To think being a housewife might be nice ?

[Felixss]

I'm on leave I've managed to get the housework done the deep cleaning , decluttered, sorted my clothes and 3 tip runs. I've washed the covers on the sofa and got through a mountain of laundry. Food shop delivered, put away and ordered DDs new shoes. I'm going to sand down and paint DDs chest of drawers. To top it off I've cooked a lovely healthy meal for the family.
I feel really pleased I've managed to do all the jobs I've been meaning to do. I'm always snowed under stressed from work and end up not doing it all. I do have a cleaner but they don't do the nitty gritty really.

AIBU to think being a house wife actually might be nice ? Less pressure and you can complete all the home stuff at your leisure. 🤣 I wouldn't do this as I've worked so hard to get where I am but I can see why it might be tempting.

I feel like this. But worked very hard to establish my careers so got a good balance now working part time and intend to carry on doing so when my youngest starts school.

Where did she say she couldn’t hack it?

Since leaving Uni I’ve had 2 jobs. One I really enjoyed. One I loved aspects of and really didn’t like aspects of. Neither of them gave my life meaning in the way that other women on this thread obviously do get meaning from their jobs and neither of them came anywhere close to the enjoyment and fulfilment I’ve had from being a SAHM. That’s nothing to do with not ‘hacking it’ in the world of work. Can you imagine the reaction if someone said a woman who chose to work because she found being at home with kids boring ‘couldn’t hack’ being a SAHM? People would rightly be appalled.

No it doesn't reflect badly on me. I had an unbearably stressful unpleasant time growing up....and despite being quite clever, my upbringing meant I couldn't focus on studying and having a career. My life isn't simple. If I hadn't have had children, I'd still be working albeit hating it. I fell into being a sahm for various reasons. My DC are secondary age now...I will work again at some point. However, I do love being at home and if I am at home, I may as well make the most of it. I'd happily never work again. And yes my dh currently funds me but when we first met, I had more money than him and helped him out many times. The fact we have a small mortgage helps me be able to stay at home and that's down to the huge deposit I had. Swings and roundabouts.

It reflects badly on you to make judgements about people when you have no idea of their individual situation.

@Comedycook

Yes I do agree. I hated working...never had a job I liked.

Which possibly explains why you struggle to understand that other women might actually be capable of enjoying their jobs? As opposed to just "Drinking the corporate Kool Aid" and propping up capitalism. And some of the other incredibly offensive comments you made about working mums over the weekend.

Fair enough if you don't like work but at least have the humility and imagination to understand that others might see things through a different lens.

I can see why if you hate work that might amplify your desire to find a way to get someone to support you to remain at home. In which case please just own it, rather than attacking women who don't have that luxury for being "corporate shills" etc.

I have nothing against working women..but if you can't fathom a life where you don't work or think you'd be bored if you didn't work, then yes, you've drunk the KOOL aid... By which I mean, we are led to believe that we can find fulfillment and happiness from money and possessions and staying on the treadmill of work. It keeps society functioning. That's what they want. Fine, you may need to work for money...that's not unusual. But if you don't need the money and you find happiness from working over having time to exercise, enjoy the outdoors, read, spend time with your kids etc, then that's really sad.

But as it's already been discussed with your previous comments, there's more to work than just working for money.

I enjoy exercising, reading and spending time with my baby but I also enjoy the mental stimulation I get from working which I don't get from exercising, reading or spending time with my baby.

I also wouldn't be happy with exercising and reading and whatever else whilst my husband was earning all of the money, it wouldn't sit right with me. Earning my own money is important to me as is providing my fair share financially.

I would definitely find plenty to do that I would enjoy much more than working. And I like my job. But freedom would be far nicer.

Do you feel the same about men?

And there is nothing wrong with you being unable to fathom a life where someone might enjoy work or being busy? Or, indeed, that someone might indeed find more happiness from working than being outdoors or reading or whatever you personally deem acceptable? Just, in essence, not being like you?

You haven't drunk anything?

She said earlier that a man who didn't take pride in providing was an arsehole.

For all the anti-capitalist statements, she appears to think that needing money is the only acceptable reason to work.

I'm not anti capitalist. Its the endless materialism in society that bothers me. The constant desire and pursuit for more and more stuff....to impress people we don't even like, to prove to others how well we're doing. People getting into debt to drive bigger and newer cars....etc. I genuinely find it really depressing and awful.

I'm older, from a traditional working class background, and was actually led to believe that my fulfilment would come from having and raising children and keeping a 'nice home and a good table'. I went to school in the days when girls did cooking and childcare while boys did wood and metal work.
Despite this, I've always worked. My job involves helping vulnerable women. I'm not remotely well paid for it, but the satisfaction I get from it is huge. Every day I make a difference in an area that matters to me. I work alongside incredible women who its a privilege to know and who enrich my knowledge and experience, and who I'd never have met sitting in my kitchen.
I also read, walk, have hobbies and a social life, but I enjoy work more.
It might be a sad way to live in your eyes, but its a useful one, and there are many people who have benefitted because we chose it.

