To think being a housewife might be nice ?

[Felixss]

I'm on leave I've managed to get the housework done the deep cleaning , decluttered, sorted my clothes and 3 tip runs. I've washed the covers on the sofa and got through a mountain of laundry. Food shop delivered, put away and ordered DDs new shoes. I'm going to sand down and paint DDs chest of drawers. To top it off I've cooked a lovely healthy meal for the family.
I feel really pleased I've managed to do all the jobs I've been meaning to do. I'm always snowed under stressed from work and end up not doing it all. I do have a cleaner but they don't do the nitty gritty really.

AIBU to think being a house wife actually might be nice ? Less pressure and you can complete all the home stuff at your leisure. 🤣 I wouldn't do this as I've worked so hard to get where I am but I can see why it might be tempting.

and I'd refuse to live any other way.

No. Because cooking and cleaning is just a part of what I do. It shows how trivial you believe being a housewife is though.

Would you say to someone who was, for example, a receptionist "Do you really think photocopying and scanning is a career?" Or would you accept that sounds patronising and says more about you than them?

Well I'm not surprised you can't fathom how a family could have a SAHM if you can't even get your head around shared finances!

This has made me chuckle. I can literally hear the tone

OK I've read back and I genuinely can't see any explanation of what I'm jealous of or bitter about (other than repeating that I'm bitter about housewives existing which isn't an explanation)

Anyone able to offer an explanation?

You conveniently missed out the part where we do have a joint account. 🙄

But yes, I would refuse joint account only. Financial independence is important to me.

How about someone at home, literally changing shitty nappies to save on nursery costs?

I think lots of things can build resilience. I think it does everyone good as a teenager to run up a stupid phone bill then work out how you're going to pay it.

I've become a more rounded person out of the workplace. I've got more patience. I'm more resourceful. None of these things are monetary, but it's certainly hard work that has led to it.

Sure, you can graft at employment to get where you want to be financially. But that kind of makes finances your only focus. I think it's admirable to really work at something to achieve where you want to get too, but financially is just one string to a bow.

Good work ethic, discipline and achievement isn't exclusive to paid work.

Not all jobs are just for monetary rewards. I get a thrill working as a HCP it's at times relentless but rewarding. I enjoy the adrenaline rush and everyday is different. Not everyone works in an office but my pay is reasonable and I keep most of it to myself as disposable income also building up a pension fund. I just wish there were more hours in the day to complete home stuff. I will try go part time at some point but yes I like holidays and new clothes. I don't care if it's materialistic really.

You are supposedly jealous because they assume you have to work while they are ladies of leisure.

@Felixss

Did anyone actually say that though?

Nothing I've said even indicates that's the case.

Unless they think I'm massively in denial?

@DHsPoorBack

You can also achieve all that through work

Work isn't just about finances

Exactly.

I work for so many reasons. It isn't all about money.

Everyone arguing on here !

How about accepting that in some relationships both parties are happy for one person to work outside the home and contribute financially and the other person to be responsible for household tasks and child care.

In other relationships this wouldn't work - either due to their personalities or financial situation - and therefore both partners work outside the home, and split both financial contributions and the home stuff .

Neither side is right or wrong - just different .

@SouthLondonMum22

It's odd to me that people don't get that.

To think that the only reason to work or to work hard is for more money.

I work hard for a multitude of reasons that have nothing to do with money.

One side contributes to inequality and gender stereotypes and makes my life as a working woman even harder.

I would agree if we all lived alone but those choices influence societal norms.

Yeah, pages 20/21.

It's explained to you two or three times.

To which you seem intent on replying "so no one can explain it to me then, thought not" etc etc.

@Botw1 I find it odd too. I'm exactly the same.

There's so many reasons.

We've all changed shitty nappies ( awful way to describe caring for your own children btw)

I mean doing jobs you don't like but you see the reward and gain confidence in yourself.
People who know they can stick at it and so will always be resilient and self reliant.
All my teens did it, pushed through and it shaped them.
I respect that.
My role as a specialist midwife has brought me into the lives of so many different people there is nothing that could ever compare to it in terms of what I've learnt or achieved.

The thing is people who WOH are also home, this idea that we have no idea about running a home, children, housework, decorating, gardening, hobbies is just so odd.

I do understand this, but. My brother is a SAHD. I’m guessing you’re ok with that because it’s undermining rather than contributing to stereotypes. So then why should a man get to choose that and a woman shouldn’t?

(I don’t want to put words into your mouth, but it does feel a bit like saying women shouldn’t be SAHP because it contributes to gender stereotypes is just taking choice away from women again…)

@DHsPoorBack

Nah.

You just repeated that I was bitter and the other one was some nonsense about your oh being shafted

Neither make sense as explanations

I think @Felixss is right

Neither of you can comprehend that anyone would genuinely not want to be a housewife so you have to tell yourself I must be jealous of you.

Nothing could be further from the truth

I think your post is a non event as it entirely depends on the circumstances. Yes great if your kids are at school, you have enough money and you have 9am til 3pm free every day. Entirely different if you have pre school kid(s) because then you are entirely at their beck and call & end up being a house slave & spending your entire time doing endless chores for other people ALL the time. At least with working you get paid for it

I have a 2 year old and 4 year old work full time and wouldn’t have it any other way. Our house isn’t particularly tidy but we have a cleaner. Plus I don’t sweat the small stuff and let smaller chores lie. Then from time to time I take a day off here and then to do chores around the house or batch cook etc

Downside is that there’s a divide in our house where both DH & I work full time but I definitely bear the brunt of most of the housework because he works longer hours & doesn’t WFH. At least I get paid for it though, even though I technically have two jobs

If just as many men went part time/ became SAHP's as women, it wouldn't be an issue at all.

It's also impossible to say how much of a free choice it is considering how ingrained gender stereotypes and gender roles are within society.

But the post was literally:

"I was referring to doing shitty jobs when you need the money"

My entire point was that not everything of value is monetary.

Yes, agreed. Completely anecdotal but I seem to be meeting more SAHDs or Dads using shared parental leave now than I did when my oldest was a baby ten years ago. Hopefully it’s a pattern.

I hope it continues to change.

Sometimes I feel incredibly optimistic and hopeful but far too often, I don't feel like it is wanted enough which just makes me despair.