111 and give your sisters contact details and information that you know about nephews symptoms this would flag to medical services

You find a poorly lad not getting medical treatment funny.

Sick!

Report to social services as a safeguarding issue, he needs to be seen and sorted regardless of what his mum thinks.