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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think being a housewife might be nice ?

1000 replies

Felixss · 13/04/2023 14:55

I'm on leave I've managed to get the housework done the deep cleaning , decluttered, sorted my clothes and 3 tip runs. I've washed the covers on the sofa and got through a mountain of laundry. Food shop delivered, put away and ordered DDs new shoes. I'm going to sand down and paint DDs chest of drawers. To top it off I've cooked a lovely healthy meal for the family.
I feel really pleased I've managed to do all the jobs I've been meaning to do. I'm always snowed under stressed from work and end up not doing it all. I do have a cleaner but they don't do the nitty gritty really.

AIBU to think being a house wife actually might be nice ? Less pressure and you can complete all the home stuff at your leisure. 🤣 I wouldn't do this as I've worked so hard to get where I am but I can see why it might be tempting.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 14/04/2023 17:35

Work can also be about job satisfaction, contributing to society, maintaining good mental health, having social connections etc

Because if you accept this you must also accept that being a housewife has benefits too. Why is it ok to sneer at women who don't work and say how boring it is?

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/04/2023 17:37

@NewMarmalade

Work can also be about job satisfaction, contributing to society, maintaining good mental health, having social connections etc.

But only for men, apparently. When women do it it's for handbags. And has a direct causal link with the decline of the family.

Botw1 · 14/04/2023 17:38

@Comedycook

The sneering is in your head

People are allowed to say they'd find it boring. That's their feelings.

You've a cheek to get annoyed about that while calling people greedy

LolaSmiles · 14/04/2023 17:41

The problem with that is that then women who want to choose to be housewives wouldnt be able to justify it
They could, but they'd need to do more than rely on lazy sexist stereotypes of men and women.

Something like "I don't want to work. I don't see myself working for the rest of adulthood. I prefer someone else to pay my bills and cover my lifestyle expenses. My husband doesn't want to trouble himself with housework. He would much prefer having a woman at home doing it all and he likes coming home to his dinner on the table. He funds my lifestyle in exchange for not having to lift a finger around the house".

Rather than "I'm a housewife because that way when hubby comes home he doesn't have the stress of a messy home. But he definitely doesn't fund my lifestyle at all. I'm not like the other women on the hamster wheel." (which rests on the idea that it's super stressful for a poor working man to do such domestic tasks. He needs a woman to do all the domestic load so he can put his feet up by the fire after a busy day being a big important man, in a way that working women are definitely not big and important).

SouthLondonMum22 · 14/04/2023 17:43

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 17:35

Work can also be about job satisfaction, contributing to society, maintaining good mental health, having social connections etc

Because if you accept this you must also accept that being a housewife has benefits too. Why is it ok to sneer at women who don't work and say how boring it is?

I'd find it boring and no, I don't see any benefit to it.

That isn't sneering. Calling women who work greedy and that they only work to buy handbags however....

FedUpCoveringOthers · 14/04/2023 17:43

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 17:35

Work can also be about job satisfaction, contributing to society, maintaining good mental health, having social connections etc

Because if you accept this you must also accept that being a housewife has benefits too. Why is it ok to sneer at women who don't work and say how boring it is?

I would find a life of not working and napping during the day boring. I cannot pretend not to.

Is your husband greedy btw?

NewMarmalade · 14/04/2023 17:45

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 17:35

Work can also be about job satisfaction, contributing to society, maintaining good mental health, having social connections etc

Because if you accept this you must also accept that being a housewife has benefits too. Why is it ok to sneer at women who don't work and say how boring it is?

And sneering about greed and handbags is ok?!

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 17:45

SouthLondonMum22 · 14/04/2023 17:43

I'd find it boring and no, I don't see any benefit to it.

That isn't sneering. Calling women who work greedy and that they only work to buy handbags however....

Likewise...I don't see any benefit to working beyond monetary gain. Therefore if you don't need the money, why do it? I do find it strange and a bit sad that so many people can't imagine finding fulfillment beyond their job.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/04/2023 17:47

@Comedycook

Why is it ok to sneer at women who don't work and say how boring it is?

That's not how it went on this thread and you know it. The OP opened by inviting people's opinions on whether it would be fun to be a housewife. Some said yes, a number of people said no and explained why they would be bored.

