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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think being a housewife might be nice ?

1000 replies

Felixss · 13/04/2023 14:55

I'm on leave I've managed to get the housework done the deep cleaning , decluttered, sorted my clothes and 3 tip runs. I've washed the covers on the sofa and got through a mountain of laundry. Food shop delivered, put away and ordered DDs new shoes. I'm going to sand down and paint DDs chest of drawers. To top it off I've cooked a lovely healthy meal for the family.
I feel really pleased I've managed to do all the jobs I've been meaning to do. I'm always snowed under stressed from work and end up not doing it all. I do have a cleaner but they don't do the nitty gritty really.

AIBU to think being a house wife actually might be nice ? Less pressure and you can complete all the home stuff at your leisure. 🤣 I wouldn't do this as I've worked so hard to get where I am but I can see why it might be tempting.

OP posts:
washrinse · 16/04/2023 20:53

Botw1 · 16/04/2023 20:48

Then there's all the I actually want to be with my children

I wanted to raise my children.

I want to focus solely on my children

I wanted to be there for them

I wanted to have energy and show an interest in my children

I just love them too much to let someone else raise them

Etc etc

My brother would probably give you all those reasons for being a SAHD.

SouthLondonMum22 · 16/04/2023 20:53

Botw1 · 16/04/2023 20:48

Then there's all the I actually want to be with my children

I wanted to raise my children.

I want to focus solely on my children

I wanted to be there for them

I wanted to have energy and show an interest in my children

I just love them too much to let someone else raise them

Etc etc

Yep.

I think I hear/see the raising comments more often.

Botw1 · 16/04/2023 20:54

@washrinse

Does he think his wife doesn't feel the same?

SouthLondonMum22 · 16/04/2023 20:57

washrinse · 16/04/2023 20:53

My brother would probably give you all those reasons for being a SAHD.

Show quote history

He thinks his wife doesn't also raise his children or she doesn't love them as much as he does?

washrinse · 16/04/2023 20:59

@Botw1 His wife cares a lot more about her career than he cares about his. Ditto my husband/me. Obviously a parent who is working doesn’t want to focus solely on their children! They also want to focus on their career. There’s nothing wrong with that. Nor is there anything wrong with wanting to focus solely on kids for a few years. (It’s not really solely is it anyway because people have relationships, friends, hobbies etc… I don’t suppose anyone is actually focusing solely on their kids.)

washrinse · 16/04/2023 21:01

SouthLondonMum22 · 16/04/2023 20:57

He thinks his wife doesn't also raise his children or she doesn't love them as much as he does?

Show quote history

His wife doesn’t spend as much time raising the kids as he does, no. My husband hasn’t spent as much time as I have raising our kids. No doubt we all love them equally. For some people that love translates into wanting to be with them almost all of the time. For others it doesn’t.

Botw1 · 16/04/2023 21:02

@washrinse

People have said exactly that on this thread.

What about the rest? Does she not want to be with or raise her kids?

Botw1 · 16/04/2023 21:03

@washrinse

Does it also translation into home schooling?

SouthLondonMum22 · 16/04/2023 21:06

washrinse · 16/04/2023 21:01

His wife doesn’t spend as much time raising the kids as he does, no. My husband hasn’t spent as much time as I have raising our kids. No doubt we all love them equally. For some people that love translates into wanting to be with them almost all of the time. For others it doesn’t.

Show quote history

She provides for them financially. I'd say that's a very big part of raising a child.

washrinse · 16/04/2023 21:09

SouthLondonMum22 · 16/04/2023 21:06

She provides for them financially. I'd say that's a very big part of raising a child.

Show quote history

Fair enough. Scrap raise and switch it with ‘physically care for’.

washrinse · 16/04/2023 21:11

@Botw1 Not me. I definitely haven’t said that, on this thread or anywhere else because I don’t believe it in the slightest.

