Dsis is neglecting her own child

[aunty2]

I know neglect is a big word to use, but at this point I'm at my wits end and had enough. I will be careful on how to word this as don't want it to be outing.

I want to start off by saying I love my sister, I know she is a good person, but life hasn't been kind to her and consequently she has derailed quite abit which unfortunately impacts the kids the most negatively. I can't respect her as a mother anymore.

Dsis has 3 children and lives with their dad. They don't have a healthy relationship, that is a whole different thread.

My concern is dnephew. He has been sick for quite a while with this chronic symptoms that won't seem to go. On the outside my nephew looks and seems fine. I've constantly pointed out to dsis and family his symptom doesn't seem right and needs checking upon. He is 6. This has been ongoing for a year now until recently his symptom has got worse and means that he is constantly throwing up. Again he still looks well but the poor thing is suffering and has become normalised to being sick. Me, dparents, and my siblings have all said nephew needs to go to the drs asap. However everytime we say this dsis comes up a list of excuses.

First it was the drs can't see him on the same day

Then it was they won't want to know it's not that bad

Then it was oh well I'm working and bla bla bla.

Thing is dsis constantly makes time for herself and her unhealthy needs. Meanwhile my nephew isn't being prioritised. I can't even book the appointment for him as I have no idea what his Dr is. We are all worried he will suffocate on his own sick in the night. I'm really getting angry about dsis and her behaviour, and also their waste of space dad who can never be held responsible for anything. That child is being failed by his own parents.

What do I do? Aibu to have ago at dsis. I've had enough of being nice about it. My only worry is by confronting dsis she will distance herself and nephew from me which will mean I won't be able to know how he is or what is going on.

If you won't stand up for this lad who will?

Hakeem needed an adult to fight his corner.

Hakeem Hussain: 'Horrendous' lack of help for asthma death boy - BBC News

Original post: This has been ongoing for a year now until recently his symptom has got worse and means that he is constantly throwing up

Later update: Ironically the throwing up with it only started when he was on half term. My mum said she is hoping when he goes up to school someone will flag it

To be honest I think OP might not be back because no one on this thread can read before going into hysterics. I do hope her poor niece gets medical help asap though, must be in such discomfort with the vomiting

@whyhelloo how on earth is the poor boy going to get better without any adult taking responsibility and having him seen?
OP should be on the phone to her sister and then she should be reporting her to SS.
I wouldnt want to be in touch with anyone who has knowingly put any child in harms way or has deliberately neglected a child or person for that matter

Take him to A&E? Call his school?

@UnshakenNeedsStirring yes of course, I think the wiser thing to do would be to just somehow take him to the bloody dr herself though.

Plus it's a pity asthma inhalers not available OTC in the UK as trialling asthma inhalers is not harmful, probably no more than taking Calpol for everything anyway! Is hay fever/allergy medication available OTC in the UK? OP can pass some to her sister to try in low doses.

Reason why direct action is more effective imo – I don't know how long the SS process will take; secondly, I don't know if this meets the threshold. The poor boy in the link above had a literal crack den household and SS didn't really intervene.

UK posters are saying not taking child to GP for chronic cough is abuse though, so ok (though I'm still not sure if MN reflective of real life as why didn't school/teachers ask, if it had been going on for a year?) maybe SS would consider it so. To me the ignoring vomiting bit is more shocking, but I think ignoring vomiting might be ok/common in the UK.

Me too this is how I read it. One symptom been going on for a year later explained in a post to be a cough. Symptom has recently got much worse leading child to throw up. Same still applies Op needs to act but shame the Op got completely tore into.

I would call the school and SS to raise a welfare concern.

This poor child has been suffering for a year, with exacerbated symptoms since half term, so seven or eight weeks.

If you don’t do the right thing OP, how will you sleep at night?

Op can you speak with your nephew privately about it?

I have asthma. It is a potentially serious illness which must be treated. If he does have asthma and coughs so much that he can’t breathe and then throws up, he could end up with a severe asthma attack and suffocate. If he has asthma, he needs allergy and breathing tests, plus daily maintenance meds and rescue inhalers. Please help him.

