To think being a housewife might be nice ?

[Felixss]

I'm on leave I've managed to get the housework done the deep cleaning , decluttered, sorted my clothes and 3 tip runs. I've washed the covers on the sofa and got through a mountain of laundry. Food shop delivered, put away and ordered DDs new shoes. I'm going to sand down and paint DDs chest of drawers. To top it off I've cooked a lovely healthy meal for the family.
I feel really pleased I've managed to do all the jobs I've been meaning to do. I'm always snowed under stressed from work and end up not doing it all. I do have a cleaner but they don't do the nitty gritty really.

AIBU to think being a house wife actually might be nice ? Less pressure and you can complete all the home stuff at your leisure. 🤣 I wouldn't do this as I've worked so hard to get where I am but I can see why it might be tempting.

I don't think I could do only housewife duties. I am not scared my husband would screw me over with money, but for myself, I would need to volunteer or to PT job at least once a week. Cleaning, cooking and looking after kids 24/7 is not my cup of tea. Part time work sounds lovely to me, because work-life balance is better.

I agree.

My view is old fashioned but because so many women work, economics has changed and two incomes are required to live a very average life. It's terrible that an average working man cannot buy a house for his family and afford to keep them. And even worse, because they saw their fathers being waited on by their mothers, they think they deserve the same level of reverence from their exhausted working wife, without realising their father had sole financial responsibility.

"being paid by a man to look after his home and children, with no money to show for it and any security you do have totally dependent on his pleasure. And no freedom to move without severely disrupting your family's security."

@Itsnotpacific - this is what I mean by projection and drama. I do wonder if some people have ever met a family with a SAHM.

I can assure you that I'm very real and no, I have never been bored at any point in all of my 65 years. I've been happy, unhappy, stressed, relaxed, upset, in pain, and had periods of great emotional turmoil, but I've never been bored. I've had responsible and stressful jobs over the years, stayed at home for eight years, and have worked from home part time for the last few years, but none of that has been boring.

Agree, I too was bored stiff.
I quite literally skipped away from the nursery on that first drop off.
Felt like a bad mother as others were crying
Stretched my arms out with the wonderful feeling of not having a pushchair.

@Comedycook

Capitalism is to blame for col increases.

I've also never understood the belief that a single adult should be able to financially support a whole family/household

If you have 2 adults capable of working. Why wouldnt they.

And why on earth would you presume that no woman wants to work.

Why would it be nice for only women to not work?

I'm sure there are plenty men out there who would love not to work

Agree, I too was bored stiff.
I quite literally skipped away from the nursery on that first drop off.
Felt like a bad mother as others were crying
Stretched my arms out with the wonderful feeling of not having a pushchair

@DrPrunesqauler you weren't a housewife then. You were either on maternity leave I presume if your DC was still in a pushchair or if not mat leave, you were a sahm to a toddler.

That's not a housewife. How would you have enjoyed being at home if you had older children in full time school?

I’ve recently become a SAHM due to circumstance. My DS won’t go to after school club, not reliably anyway and as my industry is very male dominated, it has been impossible to find part time or flexible work.

It works really well for us as a family, no more stressing about grumbling colleagues and looming deadlines. The house is clean, DS is happy and we have our weekends back.

I do have a hobby that makes me some money, and friends who are also at home so am in a better position to do so than most.

Please read Betty Friedan.

PP was referring to the traditional housewife -in the title.

This was the unfortunate situation my DM and many of her friends found themselves in, asking for pennies to buy sanitary towels.

Sadly not drama

Being a SAHM when my siblings and I were children massively contributed to my mother's mental illness and she ended up hospitalised for the best part of a year when I was 15. The sheer boredom and drudgery actually made her ill.

We went all over. The beach, theme parks, walks, all the museums, and London parks and city farms. We walked for miles along the Thames, watched loads of street performers. Went to our local John Lewis which had an area dc could play on the bikes and with the toys

Had water fights and painting sessions in the garden.

Probably helps that I am also ADHD and quite immature.
I really miss going to legoland and chessington and riding spinning spider and the rapid water ride. Keep asking dc when they are going to have their own children so we can go back🤣

Obviously
Thats why I commented on @Georgyporky

I also wonder from the description on these threads what hw/sahm think working parents do.

They always describe these activities that take up their whole day's as though they are completely unique to them.

So I'm often left wondering if they think that people who work stop existing outside of work? Or of they think they go in a cupboard at the end ofvthe day and come out again in the morning?

