Page 9 | To think being a housewife might be nice ?

Felixss · 2023-04-13T13:55:32+00:00

I'm on leave I've managed to get the housework done the deep cleaning , decluttered, sorted my clothes and 3 tip runs. I've washed the covers on the sofa and got through a mountain of laundry. Food shop delivered, put away and ordered DDs new shoes. I'm going to sand down and paint DDs chest of drawers. To top it off I've cooked a lovely healthy meal for the family. I feel really pleased I've managed to do all the jobs I've been meaning to do. I'm always snowed under stressed from work and end up not doing it all. I do have a cleaner but they don't do the nitty gritty really. AIBU to think being a house wife actually might be nice ? Less pressure and you can complete all the home stuff at your leisure. 🤣 I wouldn't do this as I've worked so hard to get where I am but I can see why it might be tempting.

merrymelodies · 14/04/2023 06:08

It's a hell of a lot of work, unpaid and unappreciated.

MinnieMountain · 14/04/2023 06:19

I didn’t go back to work until DS was 3. It was so boring in the end.

Itsnotpacific · 14/04/2023 06:25

DHsPoorBack · 13/04/2023 22:43

It entirely depends where you draw your fulfilment from.

I'm a qualified professional, letters after my name etc. Hated it. Done the big important job, and whilst I felt a small amount of satisfaction when I'd achieve something deemed impressive within my field, it was short lived. I hated work. Good money. That's the only pro for me.

I'm now SAHM to 3DC and I love it. We have toddler twins, so the well maintained house has essentially gone to shit, but it won't be like that forever. I draw up and print out meal plans so everyone knows what's for dinner for the next ten days. I have the time to sell all the DC old toys and clothes on eBay and make actually a decent amount.

I repair things instead of throwing away and buying replacements. I dress the dining room for Easter, or Mother's Day, and have family over all the time for meals I've enjoyed sourcing ingredients for, then making. I batch cook maybe 4 lasagnas, or shepherds pies on a Monday, so we've always got great food in the freezer.

I get real fulfilment from keeping the house as nice as I can. Making delicious meals. Having the time to spend actual quality time with DM and DNan, who are both not getting any younger. Whilst we are a one salary home, and I definitely don't bring monetary value equivalent to what I could earn, I do save us on nursery fees, I make over £500 a month on selling things the kids have grown out of on eBay, and clothes I don't want anymore. I'm a great cook, and being afforded the time to batch cook, means we eat fantastically, for about £1 per portion, all because I have the time to go right from scratch and spend a whole day cooking. We also no longer have a cleaner. I'm learning to properly prune and shape the hedges too.

My brain has definitely turned to mush. Constant kids TV, most of my adult interaction and conversation is from being in a shop of some sort, hardly taxing. I get frustrated when I can't think of the right word to describe something, when my vocabulary used to be enormous. But this is only my intellect that's taken a hit. I'm still kind, funny, interesting, and lots of good qualities. I'd take loss of intellect over full time work any day of the week. But that's just me, I can't fathom how people get any fulfilment from their job, just as they can't fathom how I get any fulfilment from being a housewife.

I think you chose the wrong job.

I'm a midwife and I absolutely love it.
It's hard but fulfilling and I look forward to every single day.
I also enjoy a clean, tidy home, cook from scratch, garden,pets etc.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/04/2023 07:22

@LolaSmiles

I think that's the case when there's young children, but don't think there's a lot of men who would be happy working full time so their wife can be a housewife, live a leisurely lifestyle and have dinner on the table.

Agree, I think there’s a huge difference between being a SAHM to small children for a limited period and being a professional “housewife”.

The former is a very practical short term solution which makes sense for a lot of families for a limited period. The latter, unless there are health factors, is ridiculous ersatz 1950s cosplay which relies on imbalance and dependency in the marriage. I wouldn’t respect a man who wanted that from a wife. And thankfully they seem to be dying out.

WhatALightbulbMoment · 14/04/2023 07:32

I think it all depends on what kind of job you have. If you love your job, it allows you to pay for a cleaner and you're not out of the house for 60 hours a week, then IME working is definitely better than being a housewife. If you're in minimum wage job that is boring and pointless and you find yourself doing all the housework on weekends, then you're better off at home.

