Page 14 | To think being a housewife might be nice ?

Felixss · 2023-04-13T13:55:32+00:00

I'm on leave I've managed to get the housework done the deep cleaning , decluttered, sorted my clothes and 3 tip runs. I've washed the covers on the sofa and got through a mountain of laundry. Food shop delivered, put away and ordered DDs new shoes. I'm going to sand down and paint DDs chest of drawers. To top it off I've cooked a lovely healthy meal for the family. I feel really pleased I've managed to do all the jobs I've been meaning to do. I'm always snowed under stressed from work and end up not doing it all. I do have a cleaner but they don't do the nitty gritty really. AIBU to think being a house wife actually might be nice ? Less pressure and you can complete all the home stuff at your leisure. 🤣 I wouldn't do this as I've worked so hard to get where I am but I can see why it might be tempting.

nopuppiesallowed · 14/04/2023 12:38

I really enjoyed being a SAHM. My friends were also SAHMs and we took the children out together and had a lot of fun. I was never bored - although we're all different, so can understand some women saying they'd be bored in the same position. As an ex primary school teacher, I also used my skills with my own children and we had a lot of fun doing educational things together. That stood them in good stead when they began school. Living abroad meant that going back to work wasn't an option for a while but when all 3 were at school and we were back in the UK, I went back to teaching for a very short time until we moved again and our circumstances changed again. My husband never resented my being at home - we have always operated as a team and had joint finances. He liked coming home to an orderly home and good food and viewed my role as being as important as his. Looking back, I wish I'd worked part time - but only because it was a status thing. Housework is tedious, but you know what? Lots of jobs, including teaching, have their tedious moments, too.... Do what suits you, if you have the choice and if it benefits your family.

Itsnotpacific · 14/04/2023 12:40

echoo · 14/04/2023 12:22

"PP was referring to the traditional housewife -in the title.

This was the unfortunate situation my DM and many of her friends found themselves in, asking for pennies to buy sanitary towels."

The title says nothing about being 'traditional' though. We can all think of all kinds of less than desirable scenarios from the past but, so what really? What bearing does any of that have, in 2023, to a woman who is a housewife / SAHM by choice and is perfectly fine and financially secure?

Perhaps I've missed what the Op was saying?
Perhaps not?

A house wife and SAHM are 2 different things.

Aaaah choice

It's always the woman's choice and nothing to do with decades of patriarchal oppression and societal expectations of women and men.

Delatron · 14/04/2023 12:46

DHsPoorBack · 14/04/2023 11:31

If you're a housewife, you've exchanged paid work for an employer

For unpaid work within the home, yes. Doesn't mean it has no value.

where you are free to take your services elsewhere at any point if you choose

Was unaware I was kept here under duress...

and you get to keep the fruits of your labour

The fruits of my labour are the things I have around me, they are not tangible because they are things money can't buy. Happiness. Peace. Contentment.

for being paid by a man

Will ask DH for my missing payslips, thank you for highlighting this

to look after his home and children

Our home and children

with no money to show for it

Except our joint savings, investments, and our joint account. Most in my name actually, through no reason other than I used to work in finance and set most things up for us.

and any security you do have totally dependent on his pleasure

I'm not even sure what that means it's so odd. Should we divorce, I would be far from destitute. That's the least of my concerns, I'd want to be healthy and happy. I literally do what I like with my days, whether it's work from dawn til dusk around the house, or like I am today, meeting DNan with eldest DS at a local country park. I manage my own time, it's not what I'm allowed at his pleasure. He even lets me vote.

And no freedom to move without severely disrupting your family's security.

Yes, if an employed woman left her family, there's no disruption at all.

Give me working for the man and keeping my money any day.

That's cool, each to their own.

Good post.

The narrative that these women will be destitute if the man leaves can often be not true. Many of my friends spent 20+ years in high powered careers. Saved, made investments. House will be at least 50% in their name.

We are also putting zero value on ‘child care’ if you claim being at home is akin to being a prostitute. Which is quite sad really.

echoo · 14/04/2023 12:51

You can make a 'choice' with you eyes wide open to all of that Itsnotpacific. The history of patriarchy / societal oppression hardly need pointing out. We all know this but I also know I don't live in the past. I live now, in my own specific circumstances, and will do what I believe, on balance, is preferable for me and my family. It may be different to other people, but that's fine. I'm not living anyone else's life.

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 12:56

A pp described it to prostitution without realising just how misogynistic that is. It assumes that women don't enjoy sex and only do it to keep their husbands happy...

Delatron · 14/04/2023 12:59

Georgyporky · 14/04/2023 12:03

I was a SAHM for 6 weeks after the birth of DS. That was the mat leave entitlement at that time : 11-12 weeks pre- .& 6-7 weeks post-.
I was bored witless, glad to get him into nursery & back to adult company at work.