They also seem to think everyone who works, works mon to fri 9 to 5 in an office

"PP was referring to the traditional housewife -in the title.

This was the unfortunate situation my DM and many of her friends found themselves in, asking for pennies to buy sanitary towels."

The title says nothing about being 'traditional' though. We can all think of all kinds of less than desirable scenarios from the past but, so what really? What bearing does any of that have, in 2023, to a woman who is a housewife / SAHM by choice and is perfectly fine and financially secure?

No I’d hate it, but I do think the working week should be cut to 3/4 days a week to give more of a balance

Ah, typical sneering of housewives not having brains. I come from a family with generational stay-at-home mothers/wives and they have/had more time for academics, hobbies and socialising. Even when we were kids, my mum spent afternoons reading, writing, painting, piano, tea with friends etc. Many women prefer a simple, family life and I really don't understand the contempt.

Joint account with equal decision making is the norm with every sahm I know. Women aren't "controlled" lol. There are in many way fewer risks today but culture has shifted, so I understand why women continue to shun even when it appeals (half of White British women say they'd stay at home if they could)

Men were loyal to family wellbeing in a way men today just aren't, they have become entitled and lazy with zero shame, easily walking away from women and children, esp re finances. Bad men existed obviously, but the average man was much more serious re family obligations and there was far greater social pressure to provide whatever the circumstances.

Oh yes

Kets all hark back to the days when men were men and could rape and beat their wives without any pesky legal interference

It's not "drama" to disagree with someone or point out the flaws in their argument or lifestyle. It's called an opinion and last time I looked that was the primary point of this board.

I specifically went out of my way to draw a distinction between a SAHM and a housewife.

The critical distinction for me between a SAHM and a housewife is whether you continue to remain at home and primary focused on domestic work after your children have gone to school.

And I said clearly that I totally understand the rationale for being a SAHM, where you are occupied with looking after young children. But I can't get my head around people choosing to spend most of their time looking after a home and all that goes with it when their children are no longer primarily in the home during the day.

My mum has been a housewife since having my older sister 41 years ago.

She now has a better social life than any of us, but when we were growing up I think she was probably quite lonely. She didn't have any local friends, my sister and I were just kids, and my dad had on and off mental health problems, so wasn't always the easiest.

being paid by a man to look after his home and children, with no money to show for it and any security you do have totally dependent on his pleasure. And no freedom to move without severely disrupting your family's security

Actually Dh used to put most of his salary into my account and I probably earned 3 times what I could have earned sat being bored stiff at some job.
It was also my house too not just dh’s and I saved loads of money.

DH was away working 3 weeks in every 4 so I didn’t have to bother with asking what Dh wanted as I had freedom to do anything

Even if your name is not on the deeds as a married woman you are still entitled to half of everything in a divorce.
Friend who had never had employment for 20 years of their 22 year marriage walked away with the marital home that her exh had put all his money into paying off the mortgage. He told her when she petitioned for divorce he would not give her a penny

Fortunately it was up to a judge to decide what each party would or wouldn’t get

I assume your DD was at school because there’s a big difference between being a SAHM with kids in school or not. I was home with DD until she was 14months old and mostly loathed it although I’m glad I did it. Didn’t mind hangjng out with her but housework and cleaning every day does my head in. Then I went 3 days back and found it really the worst of both worlds. Now I work for myself and honestly I can take off when I like, which is great, but I get angsty if I don’t have defined working times. I prefer working over house stuff any day.

@Comby

I come from a family with generational stay-at-home mothers/wives and they have/had more time for academics, hobbies and socialising. Even when we were kids, my mum spent afternoons reading, writing, painting, piano, tea with friends etc.

To me those women you've described are not housewives. To me a housewife is someone who does very little other than maintain the house and look after the children.

But who is asking you to "get your head around" anything @Thepeopleversuswork?

"The critical distinction for me between a SAHM and a housewife is whether you continue to remain at home and primary focused on domestic work after your children have gone to school."

Fine, make that distinction if you feel you need to, but I don't think it's particularly "critical."

If you had three or four children, you might see things in slightly more nuanced / realistic terms.

Also, I know absolutely loads of women who SAH with school aged children (including me)! They all have cleaners / housekeepers. The housework is actually nothing to do with being at home.

I can honestly say I'm never bored at home. I have loads of hobbies and interests, none of which are work related.