I am always fascinated by women on here who say they love being at home (I only know 2 SAHMs in RL and they are very frustrated). I have 3 DC and really look forward to going back to work on Mondays after a weekend of constant demands, cleaning up spills, someone shouting 'Muuuuum' from the other end of the house every 5 minutes, listening to boring discussions about who started the latest quarrel..... I'd go crazy without my job. I also love having my own money.

LolaSmiles · 14/04/2023 08:09

Thepeopleversuswork
I agree with you and think some of this thread mixes the two up.

Your idea of 50s cosplay sums it up to me. Playing tradwife and wanting a man to bankroll you for life whilst you look pretty and make dinner is unlikely to attract the sort of man who believes women are equal. Lots of the tradwife style content is dripping with internalised misogyny.

Delatron · 14/04/2023 08:17

LolaSmiles · 13/04/2023 23:07

Some men are probably happy for their wives to take care of things at home whilst they focus on their career. This is not unheard of really is it? Just because many don’t agree with it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t work for many couples.
I think that's the case when there's young children, but don't think there's a lot of men who would be happy working full time so their wife can be a housewife, live a leisurely lifestyle and have dinner on the table.

I know of a few situations where there's been resentment or conflict where the SAHP has been reluctant to return to work once the children were teens / very quick to find reasons why they can't work more than minimal part time hours when adult children have left home.

I agree and that’s the problem isn’t it?

Many men love having a wife at home when the kids are little - they don’t have to do any of the drudgery involved with young children, no juggling, they can just focus on their jobs! Lucky them! Many encourage it. After all it’s saves childcare money.

Fast forward many years and finally it’s not so hard for them women once the kids are school. And the men may get resentful. But the woman hasn’t worked for so many years it’s tricky to get a decent job, well paid job. And someone still needs to sort out the after school pickup/care and cover the holidays and illness. Only the man’s job is so much more important…

So in that scenario I struggle to see how the man can demand the wife (who he was make then happy to stay at home for -at least 5 years) can suddenly demand she gets a low paid job. If she manages to get a high paid flexible job then great! Or if he steps on to cover the school runs and do 50%? You se this situation a lot on here. And to be fair there’s often no sympathy for the wife. It’s normally her fault for not carrying on working.

FedUpCoveringOthers · 14/04/2023 08:18

DHsPoorBack · 13/04/2023 22:43

It entirely depends where you draw your fulfilment from.

I'm a qualified professional, letters after my name etc. Hated it. Done the big important job, and whilst I felt a small amount of satisfaction when I'd achieve something deemed impressive within my field, it was short lived. I hated work. Good money. That's the only pro for me.

I'm now SAHM to 3DC and I love it. We have toddler twins, so the well maintained house has essentially gone to shit, but it won't be like that forever. I draw up and print out meal plans so everyone knows what's for dinner for the next ten days. I have the time to sell all the DC old toys and clothes on eBay and make actually a decent amount.

I repair things instead of throwing away and buying replacements. I dress the dining room for Easter, or Mother's Day, and have family over all the time for meals I've enjoyed sourcing ingredients for, then making. I batch cook maybe 4 lasagnas, or shepherds pies on a Monday, so we've always got great food in the freezer.

I get real fulfilment from keeping the house as nice as I can. Making delicious meals. Having the time to spend actual quality time with DM and DNan, who are both not getting any younger. Whilst we are a one salary home, and I definitely don't bring monetary value equivalent to what I could earn, I do save us on nursery fees, I make over £500 a month on selling things the kids have grown out of on eBay, and clothes I don't want anymore. I'm a great cook, and being afforded the time to batch cook, means we eat fantastically, for about £1 per portion, all because I have the time to go right from scratch and spend a whole day cooking. We also no longer have a cleaner. I'm learning to properly prune and shape the hedges too.

My brain has definitely turned to mush. Constant kids TV, most of my adult interaction and conversation is from being in a shop of some sort, hardly taxing. I get frustrated when I can't think of the right word to describe something, when my vocabulary used to be enormous. But this is only my intellect that's taken a hit. I'm still kind, funny, interesting, and lots of good qualities. I'd take loss of intellect over full time work any day of the week. But that's just me, I can't fathom how people get any fulfilment from their job, just as they can't fathom how I get any fulfilment from being a housewife.