As predictably as night follows day this opened the floodgates to a bunch of the usual ripostes about "if you're bored you must be boring" and "my life is never boring" and "I have a joy-filled life volunteering" (funded by my husband) and "you must have drunk the corporate Kool Aid" if you want to work. Some of us, including me, said we thought there was something a bit dubious about spending your entire life reliant on someone else's income and then crowing about how much fun you have, but carefully drew a distinction between "housewives" and SAHMs.

It was the exact opposite of what you describe.

Historically there have been threads on here which have been unkind to non working mothers on MN. Some posters have been quite patronising to SAHMs and suggested that they are dull and stupid. Not on this thread, though. This was one where non working mothers basically had a pop at women who do work for being corporate shills and lacking imagination and being on the hamster wheel etc. Including some of your outstandingly ill-judged and poorly thought through comments.

MaroonCow · 14/04/2023 17:48

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 17:45

Likewise...I don't see any benefit to working beyond monetary gain. Therefore if you don't need the money, why do it? I do find it strange and a bit sad that so many people can't imagine finding fulfillment beyond their job.

I hear some people are midwives.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/04/2023 17:49

@Comedycook

Likewise...I don't see any benefit to working beyond monetary gain. Therefore if you don't need the money, why do it? I do find it strange and a bit sad that so many people can't imagine finding fulfillment beyond their job.

But presumably you're happy for your husband to have fulfilment from his job? What's the difference?

Yo

Botw1 · 14/04/2023 17:52

@Comedycook

I can imagine why people don't want to work.

Especially if its low paid and not something they enjoy.

So I don't understand why you are so lacking in imagination that you can't understand why anyone would enjoy it.

MNisMyGuiltyPleasure · 14/04/2023 17:57

I love when everything is done but hate chores - so I pay other people to do them for me. Although there are a few things that I'd rather do myself. But that's because I'm a control freak. And therefore they never get done because I work long hours and at the weekend we see friends and get the 'nicer' chores done...

SouthLondonMum22 · 14/04/2023 17:58

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 17:45

Likewise...I don't see any benefit to working beyond monetary gain. Therefore if you don't need the money, why do it? I do find it strange and a bit sad that so many people can't imagine finding fulfillment beyond their job.

Many reasons.

career progression
financial independence
pride
setting a good example
contributing to society
mental health

speakout · 14/04/2023 18:01

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 17:45

Likewise...I don't see any benefit to working beyond monetary gain. Therefore if you don't need the money, why do it? I do find it strange and a bit sad that so many people can't imagine finding fulfillment beyond their job.

I think it is to do with contribution too though.
We live in a society, and to me that means contributing in a meaningful way.
It can mean many things.- adding to the family budget, volunteering, performing acts of caring - paid or not.
I would find life very vacuous if my time was spent buying overprice tat and making sure my manicure is up to scratch.

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 18:05

financial independence. Well yes many women do need to be financially independent because they're married to arseholes who take no pride in providing and/or are tight and/or will screw them over financially if the relationship breaks down.

Itsnotpacific · 14/04/2023 18:09

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 17:45

Likewise...I don't see any benefit to working beyond monetary gain. Therefore if you don't need the money, why do it? I do find it strange and a bit sad that so many people can't imagine finding fulfillment beyond their job.

Are you Steve Barclay ?

You sound very immature, do you not understand that society functions on women and men doing these vital jobs
Nurses, Midwives,Doctors,Police, Social workers to name a few.

SouthLondonMum22 · 14/04/2023 18:11

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 18:05

financial independence. Well yes many women do need to be financially independent because they're married to arseholes who take no pride in providing and/or are tight and/or will screw them over financially if the relationship breaks down.

I don't want to be provided for. I'm an adult, not a child. I take pride in earning my own money and not living off of someone else's money.

MaroonCow · 14/04/2023 18:11

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 18:05

financial independence. Well yes many women do need to be financially independent because they're married to arseholes who take no pride in providing and/or are tight and/or will screw them over financially if the relationship breaks down.

So when men work, they're taking pride in providing. When women do it, they're greedy and want more and more.

We talk a lot about childcare and domestic work being undervalued, but some people don't half undervalue the importance of paying your bills and buying food.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/04/2023 18:11

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 18:05

financial independence. Well yes many women do need to be financially independent because they're married to arseholes who take no pride in providing and/or are tight and/or will screw them over financially if the relationship breaks down.

