To think being a housewife might be nice ?

[Felixss]

I'm on leave I've managed to get the housework done the deep cleaning , decluttered, sorted my clothes and 3 tip runs. I've washed the covers on the sofa and got through a mountain of laundry. Food shop delivered, put away and ordered DDs new shoes. I'm going to sand down and paint DDs chest of drawers. To top it off I've cooked a lovely healthy meal for the family.
I feel really pleased I've managed to do all the jobs I've been meaning to do. I'm always snowed under stressed from work and end up not doing it all. I do have a cleaner but they don't do the nitty gritty really.

AIBU to think being a house wife actually might be nice ? Less pressure and you can complete all the home stuff at your leisure. 🤣 I wouldn't do this as I've worked so hard to get where I am but I can see why it might be tempting.

My point is that generalisations are utterly pointless. You have no idea of the dynamics in anyone else's family and this should be blatantly obvious to anyone. When you talk about 'choice', this is not binary. The reasons why families are the way they are is complex and multifaceted.

There are families who have grandparents living with them as part of the family. There are SAHMs with full-time nannies and / or housekeepers. There are SAHMs whip have disabled children and have no choice. And yes, there are SAHMs who just want to be SAHMs.

There is no such thing as "the SAHM model." There are as many variations of SAHMs and their families as there are humans.

@echoo

There is no such thing as "the SAHM model." There are as many variations of SAHMs and their families as there are humans.

I understand that, which is why again I have deliberately excluded SAHMs from this. And I have said this multiple times including directly to you in a number of posts. Just to be absolutely clear again I am not talking about SAHMs.

The point I am challenging is the one made by a PP who suggested that having a housewife was a net positive because this person facilitates others in the family.

Again it’s the distinction between the idea of a women remaining at home for a pragmatic short term tactical reason and the idea of a woman whose sole purpose is to support other members of her family. Which this poster was suggesting elevated her position beyond being chief cook and bottlewasher.

Of course there are shades of grey and nuances. Plenty of women adapt their working lives to suit circumstances. What I am talking about is the idea that a woman’s entire purpose is to play a supporting role to her family and that this is a positive.

That sounds amazing , I'd love to do that I think I will need to start saving lots to go down to part time. My DH wouldn't be very happy if I did all that while he still has to work and pay for it 🤣🤣. I think I need a pay pig (joking of course)

@echoo

You seem a tad defensive

Don't see you getting worked up about all the generalisations about working parents

Sorry.

Working mums.

Because its only working mums who are judged negatively

@Thepeopleversuswork - I can only speak for myself as A SAHM, but facilitating the functioning of a large, busy family is the main reason why I've been a SAHM / housewife / whatever you want to call it.

Isn't that what families are about - facilitating each other?

It's not a 'terrible model' if it works and everyone is happy.

Children understand why parents have to work. They understand that all working roles are different. They understand that there are different pressures on parents and different opportunities and they understand that parents organise themselves to mitigate pressures and make the most of opportunities.

For some families this might mean one parent works abroad a fair bit - eg. business, diplomacy, military, theatre / acting. Families decide that the financial benefits of this are worth it (for everyone). So, to mitigate against the impact of one parent being away / working longer or inflexible hours, they have a SAHP.

But both are facilitating the other - one is facilitating the other to make the most of the opportunities presented to them (with financial benefits for the whole family) and one is facilitating the other to SAH (with the benefit of stability and less stress for the whole family).

The children understand why their family is the way it is. They also understand all families are different.

@echoo

You (and most like you) always ignore the elephant in the room though

Or just straight up deny it exists

Very cryptic

@Botw1 what elephant in the room do people like @echoo seem to be ignoring?

Don't worry about elephants.

Nobody has anything to be defensive about anyway. With a different husband, or in different circumstances, I might well not have been a SAHM. All the people in here in a flap about housewives / SAHMs may well have been one themselves in different circumstances.

Nobody should pontificate about anyone until they've walked in that person's shoes. There is no right or wrong.

@Tittyfilarious81

The obvious sexism?

@echoo

The whole point of the thread is to give your opinion on if you would be a housewife

I can categorically state that I would never choose to be 1 and would not be in a relationship with a man who wanted or was happy for me to be 1

'The obvious sexism'

Fgs. Yes we are all aware of that, funnily enough. But what would you like me to do?