‘But this is only my intellect that's taken a hit.’

Lots of depressing comments from women on this thread but this might win. I am grateful my daughter and sons will never hear this shit from me or my friends.

FedUpCoveringOthers · 14/04/2023 08:21

Felixss · 13/04/2023 22:43

I don't think many men are happy with it nowadays. A lot of men don't respect a woman that doesn't work and expects to be kept. Ask a millennial or gen z man would he be happy to have a housewife most would say no 🤣.

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Thank goodness things are changing. No way would my young adult daughter see housewife duties as aspirational.

When people say, ‘my husband was happy for me to stay at home’, I think, ‘I bet he was’!! Free childcare and domestic drudgery taken care of, and she says she wants it too!

FedUpCoveringOthers · 14/04/2023 08:22

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/04/2023 22:50

I hope so. It's certainly true for my husband.

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We shared 50:50 from day one. It can be done.

AnneBerlin · 14/04/2023 08:25

SkyandSurf · 13/04/2023 23:52

I've heard other SAHM with young children say they have 'complete freedom' over their time, and I don't understand it. Can you explain that some more?

When I was on mat leave with a newborn and a toddler (admittedly during lockdown so not a typical experience) I felt like I had no freedom. Everything was around their moods, their naps, the mess they made. I didn't have a minute to myself to read a book or text a friend. Even when I was out with them, I wasn't free- I couldn't even finish a thought in my own head without being interrupted by someone who needed something.

When I returned to work and realised that if I felt like a coffee or a wee, I could just... stand up from my desk and go do that without thinking of anyone else- that felt like freedom to me!

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Yes, all of that is very true! Writing this response will probably take me about 45 minutes

I just love being available for my family - if my girls are unwell then I can spend the day looking after them without having to call my boss, I can book medical appointments without having to worry about meetings, if the boiler breaks then I can be around to get it sorted asap. I know that WFH offers some of these perks as well, I just absolutely love not being chained to a job for the majority of my waking hours. Having to report to somebody. I just hate the feeling that someone else is in control of my time. I don't mind so much if it's my own children

LynetteScavo · 14/04/2023 08:31

I'd love to be a house wife - all that time to cook and bake from scratch, everything would be orderly and clean. I'd walk a lot more, rather than use the as I'd have more time. I wouldn't be stressed or tired from working, so would be more pleasant to be around. I have a strange contract which means I don't work a lot of school holidays- it was perfect when my DC were younger, but I'm very, very reluctant to give it up for more money.

TwoManyKids · 14/04/2023 08:32

What sort of salary would a husband be making for a woman to stay at home? My BIL is on 80,000 and my sister still works. She would prefer not to.

Sconesandgravy · 14/04/2023 08:41

I had a long period off sick and then left my job. Being a SAHM is the most boring thing I have ever experienced.
I'm currently in the process of finding a new more suitable job just to get me away from the boredom

Marie0001 · 14/04/2023 08:41

I would love to be a SAHW/M.
I love being at home, gardening, baking, batch cooking, and getting involved in the local community.
I have actually quit my job pretty much due to burn out and fertility issues, so will be trialling this which I am excited about, but will need to go back to work eventually! There is a slight nervousness about not making money, however we are relatively comfortable and can cut out some luxuries.
I would much rather ‘work’ for my family than another man (or woman)
I’m hoping when I do need to find a job part time and with much more balance and ideally more work from home time.

YANBU!

Itsnotpacific · 14/04/2023 08:43

AnneBerlin · 14/04/2023 08:25

Yes, all of that is very true! Writing this response will probably take me about 45 minutes

I just love being available for my family - if my girls are unwell then I can spend the day looking after them without having to call my boss, I can book medical appointments without having to worry about meetings, if the boiler breaks then I can be around to get it sorted asap. I know that WFH offers some of these perks as well, I just absolutely love not being chained to a job for the majority of my waking hours. Having to report to somebody. I just hate the feeling that someone else is in control of my time. I don't mind so much if it's my own children

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Being a midwife and able to request shifts means I can plan all that bar child illness and still work.
But when they were little DH and I took opposite shifts so it wasn't an issue.

