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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think being a housewife might be nice ?

1000 replies

Felixss · 13/04/2023 14:55

I'm on leave I've managed to get the housework done the deep cleaning , decluttered, sorted my clothes and 3 tip runs. I've washed the covers on the sofa and got through a mountain of laundry. Food shop delivered, put away and ordered DDs new shoes. I'm going to sand down and paint DDs chest of drawers. To top it off I've cooked a lovely healthy meal for the family.
I feel really pleased I've managed to do all the jobs I've been meaning to do. I'm always snowed under stressed from work and end up not doing it all. I do have a cleaner but they don't do the nitty gritty really.

AIBU to think being a house wife actually might be nice ? Less pressure and you can complete all the home stuff at your leisure. 🤣 I wouldn't do this as I've worked so hard to get where I am but I can see why it might be tempting.

OP posts:
Itsnotpacific · 14/04/2023 18:18

MaroonCow · 14/04/2023 18:15

I'm sorry, it wasn't you I was ribbing. It was Comedycook who, no matter how many times you said what you do, still couldn't and can't grasp that not everyone works because they're greedy materialistic capitalist shills. That some jobs are really worthy and she'll have benefited from them.

I mean, maybe you did go into midwifery for all the designer handbags but if so, bet you regret it now!

😂Yeah I'm tripping over Prada Darling!!

Botw1 · 14/04/2023 18:21

@DHsPoorBack

Youte still explaining what a day at home with children is like as you think was have never done it

It's very odd

Plus it's like sexism 101

Why couldn't your dh bake the cakes, make the costumes or sew his own bloody trousers?

Even if I was a housewife there's no way I'd be baking cakes or sewing

NewMarmalade · 14/04/2023 18:34

Botw1 · 14/04/2023 18:21

@DHsPoorBack

Youte still explaining what a day at home with children is like as you think was have never done it

It's very odd

Plus it's like sexism 101

Why couldn't your dh bake the cakes, make the costumes or sew his own bloody trousers?

Even if I was a housewife there's no way I'd be baking cakes or sewing

Ugh at having to sew hubby’s trousers. Have his hands fallen off??

MaroonCow · 14/04/2023 18:36

I guess the major difference though, is my day stops at 5pm, just like DH.

Your kids are grown?

DHsPoorBack · 14/04/2023 18:41

I don't want to work.

I don't contribute via paid employment, but I contribute enormously to my family.

I don't see myself working for the rest of adulthood.

Again, I absolutely work, I just don't think only paid work counts as work.

I prefer someone else to pay my bills and cover my lifestyle expenses.

I prefer getting all the domestic work done for me, and my family of 5, whilst my husband earns the money to pay for him, and his family of 5.

My husband doesn't want to trouble himself with housework.

My husband doesn't have the time to do the housework, and the whole point of me being a housewife is to take on the bulk of domestic load, so in the evenings and weekends, the paid work is done, the unpaid work is done, and DH and I get quality time together, or with the DC.

He would much prefer having a woman at home doing it all and he likes coming home to his dinner on the table.

He doesn't have the time to do the cooking! I mean he probably would protest if I hired a chef when I'm at home all day and enjoy cooking, but I'll put that to him, seeing as I apparently shouldn't be feeding my own family in the name of the sisterhood.

He funds my lifestyle in exchange for not having to lift a finger around the house

He pays for the house that he, his wife and his three children live in. Arsehole he is. And does equal childcare at the weekends, all the car stuff (we have 3 and one is always broken, all the garden stuff, maintenance around the house. Plus a full week of paid employment.

Rather than "I'm a housewife because that way when hubby comes home he doesn't have the stress of a messy home.

Yes, I do only clean and run the house to ensure my husband isn't stressed. It's definitely not because I enjoy it, take pride in my own home, and choose not to do paid employment.

But he definitely doesn't fund my lifestyle at all.

It's hard to see anything through the bitterness. "Fund". Whatever do you sound like. I took DNan for a tea and a cake earlier, which I paid for. How weird and trying to over project would I have to be, to say I "fund" my DNans lunch. The word is pay. DH pays for our home and the 5 of us in it.

"I'm not like the other women on the hamster wheel." (which rests on the idea that it's super stressful for a poor working man to do such domestic tasks. He needs a woman to do all the domestic load so he can put his feet up by the fire after a busy day being a big important man, in a way that working women are definitely not big and important).

This doesn't even make sense. You think that because someone is happy being a housewife, it's clearly a dig at those who work, but only women. And somehow men are big and important but also lazy. And if anyone doesn't do the housework, it's because they're too special, not because they don't have the time. You're projecting your own issues on to other people who simply aren't saying those things.

We aren't in the 50s anymore. Sorry, but housewives now are not like the women of 70yrs ago.

Botw1 · 14/04/2023 18:43

@DHsPoorBack

No wonder your dh has a sore back.

He's getting shafted

MyNDfamily · 14/04/2023 18:50

Babdoc · 13/04/2023 16:07

I couldn’t stand it. I only experienced it on maternity leave, and it was so grim, I went back to my job as a hospital doctor when DD was 4 months old!
It was like being in solitary confinement- all the adults drove off out of the village to commute to work in the morning, and the place was a graveyard until they all drove back in the evening. All my friends and colleagues were still at work, obviously, so the only people around were pensioners or housewives.
And there is absolutely no intellectual stimulation in cleaning the oven, changing nappies, or hoovering a carpet!

Your poor baby. You know this website is called Mumsnet yeah? If you don't want to be a Mum why did you have a baby? Why are you even here? Go chat to your Dr friends about body parts or tumours or something....