Leave my kids with a nanny (ooh look, another woman) to make a point about sexism? Or should I get a 'manny?'

Try to persuade myself I don't really love being able to focus on my family - no this is a SEXIST delusion. I should really want to be doing something else - literally anything really as long as it's paid.

Tell my husband it's all very well doing what he does and thanks very much for putting four kids through school and uni and houses and the £ millions he has made for the long-term benefit and security of all of us, but really, all that mattered was me going to work for about £40k a year because... sexism.

There are surely circumstances you might have been a housewife / SAHM Botw1.

What if you were married to a man who had to go and work overseas for a few years and was offered a life-changing amount of money for it, but it was a place you wouldn't be able to work. Would you put yourself first? Or would you think, "Hmmm that £50 million would change my kids' (and my own) lives forever - let's go for it."

What if you lived in a very rural place and got made redundant and couldn't find another job for a while? You would be a SAHM / housewife.

What if you got ill and couldn't work?

What if you had an ill or disabled child?

All kinds of reasons people may be SAHMs / housewives. You never can tell.

@echoo

I dont expect you to do anything. You do you.

If you acknowledge the impact of sexism on your choice then fair enough.

Being disabled or a carer is not choosing to be a housewife.

It's impossible for me to ever be made redundant but if I was I'd find a new job immediately

I wouldnt have started a relationship with a man who had that kind of career/outlook so that wouldn't happen anyway abd if it did I'm not sure why it would mean I would have or choose to be a hw.

I would keep working because believe it or not, my career is important too.

I mean, this might blow your mind but I'm the main earner in my family.

No my mind is not remotely blown - I was just trying to say that life is nuanced and multi-faceted.

because hearing about other people’s jobs is always so interesting…

'Not only would you be bored, but your conversation would revolve around what cleaning you'd been doing..... so you do the maths!'

Not if you read books, baked, wrote, did cycling/swimming and various other hobbies, clubs, further studying etc. I find very few jobs interesting, fulfilling or many that ignite my passions, as most just pay the bills. I think people are very lucky to get paid for a career that they truly love; most people I know dread Mondays and live for the weekend. The working from home culture has stuck for alot of people too. Personally I couldn't be a SAHM once dcs go to school, as I am going to have a go at starting my own business. I'm fortunate enough to not go back to the mundane crappy job I left. If there was a choice between they and rubbish jobs, I'd choose housewife with interesting hobbies!

@echoo

No, you were trying to insist that really, deep down, most women would want to be a hw, given the right circumstances

I wouldnt.

And even if I was forced into it, I'd do everything I could to get a job.

that*

'because hearing about other people’s jobs is always so interesting…'

Exactly this, dh has a friend that just drones on constantly about his IT job, it is all he talks about. I'd much rather hear about varied hobbies than that!

I do understand what you are saying however there are many roles that are better suited to different sexes. For example Childcare settings , nanny's and midwifery are mostly a female role , you do get men in these roles but not many . Construction and any manual labour job are done by nearly all men . This is what works for society and nobody really seems to have issue with it .

A woman choosing to stay at home and support her family because that is what works for the family is her choice. If that same woman gets free time to herself to do what she wants and her husband/ partner has no issue with how the house runs where he works for the money and she runs the house and does the domestic stuff it's how they work as a team .

If a woman goes to work through choice or because she needs to and then her husband/partner shares all childcare and house tasks 50/50 then that's how they work as a team . You said you'd never want to be married to a man who would want you to be a housewife and I respect your decision on that because you obviously feel very strongly about it and you might both work in jobs that suit each other well so you'll never have to be a housewife. I on the hand am a housewife and that's what suits me and my family 2 of us working really would never have worked no matter what we did .

Botw1 - I'm not going to tell women what they should and shouldn't want.

I was talking about practicality. If you were expat and has no working visa, you wouldn't be able to work.

You might develop mental health issues that prevent you working again. In which case you would effectively be a SAHW or SAHM.

@Tittyfilarious81

I agree not many in society have an issue with sexism and inequality

But I do.

Gendered roles are a small part of a much bigger picture that is harmful to everyone