Here is the big difference. In the UK you don’t do regular yearly check up. If all healthy then they can go years between seeing a medical professional.

In your case, there was a diagnosis, medicine and yearly reviews. Totally different to the scenario described.

OP - if you’re still reading (and I’m afraid I haven’t read the whole thread so apologies if it’s already been suggested), but is there any way you or your mum could take him to A&E to get checked out? If your mum was looking after him and he became symptomatic (again) then she could legitimately be worried enough about him to need urgent medical attention, if you were with her and she had all the DC then perhaps you could take him as she couldn’t leave herself… Of course this should be reported to school and so on as well, but it seems to me your overriding worry is (rightly) the state of his health and the quickest way to get answers on that will probably be at A&E. If you can get him there you can flag the safeguarding concern to staff there too and this may result in more proactive medical follow up via GP. Might be quicker than going the other way round and reporting and then waiting for SS to get your sister to comply with doctors appointments etc.
just an idea… I’m thinking of your nephew and hope you’re able to offer him some tangible help. Good luck

In the UK for asthma it is an annual check up!

Nephew not niece!

I WOULD TAKE HIM TO HOSPITAL/A&E IF I WAS YOU POOR MITE

And say he dies or is permanently unwell what will your mum do then??

An ambulance or a home visit for a coughing child? Presumably you're not in the UK. Absolutely no way they would see you at home for a coughing child

You can't just take a child to the doctor without parental permission.

Last half term was in February. Not a week ago. The child has been vomiting for 6 weeks. It's not normal to ignore that. In the UK we are advised to see a doctor if vomiting goes on more than a few days or if coughing goes on more than a few weeks.

In the UK there are no routine check ups for children or anyone else after age 2! You go to the doctor only if you are ill. Many people go years between GP visits. And you can get an inhaler only from the doctor.
It's not the same as a child whose parent had bought them an inhaler and who was also getting a yearly check up. These parents have not taken any action to help their child. Can't you see it's different?
Lots of children do die from asthma - the UK has a lot of poverty, poor quality housing stock with mould and damp, plus the climate is damp as well. That's presumably why asthma is monitored more closely here than wherever you're from.

@SnackSizeRaisin yes of course, it works the same anywhere in the world, but if he's spewing everywhere, surely bringing him (eg A&E? parental consent not required AFAIK) and trying your luck would be most expedient means

I'm pretty sure OP means easter break. She says the reason school hasn't flagged it up is because child hasn't been at school vomiting yet. Otherwise I can't imagine how a teacher wouldn't be concerned about that either.

Dunno, seen loads of posts on MN about letting vomiting bugs pass without bothering to go to the doctor for weeks - one just upthread. Clearly this one is probably respiratory rather than a bug though, but I think subconsciously being used to vomiting bugs might lower your sense of alarm... Idk.

@SnackSizeRaisin ok I think people are reading too much into the yearly checkup in schools, it's extremely basic and not respiratory based at all! But generally asthma is a self-managed condition (with inhalers) where I'm from, and formal/immediate diagnosis is often not seen as that urgent.

The mould and damp point makes a huge amount of sense, housing conditions and climate very different, and I've seen those articles of children's deaths as well.

If you know your sister will just acquiesce out of embarrassment rather than turn the doctor away, maybe pay for a home visit by a private doc eg doctorcall? It will cost a pretty penny but will be asap. Can get your mum on site as well

@whyhelloo - strange question and nothing to do with this thread, are you male or female?

I remember reading about him, poor boy. I think there was a safeguarding meeting, in which someone (a nurse?) was advising that leaving him with his mum could be fatal... even with this information, they couldn't pull out their fingers and act immediately, drug addict mum had passed out while her son was gasping for air... and so he died a day after it was supposedly decided for him to be taken away.

@Exhibity don't know what question you're referring to, and your question is too weird for me to bother replying

Does the UK have doctor house calls? We have them in capital cities. They aren't your regular doctor, you just get whoever is on duty. Only open after hours and weekends. Doctor comes to you and can write scripts. Paid for by the government. You sometimes have to wait hours though for them to turn up.