To think being a housewife might be nice ?

[Felixss]

I'm on leave I've managed to get the housework done the deep cleaning , decluttered, sorted my clothes and 3 tip runs. I've washed the covers on the sofa and got through a mountain of laundry. Food shop delivered, put away and ordered DDs new shoes. I'm going to sand down and paint DDs chest of drawers. To top it off I've cooked a lovely healthy meal for the family.
I feel really pleased I've managed to do all the jobs I've been meaning to do. I'm always snowed under stressed from work and end up not doing it all. I do have a cleaner but they don't do the nitty gritty really.

AIBU to think being a house wife actually might be nice ? Less pressure and you can complete all the home stuff at your leisure. 🤣 I wouldn't do this as I've worked so hard to get where I am but I can see why it might be tempting.

Obviously no one should assume anything, should always be a joint decision. But 'fund' their lives? You're family... I think some posters really struggle to understand that some people have a very different idea as to what family is.
There's no lack of understanding at all.

One adult partner expecting another to fund them to be a stay at home spouse where they can potter around, do their hobbies and make sure dinner is on the table IS expecting someone to fund their lifestyle.

There's no lack of understanding by saying this.

A housewife/househusband/stay at home spouse/trad wife/cocklodger set up IS expecting someone to fund their lifestyle. It's not a stay at home parent situation.

I'm sure there are some adults out there who genuinely look at their life and think what they really want is their slippers warming and to work to old age so their spouse can dust the tea cups during the day and focus on endless me time, but they're unlikely to be the norm because most adults don't want to work full time to retirement funding someone else's lifestyle of leisure.

To earn the sort of money to keep a non working partner comfortably typically requires a lot of time on the wheel

My dh works a standard 9-5

minipie
I totally agree with you by the way where men expect women to work and then don't do their fair share of child raising and housework. There's too many of them.

Dare I say it, I think those men are of the same sort of view as those men/women who want a woman at home having dinner on the table and making sure the poor man never has to trouble his busy manly brain with domestic duties when he comes in. It's the same old sexist stereotypes played out in different ways. Funny how often the idea of men stepping up at home slips past, and for all the women shafted by this misogyny there's dozens of women acting their poor husband would melt away if he had to pick a hoover up after a working day.

Virtually all sahms or housewives will have worked or owned property independently before having DC and getting married so the idea that her entire life is funded by someone else is usually nonsense. In my situation I contributed a huge deposit to our house which means we have a lowish mortgage.

I know. We shared from day one too.

Hopefully it becomes more and more the norm.

There is no point trying to explain how a SAHM set-up works to people on here who can only think about it in terms of their own relationship / financial set-up / habits - eg. "My husband would be resentful therefore all husbands must be resentful;" or "I would watch Hammer the Home all day, therefore all SAHMs must do similar;" or "I would feel funded, so all women surely must...."

All this is irrelevant to probably most SAHMs reading. It's total misunderstanding and speculation, tbh. I can't relate to any of it. All these assumed "issues" simply don't feature in my life and never have.

When me and DH got together I had more money than him. We are both generous people and I used to help him out financially if he needed it. Now his career has gone from strength to strength...I'm so proud of him and he is generous to me now. Swings and roundabouts

We Spanish must all be on borrowed time then.

Being a housewife is not the same as being a stay at home parent.

If someone's spouse is happy working full time for an adult's working life so that their wife doesn't have to work and can spend her adult life living a life of leisure, doing the same domestic stuff most people do, and having dinner ready and it works for them, great. Some men might be happy paying the bills in exchange for nice food, a tidy house and sex, and some women might be happy with that arrangement.

But there's absolutely pointless arguing that someone being a housewife isn't having someone else funding their life.
They're quite literally having someone else fund their adult living expenses, hobbies and lifestyle.

My DD is 10, I've had a full night's sleep for 7 years and she walks herself to school and back 🤣.

Some men might be happy paying the bills in exchange for nice food, a tidy house and sex

It might be in exchange for domestic chores...ie clean house and all meals cooked. But it's not in exchange for sex. I'd have sex with my dh whether I worked or not. If I worked full time I'd expect him to share household chores with me, but I wouldn't suddenly stop sleeping with him because I have a job. Unless you see sex as a chore in which case, I feel sorry for you.

Most sahms are not sahms through choice.

They are forced into it by finances or disability.

I highly doubt most sahms have their own property.

They may have worked but are unlikely to have worked long enough or earned enough to be financially independent

@Comedycook

Why are you proud of your ohs career that has gone from strength to strength?

Aren't you worried he's too busy, chasing more and more? On the hamster wheel, drinking the kool aid?

Totally agree.
Drink the fucking Kool Aid my arse!
I'm a bloody midwife and supposedly this means I'm on a hamster wheel .
Do adults actually think like this?

What if we all gave up so we can nap all-day and read books?

Who's going to deliver your babies, teach them, nurse you, operate on you, dispense your medication, sort your remortgage, sort your will/ probate out or any other service you rely etc
Some people are bonkers 😂

I don’t know a single SAHM/ then housewife ( when kids are at school) who fell into this category. Most worked for a short time but were far from a stellar career trajectory pre children. Miles off owning own property which would unusual anyway in the demographic who have yet to reproduce. Having not much in the way of career focus will have made the decision to quit work easier

"Most sahms are not sahms through choice.

They are forced into it by finances or disability."

Says who?

Agreed wholeheartedly

Clearly you need to earn enough to live. My point was that society nowadays only seems to idolise money and consumer goods. I'd rather stay at home than drive a bigger better car or have more designer clothes and bags. I don't really care for this materialistic society and I don't see being busy and stressed out as a badge of honour.

That argument is only ever aimed at women who want careers. Of course.

Quite alright for them to live off of men doing it though.

As a society we should be working less not more. There's plenty of technology to facilitate that but our capitalist society wants us to produce more and more. Most people's quality of life is appalling. Don't scoff at those who are an afternoon nap...we should be encouraging it

Bingo!!
Designer handbags everyone!

@Comedycook

Except no one on those thread has said anything about working to fund bigger cars or hand bags.

Does your oh work to fund handbags?

The person you replied to accusing of being on the hamster wheel is a midwife

Why did you presume they were only working to fund what you deem to be unnecessary choices?

Have you got data for this? I would be extremely surprised if "virtually all" non working mothers in the UK have worked and /or owned property independently before getting married and having children.

As a PP commented, a large amount of SAHMs are forced into it by the cost of childcare or ill health (either them or their children).

@echoo

Research by the Rowentree foundation on the causes of poverty.

Yes, there are some middle class/well off women who choose it as a lifestyle choice.

But most dont.

Would you be happy for your husband to be working less not more so you can have a greater quality of life and more afternoon naps?