To think being a housewife might be nice ?

[Felixss]

I'm on leave I've managed to get the housework done the deep cleaning , decluttered, sorted my clothes and 3 tip runs. I've washed the covers on the sofa and got through a mountain of laundry. Food shop delivered, put away and ordered DDs new shoes. I'm going to sand down and paint DDs chest of drawers. To top it off I've cooked a lovely healthy meal for the family.
I feel really pleased I've managed to do all the jobs I've been meaning to do. I'm always snowed under stressed from work and end up not doing it all. I do have a cleaner but they don't do the nitty gritty really.

AIBU to think being a house wife actually might be nice ? Less pressure and you can complete all the home stuff at your leisure. 🤣 I wouldn't do this as I've worked so hard to get where I am but I can see why it might be tempting.

I could easily live on my husband's salary. I don't want to.

I take pride in earning my own money. I don't want to live off of a man, I'm an adult and as an adult, I earn my own money.

It isn't always easy but it's worth it. I'm not the kind to just go with the easy option.

I don't choose not to work because I don't like it. You're right...I don't like it but my circumstances mean I need to be around during the day to collect my DC from school. If I didn't have children I would work.

But yes, I find society to be horribly superficial and materialistic and I think it's awful

Why can’t people just do them and stop judging others?! Everyone loves their kids, some people work so they can take their kids on lovely holidays and do great things at weekends. Others want to SAH and spend time with the kids…. Whether working is choice or necessity isn’t a thing to be demonised over… why is it always the woman that is judged for working? Men don’t get this judgement or crap

Well it's fortunate that your spiritual depth and lack of materialism didn't stop you from marrying a man who earns enough to enable you to do hobbies and nap in the day because you couldn't possibly do the school run if you worked. (Didn't you say your kids are secondary age?)

What's unfortunate is that it's left you absolutely incapable of understanding that there are reasons for working other than money and materialism. It would probably blow your mind if you knew how much you benefit - non materialistically, of course - from such professions.

You must have missed the part where I said I was better off than him when we met.

Really, the growing level of hysteria is a bit bonkers!

Which is one of the many reasons why some women continue to work.

They don't want to lose their earning potential, they don't want to miss out on career progression, they don't want to prioritise their husband's career over their own career, they want a good pension when they retire etc.

Why arent people allowed to judge others?

They hypocrisy of people who clearly have opinions/judgements lecturing others for judging is too funny

In a sexist and patriarchal society I will always judge actions which reinforce sexist ideals

@Growlybear83

I really don't understand the level of vitriol on this thread. Why can't people accept that everyone is different, and some women find their careers fulfilling and enjoyable whilst others enjoy being housewives, without constantly slagging each other off? I really enjoyed my years as a housewife and found it very fulfilling although in a different way to a responsible job. I would never have gone back to work if it hadn't been a financial necessity.

Of course it would be nice if everyone "accepted each other's choices". And if I had a pound for every time someone had posted that earth-shattering revelation on a thread about working women I'd be a billionaire. It's a total motherhood and apple pie comment: no one can disagree with this.

But for people like me who have to work to support children, and who are constantly told we are dull and lacking in imagination or that we're corporate shills because we do so, it's much more complicated than this and it goes beyond "accepting each others choices".

It's not a fair fight for people who either have to work or can't work. We can't waft around feeling good about our "choices" to volunteer or do nice part time jobs or volunteering while we pick up our kids and put the dinner on because there are no choices for us. They are things we have to knuckle down and do. And I'm very aware that there are women on the other side of equation who can't work, for various reasons. I dislike working women attacking SAHMs for being boring because they stay at home as much as I dislike working mums being picked on for "farming out" their children or whatever.

But I reserve the right to feel aggrieved when women with "choices" coming out of their ears come on and discuss how "nice" it would be to play at being "housewives", to spend their lives having fun, doing fulfilling free work and propping up their husbands' careers.

I don't judge other people for having more "choices" than me and I don't expect women to sabotage their freedom in the name of an ideal, but I do think it's reasonable that people who have these choices allow those of us who don't (on both sides of this equation) the dignity of not being sneered at for seeking to put the best possible spin on the hand life has dealt us.