What if women want to provide for themselves?

Itsnotpacific · 14/04/2023 18:12

MaroonCow · 14/04/2023 17:48

I hear some people are midwives.

Grin

Sorry I have banged on about it !

I can't believe a woman cannot see the value in the work that women do but men?
Aaaah Billy Big Balls gets a medal 🙄

DHsPoorBack · 14/04/2023 18:13

5128gap · 14/04/2023 14:03

Genuine question to the 'housewives' with older children who speak of reading, napping and other leisure activities during the day...
Do (or did) you feel no pressure from your working partner to 'earn' your share of their income through domestic chores? Were they happy to work and share their salary knowing you might be napping?
My DP stayed at home for a while when DC were small (I'm a woman, he's a man) and while it was nice not to have to worry about childcare, and to have my dinner cooked, I remember feeling very resentful when I got an update on that days episode of Homes under the hammer, or came back to a messy house.

No I don't feel pressure from DH. But I do feel self-pressured I suppose. I love a quiet day with very little housework and admin done. But I'm always pissed off with myself the following day when I'm playing catch up. I find it hard to relax if there's still a job to be done.

I'm sure DH sometimes looks at me doing my nails (got a full gel set up at home, something else I've learned to do since being a housewife, which has already paid for itself and I really enjoy doing) and thinks, "pah, alright for some" whilst he's got a client giving him shit down the phone. But then I think the same when he's off at client expense to fancy restaurants in London and I'm having a cheese toastie before bed. I hate this idea that he's just there to earn money and I'm just there to mop. God forbid either of us take a break and enjoy the perks of our roles. We don't resent each other. We just have different perks.

*I also wonder from the description on these threads what hw/sahm think working parents do.

They always describe these activities that take up their whole day's as though they are completely unique to them.*

Having been a full on career girl with 1st DS in full time nursery from 3mths, and subsequently a housewife, with toddler twins (nursery 4 days a week, but shorter days) it's easy to explain, because I thought the same. "What are these women doing at home all day, because I work full time and get all that done too". The major difference is the quality of what you get done. The extras you can get done. And the fact that an empty house isn't messing itself up all day, so it's far less to do. I am a constant tidier, simply because the DC at home generate mess all day, need feeding, need nappies. I can't cook with them under my feet. I can't hoover or clean around them, especially with twins, it's futile.

When I clean (when they're at nursery) I clean properly, partly because there's more dirt now, and partly because I have the time. I'm not doing housework at the weekends. I get down time. I batch cook when they're at nursery. I do so much more as a wife and mother than before. Bake sale? No problem, I've got a full day to make really lovely cakes. World book day? Used to be what I could grab in a hurry from Sainsbury's, now I can put effort in to those kind of "days" at school. DHs trousers needed turning up, no problem, pass them here, instead of "I'll get round to it" after a full day of work, then dinner. Our admin is spot on, everything filed, we're on the best deals for everything. I guess the major difference though, is my day stops at 5pm, just like DH. Then it's our down time, because all the money's been earned and all the house stuff is done. We don't spend evenings or weekends hoovering, or just finishing emails. If I was working full time, we'd both be doing the essentials of what I do now, on top of our full time jobs. We probably wouldn't sit down til 8 o clock.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/04/2023 18:14

@Itsnotpacific

Sorry I have banged on about it !

Good job you have banged on. @Comedycook thinks all working mothers are like Melanie Griffith in Working Girl.

MaroonCow · 14/04/2023 18:15

Itsnotpacific · 14/04/2023 18:12

Grin

Sorry I have banged on about it !

I can't believe a woman cannot see the value in the work that women do but men?
Aaaah Billy Big Balls gets a medal 🙄

I'm sorry, it wasn't you I was ribbing. It was Comedycook who, no matter how many times you said what you do, still couldn't and can't grasp that not everyone works because they're greedy materialistic capitalist shills. That some jobs are really worthy and she'll have benefited from them.

I mean, maybe you did go into midwifery for all the designer handbags but if so, bet you regret it now!

Botw1 · 14/04/2023 18:15

@Comedycook

Why don't you have enough pride to provide for your family?

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