To think being a housewife might be nice ?

[Felixss]

I'm on leave I've managed to get the housework done the deep cleaning , decluttered, sorted my clothes and 3 tip runs. I've washed the covers on the sofa and got through a mountain of laundry. Food shop delivered, put away and ordered DDs new shoes. I'm going to sand down and paint DDs chest of drawers. To top it off I've cooked a lovely healthy meal for the family.
I feel really pleased I've managed to do all the jobs I've been meaning to do. I'm always snowed under stressed from work and end up not doing it all. I do have a cleaner but they don't do the nitty gritty really.

AIBU to think being a house wife actually might be nice ? Less pressure and you can complete all the home stuff at your leisure. 🤣 I wouldn't do this as I've worked so hard to get where I am but I can see why it might be tempting.

I don’t want to make people feel small. But I genuinely do all that as well as work full time in a professional career. It can be done.

My relationship is not ‘perfect’ though if that helps; my husband forgets to empty the house bins all the damn time. He shared the childcare 50/50 and does all the cooking though 😏

Same. Both work around 50hrs a week. Our house isn’t spotless, we have a cleaner 2hrs a week and a robovac so neither of us do any cleaning. I cook, mostly from scratch, but love sushi and I’m not making that so have a sushi takeaway once a week. Husband washes up, does most of the laundry and all bath/bedtimes unless he’s out for the evening. I do mornings and nursery drop off.

We have a great relationship as we love (and fancy each other), respect each other, and we don’t feel put upon as we both earn nearly equal amounts and share childcare and chores. We obviously have little arguments when the toddler is being a toddler, and tensions are high, but on the whole I’m extremely happy. I’m not trying to make anyone feel small, but why can’t I be happy and proud of how we are making our lives and relationships work for us?

Ok that’s great. I could have sworn I’ve seen loads of swipey posts at women. But I must have been mistaken. Yes it’s society and men.

@Thepeopleversuswork Genuine question and not trying to be snippy - but aren’t a lot of the men staying late actually facilitated by their working wives who leave earlier to pick up kids? There aren’t that many SAHMs are there to account for all the men who work late? In which case, why is the man’s career being prioritised?
And LP aside, why are women picking up the double shift? DH doesn’t come home from work and do nothing just because I’ve been at home. He washes up, he cleans the kitchen, he puts kids to bed…

Delatron
I don't think it's a case that being a SAHP Vs working full time is or isn't perpetuating sexism.

It's totally possible to support families to structure their parenting and working roles in a way that works for them, whilst also being willing (like you have) to critique the society that is inherently sexist.

The waters get muddied when people confuse being a SAHP and being a housewife. More women than men become SAHP for a range of complex reasons, but having a SAHP isn't inherently sexist.

Adult A deciding they don't want to work, that female adults who work are on the hamster wheel and have drunk the KOOL aid, whilst relying on Adult B who is working hard to fund a lifestyle that enables Adult A to live a lifestyle of leisure, do some volunteering, have hobby time, and do the housework is going to ruffle feathers because Adult A can only have the sort of lifestyle they want because Adult B is working to fund it all. This sort of situation would be branded cocklodging if Adult A was a man, but if Adult A is a woman it gets called being a housewife and then the same old sexist tropes come out about how it's so important for husband to come home and not trouble himself with housework, the housewife does all the domestic stuff so that the husband isn't stressed by a messy home when he comes in, that non housewife women can't possibly have a home that is as nice or as tidy as a housewife, that only housewives have the time to cook proper meals because they have prioritised time over money for handbags (and other misogynistic ideas that women working out the home are only working for petty cash to fund expensive and frivolous shopping).

Then there's the claims that the women who work outside the home are mugs because they end up doing more chores anyway etc (note that on this point, it's more misogyny because it suggests that being a housewife and doing all the cleaning is great and liberating, and the problem apparently lies with working women, rather than men stepping up and doing their fair share).

A lot of the housewife rhetoric tends to boil down to sexist stereotypes where the priority is catering to men who don't want to pick up a dishcloth.

@washrinse

Yes, we both work full time now. Why?