Sufficiently better off to offset a life time of no further financial contribution from you? 30+ years of earnings, at even a modest salary level is a lot of money.

No, I remember that. What's that got to do with it? A PP noted that you're unusual having a lot of independent wealth on marriage and then your husband having his career go "strength to strength" to the point of supporting the entire family while never having to work beyond 9-5.

I'm not judging anyone for their choices. I do think that people, on both sides of the discussion, are making themselves look very foolish. Whilst I realise that many people feel passionately about topics like this and about our society, not everyone really cares if we do live in a sexist society and not everyone looks down on other people for having different opinions. Why can't people just accept that everyone is different? The decisions I've made in my life were right for me and my family, and I don't expect them to necessarily be right for other people, but I try to respect that other people have different lives, out of choice or necessity. That doesn't make them better or worse than me - they have just made different choices. I think the way some people are judging others for how they choose to live their lives in this way is completely out of order.

But for people like me who have to work to support children

So if you won the lottery would you continue to work?

Of course if you have to support your family, you work...you can't live on fresh air.

It's not a lifetime. I have worked and will work again.

@Comedycook

So if you won the lottery would you continue to work?

Of course if you have to support your family, you work...you can't live on fresh air.

I would continue to work. I love work. I would insist on building in more flexibility, but I wouldn't stop.

Like many other working people (men and women) I feel work enhances my life for all sorts of reasons. It's intellectually stimulating, I like the social aspect and I like the results it achieves. Many people who are lucky enough to work in jobs which are socially useful are also contributing to society in various ways.

That doesn't mean I "can't imagine" having anything else in my life other than work. It doesn't mean I'm dull or a corporate shill or that I've drunk the KOOL Aid. Enjoying your work and enjoying your children/family/having outside interests are not mutually exclusive.

And if you acknowledge that I can't live on fresh air, why are you attacking me for having drunk the KOOL Aid?

But you don't need to. So why will that not be you being materialistic and wanting more and more?

Has this been going all night? What more is there to say? If women want to work, who cares? If women have to work, then it is what it is. Some women prefer to be with their children - Get over it. Nothing you can do about it so stop wasting energy 'judging.' Most women will do a combo of all if the above at some point in their lives anyway.

Because as a working woman, sexism makes it harder for me at work. Especially as I work in a male dominated industry.

Because I have a son and I want him to grow up in a more equal society.

I will not just roll over and accept it because some people don't care if they live in a sexist society.

I didn't attack you personally.

But putting aside the wohm and sahm debate....I can't see why describing our society as superficial or materialistic is controversial. As for work, that's needed for society to function...but, it's utterly grotesque that people are working longer hours than ever and that people are so busy and stressed. Even worse that we have been conditioned to think this is fine. Whatever happened to quality of life beyond material gain? Considering the technology we now have, people should be working less, but the drive for profit is strong.

Because I will only be in my forties when my two dc reach adulthood. I'd be happier not working but I wouldn't consider it fair to my dh if I didn't work when my DC are adults.

Who is making themselves look foolish? The women who care about society and sexism or the ones who don't and care only for personal preference? Because the way I see it, just because there are women who have managed to make sexism work to their personal advantage, it is still foolish (and selfish and shortsighted) to close one's eyes to it as an issue. Your daughters and their daughters may be amongst the majority of women, who are harmed by sexism. Is it not sensible to care about that?

That's exactly how I feel now. It makes no difference to me that my son is a baby.

I don't feel it would be fair not to work.

But what about materialism etc? Why does that only apply to workers other than you and your husband?

Yes it's exactly the same thing 🙄

The people who are making themselves look foolish are the ones who have been banging on about the same thing for the last 39 pages, and who are completely unwilling to accept that people have different views to them and are continually trying to belittle people whose opinions are different. Some people believe that sexism is rampant in our society, others don't, and others don't care - we are all entitled our own views without being belittled in such an offensive way as I've seen some posters doing. I'm not singling anyone out, and have seen over the top comments from both sides of the 'discussion'. But I'll leave you all to it - this thread really is Mumsnet at its very worst and I think some people should take a look at themselves and how they come across! 😂😂