Re home schooling - no, I don’t home school because I think kids benefit from being with their peers and learning from other adults that aren’t just their parents.
And I’m very grateful to all the teachers, coaches etc that are also helping to raise my kids.

washrinse · 16/04/2023 21:14

Anyway I guess the point I was making by bringing my brother into at all was that men do choose to be SAHP for the exact same reasons that women choose to. Unfortunately it’s rare, though as I said upthread I think anecdotally it might be becoming more common. Or maybe Im just seeing more of them. My brother’s had so much praise for making that choice - which is sexist in itself but also suggests that people want to see more of it…

Botw1 · 16/04/2023 21:19

@washrinse

I didnt say you?

Funny how folk stop loving kids so much they want to be with them all the time when they hit school age

🤣

Men being sahp isn't becoming more common. 98% of sahp are women..

MaroonCow · 16/04/2023 21:25

I wonder how many people are thinking about whether they'd want to be a housewife, and how many are thinking they'd like to be independently wealthy and not have to worry about money.

echoo · 16/04/2023 21:25

What is wrong with saying you wanted to be able to focus on your children without the distraction of a job?

Why else would someone WANT to be a SAHP? What other reasons could there possibly be?

If people say it's important for them to work and they didn't want to SAH, that's just them being honest. Nobody is offended by that.

It was important for me to SAH and I didn't want to go to work after my children. I'm not apologising for that. It's just how I felt and a fact. People taking offence at that is ridiculous.

MaroonCow · 16/04/2023 21:27

Why else would someone WANT to be a SAHP? What other reasons could there possibly be?

Some people don't like working.

washrinse · 16/04/2023 21:28

@Botw1 No idea why you feel the constant need to pit people against each other. Anyway I’d love to have the kids around all the time but they enjoy school and obviously get a huge number of benefits from it.

Botw1 · 16/04/2023 21:32

@echoo

Except, as this thread proves, people do take offence when women are honest about the reasons they want to work.

@washrinse

I'm not pitting anyone against each other

5128gap · 16/04/2023 21:37

Many of the women on the thread who chose to SAH were very negative about their former jobs; speaking of being burnt out, attacked at work, feeling their role wasn't meaningful; or was (apparantly) against their anti capitalist principles. I don't think there's been a post from anyone who chose to SAH who said they loved their former job. So, when it comes to motivation to SAH, it seems there's often more at play than a particularly strong desire to raise children.

echoo · 16/04/2023 21:45

I always knew I wouldn't want to combine work and children. I never considered anything else. Even if I'd loved my job, I wouldn't have gone back unless I absolutely had to.

echoo · 16/04/2023 21:48

That is in no way a criticism of anyone who does work, by the way. I have no issue with what other women do. Women should do what they want.

LolaSmiles · 16/04/2023 21:50

I wonder how many people are thinking about whether they'd want to be a housewife, and how many are thinking they'd like to be independently wealthy and not have to worry about money
That's a good point.

I've been a SAHP, and would do it again if it was right for our family, but would hate to be a housewife because it's grounded in silly, sexist stereotypes.

If I was independently wealthy and had the option not to work, I'd probably not do my current job but would happily live on my independent wealth and follow other pursuits, or would work in a different field part time knowing that money wasn't an issue. I'd not be happy with an arrangement where DH has to foot the bill for all my adult living expenses and in exchange for that I have his tea ready at 6pm and don't trouble him to wash his socks.

SouthLondonMum22 · 16/04/2023 21:56

If I was independently wealthy, I'd still do what I do now. I enjoy working for so many reasons.

As long as I'm in good health, I will always work to some extent.

Comedycook · 16/04/2023 22:24

5128gap · 16/04/2023 21:37

Many of the women on the thread who chose to SAH were very negative about their former jobs; speaking of being burnt out, attacked at work, feeling their role wasn't meaningful; or was (apparantly) against their anti capitalist principles. I don't think there's been a post from anyone who chose to SAH who said they loved their former job. So, when it comes to motivation to SAH, it seems there's often more at play than a particularly strong desire to raise children.

Yes I do agree. I hated working...never had a job I liked.

TheFollies · 16/04/2023 22:48

Comedycook · 16/04/2023 22:24

Yes I do agree. I hated working...never had a job I liked.

Show quote history

And you don’t think this reflects badly on you, that you’ve stopped supporting yourself financially because you couldn’t hack it in the world of work?

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