To think being a housewife might be nice ?

[Felixss]

I'm on leave I've managed to get the housework done the deep cleaning , decluttered, sorted my clothes and 3 tip runs. I've washed the covers on the sofa and got through a mountain of laundry. Food shop delivered, put away and ordered DDs new shoes. I'm going to sand down and paint DDs chest of drawers. To top it off I've cooked a lovely healthy meal for the family.
I feel really pleased I've managed to do all the jobs I've been meaning to do. I'm always snowed under stressed from work and end up not doing it all. I do have a cleaner but they don't do the nitty gritty really.

AIBU to think being a house wife actually might be nice ? Less pressure and you can complete all the home stuff at your leisure. 🤣 I wouldn't do this as I've worked so hard to get where I am but I can see why it might be tempting.

If you just want to be daft I'm going out.

@echoo

You literally just said you would

'"Would you leave your young kids for years for financial reward?"

If I had a chance to set my kids up financially for life, we would make it work practically, yes."

@echoo

Who is being daft?

Why are your hypothetical not daft but mine is?

As in he comes with me or, if I needed to work longer hours, he would SAH to provide stability for the kids.

What I would not do is have both of us working and having to employ a third party to pick up the slack.

I wouldn't be willing to give up my career so my husband's career can progress at the expense of mine.

I don't care how much money it would be. My career is important to me, as is having my own money.

@echoo

But that wasn't the question you answered

I asked if you would leave your kids (in the context of working abroad without them) and you said yes, for financial gain.

No I did not say that. Of course I would not go to a different country and leave my kids!

By 'make it work' I mean we would go as a family and make it work (ie. he would need to facilitate me) - but only if we, as a couple, decided it was worth it. Cost-benefit analysis, as I said..

@echoo

You did say it.

Would you leave your kids? Yes.

@echoo

If you wouldn't go to a different country and leave your kids, why do you think I should be ok with my hypothetical oh doing it?

I don't.

I was asking if you would go with him , in certain circumstances. You said you would not. So the only alternatives are he doesn't go or goes alone, in that hypothetical scenario. I'm not saying he should go alone.

@echoo

You clearly don't think its ok for me to not choose that kind of life though.

You obviously think that the whole family should be uprooted to allow him to pursue a career/make money.

I dont.

In life, relationships are not fixed in stone. Loads of couples are not born in the same countries or even continents. People move around - life shifts. Couples react and adjust accordingly. Priorities may change with time.

@echoo

How many couples adjust to the man being the house husband?

To the man deciding his priorities have changed and he no longer wants to regret not having spent enough time with his children?

Botw1 - It's irrelevant to me what you may or may not do. I was only posing those scenarios to give you some ideas of the multifarious reasons families might find it easier all round to have a SAHP.

@echoo

Your hypotheticals are irrelevant to me

🤷‍♀️

"How many couples adjust to the man being the house husband?"

I have no idea. How long is a piece of string?

@echoo

I'm going to say practically zero.

98% of sahp are women.

So its not about vague notions of priorities changing

It's about sexism and prioritising male careers and money above anything else

I totally agree. I hate this “no one ever wished they had worked more on their deathbed” trope.

Actually a lot of people wish they had worked more. My mum, for example, who stopped working when she had me after a very happy and successful career in TV and never got her career back. She bitterly regretted stopping work, even though this was the mid 70s when going back to work was much less common.

Or my old friend who also gave up work when she had kids who is trapped in a miserable relationship with a bloke she hates. Or me. If I hadn’t had a job when my former husband became abusive I would have been royally fucked. My job was my lifeline.

Of course some people don’t like to work but I find this “work is only for boring people” trope insulting. For many women work is what allows them not to have their lives ruined by rubbish men. I wish people would stop to think about this before they parrot this nonsense.

I wouldn't have prioritised my husband's career if it wasn't worth prioritising Botw1. I didn't do it just for him - it has paid exponential benefits for all of us.

In a different situation with a different man I would not have prioritised his career.

Anyway, this is just going in circles now. Good chat. Thanks.

Same but my working hours and DHs facilitate all this and we share it
Zero childcare
2 salaries, 2 pensions

Please don't assume that working parents miss their children's childhood

@echoo

Yes, as I said our priorities are different

You are money orientated, I'm not.

Which given that I'm the 1 that isn't a housewife is odd

🤣

Oh gosh yes!
In the NHS there are many women who gave up work to bring up children and are now facing retirement at 67 when many went at 55 ( nurses and midwives)
They are very bitter and wish they had stood up to their DHs.
They see my and other men doing CC and bitter doesn't cover it.
My DM wasn't allowed a career,my father took it that a working wife shamed him.
Their relationship never recovered and my DM was bored and miserable.

I think what you mean is your DH is loaded so you won't need to worry about a pension etc?
That's very different to the average couple and a decision like that could mean a miserable, poverty stricken old age for the woman.
Essentially money has given you the choice

My husband earns a high salary and I still work full time. No matter how much money he earns, I would always work.

It's obviously a good thing that your husband's made a lot of money for your family but I don't understand why you had to "prioritise" it. Genuinely not being snarky here, but I don't get this logic which suggests that its necessary for one person not to work to "facilitate" the other's career.

I can sort of see the logic behind this more in less affluent families where the cost of childcare to enable both partners to work must be prohibitive, but if your husband is this wealthy it must be well within his means to pay for high quality childcare.

Not that you have to work if you don't want to, of course. But I see this claim all the time that a woman stops working to "facilitate" her husband's very successful career. But if he's that successful surely the need for free childcare is a moot point?