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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strangers buying us things!

159 replies

ChristmasJumpers · 13/04/2023 10:29

I am going to sound so ungrateful but please stick with me...
We had a baby 4 weeks ago and people have been so generous with giving us hand me downs including bouncers, clothes, a moses basket etc. And we got lots of presents of clothes/medicine/toys/books at her baby shower and from visitors since she was born. I'm really grateful for that and we have been taking pictures of DD in her clothes/with her toys and sending thank yous. We're lucky to be surrounded by people who love us and DD.

The problem is that we also have total strangers buying and giving gifts to us!!! DHs mum works in a big office and her colleagues who we never have and never will meet have been buying and making things for DD like crazy! She now has about 40 hand knitted cardigans, 15 (yes really) chunky blankets, 2 bouncers and so many teddies. We've nowhere to put it all but it just keeps coming! I've just had a message from DMIL with a picture of a pop vinyl toy that someone at work has bought for us and a personalised cushion with her name, DOB etc. on. I'm honestly grateful but it's never ending and we're just getting repeat presents and things we can't or won't use as they don't know us or what we already have. The house is full but DMIL thinks it's lovely of them so I can't ask her to pass on the message to stop. AIBU that it's a bit odd, they'll never meet us or DD. They clearly love DMIL but why not one collection and pass on a voucher or just the one thoughtful gift?

AIBU - People are being kind and I should just accept the gifts and be grateful
AINBU - it's a bit much for total strangers to be showering us with so many gifts

OP posts:
moveoverye · 13/04/2023 10:34

It is a bit odd, I can only conclude that you DMIL is extremely popular and people just want to please her and by extension her family!

DilemmaDelilah · 13/04/2023 10:44

My workmates clubbed together and bought something fairly expensive (and not terribly useful) when my first grandchild was born, so I think they're doing it for you, which is very kind. Maybe you/your daughter could collect a bundle and give it to a women's refuge or other charity?

gabsdot · 13/04/2023 10:49

Just put together all the things that you don't like, don't want and won't use and donate it all. Even beter, sell it.

thecatsthecats · 13/04/2023 10:49

One of my work colleagues did this for another man's child's birthday. MIL also bought my sister's baby presents plus Christmas presents.

Some people just go barmy over babies, even ones they've never met and will never meet. It's very sad that they don't direct their energy at babies who have very little or nothing.

I wouldn't say more than saying "please thank them for me MIL, maybe you can keep some of these things at yours as we're running out of space".

bunnyrabbitsandbutterflies · 13/04/2023 10:50

Can you not just box them up and store in the loft or something? People tend to forget you've ever had a baby after a couple of months and it might all come in handy for dc2

user6278908823 · 13/04/2023 10:52

I know what you mean (not strangers’ gifts but the amount). My husband’s family always buy for our children for every occasion and it is so lovely of them. However, having had a baby the week before Easter and 2 weeks before her siblings birthday and I’m dreading seeing them with all the gifts and eggs waiting for us. I haven’t even unpacked my case from hospital and I’m now going to have hauls of bags to unpack in my tiny house… It’s kind but overwhelming.

Lastnamedidntstick · 13/04/2023 10:55

Some people just go barmy over babies, even ones they've never met and will never meet. It's very sad that they don't direct their energy at babies who have very little or nothing

this. Mil would buy/make baby gifts for the dogs aunts cousins flatmates work colleague. She just liked buying baby stuff, so it gave her a reason to go to mothercare and buy things. Or she had a purpose for the 1001th knitted cardi.

what kind of work environment does mil have? If it’s an office or similar staffed with empty nesters nearing retirement (as was mil’s) it’s like a klaxon going off. Any sniff of a baby and they all set to with renewed purpose 😂

SparkyBlue · 13/04/2023 10:56

I get it OP and that why when baby gifts are mentioned on here I always say give a voucher. No one needs more stuff in the house. Pack it up for the charity shop and don't feel guilty. It's lovely your baby is so welcomed I had a similar situation.

SpeckledlyHen · 13/04/2023 10:58

Lastnamedidntstick · 13/04/2023 10:55

Some people just go barmy over babies, even ones they've never met and will never meet. It's very sad that they don't direct their energy at babies who have very little or nothing

this. Mil would buy/make baby gifts for the dogs aunts cousins flatmates work colleague. She just liked buying baby stuff, so it gave her a reason to go to mothercare and buy things. Or she had a purpose for the 1001th knitted cardi.

what kind of work environment does mil have? If it’s an office or similar staffed with empty nesters nearing retirement (as was mil’s) it’s like a klaxon going off. Any sniff of a baby and they all set to with renewed purpose 😂

😂

escapingthecity · 13/04/2023 11:01

My MIL is a super kind person who is very generous. People felt that one way of repaying that generosity was to be very kind with gifts for our first child and we also felt slightly overwhelmed. If they're nice things then use them or store them for siblings, but don't feel bad about regifting or selling on.