I can't believe women give up work because their boiler might need fixing 😂

Backtobed · 14/04/2023 08:44

I am a housewife and I find the way people are talking about it on this thread so demeaning.

I love my life and have the option to go back to work any time I want to, but choose not to.

L3ThirtySeven · 14/04/2023 08:45

That’s my retirement plan- housewife with a househusband. Just pottering about getting things done that never seem to get to the top of the to do list. Really making my garden a vision of beauty. Clearing out clutter. Doing projects for the DC - furniture restoration like you have done. Going for long walks around lakes and in woods. Catching up more often with friends and family.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 14/04/2023 08:53

Backtobed · 14/04/2023 08:44

I am a housewife and I find the way people are talking about it on this thread so demeaning.

I love my life and have the option to go back to work any time I want to, but choose not to.

What's demeaning? Being told that we would find to boring? How is that demeaning?? There are a lot of things I would find boring, it's a personal thing!

AnneBerlin · 14/04/2023 08:58

TwoManyKids · 14/04/2023 08:32

What sort of salary would a husband be making for a woman to stay at home? My BIL is on 80,000 and my sister still works. She would prefer not to.

My DH is only on £30k! We both felt very strongly that we wanted our DC to have a SAHP and knew we'd have to do a LOT of planning to make that happen. We saved my whole earnings for over 5 years before TTC. We are now using that money to get us through until the DC go to school. It's working really well, and we should actually have most of the money left when that time comes.

Obviously there were other sacrifices - we stayed in our first house (though it's still a very adequate 3 bed in a lovely area) while our friends were all upsizing. We don't have the latest of everything. Both very pleased with the decisions and sacrifices we made
And yes, @Itsnotpacific - obviously the top priority in all of this was being available to get the boiler fixed 😂

Backtobed · 14/04/2023 09:00

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 14/04/2023 08:53

What's demeaning? Being told that we would find to boring? How is that demeaning?? There are a lot of things I would find boring, it's a personal thing!

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It's not just being called boring though is it

Maybe I'd find waking up at the same time every day and going to the same place to do the same job boring, but I don't choose to put people down based on that which is what people are doing here

Dibbydoos · 14/04/2023 09:00

I'm planning my early retirement - 5 years away and I can't wait. I run my own business which means working full time plus managing the business. Im also an nED for a couple of big companies and i lecture at uni for 10-12 hours a year.

I will still do NED work (voluntary) it'll just be a few days a quarter or so. I might do a phD so I can be a Prof at uni, we'll see.

I keep thinking how lovely the house will be, but it probably won't cos every day I get where I am free, I'll be out walking with my dogs, all over the Chilterns 😉

TwoManyKids · 14/04/2023 09:03

AnneBerlin · 14/04/2023 08:58

My DH is only on £30k! We both felt very strongly that we wanted our DC to have a SAHP and knew we'd have to do a LOT of planning to make that happen. We saved my whole earnings for over 5 years before TTC. We are now using that money to get us through until the DC go to school. It's working really well, and we should actually have most of the money left when that time comes.

Obviously there were other sacrifices - we stayed in our first house (though it's still a very adequate 3 bed in a lovely area) while our friends were all upsizing. We don't have the latest of everything. Both very pleased with the decisions and sacrifices we made
And yes, @Itsnotpacific - obviously the top priority in all of this was being available to get the boiler fixed 😂

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Wow- I find that so impressive!

Isledelaray · 14/04/2023 09:05

I love it. We.didnt have much choice as we couldn't have afforded nursery fees even with my old salary and no family nearby to help with childcare.

I don't want to go back to work at all when my child goes to school but it will help us a lot financially so I'm making the most of my 5 years off! I don't see what I do as work at all - yes it's tiring but I get to be at home, with my little one and do what I want, when I want.

FedUpCoveringOthers · 14/04/2023 09:09

Some people are so unimaginative about work. Thinking all jobs are about offices, making money and working for a corporation.

There are other jobs, in the NHS, charity sector, international development etc where there are other goals too.

I can’t believe so many here don’t know that the world of work is not just about big business; maybe they need to open their housewifely eyes a bit.