This is a completely different scenario. The first few weeks with a newborn are very hard and I can see why putting them in nursery and going back to work at 6 weeks would appeal. But you weren’t worn down by months of housework?

Backtobed · 14/04/2023 12:59

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 12:56

A pp described it to prostitution without realising just how misogynistic that is. It assumes that women don't enjoy sex and only do it to keep their husbands happy...

Exactly, it was an absolutely ridiculous thing to say.

Delatron · 14/04/2023 13:01

Backtobed · 14/04/2023 12:59

Exactly, it was an absolutely ridiculous thing to say.

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It’s an awful thing to say. Very offensive. More women putting down other women.

Men don’t to this shit.

Delatron · 14/04/2023 13:01

Do

Lollipop81 · 14/04/2023 13:02

Omg how old are your children, I have 2 young children and I would never have time to get all of that done 😂 my life is a constant battle of looking after them, working and trying to keep on top of the housework. I’ve been off work this week and still haven’t got anymore done, in fact my house looks like a bomb site as they are both off nursery. Fair play to you for doing all of that.

Growlybear83 · 14/04/2023 13:15

Botw1 · 14/04/2023 12:20

I also wonder from the description on these threads what hw/sahm think working parents do.

They always describe these activities that take up their whole day's as though they are completely unique to them.

So I'm often left wondering if they think that people who work stop existing outside of work? Or of they think they go in a cupboard at the end ofvthe day and come out again in the morning?

They also seem to think everyone who works, works mon to fri 9 to 5 in an office

Once I went back to work, obviously I didn't have the same amount of time to keep the house as immaculate, work in the garden, and cook to the same extent as I did when I was at home and my daughter was at school. Like other people who go out to work, I did the housework, ironing etc in the evenings and gardening at the weekend. My job involves attending evening meetings for two or three nights a week and it was a really good arrangement when my daughter was at school because during the daytime I was able to work from home for most of the time, and I was almost always able to take her to school or to the station once she got older, and to collect her after school before I went out in the evening. Before my daughter started school, then almost all of my time was spent with her, and I didn't have as much time to spend on housework etc.

GoTeamTired · 14/04/2023 13:23

If I had financial independence, and enough of my own money to live off without working, I would love to be a housewife.

I might get a cleaner though...

Delatron · 14/04/2023 13:24

Growlybear83 · 14/04/2023 13:15

Once I went back to work, obviously I didn't have the same amount of time to keep the house as immaculate, work in the garden, and cook to the same extent as I did when I was at home and my daughter was at school. Like other people who go out to work, I did the housework, ironing etc in the evenings and gardening at the weekend. My job involves attending evening meetings for two or three nights a week and it was a really good arrangement when my daughter was at school because during the daytime I was able to work from home for most of the time, and I was almost always able to take her to school or to the station once she got older, and to collect her after school before I went out in the evening. Before my daughter started school, then almost all of my time was spent with her, and I didn't have as much time to spend on housework etc.

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That was my point. Those jobs don’t go away if you are working. So you’re cleaning and doing the laundry at 8/9pm rather than in the day. Still same amount of drudgery! So all this - ooh I couldn’t clean all day I’d be bored - you’re just cleaning at a different time! Hopefully the DH helps out but often not.

That’s why for some people part
tine and being at home more if they can appeals. I don’t want to be hoovering at 10pm after a full day of work.

5128gap · 14/04/2023 13:34

I would hate to be a SAHM, as in my brief experience of it, found it dull, hard work and very restricting. Being a 'housewife' though is just a polite euphemism for being unemployed, which is a different thing altogether; and likely much more relaxing.That is, only as long as the man keeping you remains generous. So it would be spoiled for me, because I'd feel vulnerable and uncomfortable depending on his whim. I'd also feel under obligation to earn my keep through domestic chores, which I find very boring. So, on balance I'd rather work or an employer than a husband, and at least be paid to do something interesting.

redyellowpinkbluegreen · 14/04/2023 13:35

I'm a SHAM to a toddler and am awaiting for mt cleaner to arrive while i frantically try and tidy before she comes. I thought my house would be immaculate but it's not, I'm a rubbish housewife 🙈

Growlybear83 · 14/04/2023 13:41

Delatron · 14/04/2023 13:24

That was my point. Those jobs don’t go away if you are working. So you’re cleaning and doing the laundry at 8/9pm rather than in the day. Still same amount of drudgery! So all this - ooh I couldn’t clean all day I’d be bored - you’re just cleaning at a different time! Hopefully the DH helps out but often not.

That’s why for some people part
tine and being at home more if they can appeals. I don’t want to be hoovering at 10pm after a full day of work.