It’s obviously not great being a house wife. Apart from working for nothing, when you do it all the time it becomes expected and not appreciated…. And when you’re not bringing money into the house hold you become unappreciated!

@washrinse

Sahms do say stuff like that to wms all the time.

Not cut out to be a sahm, it's OK to work if you dont like being with your kids or you'd have mh problems etc etc

When it comes down to it most women think women being at home is the ideal. Even a lot who work.

Most presume that women are only working under duress and if you're not then their must be something wrong with you

You only seem to apply this to women who work though. Why can't a woman take pride in providing for her family?

Ah but if you’re already doing it all AND working, then it’s a great side step! You lose the stress of doing it all, the arguments about who is doing what disappear as it’s now your job, and if it’s something you WANT then it can make everyone immeasurably happier

*there

Oh plus if you say anything remotely negative about not wanting to work then you must be jealous or bitter

Because they literally can't imagine anyone actually being ok with it.

I think we ascertained a very long time ago that this is just what you say to make it more palatable that you do hobbies and nap while your husband nobly and non-materialistically provides for your family. You don't like being busy and can't cope with pressure, you don't need to and so you don't. That's fine, but give the "oh society" stuff a rest. At every turn it's obvious that you can't conceive of work being anything other than a necessary drudge for money or endless materialism, although it's totally fine for your husband. Hell, even when you accept that some people prefer it to how you spend your time, you still find it "sad" that they aren't like you.

Do you volunteer?

@Comedycook

if you can't fathom a life where you don't work or think you'd be bored if you didn't work, then yes, you've drunk the KOOL aid... By which I mean, we are led to believe that we can find fulfillment and happiness from money and possessions and staying on the treadmill of work.

There's several major problems with this analysis which you seem to be avoiding tackling:

a) You seem not to be able to imagine that people might have reasons to work other than "money and possessions". You have a problem with people enjoying their work and cannot imagine there are socially useful and worthy ways to work.
b) You sneer at "money and possessions" as if they are beneath you. Actually money and possessions are fairly important for the raising of children. I'm a single parent and I have no one else to go out and earn the money so I can avoid the "treadmill of work". So there's no one else to pick up that dull and uninspiring business of supporting children for me.
c) You seem not to have a problem with men "drinking the KOOL aid", but you object to women doing it. I've asked you several times before and not had a satisfactory answer yet. Why is it OK for men to drink the KOOL aid and not women?

Well of course they can. Someone needs to provide, you can't live on fresh air.

However I know people who could easily live on one half of the couple's salary but both choose to work. They end up rushing round, stressed, dragging kids home after a long day in wrap around care, arguing over domestic chores...seems bizarre to me to choose to live like that if you don't have to. But like, I said, people seem to want more and more.

I really don't understand the level of vitriol on this thread. Why can't people accept that everyone is different, and some women find their careers fulfilling and enjoyable whilst others enjoy being housewives, without constantly slagging each other off? I really enjoyed my years as a housewife and found it very fulfilling although in a different way to a responsible job. I would never have gone back to work if it hadn't been a financial necessity. During my years at home, I didn't go to classes, do voluntary work, or spend ages having coffee or lunch with friends, but was always really busy doing work in the house and garden. I initially stopped work when my daughter was born to be a stay at home mother, and we both felt strongly that we wanted one of us to be home with her while she was young. It made sense for that to be me because my husband was earning significantly more than me at that time, but it was still a struggle in the first few years and we had to cut back on a lot of things, only had one holiday in five years etc; however, to us, that was worth it. When our daughter started school, we both agreed that I would continue as a housewife for as long as we could afford it, and I was able to stay home for another three or four years before I went back to work. I've been fortunate in being able to work from home during the day for most of that time. My work has been quite pressurised and enjoyable in some ways, but I've never enjoyed it as much as when I was a housewife or stay at home mother. I'm now reducing my hours significantly as I'm approaching retirement, and I can't wait to have my time back to myself and spend more time looking after the house and garden again.

The fact that I feel like this doesn't mean that it's right for other people, but it was right for me. I completely respect the right of women to work full time, part time, or whatever they want, and all I expect in return is to have my life choice respected as well.

There's something very bad taste about a person who chooses not to work because they don't like it, while someone else earns for them, lecturing people about materialism.

I really don't understand the level of vitriol on this thread. Why can't people accept that everyone is different, and some women find their careers fulfilling and enjoyable whilst others enjoy being housewives, without constantly slagging each other off?

I couldn’t agree more. Women slagging each other off, women getting ever more defensive about their perfectly reasonable life choices on both sides of the argument… it’s depressing. Back in the real world the Mums I know, working full time, working part time, staying at home… all help and support each other.