Cece92 · 13/04/2023 11:01

This was the same when my DD was born I worked on the customer service desk in a supermarket and we regular elderly customer regular evening customers, when I was due to go on MAT leave suddenly I had this big swarm of gifts from customers. Beautiful hand made knitted clothing, toys nappies the lot. Very over whelming as I didn't know half their names. My mums work colleagues were the same, my grans friends people I never met neighbours o barely spoke too. It's lovely though and I think people just love babies being born xxx

LunaBoBuna · 13/04/2023 11:02

I'd definitely make a comment about running out of space and asking to keep some at hers, once it starts to encroach on their space it suddenly begins to taper off.
My in-laws were like a previous poster and would constantly be buying my son gifts (even just for visiting!) and as soon as we made the rule of "if you buy it, it's staying at your house" funnily enough most of the "just because" gifts turned into just being a chocolate bar lol

As for the gifts you've already got, if they aren't personalised, I would go through them and take out the ones that I personally love and would actually use and then donate the rest to baby charities etc so that they are going to children in need, their generosity can be spread to others and just explain that you're paying it forward, if anyone was to ask

MaltedCow · 13/04/2023 11:03

Really weirdly when my eldest was born loads of people from my dad's office bought for us, my dad was in a very senior job at the time and it was really unexpected, although lovely and not quite the volume you've had. I'm assuming your MiL like my Dad was very excited about the baby and told a lot of people.
I'd probably say thank you, maybe take a photo of baby wearing it and look at donating things that are of no use. Lots of things like the chunky knit cardigans and blankets stay popular with babies so somewhere will be glad of them.

rileynexttime · 13/04/2023 11:06

If it’s an office or similar staffed with empty nesters nearing retirement (as was mil’s) it’s like a klaxon going off. Any sniff of a baby and they all set to with renewed purpose

😁😀😀

Dixiechickonhols · 13/04/2023 11:07

Mil has obviously been excitedly talking about her new grandchild. Some people like buying gifts or crafting. I think lots of people like babies are just want to share excitement.
I’d thank them (maybe get some cards printed with a photo of baby and get mil to give them out) and pass on what you don’t need.

SheikYerboutiii · 13/04/2023 11:18

You don’t sound very grateful but what’s stopping you just donating it to a charity shop or soMewhere like baby basics? People are in desperate need for this stuff you consider an inconvenience

Charlottewebsbabies · 13/04/2023 11:26

I remember 23 years ago,I gave birth to ds (no 3 baby)

Single mum with little money at the time

I didn't know I was pregnant until the Monday and gave birth on the Saturday

I had loads of baby stuff due to the other two-then aged 2 and 1

Everyone I knew (and a lot I didnt) sent so much stuff,I couldn't move in my lounge and bedroom

At one point I had 5 cots,3 highchairs,over 50 bags of baby clothes (both for a girl or a boy),two travel cots,6 baby baths,a toddler bed,2 carrier bags of hand knitted baby cardis,4 carrier bags of baby hats/socks,half of boots baby department and 8 changing bags

Oh and someone very kindly gave me 4 packets of newborn baby nappies and a bag full of wipes-all in those 6 days before I gave birth

I dreaded opening the door at one point

I was (still am) amazed at people's generosity but I still feel a bit overwhelmed at how much stuff we got

I know everyone meant well,it was just a bit,well,much

I ended up calling a charity shop and they came and took a lot away for me-i still feel guilty but it was overwhelming at the time

I think it's just because people love a new baby (I know I do!) And to them it's just a baby blanket and best wishes on your baby

But to you,it's another baby blanket that you have 15 of already!

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 13/04/2023 11:29

Do you think the MIL is buying them and blaming the colleagues?

Bellaphant · 13/04/2023 11:36

Not to the same extent, but it is just a baby thing: my sister in law's family got a breast pump for ds and clothes for DD, my mum's close friend's sister made two lovely personalised wall hangings, another friends neighbour knitted things, someone in dad's church randomly gave us £20, etc.

misslaa · 13/04/2023 11:37

I completely get this, it can be so overwhelming. I ended up get 50 thank you cards printed from snapfish with a picture of my baby saying thank you for the lovely gift and sending them via grandparents etc to people i didnt know well. Not as personal as the ones i gave to close friend and family but when you have a newborn it can get too much. I also asked my health visitor if she knew of anyone not as lucky/ with as much support as us that could use some of it. She was so grateful and it made me feel good that it would be going to good use. Congratulations on the birth of your baby!

JauntyJinty · 13/04/2023 11:43

Are they definitely buying this stuff new for you and not just handing it down? I'm not sure why but something about this is giving me the whiff of giving you the job of getting rid of their old stuff whilst making themselves out to be philanthropists!

Londontown12 · 13/04/2023 11:50

Any surplus just donate to mother and baby charities or something along those lines that way your helping out others as well x

NeedToChangeName · 13/04/2023 12:10

what kind of work environment does mil have? If it’s an office or similar staffed with empty nesters nearing retirement (as was mil’s) it’s like a klaxon going off. Any sniff of a baby and they all set to with renewed purpose 😂

@Lastnamedidntstick Brilliant !

Mammyloveswine · 13/04/2023 12:32

I had loads of random gifts off strangers with my first, and loads of visits from people I'd not seen for years!

Don't worry op, when you have your second no one really gives a shit so just pass on what you don't need.

People do love a baby!

VickyEadieofThigh · 13/04/2023 12:39

We're quite friendly with a neighbour (we supported her a lot when her husband was dying and afterwards, etc) and when her daughter had her first - and possibly only (great difficulty conceiving, Mum has a range of auto-immune related conditions)) baby last summer, we took across a gift of an item of clothing we chose, for our neighbour to pass to her daughter.

We've never so much as heard a word from the Mum since. Reading this thread, I wonder if she got a lot of gifts (although the couple are NC with his family) and couldn't be bothered with sending thanks, even verbal.