@echoo

Why is anyone the way they are? You tell me

Why do you think its mostly women who 'want to be with their children"

@Delatron

There have been loads of 'swipey' posts at women

For working

@Delatron

Ok that’s great. I could have sworn I’ve seen loads of swipey posts at women. But I must have been mistaken. Yes it’s society and men.

There've been a lot of "swipey" posts on this thread, on both sides. I'm not sure what the point is here?

But obviously it's society and men. You've said it yourself.

@Botw1 Ok so he was a SAHD when your DC were small? Why did he want to be? The reasons are probably similar to why women want to be SAHMs.

@LolaSmiles has put it beautifully here.

I absolutely can't get exercised about women staying at home to raise small children. I completely get where that comes from. No judgement whatsoever.

I do get very upset when women who are funded not to work by men explicitly because they want someone at home to remove any stress from their lives come on here and tell me I'm a "corporate shill" or I've "drunk the Kool Aid" or "eaten the red pill". Because I have to work to support my child.

Even if I hated my job I'd still have to work. As it happens I don't hate my job and thank God for that. It's much easier to deal with the fact you get no support from anyone else when you like your job. And people who make me feel like I've been brainwashed by capitalism because I try to make the best of my lot can get in the bin.

I was called ''sick'' for daring to send my then 12 week old to nursery.

Didn't see any calls of judgment, swiping or making women feel small then.

Hmm- I can see where you are coming from. I like cleaning and I absolutely love DIY, even the hard stuff like plastering, stripping carpets, removing tiles etc.
However I hate cooking and anything to do with laundry.
I wish I had more annual leave to do the DIY as there is so much I want to do around the house, but I think I would miss my "thinking" day job after a while...

What on this thread?

@washrinse

No, neither of us were sahp.

Neither of us wanted to be.

We both worked slightly part time and shared childcare

Best of both.

Well said Thepeopleversuswork.

It's funny how defenders of housewifing (not SAHP) and sexist stereotypes never said that the working husbands have drank the KOOL Aid, and it's never working husbands who are valuing money and a nice set of golf clubs over precious time for creating a loving home. It's never the working husbands who are every name under the sun for their childcare arrangements (see also, more internalised misogyny that the woman's place is at home with her children, but rarely is the same said about fathers). Housewives never seem to think their fabulous husbands are capitalist slaves who have been brainwashed.

It's all saved for women who work, either by choice or circumstances.

Acknowledging the misogyny that runs through this concept isn't very appealing, so it's easier to have an illogical double standard where the bankrolling husbands are on a pedestal and working women are foolish (with a side order of making silly digs about the state of working women's houses - which is also more internalised misogyny as it rests on the idea that a woman is somehow less if there's a mug on the kitchen side).

@SouthLondonMum22

Yes.

You tend to notice that on these threads

Endless complaints about awful comments towards sahm/hw (which mostly don't actually exist) while really truly awful comments towards wm are ignored

What on this thread?
Yes, I'm not sure if that one got deleted or not, but there was a couple of horrible posts, one stood out as one poster told another poster that they were disgusting and should never have had children based on the childcare arrangements chosen.
It was really unpleasant.

Yes.

Then there's all the I actually want to be with my children

I wanted to raise my children.

I want to focus solely on my children

I wanted to be there for them

I wanted to have energy and show an interest in my children

I just love them too much to let someone else raise them

Etc etc

Noneof which are ever aimed at their own ohs of course

Ok, I misunderstood when you said he wanted to stay home. You and he were both lucky that you worked in jobs that allowed that.

Ok well I didn’t see any of those posts. I haven’t seen any derogatory posts against working women (a lot of projecting though). But a lot of criticism of women who choose for whatever reason to stay at home.

I say this as someone who has done everything- work full time, home for a bit, work part time.

@Delatron

Thats an interesting bias

Noneof which are ever aimed at their own ohs of course
Of course not, which prompts the question "why do these people think that working mothers are neglecting their children and not putting their children first, but working father's are exempt?"

Unsurprisingly it comes down to the idea that a woman's place is at home and with the children and a man's place is working, not having to be troubled by domestic load aka sexist nonsense.

@washrinse

He did. Just not full time.

Not sure it was luck.

I doubt we'd have had kids otherwise