To think being a housewife might be nice ?

[Felixss]

I'm on leave I've managed to get the housework done the deep cleaning , decluttered, sorted my clothes and 3 tip runs. I've washed the covers on the sofa and got through a mountain of laundry. Food shop delivered, put away and ordered DDs new shoes. I'm going to sand down and paint DDs chest of drawers. To top it off I've cooked a lovely healthy meal for the family.
I feel really pleased I've managed to do all the jobs I've been meaning to do. I'm always snowed under stressed from work and end up not doing it all. I do have a cleaner but they don't do the nitty gritty really.

AIBU to think being a house wife actually might be nice ? Less pressure and you can complete all the home stuff at your leisure. 🤣 I wouldn't do this as I've worked so hard to get where I am but I can see why it might be tempting.

@5128gap

We all know what the responses would be if a woman posted that her dh wouldn't work because he needed to nap at 2pm and he was perfectly happy with his own company reading a book and watching TV

So in that scenario I struggle to see how the man can demand the wife (who he was make then happy to stay at home for -at least 5 years) can suddenly demand she gets a low paid job. If she manages to get a high paid flexible job then great!
Or if he steps on to cover the school runs and do 50%? You se this situation a lot on here. And to be fair there’s often no sympathy for the wife. It’s normally her fault for not carrying on working
I think it's entirely reasonable to review arrangements on how families are structured and don't believe that choosing for one person to take a few years as a SAHP means they get to decide that they don't want to work indefinitely.
I don't have much sympathy for anyone who assumes that another person should fund their lives indefinitely.

I agree 100% that there's a lot of men who are happy to have a SAHP from their partners (and a lot who talk their way into that situation whilst conveniently being very against marriage that would give their partner legal protection). Women, as a class, need to wise up and make sure we make informed decisions that don't shaft ourselves, because we can't rely on men to do it.

That’s great. When do you find the time to do all the cleaning/laundry/gardening etc? Or does your DH do 50%? I really struggled when I worked FT. But then I had a DH who worked away. I found it very hard to juggle everything.

With a flexible WFH job I can imagine it’s easier. Everyone’s situation is so different.

@Delatron

Why would I do all the housework and gardening?

I dont do any gardening (doesn't need much ) and I do my share of housework which doesn't take long.

I work shifts and don't do any house at all on the days I work.

That’s what I said. If the other partner is around to do their share (and actual does it) then you don’t need to do it all.

I often think I would love to. I'm also on leave and finally feel like I'm on top of things. It'll all fall apart when I go back to work next week.
I don't like my job though, so the thought of being at home to see the kids off to school each morning and having the tea sorted and the house cleared in the week so that the weekends are for fun stuff, sounds amazing to me right now. If I loved my job, I may feel different. I'd also need a much richer husband so I could be a lady who lunches every day.
Lockdown taught me I don't do well under house arrest!

Men put women down and talk about how you "pay for it one way or another" all the time. Don't pretend they don't.

Kool aid ? Hamster wheel?

I'm a Midwife!

Falling asleep during the day is bad for your health and can indicate sleep apnoea, raise the risk of stroke and cardiac issues.

Honestly, as someone who has done both (and nannying the same age group) they are so very different experiences.

Easiest was certainly staying home with my oldest. She was a fairly easy going kid (still is). We were able to have fun and generally handle chores.

However, having a class of toddlers was far easier than keeping up with my youngest two. The house is crumbling around me it feels like and barring emptying the house out, we’ve done as much baby proofing as we can. I barely did any with my oldest. My youngest on her own isn’t unreasonably challenging, but my middle is still quite challenging on his own.

The physical environment, the ability to get sleep at night, and starting and ending your day tending to your own needs definitely all play a part. As well, peer pressure is real, even at that age. Most kids will follow routine and order in a group more easily even if prone to bouncing off the walls when on their own.

Anyway, it’s just not comparable. I loved my classroom and I love being home, but you definitely can’t judge one by the other.

As for OP, it’s not unreasonable to think you’d enjoy it, but I do think it’s a bit unreasonable to make that evaluation on a short term break, especially without experiencing the additional changes of reduced income.

I love my financial freedom. I can't imagine I rely on someone's wage. No never, no.

I'm not talking about specific jobs but our society in general is ridiculous. Being busy is so praised. People are so stressed. There's such little downtime or quality of life in this relentless pursuit of more and more

Not my life or anyone I know.
Personally I have a great balance.

But isn't the downtime of the housewife gained as a result of the Kool Aid drunk by her husband on his hamster wheel?

I know plenty who do it on a household income of less than 40k

But once he's finished working, he doesn't have to do housework or laundry or cook dinner. He can relax

I don't have much sympathy for anyone who assumes that another person should fund their lives indefinitely.

Obviously no one should assume anything, should always be a joint decision. But 'fund' their lives? You're family... I think some posters really struggle to understand that some people have a very different idea as to what family is.

I don't have much sympathy for anyone who assumes that another person should fund their lives indefinitely.

I agree. I also don’t have any sympathy for anyone who assumes another person should pick up all or most of the childcare and domestic responsibilities. And yet time after time we see stories of men who do this - even when their wife also works and never agreed to this (indeed is usually trying to get the man to do a fairer share).

In some couples there is a mutual agreement that one person will cover all or most of the earning and the other will cover all or most of the child/domestic responsibilities. That’s not an assumption or laziness, it’s a fair swap IMO. Of course, it has to be agreed.

Exactly!

My husband doesn’t seem to mind coming home to a messy house. I mean it’s never particularly messy now the kids are older but it certainly was when we had 3 preschoolers. Would he be annoyed if I watched TV during the day? I don’t know. I would be annoyed if roles were reversed and he did 😂 He is way more laid back than I am though. But certainly the only pressure I feel to be productive during the day is from myself.

I love a nap.

I'm not relentlessly busy when I'm not at work.

Balance is key, surely?

If you look at most situations individually it's not a simple as a woman solely funded by a man.

In my case, when we first got together, I owned my own home and he was renting. I contributed a significant amount. He supports us now and I will go back to work at some point in the future.

To earn the sort of money to keep a non working partner comfortably typically requires a lot of time on the wheel. It would be cheaper (so less time required on the wheel) to buy takeaways and the amount of domestic work done in a day that allows time for reading, naps etc.
Don't get me wrong, if both parties are happy, that's great. But I think its a bit of a reach to frame it as a superior lifestyle choice than drinking the Kool Aid, when quite clearly one person is merely drinking the other person's share.

I'd love to be a housewife and have time to do all those things!! Sadly finances will not allow.

@5128gap

But isn't the downtime of the housewife gained as a result of the Kool Aid drunk by her husband on his hamster wheel?

Exactly this. The people who are always talking about the "hamster wheel" of corporate life and suggesting that working mothers are brainwashed by capitalism conveniently forget that one person in the partnership being able to step off the hamster wheel relies on the other person having to step it up.

Someone has to pay for one person to spend their time at home, whether they are dusting the mantlepieces, doing a PhD or frolicking through fields of wheat. None of this happens in a financial vacuum.

But I think its a bit of a reach to frame it as a superior lifestyle choice than drinking the Kool Aid, when quite clearly one person is merely drinking the other person's share.

Excellently put.

No issues whatsoever with two consenting adults figuring out an arrangement that they're both happy with. But I dislike the thinking that one is superior for "not drinking the Kool Aid" when one depends upon someone else doing it.