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No the jobs don't go away when you're working, and I regularly ended up cleaning late in the evening. But I didn't have the time to clean to the same standard once I was working again, and found it very difficult to find the time to decorate and do any significant gardening. Now that I am close to retiring and am reducing my hours a little more each term, I'm finally finding more time to keep the house how I want it to be, and to do other projects like restoring furniture. But I've never found housework to be 'drudgery' - I've always found great satisfaction in seeing the house all nice and shiney, the laundry ironed properly, and watching my seedlings growing into nice big plants.

Botw1 · 14/04/2023 13:41

@Delatron

Thats not my experience of being a wp

I dont spend evenings and weekends doing housework and had plenty of time.e to spend with the kids.

We did all the things described on this thread.

It totally depends on your working pattern and priorities/efficiency

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/04/2023 13:44

For a couple of days you've had a good run.

You don't mention children.

Imagine doing all of that, day in, day out, while also the school run, interrupted nights, cleaning up vomit and poo. For about 18 years.

While cooking and cleaning and shopping and organising everything. Then husband comes home, kicks his shoes off as he's been 'providing for his family; all day and expect you to wait on him.

Then clean the kitchen, put the laundry on and get the kids' stuff sorted for the morning.

Does it still sound so fun?

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 13:45

redyellowpinkbluegreen · 14/04/2023 13:35

I'm a SHAM to a toddler and am awaiting for mt cleaner to arrive while i frantically try and tidy before she comes. I thought my house would be immaculate but it's not, I'm a rubbish housewife 🙈

You're not a housewife...you have a toddler to look after. Of course you're not going to have a immaculate house.

If you have a baby or pre school age children you are not a housewife.

Even worse, if you're on may leave don't call yourself a housewife. Do not give your husband the kudos of having a housewife when all you are doing is taking the time you are legally entitled to off to have a baby and recover from birth.

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 13:47

Imagine doing all of that, day in, day out, while also the school run, interrupted nights, cleaning up vomit and poo. For about 18 years

oh come on...my DC are secondary age. I haven't had an interrupted night's sleep for over a decade and I don't have any vomit or poo to clear up!

BellePeppa · 14/04/2023 13:48

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 11:21

I was bored rigid

This must really depend on your personality. I never get bored...I'm happy to read, watch tv, listen to the radio or a podcast, follow the news, walk in the park. If you're a more dynamic, sociable person it probably wouldn't suit you.

Me too. I stayed at home until my youngest started seniors and I was never bored. Housework is boring but I was never bored in myself as I enjoy my own company and the peace and quiet. Having a dog also helps. I loved the fact that if I was sleepy I could have a nap rather than be fighting sleep at my desk - I can get a real slump around 2pm and it was absolute luxury to just get under my duvet and nap.

Itsnotpacific · 14/04/2023 13:53

BellePeppa · 14/04/2023 13:48

Me too. I stayed at home until my youngest started seniors and I was never bored. Housework is boring but I was never bored in myself as I enjoy my own company and the peace and quiet. Having a dog also helps. I loved the fact that if I was sleepy I could have a nap rather than be fighting sleep at my desk - I can get a real slump around 2pm and it was absolute luxury to just get under my duvet and nap.

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Unless you have a young baby sleeping during the day is really bad health wise.

If that was my life I would feel so depressed.

washrinse · 14/04/2023 13:54

Delatron · 14/04/2023 12:46

Good post.

The narrative that these women will be destitute if the man leaves can often be not true. Many of my friends spent 20+ years in high powered careers. Saved, made investments. House will be at least 50% in their name.

We are also putting zero value on ‘child care’ if you claim being at home is akin to being a prostitute. Which is quite sad really.

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Totally agree.

Every asset DH and I own is half in my name, half in his. Including the flat that I paid for before we had kids, when I was the breadwinner. We were an equal partnership then when I was paying for everything and we still are now that he’s paying for everything. And we share the housework.

The tropes on this thread that all SAHM/W have no financial independence and have resentful husbands who don’t share any of the housework are just as tired as the tropes that working Mums don’t ever see their kids…

Comedycook · 14/04/2023 13:55

Itsnotpacific · 14/04/2023 13:53

Unless you have a young baby sleeping during the day is really bad health wise.

If that was my life I would feel so depressed.

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I love a nap. How is it bad for your health? You've really drunk the KOOL aid if you think resting is bad and depressing but stay on your hamster wheel hey

5128gap · 14/04/2023 14:03

Genuine question to the 'housewives' with older children who speak of reading, napping and other leisure activities during the day...
Do (or did) you feel no pressure from your working partner to 'earn' your share of their income through domestic chores? Were they happy to work and share their salary knowing you might be napping?
My DP stayed at home for a while when DC were small (I'm a woman, he's a man) and while it was nice not to have to worry about childcare, and to have my dinner cooked, I remember feeling very resentful when I got an update on that days episode of Homes under the hammer, or came back to a messy house.