DHsPoorBack · 14/04/2023 18:52

Botw1 · 14/04/2023 18:21

@DHsPoorBack

Youte still explaining what a day at home with children is like as you think was have never done it

It's very odd

Plus it's like sexism 101

Why couldn't your dh bake the cakes, make the costumes or sew his own bloody trousers?

Even if I was a housewife there's no way I'd be baking cakes or sewing

I can't make sense of the first sentence?

Why couldn't he bake cakes?

Because I enjoy it and want too.
Because he's not very good at it.
Because he doesn't have the time.

Why couldn't he turn up his own trousers?

Because he doesn't know how.
Because it takes me 5 minutes and would take him an hour to watch a tutorial on how to do it, then do it. He doesn't have the time.

Same as why I don't put up a shelf.

He likes doing it.
I hate using tools, always injure myself, and I'm shit at it.

Good for you if you would refuse to bake or sew. I like it thanks. Try understanding that it's my choice, and I like it. Much like why you do the things you do.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/04/2023 18:53

@MyNDfamily

Your poor baby. You know this website is called Mumsnet yeah? If you don't want to be a Mum why did you have a baby? Why are you even here? Go chat to your Dr friends about body parts or tumours or something....

Wow. Have you been to the doctor lately? I hear there are women working in the NHS these days. Did you know some midwives are women?

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 18:53

Botw1 · 14/04/2023 18:43

@DHsPoorBack

No wonder your dh has a sore back.

He's getting shafted

Don't be daft. It's teamwork. He plays to his strength and she plays to hers.., rather than them both working full time and running themselves ragged dealing with the house and kids.

You do sound a bit jealous

SouthLondonMum22 · 14/04/2023 18:54

MyNDfamily · 14/04/2023 18:50

Your poor baby. You know this website is called Mumsnet yeah? If you don't want to be a Mum why did you have a baby? Why are you even here? Go chat to your Dr friends about body parts or tumours or something....

I went back to work when DS was 12 weeks. Happily and full time.

I'm a mum but I'm also much more than that.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/04/2023 18:55

@Comedycook

You do sound a bit jealous

Bingo! I knew it wouldn't be long. "You must be jealous" is the calling card of someone who knows they've lost the argument.

Botw1 · 14/04/2023 18:55

@DHsPoorBack

It's should say

You're still explaining what a day at home with children is like as though you think that working parents have never done it.

I didnt say you couldn't enjoy sewing or baking but you cant then moan that you couldn't possibly sew and bake and work.

You can. Or, if like me, you don't enjoy ot or don't think that having a vagina makes those things your job you can get your dh to do them

Makes life less stressful all round

DHsPoorBack · 14/04/2023 18:55

MaroonCow · 14/04/2023 18:36

I guess the major difference though, is my day stops at 5pm, just like DH.

Your kids are grown?

No no, DTwins are 3. Eldest is teen.

But my work stops at 5pm. It's just putting DTwins down, and they go straight off.

Botw1 · 14/04/2023 18:56

@Comedycook

Interesting

Can you explain what part of my comment makes me sound jealous?

Jealous of what exactly?

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 18:57

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/04/2023 18:55

@Comedycook

You do sound a bit jealous

Bingo! I knew it wouldn't be long. "You must be jealous" is the calling card of someone who knows they've lost the argument.

Because she described a previous posters husband as being shafted because she doesn't work.

I tell you who is being shafted...the poor women who work full time and who still do everything at home.

DHsPoorBack · 14/04/2023 18:57

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/04/2023 18:55

@Comedycook

You do sound a bit jealous

Bingo! I knew it wouldn't be long. "You must be jealous" is the calling card of someone who knows they've lost the argument.

No, I think she called you that because you do indeed sound bitter. I don't think you sound jealous. Just like you've got a massive chip.

Botw1 · 14/04/2023 18:58

MyNDfamily · 14/04/2023 18:50

Your poor baby. You know this website is called Mumsnet yeah? If you don't want to be a Mum why did you have a baby? Why are you even here? Go chat to your Dr friends about body parts or tumours or something....

When did your kids dad go back to work?

Botw1 · 14/04/2023 18:58

@DHsPoorBack

Again, interesting response.

Bitter about what? A chip over what?

Botw1 · 14/04/2023 19:00

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 18:57

Because she described a previous posters husband as being shafted because she doesn't work.

I tell you who is being shafted...the poor women who work full time and who still do everything at home.

Why would that indicate jealousy?

I described him as being shafted because he works, does equal childcare plus a host of other jobs and she ...

Well stops 'work' at 5pm

LolaSmiles · 14/04/2023 19:00

DHsPoorBack
Your responses are regarding SAHPs, not housewives

They're not the same thing.

5128gap · 14/04/2023 19:01

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 18:05

financial independence. Well yes many women do need to be financially independent because they're married to arseholes who take no pride in providing and/or are tight and/or will screw them over financially if the relationship breaks down.

Do you think a woman who takes no pride in providing is an arsehole? If not, why?

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/04/2023 19:02

@Comedycook

I tell you who is being shafted...the poor women who work full time and who still do everything at home.

I agree… if you’re working FT and doing everything at home. Who said anything about doing everything at home?

MaroonCow · 14/04/2023 19:03

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 18:53

Don't be daft. It's teamwork. He plays to his strength and she plays to hers.., rather than them both working full time and running themselves ragged dealing with the house and kids.

You do sound a bit jealous

No she doesn't. I laughed.

SouthLondonMum22 · 14/04/2023 19:10

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 18:53

Don't be daft. It's teamwork. He plays to his strength and she plays to hers.., rather than them both working full time and running themselves ragged dealing with the house and kids.

You do sound a bit jealous

You seem determined to believe that women are desperate to be at home living off of their husbands.

No thanks.

It's teamwork for us both to be working and contributing financially as well as sharing everything else.

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